A woman at work is 45, earns around 50k a year and has never left home. Her brother is 48, married with 2 kids and has also never left home. He just moved his gf (now wife) into his bedroom at his parents house and then the kids were born and he paid for an extention to create 2 more bedrooms and another bathroom.
The parents are mental though and treat the adult kids as if they are 5. The girl at work has tried to move out time and time again but her parents just sob and wail and call her a terrible daughter. They lay the emotional blackmail on in spades and she's too scared to go against them. Same with the brother. He actually found a house and put a deposit down and the mother told him if he moved out, she'd have a nervous breakdown and it would all be his fault.
Nevertheless, it's an interesting contrast between British attitudes to this as opposed to other countries/cultures. It's almost seen as something of a humiliation not to move out at the earliest opportunity here. The Italians, for example, are very much the opposite in their attitudes to their offspring flying the nest.
Indeed. Over here its almost branded shameful to be with your family after x amount of years, which I think is quite sad. Wheras in other nations it is completely the opposite and young people are encouraged to repay their elders by offering them similar support as they get older.
There was a thing on NHK the other day talking about some homes in Japan that are specially designed for the 2 generations to live together under the one roof but on separate floors. Each half had its own entrance and facilities like kitchen, living room etc but you could go down the stairs and join the rest of the family as well. The people living in them seemed happy enough but I couldn't imagine something like that ever taking off over here!
A woman at work is 45, earns around 50k a year and has never left home. Her brother is 48, married with 2 kids and has also never left home. He just moved his gf (now wife) into his bedroom at his parents house and then the kids were born and he paid for an extention to create 2 more bedrooms and another bathroom.
The parents are mental though and treat the adult kids as if they are 5. The girl at work has tried to move out time and time again but her parents just sob and wail and call her a terrible daughter. They lay the emotional blackmail on in spades and she's too scared to go against them. Same with the brother. He actually found a house and put a deposit down and the mother told him if he moved out, she'd have a nervous breakdown and it would all be his fault.
:eek: I thought you only saw stuff like that in sit coms. Those poor people, I'd tell them just to move out, the parents will be fine when they realise they can get some peace and quiet in the evenings for the first time in 50 years.
Just realised in my previous post for the second time today I've said I was 23, I've been 24 for 6 months! Silly me
A woman at work is 45, earns around 50k a year and has never left home. Her brother is 48, married with 2 kids and has also never left home. He just moved his gf (now wife) into his bedroom at his parents house and then the kids were born and he paid for an extention to create 2 more bedrooms and another bathroom.
The parents are mental though and treat the adult kids as if they are 5. The girl at work has tried to move out time and time again but her parents just sob and wail and call her a terrible daughter. They lay the emotional blackmail on in spades and she's too scared to go against them. Same with the brother. He actually found a house and put a deposit down and the mother told him if he moved out, she'd have a nervous breakdown and it would all be his fault.
Those parents definitely sound as if they are mentally disturbed in some way. I remember a programme starring Ronnie Corbett called 'Sorry' from years and years ago about a grown man who's mother still treated him like a child and we thought it was hilarious. But in real life its a bit disturbing. I wonder how the brother's wife puts up with that weird set up.
I live at home. I'm in my 20s. My mother didn't move out until she was married (27) and by the looks of it. It's just convinience plus I'm saving up for a house my boyfriend who lives with his family.
I think one problem of staying at home is that when your parents need more looking after, siblings tend to look on it as your problem. I have seen women in that postion doing everything for an ailing parent and getting quite taken for granted. Then the siblings arrive at the weekend with a bunch of flowers and the mother is nearly falling over herself with gratitude.
I suppose it's just whatever people are comfortable with.
It would be unusual for a 35-40 year old man or woman to be living with the parents though. I wouldn't judge, but it does beg the question as to why they are still there.
I couldn't wait to move out and I left home at 16, so I find it hard to see it from the other viewpoint.
I moved out when I was 21, and me and my then boyfriend (now husband) moved in together, it was a shock to go from my dinner getting made to having to fend for myself etc, but I got used to it, and I could never move back in with them (fingers crossed I never need to!")
:eek: I thought you only saw stuff like that in sit coms. Those poor people, I'd tell them just to move out, the parents will be fine when they realise they can get some peace and quiet in the evenings for the first time in 50 years.
