My old boss used to be called 'snooker table legs' for obvious reasons.
& a girl I worked with we called her 'alice tinker' because she was the spitting image of her.
I am hoping there will be some more on here as this is one of the funniest threads I've seen.
Another one I've thought of is that we used to call a little girl who went to school with my son, Angelica, because she acted just like the spoilt little girl on the Rugrats.
We have Shorts Guy, always to be seen walking around town in his shorts, in snow (including last week), rain etc. His legs aren't anything to look at either - like two bits of string hanging down.
Also The Herd - family up the road with 8 kids at last count. Neither parent works, you see them trailing around, each parent with a pushchair (one a double) and a string of sprogs behind. Their eldest boy we've nicknamed Jack Dee because he walks round with that same deadpan, unimpressed look.
At uni living in a shared terraced house, the next door neighbours were an Asian family - mum, dad, two young kids. The dad used to yell his head off at them daily, so he was nicknamed "Shouting!", said in an Asian accent and upward inflection. Suited him.
My pal drives this really ugly works van, that I call 'the green pig.'
Apparently, even his bosses now refer to it as that too.
The lanky bird next door is 'legs', her skinny hubby is 'bones' - neighbour the other side is a layabout type, he's 'Jeff-the-vest.'
Woman down the road had an accident about five years back & even though she's long since been off them, I still call her 'crutches.'
Guy in the paper shop has a huge nose, he's 'Trill' - his missus is 'Joanie-no-neck.'
Their mouthy daughter is 'Veruca' (salt).
lol
That's just the tip of the iceberg as well - I'd be lynched if these people knew.
scooter gran - a gnarly old woman who rode about town on an invalid scooter.
The crazies - a family of local loonys, an older couple and their daughter gorilla woman who walks like a silverback.
On the estate I grew up in there was a woman who seemed to be as old when I was a kid as the day I left there when I was 30. She would stop anyone to talk to them, 99.9% of the time to complain about her husband. She always wore a scarf on her head regardless of weather and had lipstick smeared liberally in the general area of her mouth. She was Lipstick Lil.
Old Boy was a man from a nursing home who stood on the corner each day just watching cars go by
One of the best ever, was a bloke who lived on our street, I'd known his wife since school. He was locally known as Tit-head. That was his name, I never ever knew his real name and Tit-head was used as po-faced as if he was a David or Andrew. His son at about 6yrs old told me "My mom is Michelle and my dad is Tit-head".
We also had a tutor with a very boring voice, though a lovely woman. Her name was Wendy, so it obviously became Wendy-One tone.
There's a really hairy woman I used to go school with who has never believed in female grooming and has arms like a gorilla. We call her 'monkey hands.'
Also there's this bloke who gets around town who's last name is Poole. He's a total alcoholic and when he's had a drink you can't understand a word he says. Everyone says, 'he's talking Poolish again.'
Aww god yeah....I've got some of my daily train 'strangers' lives all worked out in my head
We've got:
Little Miss Love Herself - Annoyingly attractive woman who spends the best part of 45 mins doing her makeup/hair on the train each day. Hilarious when she steps off into wind and rain and it's all ruined
Olga from the Volga - Well turned out eastern european woman, amazing blue eyes, makes my stomach jump when she says hi as she's a little too attractive to me...cow
White Shirt Man - Has de-icer for blood, stands in the front of the solicitors in the town centre at approx 7:30 each morning having a smoke as we drive past. Doesn't matter if it's -10 or +30...he'll be there, sleves rolled up puffing away.
Mr Motivator - A portly fellow across the street who we see pounding his exercise equipment most nights, done sod all for his physique though
James Bond - The most slimey revolting business man who shares my train, thinks he looks like Daniel Craig (same hair, sharp suit, drives an A7), constantly chatting up anything aged 18-45, unfortunate in that his actual attractiveness is below Ken Dodd
Mr Bad Breath aka Master Miserable - Bloke getting on my train every morning who always has his smile turned upside down. Looks so miserable and I just imagine he has awful breath due to his foul demeanour
Dan Snow - A lookalike that wears the same style 'outdoor' clothing and looks like he's on his way to the BBC studios to film another series about castles or whatever
Cha(vette) - A girl doing some vetinary course, is the complete embodiment of a chav and hence chav + vet = chavette
Elvis man : There was a man who used to be seen walking around our local town who looked like Elvis Presley. Me and my friends, when we were still in school, used to use this nickname. Turns out that this was a pretty universal nickname as my sister also knew who Elvis man was when I mentioned it.
Couple of neighbours are:
Curt Cobain and Mr red Face (obvious reasons):rolleyes:
Used to work with Laughing Girl, she was anything but.;)
Pissinyergob John:eek: he had a penchant for...er....well best not go there.
