It's been almost 5 years since I wrote this light hearted post and I hope the new (and old) DS'ers won't mind me resurrecting this on a Friday to see if it can raise a smile or two.
Now I appreciate that giving oral sex is about being considerate and wanting to give something to your partner but I do sometimes wonder if women appreciate the difference between them fellating a bloke and us performing cunnilingus.
Okay on a bad occasion a woman might have to contend with a smelly/cheesy knob but a bit of spit, a vigorous rub with your hand or even on his belly and you can pop that baby in. Unless it’s gigantic or miniscule it’s reasonably easy to put in the mouth and there isn’t a danger that you’ll keep losing it. It’s either in your mouth or isn’t. We might worry about your teeth but your tongue won’t have to hyper extend itself to find it.
Being an extremity of the male form means you can use one hand to hold or steady it and the other to make sure it’s at the right angle for you. Your nose can remain free and clear away from the mans body, which allows you to breathe easily. As long as you don’t get carried away or have someone over eagerly pushing your head down you can limit the depth of intrusion and reduce the danger of gagging. Ultimately put, and simplified down to its core, if you’ve ever enjoyed licking a lolly you are going to be capable of giving a bloke an enjoyable experience.
For us blokes though it’s a little different. We have to put our face and breathing apparatus almost inside you. Unless we’re blessed with a foot long tongue, if we want to get right in there, our nose is going to be virtually in you. In many cases we’ll have to move hair aside to get to the prize, though some will still end up on our tongue and once through that will have to contend with the lips.
Yes we can give them a little nibble on the way in but again they are something else that needs to be moved aside meaning that your fingers will either need to possess the dexterity of a Harp player or you have the kind of facial and lip muscles that could move a chocolate from your forehead to your mouth with no hands.
Then there’s the taste. It’s sour, in most cases like popping a couple of old copper coins that got lost down the back of your sofa into your mouth. There’s also the smell. Again, it’s not always unpleasant but your senses are heightened so with your nose firmly planted in her gusset you are going to detect something. Granted a bloke could smell but at least you can keep that at arms, sorry knobs, length.
So you are going for it, licking the stamp and this in turn makes your mouth go dry which along with the dull ache forming at the base of your tongue only adds to the experience. Of course if you are doing your job right, you should be receiving all the lubricant you could need and she’ll be moaning like a Union leader.
That though brings its own problems in that the very area that feeds your lungs is now pressed deeply into something wet and sloppy and doesn’t facilitate the flow of air that well. Of course you could slightly pull away to breathe but just at that moment your tongue flicks across the magical ‘make them bark like a dog’ spot that you might find once a month and you are loathed to lose it.
The fun continues if you try to bring in the ‘point multiplier’ of some finger action. With all the hot spots located up and at the front, your hand has to go in palm up to allow your fingers to bend upwards, meaning that the heel of your palm is now effectively brushing along your chin and inexplicably feeling that your own body is trying to push your head further into her.
By the time you do pull away you look and feel like someone with a heavy cold who’s been apple dunking for 20 minutes but still not got the apple.
And whereas some women seem to like blowing you and then immediately want to kiss you as a demonstration of “look I’m noshing you off so you can taste what I am” I always feel it only right to trace a path up their body so at least the worse of the residue has been wiped off. Add to this a need to blow your nose and it isn’t any wonder that when you then look down your ‘chap’ has lost it’s earnest eagerness as blood and energy has been re-directed to preventing you from drowning.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s still great to please a woman like that and I’m not whining. It was just an observation that giving oral sex to a woman is a little more challenging and although I’m sure more women ‘give head’ than men ‘plate’ this figure would be more equal if the practicalities of doing so where the same.
...so THATS how its done then?!
I wondered where I was going wrong!!!!!
On another note - I often find my partner suffers from the old burning thing (Cystitis) whenever I do this.....
Anyone have any tales of oral during Rag Week (and i don;t mean University !), as some go mental, some put on the chastity belt. One rather willing lady, was someone unimpressed when I 'put on her warpaint' and did a Red Indian call :eek:
Dude!
Having sex with a women during 'rag week' as you put it is one thing, but going down on them at this time is demented.
OP this thread has amused and horrified me in equal measure.
