Honestly I have fallen in love with those two boys, I swear if I was their carer I would do everything to make sure they were homed together. At their age it would do a tremendous amount of damage if they were split. Sometimes children come as a unit and thats how it should stay. I think its codswallop when they suggest kids might stand a better chance if they were split up. That I reckon would cause more heartache.
However as a result of this I have expressed an interest in fostering with my local authority.
I would love those two lads.....as a bloke I never get broody but christ they tugged good and proper on the heart strings.
Very thoughtful program I felt, showed everyone in a positive light.
Oh wow, good for you! I wish you all the very best Please keep us informed, I'm glad good things have come from this programme and really hope Connor and Daniel, and Scott, get the loving families they deserve
I thought it was a wonderful programme, truly tugged at the heart strings.
it did make me wonder though. We have tried twice to become adoptive parents and have made enquiries at our two local authorities but nobody seems to want us, we dont get past the starting gate.
On the face of it we are the perfect couple and tick all the boxes but the first time we were turned down immediately because we wouldn't agree to never ever have our own genetic children (they even wanted a commitment re contraception ). That was 10 years ago. Last year we asked again and got another no immediately as we now have a boy and a girl but they said they prefer couples without children
The whole experience left me with a rather dim view of many social workers.
So much misunderstanding about the role of foster parents.
Their primary role is a stop gap to manage the situation where children are taken into care but no plans exist for them in the long term. Some foster carers will take children in at almost anytime of the day or night.
Others do provide long term care where adoption is not believed to be appropriate (e.g. there is some chance the parents may reform / be proved competent)or where it is thought unlikely that a successful adoption can be made
General belief is that by age of 8-10 it is very difficult to manage a successful adoption. Which is why sometimes the younger siblings get split away as they may manage the transition better.
I'm shocked at the attitude that
"If they really cared about the boys futures they would adopt them.maybe it's because they won't get any income from adopting them unlike fostering.
Some foster carers do do it as a job but then that is exactly what it is. They are carers not parents. They have little or no say on what they can or cannot do - no foreign holidays unless parents or social services consent (whoever has the legal authority). They cannot even cut the childs hair in a different style without parents or social services permission
They are also exposed to malicious accusations of abuse from birth parents - I know of several persons in our area to whom this has happened. As a result they have to be extremely careful how they interact with children - allowing a foster child to sleep in the same bed as a parent might do is fraught with problems.
Even adopters (I'm one) are "foster carers" until the adoption order is granted which may be anything from 3 months to 2 years.
Some foster parents do adopt. But if they do then they reduce their ability to care and protect other looked after children of which they are an order of magnitude more than adoptions (5000 vs 500 in Scotland).
As a 27 year old single man I would not hesitate to give those two boys a loving home.
However the authorities would probably prefer to drag them from different foster home / boarding house / foster home rather than let someone like myself (or other single person wanting a family) take them.
However, for whatever reason society has a very dim and aged view on this.
As a 27 year old single man I would not hesitate to give those two boys a loving home.
However the authorities would probably prefer to drag them from different foster home / boarding house / foster home rather than let someone like myself (or other single person wanting a family) take them.
However, for whatever reason society has a very dim and aged view on this.
Nonsense (really)
Social services are positively encouraging singles and same sex partnerships to adopt.
If you had asked you would have discovered that age / sex / marital status has little or no impact on eligibility.
Financial status / housing / experience with children does - and thats where you might fall down.
Im watching this now, being 16 weeks pregnant myself this really got to me. Im sat in tears, those boys are just so cute and loving, espcially the older one. I have a four year old nephew and the thought of him having to go these partys and not getting 'choosen' is awful!
Im watching this now, being 16 weeks pregnant myself this really got to me. Im sat in tears, those boys are just so cute and loving, espcially the older one. I have a four year old nephew and the thought of him having to go these partys and not getting 'choosen' is awful!
Hope the boys get a good outcome from the show.
Getting chosen is probably the wrong way of describing this process. Getting matched is a better way of thinking about it.
Each prospective adoptive couple is approved for
number of children
age
sex
when they go through a panel of social workers after a six month process of checking them out. They CANNOT vary these parameters without going back to a committe of social workers and possible another few weeks on checks and inspections.
