drinking & social media

pxd867 · 14/01/13 - 14:57

First I don't know if i'm an alcoholic.. I don't wake up with a craving for drink, and wouldn't say I drink a huge amount ... but i've always thought that you have a problem with drink if it causes harm in your everyday life, which I believe it does.

Basically when i've had too many drinks i get into arguments with people.. not in person.. but over facebook etc. Few days ago I did this.. basically the person has been nothing but kind to me, but I somehow got it into my head they'd been slagging me on twitter (they hadn't) and said some really nasty things .. got deleted by my friend. It's not the first time this has happened.. If i'm actually out with people in a bar this doesn't happen

but have a few drinks at home, and all my paranoias seem to come out. If people don't reply to my messages and i see they've read them, i think i've done something wrong & get narkey ..

I'd say i do have anxiety/low self esteem, been to therapy before, taken meds etc, but never really seen it through. I'm quite selfish really.. when I look at things .. possibly because im not comfortable with myself and so find it hard to take interest in other people.. ironically you have to look beyond yourself to be truely happy.. but it's a catch 22

This has been a massive wakeup call to deal with these confidence issues,, but i don't know if this person will ever have me back as a friend.. and i'm so sad because I think they're great .. Ironically before I got paranoid with her, I was trying to say that I think I liked her more than what she thought...:( I know time is a healer.. but can people come round after you've been so horrible to them? It's not the first time either .. i got into smaller arguments before, but this was the worst. I'd hate to never speak to them again

Wizsister · 14/01/13 - 15:49

When you're talking about confidence issues do you think that drinking gives you more confidence? The only reason I ask is that I'm challenging myself to a year off the booze as a way to increase my confidence as I thought this was one of the main reasons I like a drink.

pxd867 · 14/01/13 - 17:12

I don't think I drink specifically to increase confidence, but I guess that is a part of the reason.. the main reason I guess is to "feel better" - whatever that means to people.

Put it like this i haven't drank since this all happened a few days ago, and I've been feeling miserable and anxious due to what happened. Normally my first reaction tonight would be to crack open a beer.. but I am determined not to. I've deactivated my facebook as well, as it's too tempting when I've had a drink to go on facebook .. and this is where the trouble starts

Drinking definately makes it worse, I'd say I am dependent, even if not physically then definately mentally. My automatic reaction after a bad day at work would be to have a few beers at least

I'd be interested if other people have problems with this type of thing .. facebook etc.. leading you to lose friends?

logansdad · 14/01/13 - 17:43

Nothing good happens when drink is involved! Looking back over all the crappy things that i've done or has been done to me, you can bet that to much drink contributed to the outcome!!

Have a drink by all means, just know your limits, getting pissed at home with internet access is a recipe for disaster no matter how well balanced anyone is!!

degsyhufc · 14/01/13 - 18:22

logansdad wrote: »

Nothing good happens when drink is involved! !!

Speak for yourself

pxd867 · 14/01/13 - 18:24

Yeah drink has been involved in most of the major cock-ups I've ever made! In the old days if you felt shit had a drink at home and got a bit pissed nobody would know or be affected .. but yeh having internet access doesn't help. I can't blame drink in itself.. I have these feelings when I'm sober.. I pretty much get anxious/negative thoughts in my head 24/7 .. but instead of seeking further help or doing something to help it, I just drink & go on facebook, which makes it worse..

Ironically I only ever hurt the people i care the most about

She may come round.. but it will certainly take time and I feel so shit for having caused such a nice person so much trouble and this wasn't the first time. Drinking has made me realise how selfish I am.

Wizsister · 14/01/13 - 20:01

I know what you mean, if I've had a drink and go on facebook it usually ends up with me snooping on people and generally coming away feeling pretty poo. Also after a drink the temptation is there to say things you wouldn't normally say because you don't think about the consequences.... at all! and you can hide behind the computer, to a point.

All you can do is apologise and give her time to come around, making some positive changes to your own life like finding an alternative way to relax after a hard day at work. Hopefully if you can distract yourself when you feel the initial urge for a beer, the feeling will go away, and you may end up drinking less.

pxd867 · 14/01/13 - 20:39

Wizsister wrote: »

I know what you mean, if I've had a drink and go on facebook it usually ends up with me snooping on people and generally coming away feeling pretty poo. Also after a drink the temptation is there to say things you wouldn't normally say because you don't think about the consequences.... at all! and you can hide behind the computer, to a point.

All you can do is apologise and give her time to come around, making some positive changes to your own life like finding an alternative way to relax after a hard day at work. Hopefully if you can distract yourself when you feel the initial urge for a beer, the feeling will go away, and you may end up drinking less.

Because i've spent so much time on facebook, i got sucked into the whole "living your life online" side to it, where things said on facebook or twitter replace actually talking to people. As a result I found myself getting more and more edgy if somebody didn't respond to my messages or if they posted something i might assume it was aimed at me? In short it made me paranoid!

Combine that with drinking as a habit most nights, then it's a bad combination... to me it brings out the worst side of people .. facebook just seems to bring out the worst traits in me at least.. jealousy, paranoia etc..

Everything happens for a reason in one or another and this makes me appreciate that some things in my life need to change .. and happiness is a lot more than analysing in minute detail whether somebody likes me or not or getting a load of likes on facebook.

Wizsister · 14/01/13 - 20:45

Good for you for being able to recognise what is causing you distress and doing something positive about it. Onwards and upwards from here.
(Just a note, deactivating your facebook doesn't completely get rid of it, actually getting rid of it for good is way more complicated but if you think you won't be going back on it, it might be worth doing so you're not tempted to reactivate when you've had a beer.)

pxd867 · 14/01/13 - 20:59

Cheers but i had numerous chances and warnings before this.. and I said to myself I would stop but didn't. I feel i've lost a really good friend now .. I was horrible .. for about the fourth time

Can time really heal such things??

Wizsister · 14/01/13 - 21:53

Try not to punish yourself. Theres no telling whether she will still want to be your friend after this or not the only person who knows that is her.
Sometimes the only way to move on from crappy things like this is to learn from the mistake.

REDBUS · 14/01/13 - 22:26

i'm a recovering alcoholic/addict and i'd defiantly say you have a drink problem ,good news is you've acknowledged that and that is first step to helping yourself ,i'd call and speak to someone 1-2-1from AA if i was you Phone 0845 769 7555 (local rate) ,you WILL only continue to make same mistakes over and over whether it's social media or elsewhere until you get help .

What have you got to lose ? verses 1 call and go from there .

Best of luck .

pxd867 · 15/01/13 - 15:55

Well I've cut out drinking for the time being, not sure if it is the main problem, as it's more of a symptom than a cause of the way I feel .. it's the underlying issues that need to be addressed first I guess?

Colin Hunt · 15/01/13 - 16:00

logansdad wrote: »

Nothing good happens when drink is involved! Looking back over all the crappy things that i've done or has been done to me, you can bet that to much drink contributed to the outcome!!!

Drink can amplify your feelings, and give you the confidence or stupidity to do something about them.
Add the facebook into this mix, and you can get into a lot of trouble!

pxd867 · 16/01/13 - 10:01

Colin Hunt wrote: »

Drink can amplify your feelings, and give you the confidence or stupidity to do something about them.
Add the facebook into this mix, and you can get into a lot of trouble!

That's so true. i might have had these feelings anyway... but not acted on them if not for the the drink. And in a way facebook was a major cause of the way I felt - using it as much as I did brings out inner paranoias & underlying confidence issues...

Hey there!

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