im very tired having just woke up after nightshift so forgive me if im wrong here (i may well have read it wrong) - could one of the reasons she doesnt want to see him be that as she is "stroppy", she doesnt like being disciplined by him (disciplined full stop and not the smacking)???
I just dont think its right for a man (a big man) to hit a girl of her age (ie, an age where she can remember it, and as another poster says, in her formative pre-teen years). I think it will set her up for life of expecting a slap from a man being acceptable if she has done wrong. And as her Dad says, its "her fault for making him angry"
If she hit someone in anger I would be equally annoyed.
She is a great kid, caring, sweet natured, generous, quiet, studious, but somewhere down the line Father/Daughter relations have malfunctioned.
I have spoken to him now. He admits he has now gone to far and is thinking hard about how to manage his anger and chill out about things.
for what it's worth, when i read the part about the ex saying "if you didn't make me so angry I wouldn't hit you" it just really struck me as straight up abuse.
how many cases of domestic violence have had a similar situation where the abuser has said "you're making me do this" ?
If it was a child of mine, i'd report the ex to the police without a moment's hesitation, regardless of any history.
Whilst some pensioner is getting beat to pulp by feral low life kids.....use the Police for lecturing parenting skills instead. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
The arguement yesterday was about a toy in a shop. She asked him to lend her 99p and she would pay him back at the weekend with her pocket money. He refused. She stuck her bottom lip out and crossed her arms and that was it, he freaked.
When they pulled up outside the house he was shouting at her and flinging himself around the car. She opened the back door and ran down the street (away from the house) and he chased after her and dragged her back to the house.
She isnt a feral kid. She isnt beating up pensioners. She just wanted to BORROW 99p to buy something she had seen.
I would warn him very emphatically that if he ever lays another finger on her, the police will be involved.
I would have a good talk with yoru daughter and ask her if she wants to continue seeing him, and if so suggest he has her for very limited periods of times, a few hours in public places, and definitely not overnight at his house.
This man is out of control, teenagers are hard, hard work but you can't beat them or abuse them. If he doesn't mend his relationship with her now, in another 12 months he will have lost her.
I'll tell you where they 'learn it' from. The minute they first realise they can get their own way and do and say what the hell they like. Next stage being when they learn of their 'rights' against parental discipline.
I would not call the police or contact social services. If you do, you will have them crawling all over your own house and relationship with your daughter and never get rid of them.
I would ask the daughter if she wants to visit the father and if she says "no" tell the father that she doesn't want to come this time and leave it at that. If the child does want to go then she goes.
I'll tell you where they 'learn it' from. The minute they first realise they can get their own way and do and say what the hell they like. Next stage being when they learn of their 'rights' against parental discipline.
Of course it is. It's hardly an adequate deterrent to a child of that age. It's very concerning you think it's not. Was your mother or father still clipping you around the ear hole at 20? 21? Older?:eek: how embarrassing!:eek:
I don't suppose suggesting doing something for that 99 pence may have crossed your mind? Like working for it?
Oh horror of horrors:eek::eek::eek:........could it be that I am suggesting child slave labour? :eek::eek::eek::rolleyes:
How do you know the child doesn't do a few chores for the pocket money she gets.
The same pocket money she offered to pay back the precious 99 pence with?
All the gobshite had to do when she stuck her lip out was say well you can always get it next week if you like in a nice way. "Situation" solved.
To the OP, I think the man needs to work on what sets him off.
Maybe he feels frustrated when the slightest little thing "goes wrong" on the visits and can't control himself properly.
I was young my father would fly off the handle if he felt I "had a face on me". He didn't hit me at that age, but he kinda pre-empted any notion of me having a teenage strop by going on the offensive. (Because all teenage girls are bitchy, selfish and stupid you see!) I have a great relationship with him now though!
Your child's father saw the crossed arms and lip and a light went on in his head saying "Oh great she's gonna be stroppy and sulky all afternoon now, why do I even bother" and so went off on one.
Whereas in reality the child probably would've gotten over it in about 5 minutes.
My 'kid' has spent the past fifteen years of his life keeping Taliban terrorists away from your sprogs.
If you think a smack on the leg of a 12 year old is no go, how would they fare on the front line?
My 'kid' has spent the past fifteen years of his life keeping Taliban terrorists away from your sprogs.
If you think a smack on the leg of a 12 year old is no go, how would they fare on the front line?
Really, my daughter sticks people back together again, I wonder if she would be shooting the Taliban if I had smacked her as a child, or is that really relevant to their chosen careers?
She did earn the money, making the beds and cleaning the upstairs of the house. I didnt ask her to do it though, she just did, so I rewarded her. Two 50p's.
She spent her money on me Monday as it was my birthday (bought me two little "Mum" magnet thingies for the fridge)
The "toy" was a kind of magnetic drawing thing. She likes drawing.
Thread has disintergrated into non advice and rebuttle that I am not giving her a clip round the ear myself and its upsetting me so I wont be reading anymore, BUT thank you to the posters who gave me advice on what to do
When I was that age I would get hit if I was really bad and it did me no harm at all.
