To me it means " you are doing fine , you are insafe hands and not going to die ,so stick with us now " Its meant to reassure and Thank God for the staff who are there to say it and to help
Oh no Pinkie, it doesn't mean ' you're not going to die.' They aren't allowed to say that.
If someone said it to me during sex I would immediately kill myself.
Ha ha.
I have to confess that I use the phrase all the time (though not during sex). I work with people with dementia, and it is just a way of creating a positive buzz when they have to do something that makes them cry, like - I dunno - change their socks. I am not sure what phrase the OP would think appropriate in the circumstances?
When I was in hospital after my operation even getting out of bed was impossible, and when the staff told me I was doing well it gave me a buzz, put me in a positive mindset and made me determined to continue doing well and getting better. I think its a nice thing to hear.
I lost count how many times that was said when I was having my babies!:D
I had it said to me countless times when I was struggling with a 10k this morning. After the 3rd person said it my thinking was, "exactly how am I doing well? Im coming last!"
I must admit that I have used it before but mainly when someone is running themselves down when a small problem comes up...but overall things are going well. It has never been done with ill intent and I am not sure what other way I could bring the bigger picture into focus when someone is doubting their abilities.
I don't always take it as patronizing even though I can see why it might be regarded as such. It's just not what you want to hear when you're feeling crap. The person making the statement wouldn't claim to be perfect, to always say the 'right' thing and to have the perfect approach to dealing with others but at least they give a damn enough to be there. People who work in 'supportive' roles, whether they be health care, fitness and well-being or whatever at least have the motivation to support others. They might have heavy case loads and it's not always easy to say something original or profound. They might have to work with a lot of hostility, frustration and anger day after day. However, "You're doing really well!" can be one of the most infuriating things to hear when you're at the end of your tether because it comes across as a disacknowledgement of how you're actually feeling. I guess the best thing you can do, in those circumstances, is point out to the person that it isn't a helpful thing to say and, if you can, why it isn't.
I keep getting told this , I was told this by the duty shrink at my local Hospital just after I had been stitched up after self harming She had been reading my notes from my care co ordinator who had put this down in writing despite me not really doing well and having suicidal thoughts:eek:
It does not make me feel any better about myself in fact it does just the opposite as it makes me feel they are not taking notice of what I am actually saying to them and they just want me ' off the books '
I have been told I am getting discharged soon and that scares the hell out of me as I will not have any real support except from my GP who is great but when ever I am ' ill ' he just refers to my cc so I will prob have to jump back on th e' merry go round ' to get re assessed if I relapse which just thinking about it scares me
Perhaps you'd prefer them to be honest and say "Look are you ok? Any other business, or same old? Because I want to go home, make supper and settle down to watch Emmmerdale".
FFS! This drives me nuts. Do health care workers not learn any other words? It doesn't encourage me, it makes me want to give up on the futility of life.
Do most of you feel reassured by these words? Or do you get enraged by this meaningless cliché?
Good post, you're doing really well
On a serious note, I only recall hearing this during the labour of my children and when I show people new things I have knitted. It doesn't bother me, but I guess it depends on the sincerity of the person saying it.
I guess it's annoying because it can come across as being a way of stifling any further conversation or tackling some of the more upsetting/ difficult experiences people are having. It's almost like a negation of 'reality' as experienced by the one they are saying it to. It's all very well if the person is prone to ruminative or negative thinking that just goes into a downward spiral. All the same, the statement doesn't really offer anything new to someone in a deep rut, either. It's just that, sometimes, a desperate or repeating situation doesn't have easy answers or quick fixes and the person making the statement doesn't have the imagination to come up with anything better at that moment in time. On certain occasions, they might be able to recognise steps forward that the person feeling bad might not be able to recognize while in the midst of a longstanding situation. It really isn't something that should be said as a platitude, though. It's pretty transparent when this happens.
