Emma Chawner - the new Jade Goody? (Part 3)

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  • hammerfanhammerfan Posts: 1,696
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    Alfie you've just grossed me out with that description of a sausage smoothie! Bleugh!

    I thought I should add that a very kind co-worker bought me a veggie pasty this morning - that was breakfast! See, no more quavers for me. :D
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    hammerfan wrote: »
    Alfie you've just grossed me out with that description of a sausage smoothie! Bleugh!

    I thought I should add that a very kind co-worker bought me a veggie pasty this morning - that was breakfast! See, no more quavers for me. :D
    I am pleased to hear it. Quavers are a health food and not Chawnertastic whatsoever. As soon as I can eat properly I'm getting myself a family bag of Walkers and a Greggs pastie. It's what Jade would have wanted, and the Chawners would approve as well.
  • wannabegothchavwannabegothchav Posts: 1,690
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    Disaster!!!

    The Chawners facebook accounts have been deleted because they've been reported that much :mad:

    They've only got one account left each. Booooo!

    I hope Alfie is friends with both Phil Chawners as its getting bery close to my favourite day of the week!
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    Disaster!!!

    The Chawners facebook accounts have been deleted because they've been reported that much :mad:

    They've only got one account left each. Booooo!

    I hope Alfie is friends with both Phil Chawners as its getting bery close to my favourite day of the week!
    Of course I'm friends with both Phil Chawners. Which one has been deleted? The Gino d'Acampo one or the bloke off of Hollyoaks one? And who's been reporting them? And what have they done this time? Have they rattled the cage of the silly little hategroup again? Naughty Chawners!
  • greengrangreengran Posts: 4,129
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    Listen, when you can't chew, you have no choice but to liquidize sausages - it's only like drinking lumpy gravy. It looks like something the dog's sicked up, but hey, it's Chawnermas after all:D I bet Phil and the girls wouldn't go through a day with no sausages, even if they had such raging toothache they could hardly open their mouths. I shall copyright my recipe for sausage milkshake and send it to them forthwith.

    1lb deep fried Asda Smart Price sausages.
    1lb lard
    1 pint of milk
    I bottle of tomato ketchup (to make it healthy;))

    Blend together and swig it down - delicious.:D

    Sounds amazing (not!), might try it later. I'm going to buy my Christmas bottle of Sambuca today and see what other Chawnertastic goodies I can find at good old Asda!
    I think I'll go for a big bag of frozen sausage rolls then whenever I fancy one I can pop it in the oven.
    Glad your tooth has gone Alfie, now you can get down to Chawnermas in earnest!
  • greengrangreengran Posts: 4,129
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    It's the Gino one that's been deleted . No-one has posted on the love/hate group since 29 nov' unless they've sent messages to F/B mods.. Wonder if it's anything to do with Phils post yesterday about people throwing stones.
    Oh dear, Sam had only just accepted me as a friend!
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    greengran wrote: »
    Sounds amazing (not!), might try it later. I'm going to buy my Christmas bottle of Sambuca today and see what other Chawnertastic goodies I can find at good old Asda!
    I think I'll go for a big bag of frozen sausage rolls then whenever I fancy one I can pop it in the oven.
    Glad your tooth has gone Alfie, now you can get down to Chawnermas in earnest!

    You can get snack packs of ready cooked sausages with a little pot of ketchup to dip them in at Asda - no need to wait for them to cook, and pocket-sized so you will never find yourself peckish and without a tasty sausage to quell the hunger pangs.

    YUMMY!!!
    :D:D
  • greengrangreengran Posts: 4,129
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    You can get snack packs of ready cooked sausages with a little pot of ketchup to dip them in at Asda - no need to wait for them to cook, and pocket-sized so you will never find yourself peckish and without a tasty sausage to quell the hunger pangs.

    YUMMY!!!
    :D:D

    I can't be a true Chawner then , I tried the pots of sausages and I didn't like them! I like Dairylea Dunkers though!
  • wannabegothchavwannabegothchav Posts: 1,690
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    I've decided upon a list of questions I'd like Alfie to ask Phil during one of their cosy chats

    1. What will they be eating on Christmas Day
    2. What is buying Audrey
    3. Is Audrey still alive?
    4. When and what is their next TV Project.
    5. Would he endorse a set of Chawnerdolls (like JLS)
    6. What about Chawner Condoms (again like JLS)
    7. Does he like JLS?

