"You know after lunch I'm pretty full." Carla said as she looked up from where she was finishing an email to her contact who provided material for the factory. "Full? You had a salad Car." Peter said as he stirred the soup and buttered some crusty breadbuns.
She looked down. She couldn't hide from it any longer. 'I'm just not hungry' Carla said. 'Carla, love, this needs to stop, now. We're seeing a Doctor tomorrow, you're nursing two babies love, they need you to be strong, you've already taken a two day break from feeding them, and look at you, you're perfect, but too thin now'
"Bu...."
"No but's. I'm not letting you starve yourself. Please darlin' surely you can see this isn't right. You'll be too weak to even pick the pair of them up the way you're dieting." Peter said as he took her thin hand in his. "I'm here for you baby. Please."
'I know you are Peter, we've talked about this..' Carla said. 'Then eat something, Carla, come on, being this thin is not good, not healthy. A bit of weight won't change the way I look at you, if anything I'll like it more, now eat this'
Carla looked down at the bowl of soup in front of her and felt herself want to cry. He didn't get it, this wasn't only because she wanted to be thin it was because somehow in her mind this way she punished herself. It was her fault Simon had gone to hospital, her fault Liam and Paul had died, her fault Harry had a tumour. somehow in her mind the reason bad things happened was due to her having hurt people in her life. So she needed to hurt herself and not eating well it seemed easy to her.
'I'm sorry..' Carla said. 'I'm begging you Carla, please get help, I need you too..' Peter said. 'This is all my fault.. everything.. Paul, Liam, Harry being ill.. you splitting with Leanne.. I never meant to hurt people, I wanted you and I tried to ruin your marriage.. manipulate Leanne to be with Nick..'
"And...and you think that making yourself poorly will help that do you?" Peter said as he genuinely was terrified his fiancee would end up really hurting herself or worse. "It's no more than I deserve peter." carla said as she wiped her tears.
'We'll go to the Doctor's tomorrow, forget work love, this is more important, we need te sort this out, okay?' he said. 'No, no, I'll sort it myself, I can't bare those patronising councillors.. I'll listen to you.. you're right'
"No, Carla I know this will upset you but you can't do this on your own. Whatever you think of the doctors or councillors you need to see them." Peter said as he gently stroked her hand with his. "Please don't make me Peter. They'll say I'm an unfit Mum, they'll take the kids away." Carla said her lip trembling.
'No, no they won't. They'll think it's brilliant you've actually acknowledged something and want to fix it. No arguments' he said kissing her softly and standing up.
Caraswallowed the piece of bread and felt it stick in her throat almost. all she wanted was to give her babies a childhood she hadn't encountered. She wanted Peter to still think her the slender, attractive woman she had been and not the whale like hing she saw in the miror at times.
'I can't eat anymore' she running her hand through her hair after finishing half the bowl. He was glad she'd had something, but he knew realistically it wasn't enough in the longrun. 'Can't you try and finish it?' Peter asked. 'Not unless you want me to be sick, no' Carla said. 'Okay, let's hope tomorrow we get some proper help eh'
"I...I need you to understand Peter, you think I do this on purpose bu..but I try not to." Carla said as Peter nodded. He knew he'd rather she ate more than she had but at least she had eaten a little something.
'Peter, can I have a word' Leanne said, whispering into his ear as Carla took Simon's jack off and went to warm up bottles for the twins. 'Yeah.. sure' Peter said. 'It's Si, he called me mum earlier, and he's been a bit confused.. I mean I doubt you need to worry, but I thought I'd tell you'
"he seemed to think he still lived with me and you. I reckon it's probably just a little knock he took from the car but well he was a bit upset." Leanne said as Peter nodded. Simon was chatting away to Carla and showing her the model he'd made out of dough. "Wow that's amazing." Carla enthused glad to have the kids back home. It was strange how much she missed them when they weren't about.
'I'll have a word with him' Peter said. 'I didn't want to upset Carla.. and I didn't know what to say to him.., I thought you better do it' Leanne said. 'Thanks Lea, I hope it's just a minor thing' Peter said. 'Oh I'm sure it is, he seemed to just be confused'
"anyway have a nice night watching the fireworks and I'm sure Simon will be back to his normal confident self soon enough." Leanne said as Peter nodded.
"Are we going to Grandad's soon?" amy asked as she tugged on Carla's top impatiently.
"Yeah sweetheart, would you like to come up and help me change these two's nappies." Carla said as Simon wrinkled his nose watching the woman who in his mind wasn't his Mum carry one of the babies in her arms.
'It's smelly' Amy said as she watched Carla change Esme, passing her a nappy. 'Believe me Amy, you get used to it' Carla said strapping Esme's nappy on, tickling her under the chin. 'Simon was weird earlier' Amy said unsure.
"In what way sweetheart?" Carla said as she did up the tabs on the nappy and then the popper's on Esme's baby vest. "He called Leanne his Mum an...and he thought that Harry and Esme were her babies." Amy said as Carla frowned slightly.
"What?"
'It was weird' Amy said. 'Oh..' Carla said, she knew it must be due to the accident, but it still hurt. She'd made so much progress with Simon, the last they, she, needed was a setback.
"Do you think Esme will like playing with Dolls when she's bigger. I've got some old dolls she can have but Grandad says she's too little to have them yet because they have little pieces she might try and eat." Amy said though Carla was hardly listening.
Amy looked awkwardly, scrunching up her face as Carla stared at Esme. She felt jealous at Leanne, it didn't seem right to be, but she'd become attached to Simon, and the idea of him seeing Leanne as his mum didn't bode well with her.
He looked up as Carla came down the stairs. 'I know what Si said..' Carla said looking at Leanne. 'Oh.. I was just talking to Peter about it.. it doesn't mean anything Car' Leanne said.
"Is he okay?" Carla said gazing at Simon who was busy tickling his brother's tummy delighting in his sibling's little gleeful squeals. "He was a little upset but I'm sure it's only a temporary thing following his accident."
Comments
"No but's. I'm not letting you starve yourself. Please darlin' surely you can see this isn't right. You'll be too weak to even pick the pair of them up the way you're dieting." Peter said as he took her thin hand in his. "I'm here for you baby. Please."
"Are we going to Grandad's soon?" amy asked as she tugged on Carla's top impatiently.
"Yeah sweetheart, would you like to come up and help me change these two's nappies." Carla said as Simon wrinkled his nose watching the woman who in his mind wasn't his Mum carry one of the babies in her arms.
"What?"