Do you think that it is any different for the parents of other children with the same problems? Do you think I don`t take my children out? Is this an excuse for forgetting to buy his children a gift?
Absolutely no excuse at all, it was another poster on this thread who said about there being two sides.
I thought if I asked a few more questions we would get a better understanding of the situation and help to make suggestions to find answers, as you've asked for in your OP.
Putting myself in a part time parents shoes I know I would be embarrassed to take out naughty children or introduce them to potential partners. It would make life very hard.
BTW I am a single mother of one, thus why I felt I could comment on your thread.
Absolutely no excuse at all, it was another poster on this thread who said about there being two sides.
I thought if I asked a few more questions we would get a better understanding of the situation and help to make suggestions to find answers, as you've asked for in your OP.
Putting myself in a part time parents shoes I know I would be embarrassed to take out naughty children or introduce them to potential partners. It would make life very hard.
BTW I am a single mother of one, thus why I felt I could comment on your thread.
Actually, he is re married to a bloody social worker. He has been with her shortly after we seperated, so she knows what the children are like.
BTW. I didn`t ask for a solution. I asked what excuse absent parents had for actions like this. If I had wanted advice I would have posted in that section.
The court order was because my ex was violent to me in front of the children and I had to get an injunction because he constantly harressed me. Yes it was necessary.
Well that makes it all different then.
If my opinion is worth anything, if I was in your situation I would tell the children Daddy is extremely busy with work but he loves them (which I am sure he does) and like others have said the children will realise in their own time who they prefer to be with and who they trust.
This is what I tell my child if she asks why she hasn't seen Daddy much. It's not so much a lie as it's letting her know that he's putting something else first but letting her figure that out herself and it in no way says 'he doesn't want to see you' because I provide a reason and so stops her feeling bad about herself or blaming herself.
Please please don't bad mouth your ex in front of the children and encourage others not to too.
I've seen the result of mothers putting the fathers down and the poor kids don't know who to trust. They love their Daddy but hear so many bad things about him they start questioning their judgements.
I also wouldn't tell them he was violent unless they shout and scream at you for 'leaving their Daddy' and 'ruining their life' in a few years - then might be a time to calmly hand them a leaflet on domestic abuse.
If your children are able minded they can make up their own opinions based on what they see and personally experience.
If my opinion is worth anything, if I was in your situation I would tell the children Daddy is extremely busy with work but he loves them (which I am sure he does) and like others have said the children will realise in their own time who they prefer to be with and who they trust.
This is what I tell my child if she asks why she hasn't seen Daddy much. It's not so much a lie as it's letting her know that he's putting something else first but letting her figure that out herself and it in no way says 'he doesn't want to see you' because I provide a reason and so stops her feeling bad about herself or blaming herself.
Please please don't bad mouth your ex in front of the children and encourage others not to too.
I've seen the result of mothers putting the fathers down and the poor kids don't know who to trust. They love their Daddy but hear so many bad things about him they start questioning their judgements.
I also wouldn't tell them he was violent unless they shout and scream at you for 'leaving their Daddy' and 'ruining their life' in a few years - then might be a time to calmly hand them a leaflet on domestic abuse.
If your children are able minded they can make up their own opinions based on what they see and personally experience.
The fact they saw him try to strangle me would kind of suggest they know he was violent. They don`t have to be clever to work that out.
My ex reported a change of circumstance in July according to the CSA.Of course they move at the speed of a dead snail.He reported another change of circumstance last week,just as my case got to the top of the pile. He is on a deduction of earnings order as well.
I feel like saying good for you for making so much effort to see your daughter. Of course it should just be the way it is. Will you see her over christmas?
The CSA are ridiculous- but I find them extremely judgemental and rude.
Thanks, we alternate Xmas etc. now, have her from Saturday for the whole week.
My ex husband stopped seeing our 2 children 18 months ago after I asked him to buy their new school shoes. He was always rubbish at keeping up contact, and only had them overnight once as they were to naughty (they both have ADHD, and my son is also autistic) Up till now he has managed to remember their birthdays and send them some money for christmas. This year nothing! I stopped getting maintenance via the CSA a couple of months ago as well.
