How to ignore someone you can't ignore!
BluesTrainRadio
Posts: 990 Forum Member
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I will try and explain this as briefly as I can....
Over on Facebook, I do a lot of networking for my radio show...its the only way to get yourself noticed. Lots of other shows do the same. Last year, I became online friends with someone who did a similar show, we agreed to help each other along...until late last year, when I apparently upset him by contacting one of his contacts directly, he felt I was being too pushy. For a while, things were tense..my posts were ignored by him while he 'liked' those around mine...so in the end, I thought, sod him and deleted him as a friend.
Eventually, I made contact and I thought we had 'made up, and became 'friends' again. However, it soon became apparent that he was doing the same again and ignoring what I was doing. It came to a head again around two months ago, I'm afraid I had a bit of a private rant at him, he called me bad names! And that was that. Friendship deleted.
I should say here...without going too deep...I have a few issues...I suffer from depression and have experiences from childhood that have given me a lack of confidence and possibly lead to this paranoia that I'm getting ignored by some. I decided I would send him an email, explaining why I might get these thoughts online, and how we really should bury the hatchet,,,that things can appear worse online and that if we met in the pub, we would get on fine. I offered to ring and him and talk things over.
Since then, nothing...no reply...two weeks since....bit upsetting but if he can't accept an email that basically apologised and wanted to make amends, he isn't worth my time anyway.
Here is my issue then...as you know, you can never really ignore people on FB...he is on the same groups as me...he posts all the time...it's impossible to not see what he is doing. At the same time, many of my contacts [ musicians and fellow presenters ] obviously deal with him themselves and get on fine with him...yet in my head, I am wanting to scream ' you don't know what he's really like'!!!
Part of me wants to keep trying to make things good between us...part of me wants to rip Facebook down and if it means not being able to network there, so be it. I guess the reality is somewhere in between. A couple of people I have confided in, have told me that if he is a d*ck, I just need to ignore him, or else I will go mad...and I know they are right...but how do you get it in your head, to let these things go over your head??
I knew I couldn't be concise...sorry!...but maybe this scenario could be the same in many situations...
Over on Facebook, I do a lot of networking for my radio show...its the only way to get yourself noticed. Lots of other shows do the same. Last year, I became online friends with someone who did a similar show, we agreed to help each other along...until late last year, when I apparently upset him by contacting one of his contacts directly, he felt I was being too pushy. For a while, things were tense..my posts were ignored by him while he 'liked' those around mine...so in the end, I thought, sod him and deleted him as a friend.
Eventually, I made contact and I thought we had 'made up, and became 'friends' again. However, it soon became apparent that he was doing the same again and ignoring what I was doing. It came to a head again around two months ago, I'm afraid I had a bit of a private rant at him, he called me bad names! And that was that. Friendship deleted.
I should say here...without going too deep...I have a few issues...I suffer from depression and have experiences from childhood that have given me a lack of confidence and possibly lead to this paranoia that I'm getting ignored by some. I decided I would send him an email, explaining why I might get these thoughts online, and how we really should bury the hatchet,,,that things can appear worse online and that if we met in the pub, we would get on fine. I offered to ring and him and talk things over.
Since then, nothing...no reply...two weeks since....bit upsetting but if he can't accept an email that basically apologised and wanted to make amends, he isn't worth my time anyway.
Here is my issue then...as you know, you can never really ignore people on FB...he is on the same groups as me...he posts all the time...it's impossible to not see what he is doing. At the same time, many of my contacts [ musicians and fellow presenters ] obviously deal with him themselves and get on fine with him...yet in my head, I am wanting to scream ' you don't know what he's really like'!!!
Part of me wants to keep trying to make things good between us...part of me wants to rip Facebook down and if it means not being able to network there, so be it. I guess the reality is somewhere in between. A couple of people I have confided in, have told me that if he is a d*ck, I just need to ignore him, or else I will go mad...and I know they are right...but how do you get it in your head, to let these things go over your head??
I knew I couldn't be concise...sorry!...but maybe this scenario could be the same in many situations...
