And what would you do to cure their phobias, instead kicking the guest down like a heartless bully?
Well for a start I would go and see a doctor or a medical professional and NOT go on tv with two wierdos who are unqualified and simply "life coaches" who's sole therapy consists of simply saying "you can do it".
They must be miracle workers if they 'cure' these people in a day or so. I have issues I haven't managed to fully get past after multiple weeks of sessions.
More details about their strategies would be good/interesting. It seems more like a bit of fluff TV otherwise, almost - I mean, what do we learn most from these programs, one persons struggles and how it affects their life badly, how it upsets their family etc., or how they managed to break free from it and become desensitised from the phobia etc., really?. I almost wonder if there isn't an element of exploitation, in showing these people being really upset and emphasising the emotional strain its put on them and so on. If they truly do end up being cured then thats wonderful and I'm very happy for them but there's a part of me that feels a bit uncomfortable watching them open up and even cry about how upset they've been with their personal issues/phobia etc., showing family members get upset about it and so on, the emphasis (time wise, during the program) being on that. The actual time they show the 'patient' talking to these therapists or life coaches or whatever their called, especially if you ignore when they first start to speak on their own to them about how desperate they are to be 'cured', is somewhat minimal. Am I the only one who feels this way?. I'm thinking of the girl with the dentist phobia for one example - she chatted about her fears and her childhood issues that it maybe stemmed from, then they slowly showed her one or two dental implements, then they introduced her to a dentist who deals with especially nervous patients, then somehow she was ok, spent the day with him and got the venneers put on - that was all it took to 'cure' her, really?.
Of course, if they were to show too much regarding their techniques, then that might give away their secret formula and end up with them not being in a job perhaps? hmmm.
I think you should do some research on thoughts, beliefs etc the Speakmans are great at what they do but they aren't doing anything extraordinarily, they are doing something every single person can do because they're just reprogramming people's minds.
There are a lot of books, videos on youtube on this and processes how to do it, I think the thing is these people who live their lives through fear, fear controls them and they don't beleive they can get help so it blocks their ability to get help so it makes help seem impossible when it actually it is simple.
I have seen myself things that people fear change really fast, it's about getting your brain to understand a situation, they said that today when the woman went into the toilet they said he brain doesn't have the data and evidence to tell her she's OK, so it's important she does it. It makes a lot of sense because previously she was doing everything she could to avoid it, so her brain never experienced that feeling it was ok to be locked in the bathroom. Now she had that evidence she could change.
But yeah it would be good if they could explain more in depth some of the techniques and things because it could really help people. Not just with extreme fears but more common fears too.
Well for a start I would go and see a doctor or a medical professional and NOT go on tv with two wierdos who are unqualified and simply "life coaches" who's sole therapy consists of simply saying "you can do it".
Absolute twaddle !
And what happens if they did go to the doctor or medical professional and it didn't work.?
Has it perhaps crossed your mind that this was their last resort?
And you say they're weirdos, at least they're there to help people through their phobias as opposed to you just like to people down just to make yourself look good.
And you say they're weirdos, at least they're there to help people through their phobias as opposed to you just like to people down just to make yourself look good.
Mister, you've got a lot to learn! Period!
Don't let it bother you Martin.
I just read the topic and not very many people seem as interested in how good it is that people are changing their lives but that is their opinion if they wanna be that way.
I don't really care what method people choose, if they believe standing on a bucket for 9 hours and chanting to a unicorn-God cures them of a phobia and it works then it's good for them. As long as they are getting better then that's all that matters, ridiculing people is very easy and none of the sarcastic comments here really added anything useful to the conversation for me, it's more about the people wiring them than the Speakmans.
You'll get judged no matter what you do in life even if you help someone and it works, the most important thing is the people who need help so much like the people in the show are getting help and that's always good.
I think you should do some research on thoughts, beliefs etc the Speakmans are great at what they do but they aren't doing anything extraordinarily, they are doing something every single person can do because they're just reprogramming people's minds.
There are a lot of books, videos on youtube on this and processes how to do it, I think the thing is these people who live their lives through fear, fear controls them and they don't beleive they can get help so it blocks their ability to get help so it makes help seem impossible when it actually it is simple.
I have seen myself things that people fear change really fast, it's about getting your brain to understand a situation, they said that today when the woman went into the toilet they said he brain doesn't have the data and evidence to tell her she's OK, so it's important she does it. It makes a lot of sense because previously she was doing everything she could to avoid it, so her brain never experienced that feeling it was ok to be locked in the bathroom. Now she had that evidence she could change.