Actually getting approved for a sibling pair is actually quite hard. Many adopters (especially first timers) are actively discouraged from doing this by the social workers because of the higher risk of disruption (adoption failing to proceed).
Those that do go for siblings often specify a boy and a girl.
It's odd that social services insist on these parameters being selected beforehandbut that is the system.
It's more a case of making social workers aware of families that meet the boys criteria (often from outside their own area) than adopters picking which children they want.
Oh wow, good for you! I wish you all the very best Please keep us informed, I'm glad good things have come from this programme and really hope Connor and Daniel, and Scott, get the loving families they deserve
I shall do! just received the information pack today apparently they are going to call next week, and I think organise a Social Worker visit afterwards.
I don't know how long it takes to be approved, but all being well by summer we maybe helping youngsters out
I shall do! just received the information pack today apparently they are going to call next week, and I think organise a Social Worker visit afterwards.
I don't know how long it takes to be approved, but all being well by summer we maybe helping youngsters out
Good for you,we need more people like you in the world x
I was furious watching this as well as breaking my heart crying.How dare people overlook those two boys or any child.I thought people who wanted to adopt were desperate for children.Seeing them peruse through a catalogue of children made my blood boil.I so wanted Katy and Paddy to adopt them,i didn't think they were too old at all.I wasn't keen on that teacher couple either,hope they don't get matched to anyone.
If they really cared about the boys futures they would adopt them.maybe it's because they won't get any income from adopting them unlike fostering.
They are lovely people but they would lose their income. I have a feeling they might get a one off payment if they adopted them but, as far as I know, you're then on your own financially.
My friend fosters 2 teenage siblings and she gets £1200 approx a week for doing so and that's tax free. In addition they have all their school uniforms paid for, all their school trips, any after school activities they wish to do eg horse riding, skating, swimming etc. they are provided with iPads and other stuff so they really don't cost her much. My friend also gets a generous mileage allowance.
I know some people will argue that that's not much money but she says it fits in with her life perfectly as they are both at school so she gets a lot of time to herself. She is very good and attends all their school meetings and runs them all over the place just as she did her own kids who have left home. For her it is a business but she does a good job.
I was furious watching this as well as breaking my heart crying.How dare people overlook those two boys or any child.I thought people who wanted to adopt were desperate for children.Seeing them peruse through a catalogue of children made my blood boil.I so wanted Katy and Paddy to adopt them,i didn't think they were too old at all.I wasn't keen on that teacher couple either,hope they don't get matched to anyone.
I agree. They were super little boys.
I also agree with you about your idea of people being desperate to adopt rather than perusing a catalogue.
My friend, who I mentioned above took her foster kids literally 5 miles down the road, in a very rural area and was horrified to discover that their baby sister had been placed for adoption with a couple she knows!!! They are able to have children and already have 2 boys but were apparently desperate for a daughter so they were given her. Neither she nor I imagined that adoption worked like this.
She was also very surprised that the baby had been placed so close to where her siblings live as it was supposed to be a fresh start for them all. Don't social workers check these things?
I shall do! just received the information pack today apparently they are going to call next week, and I think organise a Social Worker visit afterwards.
I don't know how long it takes to be approved, but all being well by summer we maybe helping youngsters out
Katy and Paddy, foster parents to Connor and Daniel have excellent reasons for wanting to help and foster children.
A former social worker herself, Katy and her husband Paddy, 51, have been looking after the boys for over two years, but feel that with six children of their own, aged between 15 and 23, they aren’t in a position to give Connor and Daniel a permanent home.
‘We never went into fostering to extend our family. We went into it to have them short term and move them on,’ says Katy.
‘We have an amazing bond with the boys but they need a forever family, a young family who will put all their time and effort into the boys.
Then we can do the same for more children.
I felt uncomfortable watching this programme - how, as a nation, have we got to this point where natural parents are so unable for whatever reason to look after their own kids. There must be more sex-education in schools and contraception needs to be more readily available. Its not right these two young lads are being paraded on tv for adoptive parents when they should be with their own family. I felt sorry for the boys because for all the hand wringing the programme probably wont bring them any closer to getting a 'forever family'.