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Comments
There are bound to be people on DS who will know if it's possible, hopefully they'll be along shortly.
In the meantime, I agree that he's not worth your time, he sounds like a petty so & so!
OP, could you not 'block' this person, he won't exist on Facebook then (at least to you)
It still seems like a shame to me...I always see the best in people...the reason I feel sad is, even if we both did or said things that were wrong, I have offered to try and sort it out...and I opened up a bit to him about things...and he has just snubbed it...
I've had similar in real life (2yrs ago), and the person I fell out with I still see almost every single day, and depending on my mood there are days I just wanna have a pop at her and others where it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I've got anxiety (with depression on top but much better now) and I know it's far better for me to let it go and get on with my life and put my energies elsewhere than wasting them on anger with her.
The final straw was when he found a photo i shared with a page i liked. God knows how he found that group as i've never spoken about my interest of that subject to him and i blocked him. I unblocked him after a few weeks but i found out that blocking also removes them as a friend.
I haven't re-added him since because i don't even know him and i just don't know to handle him.
Yes, it is slightly upsetting to feel singled out or ignored, but at the end of the day I just remember that he's a d*ck and I'm not.
I can work alongside him and get on with each other perfectly well on a professional level; because at the end of the day I don't consider him a friend and his opinion doesn't really mean anything to me. Networking is exactly that - working. It's about using people to further your own aims. Occasionally you might meet someone you get along well with, but you also need to preserve a professional relationship.
If he's a mate then he sounds like a kn*b anyway, so you're better off without him.
If he's a 'network buddy' and you don't do anything socially with him, then why should it bother you what sort of person he is?
Either way, block him and move on.
Have fun doing things that don't revolve around FB. Ultimately FB is about making your life look cooler or making yourself look better than you really are. Don't get sucked into it.
All very immature
Jackol, thanks for the insight there!
Eluf, its ok, FB is in no way my life....but in order to get the word out, it is a vital tool that lots of people use...there isn't really anywhere else out there to do the job. Blocking is a serious alternative...it's just that in my mind, I would still prefer to try and build a bridge...mainly because I am obviously daft!
Then perhaps he was just saying that things were fine...
If it was me in this situation i would simply just get on with it, no blocking etc. But then i am a pretty laid back person and its not often things will get to me, or at least i will not show that something has got to me. Be indifferent, i know it is harder than it seems but you have the advantage of being behind a computer screen therefore he doesnt have to see hes upset/annoyed you.
But the OP didn't rant at him twice, just the once, and the OP has been the one instigating getting back in contact in order to move things on, twice. It seems the friendship has been a bit fraught since the OP contacted a contact of this person, and this other person objected to it. And then the whole "ignoring on FB" started up, which is a bit childish really.
OP I'd just let it go. Others may well be thinking how childish the FB liking thing is, so don't get drawn in. I can guarantee that in a few months things won't feel the same.
Yes, your right. Apologies OP i fighting a head cold and my concertration is lacking atm, i did read into it wrong but my post above still stands, i really wouldn't let him bother you (or at least don't show him that he has bothered you)
Think about what he knows about you, address, employers etc and how he could use that to hurt you if you block him and he goes postal on you.
It sounds like youve never met him I recommend you keep it that way.
hope you resolve this ...
He wouldn't know where I live, apart from which town...I don't think he's the sort that would want to contact my employer either...I think he is just basically ignoring me...its just that when I see him posting, I sometimes get wound up by what he says...so blocking all posts would help with that. But now you've said this, its put a doubt in my mind, that maybe blocking is a step too far!
You really do seem to have issues with paranoia! :eek:
Stop overthinking. You've had a pretty minor falling out with someone you don't even know in real life. Block him, forget about him and move on.
So I think I may be best if I block his posts...but want to know that I am doing so quietly on there, that he wouldn't know...
Just block him, and don't give it a thought. You can be sure he's not gonna over analyse FB usage as much as you're doing. Just block and forget...
Why do you care if he knows or not. It's not like you'll see his posts about the matter anyway (when you block him)!