feeling sad on the eve of Mothers Day
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It's bittersweet.
I'm 36 and have two gorgeous daughters aged 9 and 7.
I haven't spoken to my Mother (and she hasn't contacted me) since October last year.
See my thread back then:
http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=1154721&highlight=meljduk
I haven't sent anything for Mothers Day because my heart just wasn't in it and I'm sick of constantly trying to win her approval but getting nothing in return.
Any wise words of advice from anyone greatly appreciated
Melissa
I'm 36 and have two gorgeous daughters aged 9 and 7.
I haven't spoken to my Mother (and she hasn't contacted me) since October last year.
See my thread back then:
http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=1154721&highlight=meljduk
I haven't sent anything for Mothers Day because my heart just wasn't in it and I'm sick of constantly trying to win her approval but getting nothing in return.
Any wise words of advice from anyone greatly appreciated
Melissa
0
Comments
It's a tough call - because you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Sending her a 'token' thing such as a card would probably just anger her, and sending her nothing would probably just anger her!
She sounds like an alcoholic who needs help. God knows why you are seen as the black sheep of the family.
Try to enjoy the day with your daughters - your own family
Enjoy your day with your two girls and try and remember if you were going to see your mum, it would not be a celebration, but another chance for her to behave badly. You are a great mum who has made difficult decisions to protect your children. Celebrate that!
Mothers can be infuriating, but she is your mother, even if you never have a close relationship again, a little card every now and then wont hurt.
I appreciate your loss and the sentiment of your post, but the OP's mother was bullying cruel to her very young daughter. It is not as simple as a minor falling out.
But try and concentrate on your mother's day tomorrow (I mean you being a mum!), I'm sure your girls will want to celebrate it with you. You sound like a great mum, especially through your actions of protecting your older girl from your own mum.
I agree with this.
I feel sad too. My mother in law died five weeks ago and I miss her so much
Sorry but I find this attitude extremely patronising. Not everyone has a good relationship with their parents and not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Sometimes for your own sanity and health you need to cut relatives out of your life. The O.P's mother was cruel and emotionally abusive towards her, and I don't mean to sound heartless but not speaking to someone for a week is not the same at all.
So Melissa I think for us it'll be hard yes but your children can give you a different angle to the whole concept of Mothers day and let them change your focus from your mum to you being the mum. They give you all the approval you need. And for me that's what is important.
Claire
So sorry to hear this - we lost our mother in law 9 years ago too, about a week ago was the anniversary and I've hidden away so long at this time of the year due to my own infertility and ivf - I despise mothers day and so grateful that my own mum knows why and understands. I will hide again tomorrow.
In my opinion it is totally commercial and rubs salt into the wounds of those of us who don't want to celebrate as it's so hard to avoid restaurants; pubs and the papers full of messages but my only advice is to deal with it on your own terms so you take control and do what you want. Bitter me - just a bit
Take care all x
bite the bullet and get her something:)
Give your mum a call OP.
I agree with hugsie, I remember your thread and posted on it. You are putting your girls first and sound a great Mum to them. As I said before, your Mum is the loser.
It really doesnt help does it? My mum died from an illness I also suffer from and I have it worse so it scares me too. I have pretty much locked myself in today except when I had to go shop. Its been 9 years but personally it hasn't got easier with time I sat in bed crying in the early hours cos its still so painful.
I look forward to today and tomorrow being over and done with.
((hug)) so sad
And remember, although it may be Mother's Day here in the UK, it isn't in other parts of the world. Just imagine yourselves in the far east or in US for this weekend.
Anyway, looking back I'm thinking I'm better off without her, she was a very negative and selfish influence in my life and I don't want to subject my daughter to that - as another poster said some people aren't cut out to be parents and it's just unfortunate for those of us that have those parents.
I just feel that I'll be a better person and a better mum to my daughter (and future kids!) so OP just get the day over with and look ahead, you don't need her!!
I am the only mother who counts in this family, mother to my kids and we all love each other very much. I doubt the feelings of guilt of "what did I do wrong" will ever go away so when I get the ache it brings I give my own kids more of a cuddle and a love. I know it's not me who's in the wrong but the guilt won't go, its' eased greatly though. Like all relationships, you can't make people love you, they do or they don't but of course when your own feelings are involved it's difficult to cut out the emotions
Enjoy your own day tomorrow (as will I) and rejoice in the fact that while she maybe a crap mother, YOU are not.
((((hugs))))
Needless to say my mum tried and tried to repair the damage but my gran totally dumped her and us as grandchildren.
one day my mum got a call saying her mother had died she never even told them at the hospital she had a daughter once the hospital knew they were really good.
I often talk to mum about how she feels and all I can truly pass onto you is this do what you can write a letter just explain how you feel add some photos of the children
and just make sure its in black and white the door is open for her to be part of the life you have created.
the main thing is in your heart you have tried all you can I know my mum will never get over the fact Gran went so nasty over something that should have just been part of families moving on to better things.
One lady went by with her elderly mother and I heard her say 'I've got you a card and flowers for tomorrow already, Mum' and Mum replied (as my Mum would have said) 'Oh don't be daft, you didn't need to do that'. The Mum knew that I'd heard and smiled at me and that kind of made my day somehow.
Tomorrow is not only mothers day, but would also be my mums birthday. But she died in 2008.
And so im feeling a bit sad tonight. Although im meeting up with my dad and sister tomorrow for dinner to take all our minds off it.
Hope everyone has an ok day tomorrow.
Me too, mum's 9 year anniversary, Mothers Day and her birthday all within 12 days. I was so sad today, we went to a garden Centre and there were loads of dads helping their little ones buy a pressie. Hope we all have as good a day as possible.x
After reading your threads I can sympathise.
Mothers day is a day to appreciate your mum. Your Mum has clearly no respect for you or your daughter.
Just remember honey you did what you had to as you have so much more respect for your children and yourself. I have a similar situation to you but my mother was a lot more physical. Sounds like your mum could take a leaf out of your book! Nothing is going to stop you feeling this way but you did what was best for your children.
Have a lovely day with your girls!!
Happy Mothers day x x x