Cheesy Jim, he never washed:eek:
When I was a kid we lived down the street from The Perestroikas, Russian couple who never came out the house.
Pork Pie Man, used to be a butcher.
The Spy, old man who used to sit by his window all day staring out, we thought he was a spy for the school!
There's a guy in Edinburgh who used to run everywhere and was unimaginatively called "Running Man", now he walks everywhere and we call him, unsurprisingly "Walking Man"
Our neighbours are the "Pine Panels" because they used to have horrible pine panelling on their chimney breast, never spoken to them or been in their house but can see through their window. The pine panelling has long gone but we still call them that.
Another neighbour always wears shorts and a man bag so he's called "Shorty McManbag", his wife likes flashing her boobies at the window so she's called "Hootie McManbag" and his son and daughter are respectively "Bowl" (he has a horrible bowl haircut) and "Jailbait" (self explanatory) McManbag
Also, there's a huge fat guy who's the double of Nick Frost that goes to work on a child's scooter every day (I'm not kidding, it looks hilarious). We call him Frosty Scooter.
Another neighbour always wears shorts and a man bag so he's called "Shorty McManbag", his wife likes flashing her boobies at the window so she's called "Hootie McManbag" and his son and daughter are respectively "Bowl" (he has a horrible bowl haircut) and "Jailbait" (self explanatory) McManbag
A mad woman here in France insists on walking in the road she is large and she dolly steps along so we call here mobile roundabout woman. I've only managed to run her over about 3 times in a year.
Then there was Capt. Thrush at BT as he was an irritating c**t
There are three women who get on the same bus as I do in the morning. They are three malicious old battleaxes who push their way past people in the queue to get on first, kick up hell if "their" seats are taken, despite there being plenty of seats available and spend the journey complaining about all the other passengers.
As they got on this morning, the person in front of me said "Oh here they come: The Rude, The Mad and the Ugly!"
I had loads of nicknames for my customers in my last job.
Well done man, he liked his bread burnt.
Baldy bankside, was bald and that's where his cafe was,
Sweaty angina, she wore a thick quilted coat all year round with big sweaty patches and mentioned her angina at every opportunity.
Hyperactive motormouth, little fella who talked ten to the dozen
Mrs menopausal shoplifter. no explanation needed.
Helmet man, never ever removed his motorbike helmet, just lifted up the visor if he was feeling sociable enough but most of the time didn't even bother to do that.
Jacobite mannie - a man who only ever seems to dress as a jacobite, and whenever i've seen him in asda he smells very strongly of lavender. He walks everywhere and i think he lives near me but i don't really know
Comments
Nose Guy - a guy at uni who used to doodle different noses all over his paper
Snake Girl - a girl I knew with a lisp
Floppy Feet - a drunk man who walks past our house all the time
The Limping Woman - a woman who walks past all the time, er.. limping
The Screamer - Our neighbour who screamed his head off playing cricket in his garden about 5 years ago and the name just stuck
The Fat Lady - another neighbour
& a girl I worked with we called her 'alice tinker' because she was the spitting image of her.
Another one I've thought of is that we used to call a little girl who went to school with my son, Angelica, because she acted just like the spoilt little girl on the Rugrats.
Also The Herd - family up the road with 8 kids at last count. Neither parent works, you see them trailing around, each parent with a pushchair (one a double) and a string of sprogs behind. Their eldest boy we've nicknamed Jack Dee because he walks round with that same deadpan, unimpressed look.
At uni living in a shared terraced house, the next door neighbours were an Asian family - mum, dad, two young kids. The dad used to yell his head off at them daily, so he was nicknamed "Shouting!", said in an Asian accent and upward inflection. Suited him.
Apparently, even his bosses now refer to it as that too.
The lanky bird next door is 'legs', her skinny hubby is 'bones' - neighbour the other side is a layabout type, he's 'Jeff-the-vest.'
Woman down the road had an accident about five years back & even though she's long since been off them, I still call her 'crutches.'
Guy in the paper shop has a huge nose, he's 'Trill' - his missus is 'Joanie-no-neck.'
Their mouthy daughter is 'Veruca' (salt).
lol
That's just the tip of the iceberg as well - I'd be lynched if these people knew.
The crazies - a family of local loonys, an older couple and their daughter gorilla woman who walks like a silverback.
crazy colin - local loonatic died now sadly but crackers..
http://www.youtube.com/user/mycrazycolin
On the estate I grew up in there was a woman who seemed to be as old when I was a kid as the day I left there when I was 30. She would stop anyone to talk to them, 99.9% of the time to complain about her husband. She always wore a scarf on her head regardless of weather and had lipstick smeared liberally in the general area of her mouth. She was Lipstick Lil.