Depends how big the boat is......it's hardwork trying to find a piece of sweetcorn on the deck of an oil tanker........
Even nicer analogy. I'd always liked the previous analogy but your updated one reminds me that sometimes the deck can be quite slippy and the little guy/sweetcorn can be moving around due to the boats wild yawing in the 'motion of the ocean'.
Having sex with a women during 'rag week' as you put it is one thing, but going down on them at this time is demented.
OP this thread has amused and horrified me in equal measure.
Sometimes you don't know that the painters are in until you are standing in front of the wall with brush in hand. I have had an occasion where the coppery taste was more iron-y.
Anyway I'm pleased it made you smile, thanks for letting me know.
Having given oral sex to both sexes I can't really say I have any preference. It's all about "knowing" your partner. It took me a good while to get used to what my husband liked/didn't like but I'm there now.
Having given oral sex to both sexes I can't really say I have any preference. It's all about "knowing" your partner. It took me a good while to get used to what my husband liked/didn't like but I'm there now.
That's a fair point though I find it a lot harder to do from straight oral.
Well you're a better man than me Gunga Din, if a woman starts to sink to her knees in front of me I'm ready to explode like a Chinese firework right there and then, before she even starts.
Oh wait, you didn't mean as opposed to gay oral did you?
Promise me that you didn't, you meant oral alone, not intercourse too, or instead.
Well you're a better man than me Gunga Din, if a woman starts to sink to her knees in front of me I'm ready to explode like a Chinese firework right there and then, before she even starts.
Oh wait, you didn't mean as opposed to gay oral did you?
Promise me that you didn't, you meant oral alone, not intercourse too, or instead.
Yes Boosh Lord, I meant as in oral only.
I don't know, maybe I've got a chap that is as insensitive as my elbow or just that I've never had a BJ where I haven't had to concentrate on enjoying it (magnifying the sensation in my mind, looking at her doing it for the visual stimulus etc) to 'bring it home'.
I'm pretty certain that without paying attention when receiving it, it would simply retire for the night. I think my kind of 'stimulation' needs to be of the vigorous friction kind rather than just being inside something wet and accommodating and a tongue that moves around it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm as horny as the next man (if he's one that's constantly horny!) but I don't think I've had many, if any, blowjobs where I could completely switch off and allow the animal/biological side to take over (well not until the last 30 seconds or so!).
Pssst, a secret, you don't have to work so hard or go so deep, look for the little man in the boat.
Shhhh, Pam...... Don't give the secret away. ;-)
I'm sure it would come as no surprise to anybody here that this subject has come up in conversations between myself and my two very heterosexual sisters on certain occasions when the wine has flowed and we've loosened up to each other about the physical aspects of our relationships.
I'm not going to go into details of what was actually said, but the bare bones of it are that they envy the <ahem> natural ease and satisfaction of things that I enjoy with my wifey, whereas, they say, although their husbands are wonderful men and try desperately hard, they seem to be absolutely hopeless in the fine art of clitoral stimulation.
Guys......... it's not a blob of ice cream..!! Don't treat it like something you have to lap up furiously before it melts.
Don't work so hard at it. Take your time. Think sensitivity and you will get your reward... or rather, she will get the reward but as a result would no doubt be better inclined to reciprocate more enthusiastically. I can't comment on that personally though so I will leave it to the straight women here to confirm or deny that last point.
Question for any bisexual women in the forum: As you are most likely to have experienced the oral ministrations of both male and female partners, do you find that women are more sensitive to your needs in this area..?
I'm sure it would come as no surprise to anybody here that this subject has come up in conversations between myself and my two very heterosexual sisters on certain occasions when the wine has flowed and we've loosened up to each other about the physical aspects of our relationships.
I'm not going to go into details of what was actually said, but the bare bones of it are that they envy the <ahem> natural ease and satisfaction of things that I enjoy with my wifey, whereas, they say, although their husbands are wonderful men and try desperately hard, they seem to be absolutely hopeless in the fine art of clitoral stimulation.
Guys......... it's not a blob of ice cream..!! Don't treat it like something you have to lap up furiously before it melts.
Don't work so hard at it. Take your time. Think sensitivity and you will get your reward... or rather, she will get the reward but as a result would no doubt be better inclined to reciprocate more enthusiastically. I can't comment on that personally though so I will leave it to the straight women here to confirm or deny that last point.
