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Break up. says she loves but doesn't think it's enough.
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[Deleted User]
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guys. sorry if this story is long. I got with my girlfriend at aged 17 she a year younger. As relationships are everything was great at first. deeply in love. After a month or two I moved in with her, her mother and sister. it stayed this way for two years. We never really did the whole dating thing at all. Just spent time with each other everyday. Her mother moved so I moved in with a friend, she loyally followed. This stayed this way for 2 years. still no time spent out the house showing her the love and care she deserves. She did everything for me. cooked, washed, cleaned the house. Everything. when I look back I couldn't of had a more loyal and doting girlfriend. I ended it. thinking the grass was greener on the other side. How wrong I was.
She still continued to see me. We slept together on the odd occasion but it wasn't really about that. I loved her but wasn't in love with her if that makes sense. She left and moved back with her mother. I realised what I'd lost and we both agreed to give it another go. She was heartbroken still but I had to prove to her how much she meant to me. Still I didn't do the whole dating thing. She wanted to but I was just useless to put it Frank
I took her out once and she loved it. Still I didn't continue my good start. She slowly developed depression. She tried to commit suicide twice by taking copious amounts of paracetamol. She rang me at 5:30am saying she was in hospital and needed me. I ran to her bed side. Seeing her in that hospital bed made something click. seeing the girl I love so helpless and crying out for help I had to change my ways. She said she needed space so I gave it her. She got into drinking heavily and sniffing cocaine. She rang me one night in the early hours in floods of tears. Me and her mum communicate well so I decided to approach her to come and stay with me for a while to keep her away from bad influences.
She accepted and we went for long walks. She opened up slightly saying she didn't no why she drinks or sniffs cocaine because she doesn't enjoy it anyway. Obviously using it as some kind of coping mechanism. blocking things out. Her birthday was coming up and I'd organised a trip to London for us. She accepted and we went. it was great, I knew now more than ever she was the girl I wanted to end my days with. She also said that we where getting on better etc.
we came home. She went back to her mother's. ever since she has seemed distant. She said she loved me but it didn't mean ****, it wasn't enough and she was quite happy on her own. I wouldn't accept this so I bombarded her with texts and phone calls for her to put her out my misery. today I was going to go to her house and confront her to tell me if she needed space and time to develop herself and there would be a chance for us in the future. She replied with 'you've completely pushed me away, we're over, im sorry'. me being a typical male will not accept 5/6 years of my life being boiled down to a text message. I told her to not spare my feelings and if there was a chance for us, no matter how long it takes. She replied with 'I don't no'. a few more texts from me begging her to put me out this misery im living in and this little bit of hope I'm holding onto. she replied with 'it's over, im sorry'.
I sent her a message saying I no where over for now, I understand you need time to heal and develop yourself as an individual and find where you are in the world. I said I'd wait aslong as it takes. For her to even have the heart to tell me its over forever to my face. I don't care. I've had no reply since and I said I'd leave her alone as of now until my birthday which is coming up on 6th April. I will never give up on the girl I love. I've told her I want to marry her and I mean it. Life without this girl just isn't an option for me. She has acknowledged me trying so hard to show her how much I love her and im sure she knows that anyway. What am I to do next? I'm in a poor state at the moment. I can't eat, sleep. All I think of is her. I'll never give up on her or us as a matter of fact. time apart will only make my love grow stronger.
She still continued to see me. We slept together on the odd occasion but it wasn't really about that. I loved her but wasn't in love with her if that makes sense. She left and moved back with her mother. I realised what I'd lost and we both agreed to give it another go. She was heartbroken still but I had to prove to her how much she meant to me. Still I didn't do the whole dating thing. She wanted to but I was just useless to put it Frank
I took her out once and she loved it. Still I didn't continue my good start. She slowly developed depression. She tried to commit suicide twice by taking copious amounts of paracetamol. She rang me at 5:30am saying she was in hospital and needed me. I ran to her bed side. Seeing her in that hospital bed made something click. seeing the girl I love so helpless and crying out for help I had to change my ways. She said she needed space so I gave it her. She got into drinking heavily and sniffing cocaine. She rang me one night in the early hours in floods of tears. Me and her mum communicate well so I decided to approach her to come and stay with me for a while to keep her away from bad influences.