I also agree with you about your idea of people being desperate to adopt rather than perusing a catalogue.
My friend, who I mentioned above took her foster kids literally 5 miles down the road, in a very rural area and was horrified to discover that their baby sister had been placed for adoption with a couple she knows!!! They are able to have children and already have 2 boys but were apparently desperate for a daughter so they were given her. Neither she nor I imagined that adoption worked like this.
She was also very surprised that the baby had been placed so close to where her siblings live as it was supposed to be a fresh start for them all. Don't social workers check these things?
Thankyou and that story is terrible.When couples have children naturally,they get what they are given and that's how it should be for adopters,not just picking the cutest or moaning about the sex,so ungrateful and damaging for those kids.As I type this im filling up thinking of those poor boys,so sad
Thankyou and that story is terrible.When couples have children naturally,they get what they are given and that's how it should be for adopters,not just picking the cutest or moaning about the sex,so ungrateful and damaging for those kids.As I type this im filling up thinking of those poor boys,so sad
You have no idea.
You get what is offered. Most of the parents at those "activity days" have spent the best part of two years waiting to be offered a chance to adopt.
If you had read my post earlier you would know that the parents are only approved for a certain profile of child(ren).
Most of them would have loved to have been offered a child to adopt by the local authority. The "activity days" are a last ditch attempt by a fragmented system to join up willing, approved adoptive parents with children.
I imagine it was the couple, I don't think the local authorities are that bothered about ages. I so wish the foster family would keep them, they're brilliant
Actually, I want them but it's not possible
Local authorities are bothered by everything is you want to adopt you have to jump through hoops
I felt uncomfortable watching this programme - how, as a nation, have we got to this point where natural parents are so unable for whatever reason to look after their own kids. There must be more sex-education in schools and contraception needs to be more readily available. Its not right these two young lads are being paraded on tv for adoptive parents when they should be with their own family. I felt sorry for the boys because for all the hand wringing the programme probably wont bring them any closer to getting a 'forever family'.
This is the problem, really. We should be focusing less on adoption, and more on the real issue of why these kids end up like this in the first place.
I agree that better sex education, parenting classes, more encouragement to not get pregnant young etc needs to happen in schools.
I'm quite involved in the adoptee community, and many adoptees who were adopted from foster-care found it traumatic to have yet another disruption, not to mention big identity change, by being taken from the foster parents. They found being placed in another child/ parent dynamic with new adoptive parents traumatic, and often bought up painful feelings from being abandoned/ abused by their biological family. They never felt this pressure within the foster family. They were never expected to 'love' the foster parents, they didn't even know what love was.
Local authorities are bothered by everything is you want to adopt you have to jump through hoops
Yes I know that, I have friends who have adopted. The authorities keep on saying though that you can be single/married/gay/straight and I didn't think age was too huge a barrier?
Yes I know that, I have friends who have adopted. The authorities keep on saying though that you can be single/married/gay/straight and I didn't think age was too huge a barrier?
True.
But smoking, body mass index, financial security, correct sociological/political outlook (no comments on immigration), experience with child care (but no biological children of your own within six years of adoptees age), commitment never to have additional birth children, close family/friend support network, large or "dangerous" breeds of dogs are. As is an enhanced CFR check (tough to adoption if you've got got a caution for drunk and disorderly or possession of weed ten years ago)
You'll also need to expose every detail of your sex life (past and present).
Plus inexhaustible patience whilst the social services and legal systems grind on.
And yet we still go through it only to be accused of being baby stealers by some on this website:(
This was a difficult program to watch - couldn't help but relate it to my sisters kids who are similar ages. Hopefully the publicity will help them find the permanent home they want. A real shame the foster parents couldn't keep them, they clearer were doing a great job.
You get what is offered. Most of the parents at those "activity days" have spent the best part of two years waiting to be offered a chance to adopt.
If you had read my post earlier you would know that the parents are only approved for a certain profile of child(ren).
Most of them would have loved to have been offered a child to adopt by the local authority. The "activity days" are a last ditch attempt by a fragmented system to join up willing, approved adoptive parents with children.
Derek. Sorry but that's not correct ... "You get what is offered." The couple I mentioned had no problem conceiving and already had 2 boys. They asked for, and got a girl to complete their family.