Question for any bisexual women in the forum: As you are most likely to have experienced the oral ministrations of both male and female partners, do you find that women are more sensitive to your needs in this area..?
Oh Christ, I don't want this Friday to end, I'm looking forward to next Friday already.
As an aside, I once heard one guy say to another guy in a bar, "She blew me, but it was a lousy blowjob."
I couldn't get over that, I thought, 'How can a blowjob be lousy?'
The only things that I could think of was if she kept stopping to answer the phone, checking that the potatoes hadn't boiled over, or checking her Facebook page.
Oh Christ, I don't want this Friday to end, I'm looking forward to next Friday already.
As an aside, I once heard one guy say to another guy in a bar, "She blew me, but it was a lousy blowjob."
I couldn't get over that, I thought, 'How can a blowjob be lousy?'
The only things that I could think of was if she kept stopping to answer the phone, checking that the potatoes hadn't boiled over, or checking her Facebook page.
I'm sure it would come as no surprise to anybody here that this subject has come up in conversations between myself and my two very heterosexual sisters on certain occasions when the wine has flowed and we've loosened up to each other about the physical aspects of our relationships.
I'm not going to go into details of what was actually said, but the bare bones of it are that they envy the <ahem> natural ease and satisfaction of things that I enjoy with my wifey, whereas, they say, although their husbands are wonderful men and try desperately hard, they seem to be absolutely hopeless in the fine art of clitoral stimulation.
Guys......... it's not a blob of ice cream..!! Don't treat it like something you have to lap up furiously before it melts.
Don't work so hard at it. Take your time. Think sensitivity and you will get your reward... or rather, she will get the reward but as a result would no doubt be better inclined to reciprocate more enthusiastically. I can't comment on that personally though so I will leave it to the straight women here to confirm or deny that last point.
Question for any bisexual women in the forum: As you are most likely to have experienced the oral ministrations of both male and female partners, do you find that women are more sensitive to your needs in this area..?
Generally yes, except the one man who was every bit as good as the two women I've been with was a Portuguese guy. I think it must be a Latin thing, they have their 'macho' but I think it's more of an art to them and they're more concerned than British blokes with putting a smile on our face.
But I can't believe you've discussed all this with your sisters! My sister was aware when I was in a relationship with a woman but if I'd started to go into details, she'd have just held up her hand and shouted 'too much information!' We never even compared our boyfriends like that. I'm rather jealous to be honest
Oh Christ, I don't want this Friday to end, I'm looking forward to next Friday already.
As an aside, I once heard one guy say to another guy in a bar, "She blew me, but it was a lousy blowjob."
I couldn't get over that, I thought, 'How can a blowjob be lousy?'
The only things that I could think of was if she kept stopping to answer the phone, checking that the potatoes hadn't boiled over, or checking her Facebook page.
I'm quite amused by this phrase "Blowjob." My sisters told me that they don't actually blow and I had to work hard to get my head around the phrase. At one point I began to envision a man having his willy inflated by an over enthusiastic partner, and drifting skywards, dick-first..... a bit like the obnoxious auntie in the Harry Potter film (Goblet of Fire, I think).
Generally yes, except the one man who was every bit as good as the two women I've been with was a Portuguese guy. I think it must be a Latin thing, they have their 'macho' but I think it's more of an art to them and they're more concerned than British blokes with putting a smile on our face.
But I can't believe you've discussed all this with your sisters! My sister was aware when I was in a relationship with a woman but if I'd started to go into details, she'd have just held up her hand and shouted 'too much information!' We never even compared our boyfriends like that. I'm rather jealous to be honest
Oh, we talk about everything. We all fell apart when my eldest sister told us that her husband's parents must have known something when they named him 'Justin'. We are nawty, aren't we...?
She'd kill me if she knew I was telling everybody this on a discussion forum. Hahahaha...!!
Comments
I'm informed that, drunk every day, it also increases the velocity of the delivery.
You call it a shebang as well?
I say hardly, she was a large lady. With a (how to be sensitive here) 'ample' vagina.
Half the time it was a choice between getting her off or being able to breath.
