Holiday - Parents

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,210
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    Toggler and thefairydandy have the right idea. No need for fibbing and trying to think what they are thinking and will think, be honest.

    i appreciate this, but there is no way to sugarcoat it without hurting them. i just spoke to my mum and she is getting all excited about it. i think she knows im not over the.moon because i didnt say too much but i guess we are just going to have to put this one down to experience.
    i cant help feeling that one day i will give anything to see them on holiday and regret resenting them now. i feel selfish for resenting sharing our holiday with them when they do so much for us and genuinely love being with us. really i should count my blessings. of course this doesnt help my husband...
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,210
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    Tt88 wrote: »
    Op where are you going? There might be a way you can meet up with your parents without it being overbearing.

    Dorset. They're not overbearing, just keen to be around us alot.
  • Beau_SoirBeau_Soir Posts: 1,811
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    DaisieBee wrote: »
    i appreciate this, but there is no way to sugarcoat it without hurting them. i just spoke to my mum and she is getting all excited about it. i think she knows im not over the.moon because i didnt say too much but i guess we are just going to have to put this one down to experience.
    i cant help feeling that one day i will give anything to see them on holiday and regret resenting them now. i feel selfish for resenting sharing our holiday with them when they do so much for us and genuinely love being with us. really i should count my blessings. of course this doesnt help my husband...

    I understand what you are saying, but every relationship has boundaries, it seems your parents are not aware of that.
  • SnrDevSnrDev Posts: 6,094
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    There does seem to be a lot of second-guessing what they'll say or think if you do tell them the truth. They don't sound anything like bad people; sitting down over a cup of tea and explaining that it really was intended to be a holiday for the three of you - esp so soon after the recent joint holiday - one that would allow your OH, you and the boy to have some Me Time, that won't send them into paroxysms of disappointment & rage surely? It's also worth pointing out that much as your husband might like them, they're not his parents and being slightly old fashioned here it is part of his role to be Dad On Holiday looking after his family, not having to share that role and cede to another couple's wishes, however small they might be. I'd be surprised if that's not the underlying cause of his resentment.

    They must be able to see that however well people get on, it doesn't mean having to share out the quality time all the while every time. That said, I think this holiday is one that you'll have to grin and bear unless they take the hint and cancel, taking a hit on the cancellation costs.

    Edit to add that if they do get shirty about it, the obvious response is to point out that they could easily have asked if you (as a family) minded if they tagged along on another holiday so soon after the last one, before going ahead with the booking.
  • nancy1975nancy1975 Posts: 19,686
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    I sympathise with what you are saying OP in case 'that they may not be around much longer' but that goes for all of us. I could fall under a bus next week. Doesn't mean I want my parents tagging along on my holiday and neither would they expect to. We all need time and space to do our own thing regardless of how long we all think we have! Seeing as your parents have already been away with you, I do think they are being very selfish but you'll just have to lay down holiday boundaries in future. I think your husband should come first as he is now your main family with your child.
  • JulesFJulesF Posts: 6,461
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    DaisieBee wrote: »
    i appreciate this, but there is no way to sugarcoat it without hurting them. i just spoke to my mum and she is getting all excited about it. i think she knows im not over the.moon because i didnt say too much but i guess we are just going to have to put this one down to experience.
    i cant help feeling that one day i will give anything to see them on holiday and regret resenting them now. i feel selfish for resenting sharing our holiday with them when they do so much for us and genuinely love being with us. really i should count my blessings. of course this doesnt help my husband...

    I completely sympathise with your situation. I'm an only child with doting parents (though I lost my dad last month :(), so I really do get where you are coming from. I do truly believe that boundaries are incredibly important, though they have to be very sensitively and subtly established. If you're unwilling to be upfront with your parents and tell them that you all really need some family time on this holiday, then I don't think you have any option but to grin and bear it, though I feel for your OH in this situation.