    Feel free to add your own:D
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    I've decided upon a list of questions I'd like Alfie to ask Phil during one of their cosy chats

    1. What will they be eating on Christmas Day
    2. What is buying Audrey
    3. Is Audrey still alive?
    4. When and what is their next TV Project.
    5. Would he endorse a set of Chawnerdolls (like JLS)
    6. What about Chawner Condoms (again like JLS)
    7. Does he like JLS?

    Feel free to add your own:D
    Oooh excellent idea. I shall ask him if he dresses up as Santa on Christmas Eve when he puts the girls' presents in their stockings and whether we can all come to their New Year's Eve party.

    Dunno about JLS-style Chawner condoms though - he said he and Aud don't get jiggy on account of her personal hygiene. Perhaps some Audrey-inspired Tena Lady's for the larger incontinent person?
  • wannabegothchavwannabegothchav Posts: 1,690
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    If you were on a desert island which kind of sausage would you take?
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    If you were on a desert island which kind of sausage would you take?
    Which is the best way of getting your five-a-day, adding ketchup to your sausages or eating trifle?
  • Mrs MackintoshMrs Mackintosh Posts: 1,870
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    It's got to be the trifle. All that fruit from a tin of mandarins and a strawberry jelly must count for something. And if you put hundreds and thousands on the dream topping they must be fruit-based to some degree cos they're sort of fruity coloured.
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    It's got to be the trifle. All that fruit from a tin of mandarins and a strawberry jelly must count for something. And if you put hundreds and thousands on the dream topping they must be fruit-based to some degree cos they're sort of fruity coloured.
    And the double cream on the top is dairy so all in all, trifle is a damn good healthy option.:D
  • Mrs MackintoshMrs Mackintosh Posts: 1,870
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    double cream

    Whoa there Alfie!! Double cream, that's far too fine dining for a Chawner Chav like me. A trifle ain't the real thing until it's been smothered in 70s favourite DREAM TOPPING. :D
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    Whoa there Alfie!! Double cream, that's far too fine dining for a Chawner Chav like me. A trifle ain't the real thing until it's been smothered in 70s favourite DREAM TOPPING. :D

    Mmmm, lovely! You're right, a proper trifle is one made with strawberry jelly, a tin of mandarin pieces, custard, dream topping and hundreds and thousands.

    Posh trifle.

    Chawnertastic trifle!!!
  • Mrs MackintoshMrs Mackintosh Posts: 1,870
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    ^^^^ Now THAT's what I'm talkin' about!!!
  • i_am_a_gremlini_am_a_gremlin Posts: 3,722
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    Well....I had a dream last night that I was on Jeremy Kyle with the Chawners!!! :eek:

    We left them in the studio and me n Jezza went to Tesco to buy strawberries :D

    It was well strange I tell you...more so the fact that I had a wee crush on oor Jezza :o
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    Well....I had a dream last night that I was on Jeremy Kyle with the Chawners!!! :eek:

    We left them in the studio and me n Jezza went to Tesco to buy strawberries :D

    It was well strange I tell you...more so the fact that I had a wee crush on oor Jezza :o
    Strawberries?:eek: That's almost as worrying as you having a crush on Jezza. Why were the Chawners on the show? Were they reconciling with estranged son Chris?
  • i_am_a_gremlini_am_a_gremlin Posts: 3,722
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    Strawberries?:eek: That's almost as worrying as you having a crush on Jezza. Why were the Chawners on the show? Were they reconciling with estranged son Chris?

    I have NO idea but a lot of shouting was going on
    VERRRRY strange!'
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    I have NO idea but a lot of shouting was going on
    VERRRRY strange!'
    I would imagine a lot of shouting would be going on, should the Chawners ever go on Jeremy Kyle. I'm sure it's something they've considered, they are a pretty dysfunctional family after all. And they're fat and on benefits - ideal guests really.
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    Oh dear, the Chawners aren't happy tonight about being booted off facebook.

    But I am delighted to report my quest for the biggest number of z-list celebrities on my FB friends list is doing well.

    Alison Hammond and Anthony Costa have accepted my request! Woohoo. Along with Keith Chegwin, the Chuckle Brothers, Wee Jimmy Krankie, Jeremy Kyle, Dane Bowers and Timmy Mallett!!:D:D

    I shall have to throw a party for them all, and invite the Chawners.

    *note to self* Buy Sambuca and trifle.
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    HAPPY 11TH DECEMBER!!

    Especially for you, Audrey;)
  • greengrangreengran Posts: 4,129
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    It won't let me look at the picture !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    greengran wrote: »
    It won't let me look at the picture !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Oh dear:( I shall re-post the link when I get home, I can't do it from work. It's a festive box of Tena Lady:D
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