Trapped farts in my living room chair

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  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
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    Ones own farts produce the most therapeutic aroma, however, the wafting stench from anyone else's is vomit inducing.
    :p:p
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    deans6571 wrote: »
    Ones own farts produce the most therapeutic aroma, however, the wafting stench from anyone else's is vomit inducing.
    :p:p

    ....I always find that summertime farts tend to waft and stay airborne much more than their wintery counterparts (counterfarts?) although, the wintery ones, do keep the place warm.
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    Oh. My. God.

    Just came across this:

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fart

    Hit the play button at the top for a different sound effect EVERY time!!!

    :D:D
  • BlisterBlister Posts: 292
    Forum Member
    Personally I'm fond of giving myself a Dutch oven. Nothing better on a cold winter's night than to get under the covers and heat yourself with your own furnace. And then who can resist putting your head under the covers and smelling how potent it is?
  • Cougar GirlCougar Girl Posts: 633
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    Trump! :kitty:
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    deans6571 wrote: »
    Oh. My. God.

    Just came across this:

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fart

    Hit the play button at the top for a different sound effect EVERY time!!!

    :D:D

    ...you just HAVE to try this!!!

    THE best one is one in which a young voice is heard to say, "............faaaaaaarrrrrt" (sounds like he's SERIOUSLY constipated and is trying to squeeze one out) and the a real life one is heard!

    GENIUS.
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    I'm out for a curry tonight.
    Feel sorry for my office chair tomorrow................
    :(
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    ...DAYAM - had a homemade lasagna last night and my poor office chair is REALLY getting it this morning. The thing is, is that every time I stand up and sit back down, it releases some more stench into the air. :(:p
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    ...well, my office chair now holds all of 2015's captured farts! And with only 3 days to go until my Xmas break, and the office xmas bash tomorrow night, my poor chair is gonna be subject to some serious beery farts, come Friday morning....

    :(:p
  • ianradioianianradioian Posts: 74,539
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    .... keep a handy bottle of Febreze next to you and when one rips out quickly squirt it. That way, no one else will know what's happened
  • ianradioianianradioian Posts: 74,539
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    deans6571 wrote: »
    I'm out for a curry tonight.
    Feel sorry for my office chair tomorrow................
    :(

    .... I managed to set fire to mine after a particularly fierce chicken madras.

    We all stood in the car park and wasted 20 mins while the firemen tackled the blaze and reset the firealarm. One of the firemen was carted off as he'd been overcome as foolishly he hadn't put his oxygen mask on, and the odour beat him back
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
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    Well, I am happy to report that I now have a new office chair, so its time to start filling it with some new rippers!!!
    ;-)

    Feel sorry for the fella who has my old office chair though.....
    :(
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    .....MAN - this guy got some skills:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5rgeo1o5z4

    :o
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    ....gotta keep this thread alive for 2017!!!!
    :p
  • vodkamargarinevodkamargarine Posts: 1,777
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    Oh thank you this is still so hilarious!! :D:D

    deans6571, I assume most of your 3000 odd posts are in this thread!!! :D:D
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    ...any more farts from anyone?

    I have a new office chair now - time to fill it with some more stinkers........
  • jzeejzee Posts: 25,498
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    Still stinks in here.
  • jzeejzee Posts: 25,498
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    Just sniffing around :neutral: .
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    This article is genius:

    http://www.health24.com/Columnists/how-to-deal-with-farting-in-the-office-20170821

    Especially these parts::

    • A fart usually announces itself by its sound and smell
    • It is generally accepted that the silent ones are the really smelly ones (“silent but violent”) and that the loud ones don’t smell as bad.
    • The average person farts anywhere between 14 and 24 times per day, adding up to about 1.5 litres of gas a day, which means that sooner or later during the course of the day you’re going to feel the need to “let one fly”. :D

    ..and also these helpful tips:

    What to do if you let one 'slip out'
    • Ignore it and hope no one around you noticed. (This works particularly well if the fart wasn't too loud or smelly).
    • Pull up your nose and give your neighbour a dirty look. (This works well when people noticed but can't pinpoint the source of the fart.)
    • "Man up" and apologise for your indiscretion. (This might be your only option if you can't let it slide or shift the blame. You can try making a joke to deflate the tension.)

    :D:D
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    ..this guy has got some SKILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ueu3y0kfJL4

    :D
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    edited 11/01/18 - 17:06 #274
    ...gotta keep this thread alive for 2018.

    FFFFrrrrrrrrrr........

    :)
  • deans6571deans6571 Posts: 6,137
    Forum Member
    ...anymore farts?!
  • Evil GeniusEvil Genius Posts: 8,762
    Forum Member
    bri160356 wrote: »
    deans6571 wrote: »
    ..actually yes, I am indeed able to do this 👍 ;-)

    I name my farts, thus:

    The long 'paaaarpety-paaarpity-paaarp' style ones, I call them 'motorcycle farts' as its the same sounds them little pizza delivery bikes make!

    The short, loud and to the point farts (the ones which come out in a single shot - one noise, the same level), I call them 'Shot Farts'!

    ....and my personal favorites : 'Double Farts' - you know, the ones where you fart but inexplicably 2 farts come out at the same time (both have different sound tones so you know instantly that there are 2 of them)
    :)
    You obviously have something in common with a guy I met many moons ago. :)

    I’m from a seafaring background and one of the deranged lunatics that I sailed with had a veritable ‘cabaret act’ of every type of flatulent offering one could imagine.

    The guy could seemingly fart at will, and would often belt out an entire range of ‘dog fart impressions’, one after the other; .........ranging from a Chihuahua to a St.Bernard.

    We had to guess the type of dog;....... occasionally he’d give us clues.

    For instance, one of his louder/deeper offerings would be accompanied by a Teutonic profanity.........that was his Alsatian impression;......and so on. There were countless others.

    Very childish I know, but extremely amusing, especially if pissed, as we were most of the time.

    It was a remarkable gift. I used to tell him that he should be on the stage.........but well back from the audience of course........to comply with H&S regulations. :o

    Wasn't there some French dude in the 19th Century who weas a famous stage performer with an act where he just farted? le Petomaine, Petaque or something?

    I remember heraring about him on an episode of QI years ago.

    Oh, and bump... :)
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