Old Boy was a man from a nursing home who stood on the corner each day just watching cars go by
One of the best ever, was a bloke who lived on our street, I'd known his wife since school. He was locally known as Tit-head. That was his name, I never ever knew his real name and Tit-head was used as po-faced as if he was a David or Andrew. His son at about 6yrs old told me "My mom is Michelle and my dad is Tit-head".
We also had a tutor with a very boring voice, though a lovely woman. Her name was Wendy, so it obviously became Wendy-One tone.
Must be loads more but that'll do for now
:eek:
The No-Marks - a couple who don't seem to have achieved anything in life and have no ambition.
Busy Woman, I woman we used to have to ring who always said,"I haven't got time to talk now as I'm a busy woman."
the passenger, always on the bus, doesn`t stop talking
sticks, man on crutches
the cat ladies
collection 200, thick make up, must be cheap [cosmetics not the victim]
the longheads, family with very longheads
tampax man, collects tampon bins which suits as he is a total c**T
pissed up milkman
the killerwhales, play on their surname
baldy bouncer, body builder.
Also there's this bloke who gets around town who's last name is Poole. He's a total alcoholic and when he's had a drink you can't understand a word he says. Everyone says, 'he's talking Poolish again.'
'Small Boy': bit of a weird one, a toddler always looking out of the upstairs window of the house across the street from my office.
What are others experiences?
We've got:
Little Miss Love Herself - Annoyingly attractive woman who spends the best part of 45 mins doing her makeup/hair on the train each day. Hilarious when she steps off into wind and rain and it's all ruined
Olga from the Volga - Well turned out eastern european woman, amazing blue eyes, makes my stomach jump when she says hi as she's a little too attractive to me...cow
White Shirt Man - Has de-icer for blood, stands in the front of the solicitors in the town centre at approx 7:30 each morning having a smoke as we drive past. Doesn't matter if it's -10 or +30...he'll be there, sleves rolled up puffing away.
Mr Motivator - A portly fellow across the street who we see pounding his exercise equipment most nights, done sod all for his physique though
James Bond - The most slimey revolting business man who shares my train, thinks he looks like Daniel Craig (same hair, sharp suit, drives an A7), constantly chatting up anything aged 18-45, unfortunate in that his actual attractiveness is below Ken Dodd
Mr Bad Breath aka Master Miserable - Bloke getting on my train every morning who always has his smile turned upside down. Looks so miserable and I just imagine he has awful breath due to his foul demeanour
Dan Snow - A lookalike that wears the same style 'outdoor' clothing and looks like he's on his way to the BBC studios to film another series about castles or whatever
Cha(vette) - A girl doing some vetinary course, is the complete embodiment of a chav and hence chav + vet = chavette
I'll stop there....
Couple of neighbours are:
Curt Cobain and Mr red Face (obvious reasons):rolleyes:
Used to work with Laughing Girl, she was anything but.;)
Pissinyergob John:eek: he had a penchant for...er....well best not go there.
Cheesy Jim, he never washed:eek:
When I was a kid we lived down the street from The Perestroikas, Russian couple who never came out the house.
Pork Pie Man, used to be a butcher.
The Spy, old man who used to sit by his window all day staring out, we thought he was a spy for the school!
Our neighbours are the "Pine Panels" because they used to have horrible pine panelling on their chimney breast, never spoken to them or been in their house but can see through their window. The pine panelling has long gone but we still call them that.
Another neighbour always wears shorts and a man bag so he's called "Shorty McManbag", his wife likes flashing her boobies at the window so she's called "Hootie McManbag" and his son and daughter are respectively "Bowl" (he has a horrible bowl haircut) and "Jailbait" (self explanatory) McManbag
Also, there's a huge fat guy who's the double of Nick Frost that goes to work on a child's scooter every day (I'm not kidding, it looks hilarious). We call him Frosty Scooter.
OMG, I just wet myself laughing!:D:D
Then there was Capt. Thrush at BT as he was an irritating c**t
Calamity Jane - a woman who begs for money at the station and always has a tale of misfortune to tell
The Friendly Pirates - acquaintances who are always cadging something
She Ra (Princess of Power) - nickname boys used to call me when I taught them Design & Tech. because I was stronger than them
As they got on this morning, the person in front of me said "Oh here they come: The Rude, The Mad and the Ugly!"
Well done man, he liked his bread burnt.
Baldy bankside, was bald and that's where his cafe was,
Sweaty angina, she wore a thick quilted coat all year round with big sweaty patches and mentioned her angina at every opportunity.
Hyperactive motormouth, little fella who talked ten to the dozen
Mrs menopausal shoplifter. no explanation needed.
Helmet man, never ever removed his motorbike helmet, just lifted up the visor if he was feeling sociable enough but most of the time didn't even bother to do that.
Everyone else I just called w8nkers and tosspots.