    However, you can and most definitely should try to establish some of those boundaries, so that this doesn't happen again. You don't have to come right out and say it, but when you're planning your next holiday, drop a load of hints: 'Oh, we're so looking forward to some family time, just the three of us ...' and so on.
  • AquajaneyAquajaney Posts: 518
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    I didn't see how old your child is but maybe you could drop into the conversation how they are looking forward to spending every day do activities (kids club, biking, outdoor activities) making the point that they won't want to miss out.

    I think it is very unhealthy for your relationship with your husband to always have your parents there especially as they live so near already, you have had a holiday with your parents now it is his turn.

    Fair enough you are handy if there is an emergency but otherwise you should steer clear.
  • Beau_SoirBeau_Soir Posts: 1,811
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    Aquajaney wrote: »
    I didn't see how old your child is but maybe you could drop into the conversation how they are looking forward to spending every day do activities (kids club, biking, outdoor activities) making the point that they won't want to miss out.

    I think it is very unhealthy for your relationship with your husband to always have your parents there especially as they live so near already, you have had a holiday with your parents now it is his turn.

    Fair enough you are handy if there is an emergency but otherwise you should steer clear
    .

    eh? Talk About one extreme to the other! I think any parent would be upset if their child only saw them as a solution to an emergency:eek:
  • AquajaneyAquajaney Posts: 518
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    I meant an emergency with the parents.
  • Beau_SoirBeau_Soir Posts: 1,811
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    Aquajaney wrote: »
    I meant an emergency with the parents.

    Yes, but you are saying she should 'steer clear' unless such an event arises. Which is rather cold
  • AquajaneyAquajaney Posts: 518
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    Beau_Soir wrote: »
    Yes, but you are saying she should 'steer clear' unless such an event arises. Which is rather cold

    Yes, sometimes you have to put your partners wishes first.

    The extended family have already shared a holiday this year, the parents also live 2 minutes away so you can guess they are visited regularly. To me it is totally reasonable for the family to want some time alone.
    If you are married you have to give time to your partner as well as your parents.
  • Beau_SoirBeau_Soir Posts: 1,811
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    Aquajaney wrote: »
    Yes, sometimes you have to put your partners wishes first.

    The extended family have already shared a holiday this year, the parents also live 2 minutes away so you can guess they are visited regularly. To me it is totally reasonable for the family to want some time alone.
    If you are married you have to give time to your partner as well as your parents.

    That doesn't mean she should completely ignore her parents. She needs to establish boundaries. Your solution is rather extreme and one that daisy obviously won't follow as she's made it clear she is very close to her parents and enjoys spending time with them.
  • AquajaneyAquajaney Posts: 518
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    Beau_Soir wrote: »
    That doesn't mean she should completely ignore her parents. She needs to establish boundaries. Your solution is rather extreme and one that daisy obviously won't follow as she's made it clear she is very close to her parents and enjoys spending time with them.

    If that is her choice I respect it but her husband also has the right to take his family on holiday without his in-laws joining every time.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 5,565
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    If you booked the holiday through a company would they rebook you to a different resort because of a booking cock-up?

    This would provide a good reason or not seeing them daily etc.
    Change the booking asap but only mention it at the last minute to avoid them changing their booking as well.

    You need to prepare the ground for the future holidays though to avoid this happening again.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,210
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    daveetwo wrote: »
    If you booked the holiday through a company would they rebook you to a different resort because of a booking cock-up?

    This would provide a good reason or not seeing them daily etc.
    Change the booking asap but only mention it at the last minute to avoid them changing their booking as well.

    You need to prepare the ground for the future holidays though to avoid this happening again.

    We booked directly so that isnt an option. Thanks anyway.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,210
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    Aquajaney wrote: »
    If that is her choice I respect it but her husband also has the right to take his family on holiday without his in-laws joining every time.

    I understand what you are saying, but while my husband is annoyed he would not want to hurt them or ignore them either.
  • sadoldbirdsadoldbird Posts: 9,626
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    DaisieBee - you know you're going to have to suck it up.