That said, I am blow job curious. That one of the things I'd definialy wanna give a fella.
Depends how big the boat is......it's hardwork trying to find a piece of sweetcorn on the deck of an oil tanker........
...so THATS how its done then?!
I wondered where I was going wrong!!!!!
On another note - I often find my partner suffers from the old burning thing (Cystitis) whenever I do this.....
...perhaps I'm STILL doing it wrong!!!!
Dude!
Having sex with a women during 'rag week' as you put it is one thing, but going down on them at this time is demented.
OP this thread has amused and horrified me in equal measure.
Anyway I'm pleased it made you smile, thanks for letting me know.
Some womens love boxes are a thing of beauty, cut, pert, tidy. Meanwhile some resemble an explosion in a gammon factory.
Your first seven words did it for me.
Well you're a better man than me Gunga Din, if a woman starts to sink to her knees in front of me I'm ready to explode like a Chinese firework right there and then, before she even starts.
Oh wait, you didn't mean as opposed to gay oral did you?
Promise me that you didn't, you meant oral alone, not intercourse too, or instead.
Yes Boosh Lord, I meant as in oral only.
I don't know, maybe I've got a chap that is as insensitive as my elbow or just that I've never had a BJ where I haven't had to concentrate on enjoying it (magnifying the sensation in my mind, looking at her doing it for the visual stimulus etc) to 'bring it home'.
I'm pretty certain that without paying attention when receiving it, it would simply retire for the night. I think my kind of 'stimulation' needs to be of the vigorous friction kind rather than just being inside something wet and accommodating and a tongue that moves around it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm as horny as the next man (if he's one that's constantly horny!) but I don't think I've had many, if any, blowjobs where I could completely switch off and allow the animal/biological side to take over (well not until the last 30 seconds or so!).
Shhhh, Pam...... Don't give the secret away. ;-)
I'm sure it would come as no surprise to anybody here that this subject has come up in conversations between myself and my two very heterosexual sisters on certain occasions when the wine has flowed and we've loosened up to each other about the physical aspects of our relationships.
I'm not going to go into details of what was actually said, but the bare bones of it are that they envy the <ahem> natural ease and satisfaction of things that I enjoy with my wifey, whereas, they say, although their husbands are wonderful men and try desperately hard, they seem to be absolutely hopeless in the fine art of clitoral stimulation.
Guys......... it's not a blob of ice cream..!! Don't treat it like something you have to lap up furiously before it melts.
Don't work so hard at it. Take your time. Think sensitivity and you will get your reward... or rather, she will get the reward but as a result would no doubt be better inclined to reciprocate more enthusiastically. I can't comment on that personally though so I will leave it to the straight women here to confirm or deny that last point.
Question for any bisexual women in the forum: As you are most likely to have experienced the oral ministrations of both male and female partners, do you find that women are more sensitive to your needs in this area..?
Oh Christ, I don't want this Friday to end, I'm looking forward to next Friday already.
As an aside, I once heard one guy say to another guy in a bar, "She blew me, but it was a lousy blowjob."
I couldn't get over that, I thought, 'How can a blowjob be lousy?'
The only things that I could think of was if she kept stopping to answer the phone, checking that the potatoes hadn't boiled over, or checking her Facebook page.
Made me laugh:D
Generally yes, except the one man who was every bit as good as the two women I've been with was a Portuguese guy. I think it must be a Latin thing, they have their 'macho' but I think it's more of an art to them and they're more concerned than British blokes with putting a smile on our face.
But I can't believe you've discussed all this with your sisters! My sister was aware when I was in a relationship with a woman but if I'd started to go into details, she'd have just held up her hand and shouted 'too much information!'
I'm quite amused by this phrase "Blowjob." My sisters told me that they don't actually blow and I had to work hard to get my head around the phrase. At one point I began to envision a man having his willy inflated by an over enthusiastic partner, and drifting skywards, dick-first..... a bit like the obnoxious auntie in the Harry Potter film (Goblet of Fire, I think).
Where does this phrase come from..?
Oh, we talk about everything. We all fell apart when my eldest sister told us that her husband's parents must have known something when they named him 'Justin'. We are nawty, aren't we...?
She'd kill me if she knew I was telling everybody this on a discussion forum. Hahahaha...!!