Depressed sister

lem ramsaylem ramsay Posts: 1,076
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My younger sister who lives in Italy with our parents is depressed. She has been self-harming, saying she wants to kill herself, cries all the time. She was seeing a psychologist and is now taking meds after seeing a psychiatrist.
I don't know exactly how it got to this point. She's always seen herself as fat (she is not) and people at her workplace can't seem to understand that they need to tell her she is not fat, instead of insisting on saying that she is not a stick, because "does she want them to lie?". She has chubby legs compared to the rest of her body, but she is not fat at all.
Anyway, she's only started taking medication and she told my aunt, my mum's sister, that she sees no improvement and aunt emailed me to say "my presence is needed at home", explaining to me that my sister is depressed and what she has done (which I already knew about).
Now, I have found out I have thyroid problems and I can't leave at the moment as I am having to sort this out and I can't afford flight costs at such short notice either. I wouldn't even know how long for they'd want me there. I have a job here and things to pay for.
Last year my dad was in hospital, due to heart failure, and I left for a month and a half to help with looking after him. I had to quit a job I had just started. I had taken months to get one as well.
I do have mild depression, which I am hiding from everyone, due to family situation, problems with bf's mum and him at times. I had bad thoughts sometimes too, so I know what it's like to feel depressed.
I know it sounds selfish, but I am just fed up with being the problem solver for everyone. I am not wonder woman.
I am supposed to write back to aunt, but want advice on how to explain my position without sounding like a selfish b*tch.
Please, don't be too harsh on me.

Comments

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,234
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    That sure is a difficult one to handle. I'm thinking to avoid your family being hard on you, arguments, pressure, manipulation or, them genuinely thinking you don't care, it could be the best thing to do to just fess up. Say you sympathise deeply but you have depression too and so are not in a position to help. I feel for you OP.
  • shmiskshmisk Posts: 7,963
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    tell them you are having regular blood tests and hospital appointments whilst the doctors stabilise your thyroid function.

    you could suggest the sister comes to visit you#?
  • stud u likestud u like Posts: 42,100
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    Why not try Skype?
  • lem ramsaylem ramsay Posts: 1,076
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    I was gonna tell my aunt that I have a thyroid problem and I am doing physiotherapy for sciatica as well, so I can't leave just now.
    I do understand the request but they seem to think I have the power to make things right, disregarding the fact that I have my own issues too.
    I too cut my arms in May and thigh not long ago after a heated argument with bf. I never told anyone about it as I am kind of ashamed. I was just too angry at not being able to stick up for myself I guess.
    I have some days where everything seems overwhelming and I don't wanna do anything. Now, I read thyroid problems can cause depression but to be honest I've had pretty stressful situations to deal with these last 3 years and it's taken a toll on me.
    I think sister should come here for a few days to have a break from home but since she is off sick now she can't leave, even if she said she'd like to visit.
    Sorry about all the rambling on, I am just feeling very down at the moment.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 283
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    You need to speak to your sister as soon as possible.
    Do you both have mobile phones or skype?

    Arrange a time with her when you can both arrange to be alone with no distractions. This is important to you both.

    Tell her from the start that even though you cannot physically be with her, you are there for her. Tell her; "she is not alone in her feelings, that more people than she thinks have bad, dark feelings. (Deep breath) In fact I myself have these thoughts".
    Explain a little about your situation, problems and emotions without going in to to much detail. Its her time, not yours, but she may begin to actually want to listen to you. She knows you, that you are not lying to her or being patronising.
    Even if she just spends time crying down the phone to you, this can be cathartic (?). And its the start of a long road for both of you.

    Dont be bullied by your family or boyfriend into going,
    this will do neither of you any good.
    But you must talk to her before its to late to do any good.

    Good luck:)
  • TelevisionUserTelevisionUser Posts: 41,395
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    Under the current circumstances, it might be an idea to discuss all the things that are happening with your GP and discuss all help options such as medication and professional counselling.
  • DarthFaderDarthFader Posts: 3,880
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    lem ramsay wrote: »
    I was gonna tell my aunt that I have a thyroid problem and I am doing physiotherapy for sciatica as well, so I can't leave just now.
    I do understand the request but they seem to think I have the power to make things right, disregarding the fact that I have my own issues too.
    I too cut my arms in May and thigh not long ago after a heated argument with bf. I never told anyone about it as I am kind of ashamed. I was just too angry at not being able to stick up for myself I guess.
    I have some days where everything seems overwhelming and I don't wanna do anything. Now, I read thyroid problems can cause depression but to be honest I've had pretty stressful situations to deal with these last 3 years and it's taken a toll on me.
    I think sister should come here for a few days to have a break from home but since she is off sick now she can't leave, even if she said she'd like to visit.
    Sorry about all the rambling on, I am just feeling very down at the moment.

    You don't have anything to be sorry for, this is exactly what this section is here for. My only advice would be don't hide your own depression from your family. If the roles were reversed you would want to know despite what was going on in your life. Will pray for both you and your sister. If you want to let off steam, feel free to drop me a PM :)


    PJ
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