Derek. Sorry but that's not correct ... "You get what is offered." The couple I mentioned had no problem conceiving and already had 2 boys. They asked for, and got a girl to complete their family.
As I already said the social workers encourage you to be specific on the Form F as to what child you "want". But you rarely are allowed to "choose" - you get what the social worker offers within the parameters you set.
Most authorities insist on you agreeing to the match prior to seeing any pictures of the child.
The activity days and the "catalogue" (Children Who Wait) are anomalies because the children in these situations have been difficult to place.
As an illustration Radio 5 have just run a piece this morning on social workers deliberately misinforming prospective adopters as to the health and behaviour of prospective adoptive children. Apparently a government survey found that the information given to adopters (and the courts) was different from the social workers files in 30% of cases!
EDIT - how old was the youngest boy - at least six I would guess.
Comments
Oh wow, good for you! I wish you all the very best
it did make me wonder though. We have tried twice to become adoptive parents and have made enquiries at our two local authorities but nobody seems to want us, we dont get past the starting gate.
On the face of it we are the perfect couple and tick all the boxes but the first time we were turned down immediately because we wouldn't agree to never ever have our own genetic children (they even wanted a commitment re contraception
The whole experience left me with a rather dim view of many social workers.
Their primary role is a stop gap to manage the situation where children are taken into care but no plans exist for them in the long term. Some foster carers will take children in at almost anytime of the day or night.
Others do provide long term care where adoption is not believed to be appropriate (e.g. there is some chance the parents may reform / be proved competent)or where it is thought unlikely that a successful adoption can be made
General belief is that by age of 8-10 it is very difficult to manage a successful adoption. Which is why sometimes the younger siblings get split away as they may manage the transition better.
I'm shocked at the attitude that
Some foster carers do do it as a job but then that is exactly what it is. They are carers not parents. They have little or no say on what they can or cannot do - no foreign holidays unless parents or social services consent (whoever has the legal authority). They cannot even cut the childs hair in a different style without parents or social services permission
They are also exposed to malicious accusations of abuse from birth parents - I know of several persons in our area to whom this has happened. As a result they have to be extremely careful how they interact with children - allowing a foster child to sleep in the same bed as a parent might do is fraught with problems.
Even adopters (I'm one) are "foster carers" until the adoption order is granted which may be anything from 3 months to 2 years.
Some foster parents do adopt. But if they do then they reduce their ability to care and protect other looked after children of which they are an order of magnitude more than adoptions (5000 vs 500 in Scotland).
As a 27 year old single man I would not hesitate to give those two boys a loving home.
However the authorities would probably prefer to drag them from different foster home / boarding house / foster home rather than let someone like myself (or other single person wanting a family) take them.
However, for whatever reason society has a very dim and aged view on this.
Nonsense (really)
Social services are positively encouraging singles and same sex partnerships to adopt.
If you had asked you would have discovered that age / sex / marital status has little or no impact on eligibility.
Financial status / housing / experience with children does - and thats where you might fall down.
Hope the boys get a good outcome from the show.
Getting chosen is probably the wrong way of describing this process. Getting matched is a better way of thinking about it.
Each prospective adoptive couple is approved for
when they go through a panel of social workers after a six month process of checking them out. They CANNOT vary these parameters without going back to a committe of social workers and possible another few weeks on checks and inspections.
Actually getting approved for a sibling pair is actually quite hard. Many adopters (especially first timers) are actively discouraged from doing this by the social workers because of the higher risk of disruption (adoption failing to proceed).
Those that do go for siblings often specify a boy and a girl.
It's odd that social services insist on these parameters being selected beforehandbut that is the system.
It's more a case of making social workers aware of families that meet the boys criteria (often from outside their own area) than adopters picking which children they want.
I shall do! just received the information pack today apparently they are going to call next week, and I think organise a Social Worker visit afterwards.
I don't know how long it takes to be approved, but all being well by summer we maybe helping youngsters out
Good for you,we need more people like you in the world x
They are lovely people but they would lose their income. I have a feeling they might get a one off payment if they adopted them but, as far as I know, you're then on your own financially.
