Need to sound off

[Deleted User] · 07/10/08 - 23:53

I'm not really expecting any advice I'm just really upset and angry.
Me and my hubby had an argument earlier and since then he's completey ignored me. apart from the odd insult here and there. So I thought I'd give him some space. I've just gone to talk to him and he's snoring his head off in the spare room.
I'm so upset cos I feel frustrated and alone. I just wanted to sort things out.
I'm sorry I don't usually sound off about thes things, just needed to let it out before I go mad!

misha06 · 07/10/08 - 23:55

Sounds like married life to me

Veni Vidi · 07/10/08 - 23:55

You should go for a walk but stay alert.
I was upset once and I went for a walk and I ended up 19 miles from my house and had to phone my cousin to drive me home.

Pistol Whip · 07/10/08 - 23:55

Married life, eh!

[Deleted User] · 07/10/08 - 23:56

Its so annoying when they do that. When mine does it I used to get angry, now I just ignore him and go to bed.
Ps, milk it for all its worth

susie-4964 · 07/10/08 - 23:59

allyackles wrote: »

I'm not really expecting any advice I'm just really upset and angry.
Me and my hubby had an argument earlier and since then he's completey ignored me. apart from the odd insult here and there. So I thought I'd give him some space. I've just gone to talk to him and he's snoring his head off in the spare room.
I'm so upset cos I feel frustrated and alone. I just wanted to sort things out.

Leave him to sleep, waking him up and starting again won't help tonight. They say you shouldn't let the sun set on an argument, but bit late for that now.

You don't say what the argument was about, but in the morning, apologise for losing your temper, and say that you'd like to make up. If the matter is still unresolved, agree a time to discuss it reasonably and without resorting to shouting about it.

Arguments will happen in life, and you have to accept that. Some people thrive on them - personally I prefer peace and quiet! You just have to work out the best way of raising problems without starting WWIII every time.

[Deleted User] · 08/10/08 - 00:05

susie-4964 wrote: »

Leave him to sleep, waking him up and starting again won't help tonight. They say you shouldn't let the sun set on an argument, but bit late for that now.

You don't say what the argument was about, but in the morning, apologise for losing your temper, and say that you'd like to make up. If the matter is still unresolved, agree a time to discuss it reasonably and without resorting to shouting about it.

Arguments will happen in life, and you have to accept that. Some people thrive on them - personally I prefer peace and quiet! You just have to work out the best way of raising problems without starting WWIII every time.

Thanks for the advice. I did try and wake him but I got a very angry response back. I can't believe how pathetic the whole thing is. I even apologised but that wasn't good enough either. I don't get what more I can do?

malaikah · 08/10/08 - 00:06

allyackles wrote: »

I did try and wake him but I got a very angry response back

There's a suprise!

What did you do that was so awful??

susie-4964 · 08/10/08 - 00:11

allyackles wrote: »

Thanks for the advice. I did try and wake him but I got a very angry response back. I can't believe how pathetic the whole thing is. I even apologised but that wasn't good enough either. I don't get what more I can do?

Leave it for now. I totally understand that YOU want to resolve the situation tonight, but it ain't going to happen because he's not ready yet, so leave him alone. It may not be entirely your fault, but it's a good move to take the blame for the argument, it gives him a way out (nothing worse for a bloke than being backed into a corner!). Once the two of you are talking again, you can discuss the matter in a reasonable way - or if the argument was about who was supposed to make the coffee, forget it!

[Deleted User] · 08/10/08 - 00:15

malaikah wrote: »

There's a suprise! What did you do that was so awful??

Got his family coming to visit us at the end at the month. They are staying in a hotel, no problem there. Then my hubby mentions his brother. I really don't like him and we having him around causes tension, so I said to my hubby that maybe he should stay in a hotel too and not with us. I just thought it be easy all round. He still gets to see his family and everyones happy.
Well he hit the roof at this suggestion and said that I don't get a say in it and if he wants him to stay he will. Since then I've been treated like I'm the worst person in the world for making this suggestion. Unbelievable!

[Deleted User] · 08/10/08 - 00:16

Just leave it for tonight, he's been asleep and isn't responsive. Tomorrow let everything go on as normal, he goes to work, etc. See how it is when he comes home, don't jump don't his throat straight away, in my experience he'll just walk out!!!

You don't say what your row was about so difficult to advise really.

I suggest waiting til tomorrow when you are both calmer and bringing it up then.

My husband has been streesed recently, finances mostly, and we have bickered. Today he came home with a bunch of apricot roses. Didn't say sorry but the gesture was there........

[Deleted User] · 08/10/08 - 00:17

susie-4964 wrote: »

Leave it for now. I totally understand that YOU want to resolve the situation tonight, but it ain't going to happen because he's not ready yet, so leave him alone. It may not be entirely your fault, but it's a good move to take the blame for the argument, it gives him a way out (nothing worse for a bloke than being backed into a corner!). Once the two of you are talking again, you can discuss the matter in a reasonable way - or if the argument was about who was supposed to make the coffee, forget it!

Thanks for the advice. An argument about drink making seems a breeze in contrast to the one we're having!

malaikah · 08/10/08 - 00:23

That doesn't sound very reasonable!

I wouldn't apologise again. What have you done that needs apologising for??! And why is it so outrageous, your suggestion that the brother stays at the hotel

[Deleted User] · 08/10/08 - 00:29

malaikah wrote: »

That doesn't sound very reasonable! I wouldn't apologise again. What have you done that needs apologising for??! And why is it so outrageous, your suggestion that the brother stays at the hotel

My point excatly. I'm sure he thinks his brother is royality and must be treated as such. Trust me there is nothing special about him. Plus he never respects our home, hence my reason for not wanting him to stay.

Rugby Rose · 08/10/08 - 09:10

But it's his brother and as far as hubby is concerned he should be able to welcome his own brother into his own home. I can see his point and I can see why he is so upset because I bet you would have no problem in having your own relatives stay over if need be. However, I can also see your point of view though and there should be some sort of compromise that if you agree to let him stay then hubby has to have a word with him and keep him in check about respecting your home or he doesn't stay again.

susie-4964 · 08/10/08 - 11:20

Rugby Rose wrote: »

But it's his brother and as far as hubby is concerned he should be able to welcome his own brother into his own home. I can see his point and I can see why he is so upset because I bet you would have no problem in having your own relatives stay over if need be. However, I can also see your point of view though and there should be some sort of compromise that if you agree to let him stay then hubby has to have a word with him and keep him in check about respecting your home or he doesn't stay again.

Agreed. Also, if your OH is anything like me (i.e. stubborn), he might well have been thinking about the brother staying in the hotel, but as soon as you waded in and said that he definitely should, he'd automatically dig his heels in and take the opposite view just out of spite! Much better to be a bit more subtle in negotiations, so that you achieve the result you want, but OH thinks it was all his idea, and everyone is happy.

Hey there!

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