She accepted and we went for long walks. She opened up slightly saying she didn't no why she drinks or sniffs cocaine because she doesn't enjoy it anyway. Obviously using it as some kind of coping mechanism. blocking things out. Her birthday was coming up and I'd organised a trip to London for us. She accepted and we went. it was great, I knew now more than ever she was the girl I wanted to end my days with. She also said that we where getting on better etc.
we came home. She went back to her mother's. ever since she has seemed distant. She said she loved me but it didn't mean ****, it wasn't enough and she was quite happy on her own. I wouldn't accept this so I bombarded her with texts and phone calls for her to put her out my misery. today I was going to go to her house and confront her to tell me if she needed space and time to develop herself and there would be a chance for us in the future. She replied with 'you've completely pushed me away, we're over, im sorry'. me being a typical male will not accept 5/6 years of my life being boiled down to a text message. I told her to not spare my feelings and if there was a chance for us, no matter how long it takes. She replied with 'I don't no'. a few more texts from me begging her to put me out this misery im living in and this little bit of hope I'm holding onto. she replied with 'it's over, im sorry'.
I sent her a message saying I no where over for now, I understand you need time to heal and develop yourself as an individual and find where you are in the world. I said I'd wait aslong as it takes. For her to even have the heart to tell me its over forever to my face. I don't care. I've had no reply since and I said I'd leave her alone as of now until my birthday which is coming up on 6th April. I will never give up on the girl I love. I've told her I want to marry her and I mean it. Life without this girl just isn't an option for me. She has acknowledged me trying so hard to show her how much I love her and im sure she knows that anyway. What am I to do next? I'm in a poor state at the moment. I can't eat, sleep. All I think of is her. I'll never give up on her or us as a matter of fact. time apart will only make my love grow stronger.
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For me, when it comes to relationships, there's generally a natural order which starts with slowly getting to know each other and appreciate each other and you had none of that. You acted like a couple of kids - which you were - and I guess you're continuing to do so. At no point while reading your account did I get the sense of any maturity, sense of responsibility or objectivity. In my opinion you've got an unrealistic and warped sense of what a proper, responsible adult relationship is. It's possible your ex girlfriend is also the same. It's frightening that she has attempted suicide and yet it sounds like you continue to act in a way that is all about you.
Instead of coming on a forum looking for advice I would say you'd be better of seeking professional help and get yourself to Relate. Whatever they offer I would urge you to stick at it no matter how hard it is because in the long run it's my opinion that that's the best way forward. Focus on dealing with how you're being affected by the situation and back off from your ex girlfriend.
What you need is closure on the relationship. She has made up her mind, and I think the messaging isn't making it "real" for you.
So what I would do is ask her to meet somewhere public, for a face to face drink. Tell her that you just want to know what you have done wrong so you can avoid making the same mistakes again. She won't meet if she thinks it will be a begging session from you - but you need a face to face meet for you to realise that it is over.
Good luck.
This is what I tried to initiate to be put out of this misery I feel at present. I just want to no if there is a chance for us even if it is a long way off or if she see's no way back for us, just to have the heart to tell me. Her depression is the main reason why she just prefers to ignore me etc. I've just got to learn to live with it
It's good you're doing positive things for yourself but it's concerning that you're also saying all you care about is her and nothing else. For me that points to a lack of awareness of the whole situation.
As for 5/6 years of your life not being eradicated then you may have to accept that the relationship was part of your life that you'll always remember and can learn from but it is over and the rest of yourife is ahead of you. You shouldn't expect that the relationship will carry on even though you've invested a lot of time and emotional involvement - life, mostly, isn't like that.