    You love your parents and you can't face hurting their feelings. It doesn't matter that they shouldn't have put you in this situation - you aren't going to be blunt with them are you? So what's the alternative? Hide and seek?

    My honest advice is that you and your husband will just have to make the best of it this time.

    Have a good holiday and next time don't book anything without going a great big length about the importance of your first holiday as a threesome.

    Good luck!
  • shmiskshmisk Posts: 7,963
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    DaisieBee wrote: »

    They're not overbearing, just keen to be around us alot.

    does your husband find them over bearing?
  • Babe RainbowBabe Rainbow Posts: 34,349
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    DaisieBee wrote: »
    i appreciate this, but there is no way to sugarcoat it without hurting them. i just spoke to my mum and she is getting all excited about it. i think she knows im not over the.moon because i didnt say too much but i guess we are just going to have to put this one down to experience.
    i cant help feeling that one day i will give anything to see them on holiday and regret resenting them now. i feel selfish for resenting sharing our holiday with them when they do so much for us and genuinely love being with us. really i should count my blessings. of course this doesnt help my husband...

    I don't really understand how they could be hurt about a young married couple wanting to have their first holiday together alone as a family. What on earth is hurtful about that ? And if it will hurt them now, why will next time be any different ?

    But I think Sadoldbird is right. I think, whatever anybody said on here and whatever advice you were given, it was always inevitable that you're not going to say anything to them and you will just go along with what they want.

    You are very kind.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,210
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    shmisk wrote: »
    does your husband find them over bearing?

    no, not normally. this type of thing is not common for them. my husband has known them since he was a teen and is closer to them than his own parents. he cares deeply for them as i do, but this particular instance has annoyed him, and me.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,210
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    But I think Sadoldbird is right. I think, whatever anybody said on here and whatever advice you were given, it was always inevitable that you're not going to say anything to them and you will just go along with what they want.

    You are very kind.

    thank you. yes i think this is true. i was hoping for some amazing inspiration where i could keep everyone happy and have our family holiday without offending my parents.
  • AquajaneyAquajaney Posts: 518
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    Could you talk to your father, would he be more understanding?
  • Babe RainbowBabe Rainbow Posts: 34,349
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    DaisieBee wrote: »
    thank you. yes i think this is true. i was hoping for some amazing inspiration where i could keep everyone happy and have our family holiday without offending my parents.

    Well whatever happens I hope you all have a good time. Including your long suffering husband :)
  • benjaminibenjamini Posts: 32,066
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    DaisieBee wrote: »
    thank you. yes i think this is true. i was hoping for some amazing inspiration where i could keep everyone happy and have our family holiday without offending my parents.

    Hi Daisie, Im beginning to feel a bit sorry for you. Clearly a lot of people on here do not have the pleasure and privilege of being part of a very loving supportive family. Where they see parents as intrusive busybodies etc. You have demonstrated very clearly that you are supportive and agree with your husband on this issue. I can understand your dilemma. Everyone over time has probably over stepped the bounds and its difficult to draw back and create new boundarys.
    Your parents sound reasonable so it probably would be best to sit them down and just say that you and hubby need to spend time together with each other and child and you know/hope they would understand. Im sure they will.
  • PinkPetuniaPinkPetunia Posts: 5,479
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    DaisieBee wrote: »
    thank you. yes i think this is true. i was hoping for some amazing inspiration where i could keep everyone happy and have our family holiday without offending my parents.

    I think you have shown you are a lovely daughter and they lovely parents .This is just a bit of a blip and most likely one that wasnt a pre concieved plan .Your parents sound lovely and have just made a error of judgement .
    So my thought would be to just go with the flow and try and make a compromise for this holiday and next one be prepared well in advance and make sure they know its a family one .
    Best of Luck and try and enjoy this one as its still wide open to be enjoyed .:)
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