My friend fosters 2 teenage siblings and she gets £1200 approx a week for doing so and that's tax free. In addition they have all their school uniforms paid for, all their school trips, any after school activities they wish to do eg horse riding, skating, swimming etc. they are provided with iPads and other stuff so they really don't cost her much. My friend also gets a generous mileage allowance.
I know some people will argue that that's not much money but she says it fits in with her life perfectly as they are both at school so she gets a lot of time to herself. She is very good and attends all their school meetings and runs them all over the place just as she did her own kids who have left home. For her it is a business but she does a good job.
I agree. They were super little boys.
I also agree with you about your idea of people being desperate to adopt rather than perusing a catalogue.
My friend, who I mentioned above took her foster kids literally 5 miles down the road, in a very rural area and was horrified to discover that their baby sister had been placed for adoption with a couple she knows!!! They are able to have children and already have 2 boys but were apparently desperate for a daughter so they were given her. Neither she nor I imagined that adoption worked like this.
She was also very surprised that the baby had been placed so close to where her siblings live as it was supposed to be a fresh start for them all. Don't social workers check these things?
Well done you.
A former social worker herself, Katy and her husband Paddy, 51, have been looking after the boys for over two years, but feel that with six children of their own, aged between 15 and 23, they aren’t in a position to give Connor and Daniel a permanent home.
‘We never went into fostering to extend our family. We went into it to have them short term and move them on,’ says Katy.
‘We have an amazing bond with the boys but they need a forever family, a young family who will put all their time and effort into the boys.
Then we can do the same for more children.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2538255/These-little-boys-taken-THREE-adoption-parties-no-one-wanted-mum-dad-Heartbreaking-events-best-way-finding-families-children-care.html
You have no idea.
You get what is offered. Most of the parents at those "activity days" have spent the best part of two years waiting to be offered a chance to adopt.
If you had read my post earlier you would know that the parents are only approved for a certain profile of child(ren).
Most of them would have loved to have been offered a child to adopt by the local authority. The "activity days" are a last ditch attempt by a fragmented system to join up willing, approved adoptive parents with children.
Local authorities are bothered by everything is you want to adopt you have to jump through hoops
This is the problem, really. We should be focusing less on adoption, and more on the real issue of why these kids end up like this in the first place.
I agree that better sex education, parenting classes, more encouragement to not get pregnant young etc needs to happen in schools.
I'm quite involved in the adoptee community, and many adoptees who were adopted from foster-care found it traumatic to have yet another disruption, not to mention big identity change, by being taken from the foster parents. They found being placed in another child/ parent dynamic with new adoptive parents traumatic, and often bought up painful feelings from being abandoned/ abused by their biological family. They never felt this pressure within the foster family. They were never expected to 'love' the foster parents, they didn't even know what love was.
Yes I know that, I have friends who have adopted. The authorities keep on saying though that you can be single/married/gay/straight and I didn't think age was too huge a barrier?
True.
But smoking, body mass index, financial security, correct sociological/political outlook (no comments on immigration), experience with child care (but no biological children of your own within six years of adoptees age), commitment never to have additional birth children, close family/friend support network, large or "dangerous" breeds of dogs are. As is an enhanced CFR check (tough to adoption if you've got got a caution for drunk and disorderly or possession of weed ten years ago)
You'll also need to expose every detail of your sex life (past and present).
Plus inexhaustible patience whilst the social services and legal systems grind on.
And yet we still go through it only to be accused of being baby stealers by some on this website:(
Derek. Sorry but that's not correct ... "You get what is offered." The couple I mentioned had no problem conceiving and already had 2 boys. They asked for, and got a girl to complete their family.
As I already said the social workers encourage you to be specific on the Form F as to what child you "want". But you rarely are allowed to "choose" - you get what the social worker offers within the parameters you set.
Most authorities insist on you agreeing to the match prior to seeing any pictures of the child.
The activity days and the "catalogue" (Children Who Wait) are anomalies because the children in these situations have been difficult to place.
As an illustration Radio 5 have just run a piece this morning on social workers deliberately misinforming prospective adopters as to the health and behaviour of prospective adoptive children. Apparently a government survey found that the information given to adopters (and the courts) was different from the social workers files in 30% of cases!
EDIT - how old was the youngest boy - at least six I would guess.