And that's tough to deal with but if you just start pushing her to give you even the slightest future hope of a relationship then all you're dong is being very unfair on her and fooling yourself.
It's great you have been there for her but it's not created a debt or obligation she has to repay.
That's life I'm afraid. Just because you've spent 5/6 years of your life together does not automatically mean she owes you anything. Relationships often peter out and people move on. That's what you have to do. From the sounds of it you didn't treat her brilliantly in the first place and the whole thing is very tempestuous, so perhaps you are better off without each other?
I think you are trying to blame the breakup on something external to you both - this big bad depression, when in reality you probably have done wrong, she has changed and there would be other reasons behind it.
I would insist to her that you meet to get closure. If she refuses, then the only way to cope is by carrying on with life. Pretend everything is ok and eventually it will be. The problem with having no closure is you never know what you have done wrong and so can never learn from your mistakes.
She's an adult, like you, and is responsible for making her own decisions. She doesn't need you to speak for her nor should you be thinking you can rescue her or know what's best for her.
I have done wrong over the years definitely. But she had forgiven me for this and acknowledged I had made a huge effort in changing my stubborn ways and loving her and showing I did.
If you did stay together, you would get to 30 and regret not having played the field and enjoying being sngle when you were young. You would then resent each other and probably split up anyway.
Enjoy your youth. Play the field.
She doesn't want you and anything she says is her trying to make you feel better to make her feel less guilty about splitting up with you.
Look to the future - there are plenty of good times ahead!
Sorry to piss on your chips but everytime I heard that back in my youth, it meant she "had someone else."
Bottom line, get over her and move on. It's for the best in the long term.
I am looking to the future but she is in it believe me. Id I thought there wasn't a chance for us I'd of given up straight away. I'm not going to contact her and see if she contacts me. If she doesn't then I'll no its time to say goodbye
She isn't in it.
You still have not accepted it is over - that is your issue. She is too scared to tell you that as she doesn't want to hurt you.
I've accepted it's over for now. But like I said I'll hold on to that hope until the day I die if needs be. Your all entitled to opinions, that's why I came here. But I no her as well as anyone and I no she is hurting and needs time. Even if its to tell me there's no chance, I no she eventually will have the heart to do so. She knows full well she's hurt me already so telling me its over for good aint gonna hurt me anymore than I am right now believe me.
you arent accepting its over cause you just talk about when you will be together in the future etc
By the way sentences start with a capital letter and end with a full stop.
Also, it's 'it's', 'aren't' and 'because'.
Again, as said above, you seem to hold out some hope... Best you can do is to accept it may never happen. First loves are always painful, but a day will come when you won't even think about her, and maybe, if she does come back at a later stage, you'll be a stronger, better person for it?
It is tough, but it will get better, and you will move on. use this time to find yourself - what person you are, what you enjoy. Being part of an 'us' for so long means sometimes we lose ourselves, but you haven't really lived - get out there and experience life.
You can't 'fix' depression, sometimes when someone is depressed, you just have to leave them be, and to let them find out what works for them in the road to recovery. This may involve you, it may not, but I'm sure she's hurting too, but it's something she has to do in an attempt to feel better
not in my life they dont
This girl has told you it's over. You need to accept that this is her decision and may never change.
It's unrealistic to hold out for a change of heart and you could waste years of your life hoping for something that might never happen.
My advice would be to accept that this relationship has run its course. She's not the only girl in the world that you can love and that can love you. You've learned some things about how to conduct an adult relationship and you can put them to good use dating other people. If this girl changes her mind and comes back into your life in future you can act on that new reality then - in the meantime my advice would be to get yourself out there and meet new people.
Think about what you want from a relationship in the future and how you'd like to treat a partner and be treated - then get out there and enjoy your life.