Do you think putting out a petted lip when being told she can't 'borrow' 99p is 'really' bad behaviour? Do you think it deserved this:
Last week when he bought her home I swear she was in shock. Deathly pale, shaking, quiet. She left me a message on the answerphone as i was out, she sneaked the house phone up to her room to call me. He had hit her, pulled of her brand new boots and chucked them at a wall (broken them) called her "mentally ill" said she dresses like a "chav" , took a knife and threatened to cut the head off her favourite toy "tigger" . It was stomach churning. She was cowering in her room, whispering, crying, come and get me, Im scared.
She did earn the money, making the beds and cleaning the upstairs of the house. I didnt ask her to do it though, she just did, so I rewarded her. Two 50p's.
She spent her money on me Monday as it was my birthday (bought me two little "Mum" magnet thingies for the fridge)
The "toy" was a kind of magnetic drawing thing. She likes drawing.
Thread has disintergrated into non advice and rebuttle that I am not giving her a clip round the ear myself and its upsetting me so I wont be reading anymore, BUT thank you to the posters who gave me advice on what to do
Sorry the thread has descended into a parenting lesson and debate about whether hitting children is acceptable. I hope your ex means what he say's and seeks help for his IMO irrational anger. If a petted lip makes him freak out, then god knows what he would do if she really done something to upset him.
Comments
Whilst some pensioner is getting beat to pulp by feral low life kids.....use the Police for lecturing parenting skills instead. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
Where do you think kids learn that from..... infact... no I suspect you are looking for a reaction. Do you have kids?
If she hit someone in anger I would be equally annoyed.
She is a great kid, caring, sweet natured, generous, quiet, studious, but somewhere down the line Father/Daughter relations have malfunctioned.
I have spoken to him now. He admits he has now gone to far and is thinking hard about how to manage his anger and chill out about things.
how many cases of domestic violence have had a similar situation where the abuser has said "you're making me do this" ?
If it was a child of mine, i'd report the ex to the police without a moment's hesitation, regardless of any history.
Very true Bambii. I have seen a few cases of violent kids in my area and when authorities get involved they are being battered at home.
The arguement yesterday was about a toy in a shop. She asked him to lend her 99p and she would pay him back at the weekend with her pocket money. He refused. She stuck her bottom lip out and crossed her arms and that was it, he freaked.
When they pulled up outside the house he was shouting at her and flinging himself around the car. She opened the back door and ran down the street (away from the house) and he chased after her and dragged her back to the house.
She isnt a feral kid. She isnt beating up pensioners. She just wanted to BORROW 99p to buy something she had seen.
I would have a good talk with yoru daughter and ask her if she wants to continue seeing him, and if so suggest he has her for very limited periods of times, a few hours in public places, and definitely not overnight at his house.
This man is out of control, teenagers are hard, hard work but you can't beat them or abuse them. If he doesn't mend his relationship with her now, in another 12 months he will have lost her.
No surprise there :rolleyes:
I would ask the daughter if she wants to visit the father and if she says "no" tell the father that she doesn't want to come this time and leave it at that. If the child does want to go then she goes.
Oh horror of horrors:eek::eek::eek:........could it be that I am suggesting child slave labour? :eek::eek::eek::rolleyes:
What about just saying no without the drama?
No seriously....have you got kids?
Of course it is. It's hardly an adequate deterrent to a child of that age. It's very concerning you think it's not. Was your mother or father still clipping you around the ear hole at 20? 21? Older?:eek: how embarrassing!:eek:
How do you know the child doesn't do a few chores for the pocket money she gets.
The same pocket money she offered to pay back the precious 99 pence with?
All the gobshite had to do when she stuck her lip out was say well you can always get it next week if you like in a nice way. "Situation" solved.
To the OP, I think the man needs to work on what sets him off.
Maybe he feels frustrated when the slightest little thing "goes wrong" on the visits and can't control himself properly.
I was young my father would fly off the handle if he felt I "had a face on me". He didn't hit me at that age, but he kinda pre-empted any notion of me having a teenage strop by going on the offensive. (Because all teenage girls are bitchy, selfish and stupid you see!) I have a great relationship with him now though!
Your child's father saw the crossed arms and lip and a light went on in his head saying "Oh great she's gonna be stroppy and sulky all afternoon now, why do I even bother" and so went off on one.
Whereas in reality the child probably would've gotten over it in about 5 minutes.
To such a poor deprived little child? Thats abuse!!
If you think a smack on the leg of a 12 year old is no go, how would they fare on the front line?
Really, my daughter sticks people back together again, I wonder if she would be shooting the Taliban if I had smacked her as a child, or is that really relevant to their chosen careers?
If it is, no less worthy!
She spent her money on me Monday as it was my birthday (bought me two little "Mum" magnet thingies for the fridge)
The "toy" was a kind of magnetic drawing thing. She likes drawing.
Thread has disintergrated into non advice and rebuttle that I am not giving her a clip round the ear myself and its upsetting me so I wont be reading anymore, BUT thank you to the posters who gave me advice on what to do
Do you think putting out a petted lip when being told she can't 'borrow' 99p is 'really' bad behaviour? Do you think it deserved this:
Sorry the thread has descended into a parenting lesson and debate about whether hitting children is acceptable. I hope your ex means what he say's and seeks help for his IMO irrational anger. If a petted lip makes him freak out, then god knows what he would do if she really done something to upset him.