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Being Asexual
Gaditano
Posts: 2,224 Forum Member
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Interesting article. It seems there is a growing movement of people who not only have no sexual attraction towards others, but want to define themselves by this and identify with it as a category.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/26/among-the-asexuals
Unusual, I think, to define yourself by something that you DON'T have / feel.
Thoughts ?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/26/among-the-asexuals
Unusual, I think, to define yourself by something that you DON'T have / feel.
Thoughts ?
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I dont think its as simple as wanting to define themselves so much as meet like-minded people.
And how can you say " Unusual, I think, to define yourself by something that you DON'T have / feel." ? Surely going on your logic that applies to anything where people take a differing view?
You do not desire sexual activity or feel attraction, so you have name to cover that, to set you apart from homosexuals, hetrosexuals, bi sexuals etc.
I grew up in an increasingly sexualised society with every women's magazine I read bleating on about multiple orgasms or position of the week etc. I suppose that it was a result of feminism, with women going from being their husband's chattels to being encouraged to be more sexually aware and able to sleep around without guilt. That's all well and good, but I reckon there are a lot of women out there who can take it or leave it when it comes to sex, and I've always been like that too. I quite like the occasional cuddle but sex has always been something I did for the man in order to stay in that relationship. When I finally figured out what I was doing I decided to stay single and have remained so for about 15 years now. Doesn't mean I'd ever rule it out but I have absolutely no inclination to have sex ever again.
This rings true with me.
Maybe I expressed it badly. What I mean is that it would be odd for me as a white person to identify as 'not black', or for me as a tall person to identify as 'not short'. Not sure if that make it any clearer or not.
No the logic is, if someone says they are A-Sexual, they are by default not homosexual or heterosexual. That result is a by-product of that initial choice.
Equally, if I say I am white, that means by default I am not black.
They are not saying "I am not homosexual or heterosexual", just as I am not saying "I am not black".
I think if you dont enjoy sex then fair enough, but if you would be capable of enjoying sex then why not enjoy it under your own rules, doing it when, where, and with whom you choose.
I think you can still touch women up but in a very platonic manner.
Thats a really honest post. One of my friends from Uni says she is asexual shes never been attracted sexually to a man or a woman and tried having a relationship with a man and didnt enjoy it so thought she might be bisexual or a lesbian and got together with another girl from uni but still didnt enjoy it. Shes not had sex since Uni (shes the same age as me 27) and says she dosent miss it at all and cant see herself ever being married with kids etc.
Does being asexual mean that you can still feel physical sexual sensations but just don't feel sexually attracted to other people of either sex, or do you feel no physical sexual urges at all?
e.g. Would an asexual person ever masturbate or feel a sensation of pleasure from their sexual organs? Do male asexuals ever get erections?
( I admit a bit of ignorance in this area but hopefully my question isn't offensive.)
I think it depends on the person, so some masturbate, some don't. I'm female so don't know about erections etc!
Got this from the aven FAQ
http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html#def9
Don't worry, your question isn't offensive. It's better than being told I was abused as a child or something!
What a load of magairli! We don't all want to overpopulate the world. And I hate children anyway!
I feel the same about men's bodies, well man's...
Who would turn down an orgasm eh?
That said, we live in a society obsessed with sex, & people seem to feel like they have to categorise themselves in terms of sexuality, which I don't think is necessary. It's no-one else's business.
Seriously though, I read on BBC that there are asexuals that don't want the relationship or the sex side, and then some asexuals that want the cuddles and the actual relationship bit. They featured one lass who was actually quite cute and she was in a relationship with a bloke and he accepted the no sex part. What they didn't say was whether he was getting it elsewhere, or not.
If my wife woke up one morning and decided she was asexual, she'd better let me get sex somewhere else on a casual/FB basis and not enforce the "I don't want sex so neither do you!" line on me. If it was flipped around and I decided that I was going to be asexual, I wouldn't enforce it on her. I think the only rule I'd have either way, that there were no romantic feelings there, and if I/she started feeling anything more than attraction, then there would need to be a serious talk.
However, my question is; how can you get feelings for a partner without getting connective feelings for the intimacy? I know it's not just all about sex, but it's part of that web of feelings in sharing your body with someone else.
Surely you can't just switch that off? Unless I'm wrong and there are people with very low hormone levels. I still see some of these choices as a lifestyle choice rather than by body function plus the mental attributes to be turned off by sexual intimacy. I'd class any sort of cuddling/kissing to be part of the same set of intimacy states.
I'm just opening the can of worms further here. Sorry if this offends the asexuals here, but I'm just curious
I did see an assexual lady on this morning once years ago, she told her partner she was assexual and didn't want either of them to have sex again.....
....on their wedding night!
Whoops!
Do they have dating sites?
The mayonnaise is a different matter, Iqoniq, as I'm doing the squirting!
Seriously, I've never felt the need or urge to do the deed, it's just one of those things. Some are into it, some aren't, that's the way.
I am a 'heteroromantic asexual' meaning that while the sex element does nothing for me, I can find the opposite gender attractive. I've had a crush for years on the Swedish rock guitarist/vocalist Tomas Ledin.
You'd fit in well on Aven, Iqoniq, with your sense of humour, even if you do eat pencil sharpenings for lunch every Friday! (or is it me who does that?)
But an asexual can be hetero-asexual - ie they are romantically attracted to people of the opposite sex, just not sexually. They can also be homo-asexual.