Edit: It's also worth bearing in mind that people in various 'helping professions' appear to be bound by so many rules and codes of practice these days that they feel increasingly restricted by what they can say without risking a complaint.
I don't think anyone has ever said this to me. It would be very nice if they did.
People seem to think I can cope with anything, and don't need any encouragement.
It's a bit annoying, sometimes.
Anyway, it's better than "cheer up, it may never happen", or "have a nice day". Do people who say these things never consider that you might have suffered a bereavement, or just been told you have a terminal illness etc?
I had a bad time with the birth of my child, and women were coming and going, and I was still flamin' there.
But 'your'e doing well' helped a bit. I was doing well, for a total crock with a rottweiler baby whom I could hardly lift.
And when I was depressed it did help. It made me think that I could be in a worse place. I did manage to feed my child, and just about function, and that was better than it could have been. I was doing well, again, for me, in that circumstance.
As an health professional I do use the phrase quite a lot, when it is appropriate. It is used to reassure and support.
If someone is not doing well I would not say it.
I cannot speak for other health professionals but in my team we do care about those we visit. We may be very busy and we may not always have the time we feel is needed for each individual...but we do care!
Sometimes caring and giving of yourself day in and day out can be emotionally draining especially in my case when I am a carer for my disabled partner also.
When I am feeling down and disillusioned I find it reassuring when someone says the same to me.
After 'helping' the missus to a sudden explosion of pleasure, I heard myself saying "good on ya!" to her. Luckily she cracked up with laughter, and we still joke about it now.
Comments
Oh no Pinkie, it doesn't mean ' you're not going to die.' They aren't allowed to say that.
I have to confess that I use the phrase all the time (though not during sex). I work with people with dementia, and it is just a way of creating a positive buzz when they have to do something that makes them cry, like - I dunno - change their socks. I am not sure what phrase the OP would think appropriate in the circumstances?
I had it said to me countless times when I was struggling with a 10k this morning. After the 3rd person said it my thinking was, "exactly how am I doing well? Im coming last!"
It does not make me feel any better about myself in fact it does just the opposite as it makes me feel they are not taking notice of what I am actually saying to them and they just want me ' off the books '
I have been told I am getting discharged soon and that scares the hell out of me as I will not have any real support except from my GP who is great but when ever I am ' ill ' he just refers to my cc so I will prob have to jump back on th e' merry go round ' to get re assessed if I relapse which just thinking about it scares me
Perhaps you'd prefer them to be honest and say "Look are you ok? Any other business, or same old? Because I want to go home, make supper and settle down to watch Emmmerdale".
Good post, you're doing really well
On a serious note, I only recall hearing this during the labour of my children and when I show people new things I have knitted. It doesn't bother me, but I guess it depends on the sincerity of the person saying it.
Edit: It's also worth bearing in mind that people in various 'helping professions' appear to be bound by so many rules and codes of practice these days that they feel increasingly restricted by what they can say without risking a complaint.
People seem to think I can cope with anything, and don't need any encouragement.
It's a bit annoying, sometimes.
Anyway, it's better than "cheer up, it may never happen", or "have a nice day". Do people who say these things never consider that you might have suffered a bereavement, or just been told you have a terminal illness etc?
I had a bad time with the birth of my child, and women were coming and going, and I was still flamin' there.
But 'your'e doing well' helped a bit. I was doing well, for a total crock with a rottweiler baby whom I could hardly lift.
And when I was depressed it did help. It made me think that I could be in a worse place. I did manage to feed my child, and just about function, and that was better than it could have been. I was doing well, again, for me, in that circumstance.
If someone is not doing well I would not say it.
I cannot speak for other health professionals but in my team we do care about those we visit. We may be very busy and we may not always have the time we feel is needed for each individual...but we do care!
Sometimes caring and giving of yourself day in and day out can be emotionally draining especially in my case when I am a carer for my disabled partner also.
When I am feeling down and disillusioned I find it reassuring when someone says the same to me.