Those parents definitely sound as if they are mentally disturbed in some way. I remember a programme starring Ronnie Corbett called 'Sorry' from years and years ago about a grown man who's mother still treated him like a child and we thought it was hilarious. But in real life its a bit disturbing. I wonder how the brother's wife puts up with that weird set up.
We've gone on at her (gently) for years about getting her own place and that her parents will be fine once they get used to the idea but she's terrified of how badly they will be affected.
Her, he brother and his wife are trapped as they now own a 1/3 share each of the house and so can't move out unless the parents buy them out (which they won't). Even there, the parents told them that, if they didn't buy a share, then they'd end up being evicted when they died because it's ex council and the council would claim it back, which is crap but it was blackmail enough.
Personally, I can't understand why parents don't want their children to fly the nest and stand on their own two feet. parents like these want them to stay children forever and I don't get it
No set age but, personally, I couldn't wait to move out and left for university at 18.
I moved back for a year and a bit when I was 23 and saving up for a mortgage deposit but, although I love my parents dearly, it wasn't fun for them or me.
It's nobody's concern other than those involved. As people have said, different things work for different people. I lived at home for quite a long time into adulthood, partly for financial reasons but I contributed to the household as much as possible in terms of household chores, shopping and paying rent. I wouldn't have even contemplated anything less, even though my parents didn't demand it. Mind you, I had been raised to be responsible for taking care of the house and doing my bit as my parents worked hard (there were no siblings and I had to contribute, practically). What does annoy me is hearing of adults living at home with their parents who still expect their parent(s) to do everything for them- cooking, cleaning, financing, etc... without doing anything much in return.
I moved out when I got my first permanent job (at 22 I think). My brother went travelling after Uni and now he has settled down with a permanent job he is still at home. He is 28 now, and has saved about the same amount that I have for a house deposit, in half the time I have been saving. Living at home can seriously save you money and is worthwhile before you buy your first house. I have instead been wasting my money paying rent every month. While he pays a contribution to my parents for food and board.
I think it depends on the individuals concerned and their relationship with each other. By the time I was in my late teens, living at home seemed like a constant power struggle and I couldn't have stayed.
However, if everyone is comfortable and relaxed in each others' company, then I can't see the problem.
It think part of it comes down to the type of property your parents have. If you can come and go as you please and have your own space then fine but if everyone is living on top of one another and you still get treated like a kid then it can become very difficult.
We've gone on at her (gently) for years about getting her own place and that her parents will be fine once they get used to the idea but she's terrified of how badly they will be affected.
Her, he brother and his wife are trapped as they now own a 1/3 share each of the house and so can't move out unless the parents buy them out (which they won't). Even there, the parents told them that, if they didn't buy a share, then they'd end up being evicted when they died because it's ex council and the council would claim it back, which is crap but it was blackmail enough.
Personally, I can't understand why parents don't want their children to fly the nest and stand on their own two feet. parents like these want them to stay children forever and I don't get it
This situation sounds horrendous - it reminds me of Miss Ellie in Dallas - she cried any time one of the boys said he was moving out - although in real life it isn't funny, it's very disturbing.
As a parent, one of the most important jobs you have to do, is to prepare your kids for life in the real world. I think I'll find it hard when the time comes, but I'm already encouraging them to think about uni etc. I will be heartbroken when they go, but I will try my hardest not to let them see it. At the same time I will be proud that I've raised them into adults who are capable of standing on their own two feet.
My older son left home aged 19 (to join the Navy) and my younger son is due to go to Uni in September. I think that's a pretty good age if you can afford to do so.
I find that when he's home on leave he is quite inconsiderate - treating it like a hotel and I am used to haveing a tidy house now:o
i can see the benefits. My friend still has her 3 sons at home.
They all pay their way, work and get on with each other
It's a big happy family (even though cramped)
But they do have it too easy at home and would struggle to pay the bills on their own home.
I honestly can't wait for mine to go. I have no sex life.
And no privacy
The house is never empty! :mad:
I bet I move out before them :rolleyes:[/QUOTE]
That made me
My eldest 3 all left home in their teens - they are aged 31 - 25 now. The middle one came back a couple of times (financial reasons) but has sorted herself out now.
I still have one at home but as she's still at school so don't think I can show her the door yet.