But yeah it would be good if they could explain more in depth some of the techniques and things because it could really help people. Not just with extreme fears but more common fears too.
Not everyone can just change how they think entirely. I just don't believe its as simple as that.
I've read self help books before and attended some classes, talked about things and so on. I attended hypnotherapy sessions for one specific issue but im pretty certain that was more of a placebo thing. I found it hard to really relax as the instructors voice sounded so peculiar, it was hard to take it seriously. I wish we weren't so judgemental about stupid things like that, its ridiculous.
I have handouts and things about challenging negative thoughts and those kind of CBT principles and things but personally, I find its really a bit too simplistic to claim that you can break out of negative thoughts/patterns by challenging yourself every time you think something that you know itsn't really fair. Its maybe not impossible, or a bad thing to work on or anything like that but I just feel that really deep held issues can't be somehow 'cured' by making the person aware of how daft their being by blowing things out of proportions and then asking them to admit that and slowly do whatever it is they were scared of and then they'll be fine. if everything could be conquered like that then wouldn't we all be doing it? can they tell me im daft for being hard on myself and I'll just never be that way again? it doesn't work like that. I have a friend who constantly gives compliments in passing and I've been taught to always acknowledge and thank them for that but does it automatically mean I totally believe what she says? I don't.
I think if I had any specific fears it'd be about my hypercondria and one or two other things.
I just read the topic and not very many people seem as interested in how good it is that people are changing their lives but that is their opinion if they wanna be that way.
I don't really care what method people choose, if they believe standing on a bucket for 9 hours and chanting to a unicorn-God cures them of a phobia and it works then it's good for them. As long as they are getting better then that's all that matters, ridiculing people is very easy and none of the sarcastic comments here really added anything useful to the conversation for me, it's more about the people wiring them than the Speakmans.
You'll get judged no matter what you do in life even if you help someone and it works, the most important thing is the people who need help so much like the people in the show are getting help and that's always good.
I know, its sad society is like that, so much judgement on peoples looks, which just backs up worries of what people think of you . I guess its partly natural because there are people who I seem to think whats up with them? something doesn't look right about them and I'd find it hard to open up and work with someone like that if it was in a life coach/therapy type setting, I reckon. Its pretty shallow and sad but if you feel unsettled or edgy then you can't really necessarily open up like you need to, for the 'treatment' to work.
My main concern was/is more that ITV are providing entertainment for viewers by putting forward the 'patients' and having the show mainly consist of them getting upset talking about their problems and how its affected them. I feel slightly uncomfortable seeing anyone break down in front of a camera (it reminds me of when news reporters are at the scene of a tragedy and try to interview friends or relatives of the very recently deceased. Thats more extreme of course but still...) if they are going to be shown doing that, on a show like that, then I feel its only fair to properly show how they were helped, to have a positive to come out of the story other than fast forwarding through discussions with the Speakmans and suddenly they accompany the person to the situation they were fearful of, they prove they've conquered the fear, they breath a sigh of relief and thats it, all over - ehhh?. I don't want someones grief (certainly in the case of todays episode) to be some form of entertainment for daytime TV viewers. Entertainment probably isn't the right word but, do you know what I mean? there's something about the concept and the format I find a little unsettling. I know I don't have to watch it, something about it interests me to watching it (plus or mainly due to me being on holiday im around to watch it too) but I do feel there's something about it that's a little off perhaps? everyone is entitled to their own opinions though.
ETA - also two other points
1 - I presume ITV pay in full for these people to see The Speakmans and receive their 'treatment'?
2 - It'd be interesting if they'd re-visit these people say a year or even a couple of years later, to see if they were still cured of their fears, or do they come back again? little things could potentially trigger a relapse of sorts, perhaps?.
Not everyone can just change how they think entirely. I just don't believe its as simple as that.
I've read self help books before and attended some classes, talked about things and so on. I attended hypnotherapy sessions for one specific issue but im pretty certain that was more of a placebo thing. I found it hard to really relax as the instructors voice sounded so peculiar, it was hard to take it seriously. I wish we weren't so judgemental about stupid things like that, its ridiculous.
