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Advice on online restricting
Hi,
I have a surly 17 year old who has taken to sleeping all day and talking all night on skype.
Does anyone have idea's on advice on this.
Talking, asking and telling off goes in one ear and out the other.
He is keeping the whole house up at times which is unfair.
I have tried to remove the internet cable from out of his computer, and banning internet but he still finds a way around it.
He is due back at college tomorrow after half term, and right now he is snoring his head off after a row.
While we was arguing his eyes are bloodshot and he looks knackered!
Basically it will end up with him not being awake for college and not doing his best.
He is past punishing and I guess I should make his own mistakes, but if he doesn't attend I am the one who will be in trouble as well as him. This year is mandatory.
Sky don't have the abilty to block one person, just all or none. There is 5 adults (including him) so this is unfair on the others.
If he gets banned from pc he just goes onto the TV and blares wrestling instead.
I am aware I could just kick him out, but he is my son and I just want peoples ideas and possible solutions please.
His dad is refusing to have anything to do with him anymore (We are divorcing atm) so he can't go there, plus he lives too far away for college.
Ideas please, sensible ways of fixing this appreciated.
Thank you.
I have a surly 17 year old who has taken to sleeping all day and talking all night on skype.
Does anyone have idea's on advice on this.
Talking, asking and telling off goes in one ear and out the other.
He is keeping the whole house up at times which is unfair.
I have tried to remove the internet cable from out of his computer, and banning internet but he still finds a way around it.
He is due back at college tomorrow after half term, and right now he is snoring his head off after a row.
While we was arguing his eyes are bloodshot and he looks knackered!
Basically it will end up with him not being awake for college and not doing his best.
He is past punishing and I guess I should make his own mistakes, but if he doesn't attend I am the one who will be in trouble as well as him. This year is mandatory.
Sky don't have the abilty to block one person, just all or none. There is 5 adults (including him) so this is unfair on the others.
If he gets banned from pc he just goes onto the TV and blares wrestling instead.
I am aware I could just kick him out, but he is my son and I just want peoples ideas and possible solutions please.
His dad is refusing to have anything to do with him anymore (We are divorcing atm) so he can't go there, plus he lives too far away for college.
Ideas please, sensible ways of fixing this appreciated.
Thank you.
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Comments
So your advice is for them to let their kid get booted out of college?
I did threaten to put him into his grandmothothers care, but she lives in Leominster, and its impossible trying to get him a college space untill Sept.
I do not want him here while he is behaving like this, but I can't think of another way to do things.
Edit: http://chrisbryson.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/schedule-networkinternet-access-sky.html may be useful if you only want to restrict access to particular times.
Can't you unplug it overnight though? When everyone else has gone to bed?
To do this would be impossible.
I am disabled also and it takes alot for me to actually keep getting out of bed to moan at him, as the pain to get up generally makes me put ear plugs in to save a argument.
Has something changed in his life that has caused a change in his behaviour ?. You say you are divorcing his father - maybe he has a problem with that but he can't find the right way to tell you so is acting out instead ?
Obviously since I don't have kids I probably don't quite 'count', but with the family I have, I'm always a fan of trying to talk things out to try and get to the bottom of what's bothering someone.
Maybe, if it's possible, take him out for fish and chips in a neutral location and see if he'll be more open to talking then. If something is bothering him, assure him he can get it off his chest no matter what and maybe he will ?
Writing to his tutor is a good idea, his college report is very good and he isn't in trouble.
I have tried the outting and he refused to talk to me a few months ago, just said he was "fine"
It may just be his age, but I nor any of my sisters was like this as kids.
It all seems a little like speculation....have you tried talking to him?
Boarding school?
Alternatively, if he is bored with ordinary school have you discussed the option of a military career with him?
I would disable the internet connection overnight for sure.
I know you say that is unfair to the others in your household, but in the long run surely they would support you with this issue.
In the end he is in control of his own destiny whatever you do.
I had a funny year with my lad at aged 16, he went on to be a fine young man in the end.
Have a chat with him .....
You say his school results are still OK, then its not to late just yet but its only a matter of time before that starts to suffer.
I think the advice to speak to his school and ask what they suggest, there might be something going on there or at least they can keep an eye on him.
Turn on max filtering and add all devices bar his. So everyone else can use the net besides him.
Or add his too and set the times his devices are allowed to access the net.
As long as he doesn't know the router password he can't change it. But he could reset the router.
Take the plug for it with you when you go to bed.
Out of control, he is in the house every night that is as nice and safe as it gets for your teenage children I hope mine are tucked up safe and sound at that age even if they are surly.
For a start in the main a 17 year old should be out doing stuff, so why isn't he?
Does he have actual friends he sees, does he actually like his college course?
Perhaps he worries about you and your illness etc teenagers are sensitive hormonal messes so communication is everything
Talk to him and perhaps be grateful he's not out doing drugs and mugging old ladies etc.
OP said that if the internet is blocked he just watches wrestling all night (very loudly) instead of sleeping.
it's not about being nice and safe just because they are not out roaming the streets, there as many if not more dangers online, both in it affecting their physical health due to the lack of sleep (do you not watch news) and who they are chatting to and what they are talking about.
'Tucked up safe and sound' is great and all, but the OP is absolutely right to be worried about his college performance and therefore his future prospects. Who wants their kid to spend the rest of his or her life stacking shelves at Tesco and scrimping and saving to make ends meet?
Would be a good idea except it seems OP is not capable of doing it,
I was wondering, OP said there are 4 other people in the house. Who are they ? Are they not helping OP ?
His elder sister is at uni, although she finishes soon for good so that will be a big help.
His elder brother also works, so also needs sleep.
Then there is me, I am unable to work (am in support group in esa), unable to lift anything. The medication I take causes bad side effects and most of my days I am asleep, or in too much pain to do anything.
I am 5ft tall, he atm is over 6ft and still growing, I have no strength to even strip his quilt off him to try and wake him up!
We had a chat last night, where I gave him the option of 1 week to change for good or I shall be making arrangements to rehome him. I maybe have gave up on him to some extent as he can be a right a** when he's in a mood.
Maybe I just got lucky with the elder two never being in trouble, they were gods in comparison to him. Maybe I am expecting too much off him? After all he doesn't smoke, take drugs (to my knowledge) and I allow him to have the odd alcoholic drink when the rest of the family does. He is treated like an adult as the others are.
He is asked to help out with housework and he and his brother do most of it between them being truthful, with myself doing the little I can do. I don't suppose arguing is helping him anymore than it is me.
He did get up for the dog this morning, which is something he never does. Maybe my talk or attempt at talking has done something, I guess time will tell.
He has gone to college this morning anyway, and actually kept the noise down. He went to sleep (well light went out in his room ) at 1am. He goes out with his friends 3 times a week, today being one so I won't see him untill 22:00 now.
When he is online btw he is skyping his american friends, and on minecraft. Whilst I have no wish to ruin his fun, and his friends are ok to talk to I have no wish to stop him doing this at all. HE has a laugh with them, it generally is his laughing and he getting carried away with talking loudly that wakes the household.
I also fear that the sleep pattern will not help in the future when he goes out to work, unless by some miracle he gets a job for twilight hours which would probably suit him.
I guess I am a worrier, but I want whats best for him, I just don't know how I can help him. I love the poor kid to bits and this fighting is not helping our relationship.
which is why I suggested you know talking to him?
Earlier the op stated he was doing really good at college, yes parents want what's best for their children, but happiness is where it is at whether he stacks shelves or not. Most of the population scrimp and save and do menial jobs, I personally would want my children to understand that doing these jobs is ok and people who do these jobs are not beneath them