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When parents are afraid OF their adult daughter

Ade_LwAde_Lw Posts: 794
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in General Discussion #1
Recently became aware that with in a family I know the parents are afraid of their grown up daughter, she's late 20s and still lives at home when not staying with her boyfriend. Am shocked, saddened and wonder if this is happening to other parents.

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    funnierinmyheadfunnierinmyhead Posts: 487
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    #2
    Could you advise them to kick out their adult child?

    It really might be the best thing for everyone, including the child - who would have to grow up. They probably don't treat other people as terribly as they do their parents, or at least, out on their own they would soon learn that they can't get away with it.
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    Seamus SweeneySeamus Sweeney Posts: 3,997
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    #3
    Sounds like there's much more to what would seem to be a horrible situation. Maybe best in Advice section though - more chance of relevant replies, and more probing to get the facts first, before suggestions of any use can be proffered.
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    Cornish_PiskieCornish_Piskie Posts: 7,489
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    #4
    It might sound like a glaringly obvious question to ask but indulge me, please.....

    What reason would there be for them to be in fear of their daughter..?

    I just wondered, that's all.
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    annette kurtenannette kurten Posts: 39,543
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    #5
    i know a few formerly indulgent parents with similar problems, they made them brats when they were kids and they are grown up brats now.
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    LakieLadyLakieLady Posts: 19,723
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    #6
    I've worked with families where a parent (usually, but not always, a single mother) have been afraid of an aggressive adult child.

    We're getting a training course on it sometime, because it's becoming an increasing problem. I think family relationships become very strained when adults can't leave the family home because renting somewhere is so damn expensive.
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    tenofspadestenofspades Posts: 12,875
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    #7
    The 'afraid' you were meant to capitalise :P
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    muggins14muggins14 Posts: 61,844
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    #8
    Not sure Advice is the right board as the OP isn't seeking advice, as it's not their daughter presumably??

    Also, a bit of detail would be helpful - how do you know they are afraid of their daughter, what are the signs, what is happening, what do you know (or think you know)?
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    dee123dee123 Posts: 46,274
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    #9
    Elder abuse is a thing sadly. Just one topic like mental health people don't wanna talk about.
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    juliancarswelljuliancarswell Posts: 8,896
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    #10
    LakieLady wrote: »

    very strained when adults can't leave the family home because renting somewhere is so damn expensive.

    Certainly this is going to be a big problem in coming years.:(
    On the upside the optimist in me thinks it may lead to some families being around to look after their failing parents, as sort of forced Japanese model.
    The pessimist in me thinks it will lead to more elder abuse as we don't have the Japanese culture of elder respect to go with it.
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    muggins14muggins14 Posts: 61,844
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    #11
    juliancarswell wrote: »
    Certainly this is going to be a big problem in coming years.:(
    On the upside the optimist in me thinks it may lead to some families being around to look after their failing parents, as sort of forced Japanese model.
    The pessimist in me thinks it will lead to more elder abuse as we don't have the Japanese culture of elder respect to go with it.

    A quick google seems to indicate that child abuse exists and is on the rise and has reached a record high in Japan http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2015/10/08/national/social-issues/poverty-isolation-push-japans-child-abuse-cases-record-high/, so one can only assume that there must also be cases of parental abuse. I think that, because we hear that respect between generations in Japan is the norm, it doesn't mean that the opposite doesn't also exist.

    Because the perception is of stronger family values and greater respect, it doesn't mean that there are no problems beneath the surface, just as there are in any society.
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    soulboy77soulboy77 Posts: 24,494
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    #12
    I've encountered plenty of households where the adult son has their mum at their beck and call and basically treats the dad as an idiot. There may not be physical abuse but they are abusive in how they speak to and generally treat their parents.
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    TrollHunterTrollHunter Posts: 12,496
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    #13
    Thread started at 00:03.

    Due to the lack of detail and general vagueness, I wonder if Ade was pissed when he/she started this thread?
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    muggins14muggins14 Posts: 61,844
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    #14
    TrollHunter wrote: »
    Thread started at 00:03.

    Due to the lack of detail and general vagueness, I wonder if Ade was pissed when he/she started this thread?

    Probably busy giving his parents their list of chores for the day :p
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