How do parents like this reconcile their deplorable behaviour? I feel mightily peed off :mad:
My eldest's daughters mother left us when my daughter wasn't that old, disappeared for sometime, she did return later with another kid, I decided they could stay, but months later she left again on her own, so for around 10 years I have been bringing up my daughter and her half sister and we haven't seen their mother since other than a couple of times recently in passing and she didn't want to know. Never received any money or support from their mother, my kids aren't bothered, they don't know her anyway and not received cards or presents.
I just don't worry about the absent mother as she's never bothered, looking after my kids is what is important.
1. Why do you have the right to tell your ex when he can see the children? Why can't he see them whenever he wants?
When one person leaves they have no right to roll back up whenever they feel like it and expect their demands to be pandered to. Why should lives be disrupted at the drop of a hat just becuase a father won't stick to arrangements? What gives him the right to demand to see them whenever he wants?/!
When one person leaves they have no right to roll back up whenever they feel like it and expect their demands to be pandered to. Why should lives be disrupted at the drop of a hat just becuase a father won't stick to arrangements? What gives him the right to demand to see them whenever he wants?/!
How right you are. It can make your life shrink to nothing.
1. Why do you have the right to tell your ex when he can see the children? Why can't he see them whenever he wants
They are in her custody and he is violent, that's why.
MsWalker I'm sorry to hear about your situation and even more sorry to see you having to defend yourself against the judgments of this ridiculous poster.
I Hope you and your children have a nice Christmas.
They are in her custody and he is violent, that's why.
MsWalker I'm sorry to hear about your situation and even more sorry to see you having to defend yourself against the judgments of this ridiculous poster.
I Hope you and your children have a nice Christmas.
Comments
Absolutely no excuse at all, it was another poster on this thread who said about there being two sides.
I thought if I asked a few more questions we would get a better understanding of the situation and help to make suggestions to find answers, as you've asked for in your OP.
Putting myself in a part time parents shoes I know I would be embarrassed to take out naughty children or introduce them to potential partners. It would make life very hard.
BTW I am a single mother of one, thus why I felt I could comment on your thread.
Actually, he is re married to a bloody social worker. He has been with her shortly after we seperated, so she knows what the children are like.
BTW. I didn`t ask for a solution. I asked what excuse absent parents had for actions like this. If I had wanted advice I would have posted in that section.
Well that makes it all different then.
If my opinion is worth anything, if I was in your situation I would tell the children Daddy is extremely busy with work but he loves them (which I am sure he does) and like others have said the children will realise in their own time who they prefer to be with and who they trust.
This is what I tell my child if she asks why she hasn't seen Daddy much. It's not so much a lie as it's letting her know that he's putting something else first but letting her figure that out herself and it in no way says 'he doesn't want to see you' because I provide a reason and so stops her feeling bad about herself or blaming herself.
Please please don't bad mouth your ex in front of the children and encourage others not to too.
I've seen the result of mothers putting the fathers down and the poor kids don't know who to trust. They love their Daddy but hear so many bad things about him they start questioning their judgements.
I also wouldn't tell them he was violent unless they shout and scream at you for 'leaving their Daddy' and 'ruining their life' in a few years - then might be a time to calmly hand them a leaflet on domestic abuse.
If your children are able minded they can make up their own opinions based on what they see and personally experience.
The fact they saw him try to strangle me would kind of suggest they know he was violent. They don`t have to be clever to work that out.
The CSA are ridiculous- but I find them extremely judgemental and rude.
Thanks, we alternate Xmas etc. now, have her from Saturday for the whole week.
My eldest's daughters mother left us when my daughter wasn't that old, disappeared for sometime, she did return later with another kid, I decided they could stay, but months later she left again on her own, so for around 10 years I have been bringing up my daughter and her half sister and we haven't seen their mother since other than a couple of times recently in passing and she didn't want to know. Never received any money or support from their mother, my kids aren't bothered, they don't know her anyway and not received cards or presents.
I just don't worry about the absent mother as she's never bothered, looking after my kids is what is important.
How right you are. It can make your life shrink to nothing.
They are in her custody and he is violent, that's why.
MsWalker I'm sorry to hear about your situation and even more sorry to see you having to defend yourself against the judgments of this ridiculous poster.
I Hope you and your children have a nice Christmas.
Thank you Cookie, and I hope you do as well