I do get some peace and quiet as she goes to her dad's most weekends and for some of the holidays.
I think like others have said it very much comes down to personal situations and whether people feel ready and are financially able to move out.
I do though, find it weird when people who are older than about 21 live with their parents, but thats just me. I've worked full time for the same company since I was 16, I moved out of my parent's house at 17 and into a flat with my boyfriend, last year we moved and we now have a mortgage on a lovely house (I'm only 19). Lots of people find my experience weird, so each to their own really!
Comments
Sons at 27 and 23
One had a relationship break up.
He lost his job as well and moved back up here as he had no money and no home.
Looking everywhere he can for a job at the moment.
The other one left uni and is depressed. He only has a part time job, so no hope of getting a place of his own
Suggested they share a flat - no way, as they have different lifestyles.
They will be in for a shock, because mummy won't be around for ever to pay the bills :mad:
I left home at 18 and never went back!
It's harder these days as there are no jobs and flats are too expensive!
The parents are mental though and treat the adult kids as if they are 5. The girl at work has tried to move out time and time again but her parents just sob and wail and call her a terrible daughter. They lay the emotional blackmail on in spades and she's too scared to go against them. Same with the brother. He actually found a house and put a deposit down and the mother told him if he moved out, she'd have a nervous breakdown and it would all be his fault.
There was a thing on NHK the other day talking about some homes in Japan that are specially designed for the 2 generations to live together under the one roof but on separate floors. Each half had its own entrance and facilities like kitchen, living room etc but you could go down the stairs and join the rest of the family as well. The people living in them seemed happy enough but I couldn't imagine something like that ever taking off over here!
:eek: I thought you only saw stuff like that in sit coms. Those poor people, I'd tell them just to move out, the parents will be fine when they realise they can get some peace and quiet in the evenings for the first time in 50 years.
Just realised in my previous post for the second time today I've said I was 23, I've been 24 for 6 months! Silly me
Those parents definitely sound as if they are mentally disturbed in some way. I remember a programme starring Ronnie Corbett called 'Sorry' from years and years ago about a grown man who's mother still treated him like a child and we thought it was hilarious. But in real life its a bit disturbing. I wonder how the brother's wife puts up with that weird set up.
They all pay their way, work and get on with each other
It's a big happy family (even though cramped)
But they do have it too easy at home and would struggle to pay the bills on their own home.
I honestly can't wait for mine to go. I have no sex life.
And no privacy
The house is never empty! :mad:
I bet I move out before them :rolleyes:
It would be unusual for a 35-40 year old man or woman to be living with the parents though. I wouldn't judge, but it does beg the question as to why they are still there.
I couldn't wait to move out and I left home at 16, so I find it hard to see it from the other viewpoint.
We've gone on at her (gently) for years about getting her own place and that her parents will be fine once they get used to the idea but she's terrified of how badly they will be affected.
Her, he brother and his wife are trapped as they now own a 1/3 share each of the house and so can't move out unless the parents buy them out (which they won't). Even there, the parents told them that, if they didn't buy a share, then they'd end up being evicted when they died because it's ex council and the council would claim it back, which is crap but it was blackmail enough.
Personally, I can't understand why parents don't want their children to fly the nest and stand on their own two feet. parents like these want them to stay children forever and I don't get it
I moved back for a year and a bit when I was 23 and saving up for a mortgage deposit but, although I love my parents dearly, it wasn't fun for them or me.
However, if everyone is comfortable and relaxed in each others' company, then I can't see the problem.
This situation sounds horrendous - it reminds me of Miss Ellie in Dallas - she cried any time one of the boys said he was moving out
As a parent, one of the most important jobs you have to do, is to prepare your kids for life in the real world. I think I'll find it hard when the time comes, but I'm already encouraging them to think about uni etc. I will be heartbroken when they go, but I will try my hardest not to let them see it. At the same time I will be proud that I've raised them into adults who are capable of standing on their own two feet.
I find that when he's home on leave he is quite inconsiderate - treating it like a hotel and I am used to haveing a tidy house now:o
I do though, find it weird when people who are older than about 21 live with their parents, but thats just me. I've worked full time for the same company since I was 16, I moved out of my parent's house at 17 and into a flat with my boyfriend, last year we moved and we now have a mortgage on a lovely house (I'm only 19). Lots of people find my experience weird, so each to their own really!