friend asking for money
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I have a "friend", we have both gone separate ways.
He is basically in the gutter, and I am on a decent wage in a job.
He has been given and flat by the LA, and gets money each week.
He has asked if I can borrow him some money, but then told me he was taking drugs.
He keeps telling me about his problems, which I think he wants money from me. I did borrow him £40 months ago, but I think this was a mistake, would you cut ties and forget about him?
Ironically his parents are upper middle class people (I guess he is to), but they don't want to know. I am working class.:cool:
In my book as soon as you touch drugs you are marked. Think his parents use the same system.
He is basically in the gutter, and I am on a decent wage in a job.
He has been given and flat by the LA, and gets money each week.
He has asked if I can borrow him some money, but then told me he was taking drugs.
He keeps telling me about his problems, which I think he wants money from me. I did borrow him £40 months ago, but I think this was a mistake, would you cut ties and forget about him?
Ironically his parents are upper middle class people (I guess he is to), but they don't want to know. I am working class.:cool:
In my book as soon as you touch drugs you are marked. Think his parents use the same system.
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Comments
Just say no
I have been, but he pesters me. I am debating cutting ties with him, but I don't like to kick someone when they are down. One day I could be in the gutter and need help off him.
I think saying no and explaining why you don't want to give him money would be the best option.
You wont be feeding his addiction and you'll be helping him in a way.
Zammo RIP.:D
You need to be more direct and assertive so the drug addict is in no doubt that he knows he won't get any further money from you.
You made the mistake once by giving him £40. If his own family wont give him money, why should you? He's not your friend but an addict who thinks your'e a soft touch.
I asked him outright what he wanted the money for, and he said food. Which I admit my friend had no food in the house.
I offered to go with him to buy the food, so I could pay and to make sure he gets food. He declined, and just asked for the money instead.
I parted company with him that day as we were both going in 2 different directions and I didn't want to be involved with the scene he was into.
Don't lend anymore money, you won't get it back!
If he was rock bottom in the gutter and needed food or fuel or clothes or rent, I would say help, if you can. But not for drugs - for that you're just funding a destructive lifestyle, not helping, sadly.
Beware of ending up where he is if you get too close to him and too enmeshed in his problems.
You mean nothing to him other than a source to fund his drug habit.
There is an old saying "a borrower nor a lender be."
If you feel you must help with money, either buy him food (or anything else that he can't sell for drugs) or maybe pay towards electricity or whatever but pay direct, don't give him cash.
Make it quite clear you will never give him cash money and he will probably stop pestering you. If you give him cash money, you will likely be contributing towards his next fix.
Do you know what he is spending your money on?
He sounds the type to avoid.
If one of my good friends where in that situation, I'd do anything I could to help, if I was in a position to be able to.
Although I don't think this would include giving him money for drugs.
You put the word friend in quotation marks? Why is this?
I have stayed well away from him since I found out he was on drugs, he has offered me them to take, obviously I refused. But as other posters say I don't want him to offer them to me when I might be bit depressed.
I have known him since we were kids, I would always go around to his house which was quite big, he would always say "look at this" or "look at that". I think he was showing off. But I am surprised his parents do not pay for rehab or something.
I guess I do find it ironic that he has been brought up in a middle class family and his life has gone down the pan, and I have been brought up in a working class family and come out ok. Money is not everything it seems.
If it were me, I'd take a box of basic food items round to the friend, together with leaflets about the nearest foodbank and drug rehabilitation centre and then let his parents know about the situation that their son is in.
I certainly wouldn't lend him any more money and if the friend asked again for money, I'd say I'd got large utility bills to pay and couldn't help out this time.
Why give him food? He only wants money for drugs. The OP said he comes from a wealthy family, so they can feed him. He gets JSA and the other payments so he should be buying food with that.
Why lie about not having the money to give He needs to be given a dose of the cold harsh truth and he needs to be told hes a dirty drug addict and not to bother him over again.
Just for the record, I did not advocate giving him any money and certainly wouldn't do so - just a one off bag of basic groceries and that's it. If this friend still wants to only go after drugs then no money should be given.
Obviously its substance "abuse" for a reason, in the same breath if that friend ended up getting a bad "fix" which killed them I think I'd have a hard time getting that knowledge off of my conscience knowing I'd helped fuel their habit...because regardless of the status of that friendship we're ultimatly talking about another human being
Just say no, they will hate you for your decision (thats the addiction talking) and you need to accept that
If the friendship is worth salvaging, find them some REAL help (counselling, rehab).
Does the guys family know what sort of trouble they are in?