Silent treatment abuse by girlfriend
Hi all,
I have been with my girlfriend for almost 8 months now, but suddenly since Sunday night, she has stopped talking to me & I have no idea what I have done wrong as the last message she sent me was a normal sweet message. Our relationship hasn't been the easiest as we are a couple hours journey apart & as I don't drive due to disability, she has to meet me at her local train station to pick me up. But other than that we have spoken almost every day for the time we have been together & her family have accepted me as her boyfriend.
When we are together we show such great affection towards each other but when we are apart she sometimes get's a bit touchy. She mentioned a few days ago that she wanted to be with me for a very long time, so it has stunned me quite a bit with the silent treatment. She has done the silent treatment before, but it has never lasted more than a day, so it has gotten me worried that she is going to finish with me.
The thing that hurts the most is that I have seen her on the social networking sites responding to comments made by friends, but she seems to skip any comments that I have made & has also not responded to any private messages or texts that I have sent her. I have never cheated on her & have treated her like a princess since day one. When it comes to romance, I am an old fashioned romantic & have no problem in expressing it to her. Which she found quite surprising as every man she has dated in the past hasn't been of a nice character & has cheated on her.
I know this is quite embarrassing but even tho I am in my 30's, she is only my second serious girlfriend & is my longest relationship to date. So I would like to make it work with her, but know that it can only work if both people want it to.
I was wondering if anyone here could suggest what I could try or how long I should give her to get in contact. ? I love her to bits, but life can be too short to be left hanging on a piece of string.
I have been with my girlfriend for almost 8 months now, but suddenly since Sunday night, she has stopped talking to me & I have no idea what I have done wrong as the last message she sent me was a normal sweet message. Our relationship hasn't been the easiest as we are a couple hours journey apart & as I don't drive due to disability, she has to meet me at her local train station to pick me up. But other than that we have spoken almost every day for the time we have been together & her family have accepted me as her boyfriend.
When we are together we show such great affection towards each other but when we are apart she sometimes get's a bit touchy. She mentioned a few days ago that she wanted to be with me for a very long time, so it has stunned me quite a bit with the silent treatment. She has done the silent treatment before, but it has never lasted more than a day, so it has gotten me worried that she is going to finish with me.
The thing that hurts the most is that I have seen her on the social networking sites responding to comments made by friends, but she seems to skip any comments that I have made & has also not responded to any private messages or texts that I have sent her. I have never cheated on her & have treated her like a princess since day one. When it comes to romance, I am an old fashioned romantic & have no problem in expressing it to her. Which she found quite surprising as every man she has dated in the past hasn't been of a nice character & has cheated on her.
I know this is quite embarrassing but even tho I am in my 30's, she is only my second serious girlfriend & is my longest relationship to date. So I would like to make it work with her, but know that it can only work if both people want it to.
I was wondering if anyone here could suggest what I could try or how long I should give her to get in contact. ? I love her to bits, but life can be too short to be left hanging on a piece of string.
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Comments
Have you, y'know, picked up a telephone and tried to talk to her?
Yes I have tried ringing her for which she didn't answer & left a message for which she hasn't responded to.
I would suggest leaving another message simply stating that you hope everythings alright because you haven't heard from her and are puzzled by her not getting in touch. If she still doesn't respond I would not contact her again, I would leave it for her to get in touch with you. I understand that you love her but you shouldn't have to keep making all the moves in the relationship.
I hope it all sorts out for you.
Leave her a message demanding to know where you stand. If after a few days you still get no response then move on.
8 months is still the honeymoon period so if she's playing mind games and refusing to communicate with you NOW imagine what it will be like 2 years down the line, she'll have learnd that it's acceptable to treat you this way when she's upset with you.
I agree with others, leave one more voicemail saying that you don't understand why she has suddenly gone silent, and then try to leave it alone, as see what happens.
You haven't forgotten her birthday have you;)
I am a newbie when it comes to relationships so don't want to end what could be a good thing. So will have to be patient & hope that it works.
Her reasons in the past have been that her head has been all over the place with work matters & also she wants me to manup more as I am too much of a nice guy.
Not a good thing though if she is going to behave like this. I'd send an email saying haven't heard from you - hope all is ok. Are you upset about something? If so let's talk.
Then if she doesn't respond I would move on and count yourself lucky you got out after only 8 months. This kind of behaviour is only likely to get worse - it's a form of manipulation and is never healthy in a relationship.
Maybe don't contact her so much, make her guess what you're up to and where you are etc., perhaps she'd like that sort of relationship more? "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" - whilst a well used phrase, it does have some element of truth in my experience...
It sounds like to me there has been some sort of chinese whisper going on.
If she treats you like this, it is best to get rid.
I wouldn't put up with it.
Snap. Thought exactly the same when I read it.
Op, that might have been quite a declaration for her....how did you respond to it? If she feels it wasn't appropriately that may be why you are getting the cold shoulder.
It is abuse as the silent treatment is used as a rather childish psychological weapon.
hmmm...perhaps you would be best to leave it till she contacts you now. You ve made it clear you want to speak to her - now leave it for a bit, be strong, and go and do something else. Once she realises she has lost your attention, she'll be on the phone.
I quoted this as I suspect it's quite important.
Being a nice guy is great, being romantic is great.. but don't let her walk all over you. If you're pissed off she's not been in touch, make sure she knows that.
Sometimes a guy can be TOO nice. If you're sat there thinking to yourself "Oh gosh I can't tell her I'm upset what if I upset her" then you may be in trouble. I agree with others, put the ball back into her court, let her know you're not too pleased and just wait. If she doesn't get in touch then it was over anyway. Who knows, showing you care about your own feelings and are willing to let her know this might be a nice change for her and she may come running.
IMHO the key to a good relationship is two people living their lives together. Not one person living their life and the other person living their life purely for that other person. It's very suffocating and a lot of women find it a turn off. They want their man to be a man every once in a while. Remind yourself where your balls are and express yourself.
Have some concern for yourself and tell her you are pissed off - don't bother getting in contact with her again and don't be overly nice to her, give her what she wants.
It sounds to me like she wants you to "man up" in other words she wants you to react to her head games, when she ignores you for no reason.
She wants you to do something, give her something to have an issue about the relationship, bombard her with calls, shout at her, get angry, write stuff all over her facebook or something.
I'm not suggesting you actually do any of those things. I'm just saying it's what she wants.
I'm sure if you dig a little you will most likely find that she has a history of volatile relationships, and now she is trying to push some buttons with you to get some drama. She can't stand the nice, quiet, pleasant time and wants something to make it an emotional rollercoaster!
Maybe it is not you who needs to "man up" but her who needs to calm down and stop playing head games. Why should you change who you are? The man up instruction, is pretty much a change your entire personality, it's not like "please put the lid on the toothpaste".
If she doesn't like who you are then why is she with you?
If you don't like the silent treatment and mind games why are you with her?
If it's at this level after a matter of months it is probably not going to get any better, unless you are planning on reinventing yourself to suit her every whim or risk the silent treatment every time you displease her.
Does not sound like a fun way to have a relationship really.
If that doesn't get the message across, the relationship may be doomed - it's mind-game territory.
TBH I get moody with my Boyf, he never listens but I couldn't go a day without speaking to him. To ignore you to get what she wants isn't particularly good behaviour.
How old is she? I suspect the wanting to be with you for a very long time was a question. DId you agree. Maybe she wants a commitment from you and is acting like this to false you into a grand gesture.
Think carefully !!
The absolute worst thing you can do is acknowledge it, by apologising, asking what's wrong or asking where you stand.