I have handouts and things about challenging negative thoughts and those kind of CBT principles and things but personally, I find its really a bit too simplistic to claim that you can break out of negative thoughts/patterns by challenging yourself every time you think something that you know itsn't really fair. Its maybe not impossible, or a bad thing to work on or anything like that but I just feel that really deep held issues can't be somehow 'cured' by making the person aware of how daft their being by blowing things out of proportions and then asking them to admit that and slowly do whatever it is they were scared of and then they'll be fine. if everything could be conquered like that then wouldn't we all be doing it? can they tell me im daft for being hard on myself and I'll just never be that way again? it doesn't work like that. I have a friend who constantly gives compliments in passing and I've been taught to always acknowledge and thank them for that but does it automatically mean I totally believe what she says? I don't.
I think if I had any specific fears it'd be about my hypercondria and one or two other things.
Everyone is different so if it doesn't work for you then that's alright but I'd question if it isn't about changing thoughts then what else is there in life to change because if it's the thoughts that cause the issue then what is beyond that. So, simple to change, yeah that's true it is hard to change a habit though the process of being able to change thoughts as a concept is what is happening, so it is as simple as changing thoughts about things just the how-to actually do it and for it to work is what people struggle with.
I have many methods that work for me but I gave up telling people about them as people either don't want the help, don't beleive they can be helped or it's not the path for them because everyone is different and has different reasons for their trauma's so a one method fits all doesn't exist. I like the Speakmans as they take the person where they are and look at them specifically and what caused their issue.
2 - It'd be interesting if they'd re-visit these people say a year or even a couple of years later, to see if they were still cured of their fears, or do they come back again? little things could potentially trigger a relapse of sorts, perhaps?.
Yeah, totally agree with this. I read on their twitter that it's an edited show and they do lots of different things with them so perhaps it just looks like it's all fixed up in a day but while I believe it will definitively at least help I think it does look like it's changed permanently and statements like 'changed forever' 'new start' 'never looking back' can set people up, then they feel bad if there's more work to do. But I guess most people watching will consider that.
I liked today's episode anyway, I thought the woman's story about her sister was very interesting, I wish a soap would realize that that is what happens to people when someone they love gets horrifically killed, not a character witnesses a murder then is happy months later. This is real and showing someone suffer real trauma but is able to move on past it is very inspiring. I liked how they taught her to view the thoughts about what happened to the sister differently.
That's not true about Kerry, she has only said she is clear of all medication she hadn't said her bi-polar is cured just she isn't managing it with medication anymore:
“I was told by the U.K.’s leading expert on the subject I was one of the worst cases of bipolar disorder he had ever seen and I was going to be on medication for the rest of my life.., I spiralled into a deeply depressed self-medicated mess and I know for a fact were it not for Nik and Eva Speakman I would be dead now. I have been clean of all drugs prescribed and otherwise for more than 2 and a half years and that is totally down to Nick and Eva Speakman’s fantastic work.”
That's not true about Kerry, she has only said she is clear of all medication she hadn't said her bi-polar is cured just she isn't managing it with medication anymore:
“I was told by the U.K.’s leading expert on the subject I was one of the worst cases of bipolar disorder he had ever seen and I was going to be on medication for the rest of my life.., I spiralled into a deeply depressed self-medicated mess and I know for a fact were it not for Nik and Eva Speakman I would be dead now. I have been clean of all drugs prescribed and otherwise for more than 2 and a half years and that is totally down to Nick and Eva Speakman’s fantastic work.”
I've watched a couple of these, in a car crash voyeur type way. The one with the woman who had severe claustrophobia most her life and was constantly blubbing about it is seemingly cured within a few hours with the Speakmans. And the girl who was attacked when she was fifteen is suddenly cured and going to acting school after a few hours with same. Really? While the time spent with Speakmans is obviously more than what is shown on the program it appears to all take place on one day. Why isn't this miracle cure available on the NHS to everyone with agraphobia/depression/anxiety etc? The benefits bill would be halved! Have they had anyone with depression on yet? No doubt that could be cured within a few hours and the individual would be undertaking a national one man/woman show within the day!!! How the Hell are these people even on TV with such issues?? Surely they would be seeking psychological help from their GPs/counsellors etc.?! These things take weeks/months and years to solve. It's utter b@llocks!!!
That's not true about Kerry, she has only said she is clear of all medication she hadn't said her bi-polar is cured just she isn't managing it with medication anymore:
“I was told by the U.K.’s leading expert on the subject I was one of the worst cases of bipolar disorder he had ever seen and I was going to be on medication for the rest of my life.., I spiralled into a deeply depressed self-medicated mess and I know for a fact were it not for Nik and Eva Speakman I would be dead now. I have been clean of all drugs prescribed and otherwise for more than 2 and a half years and that is totally down to Nick and Eva Speakman’s fantastic work.”
Actress huh? I thought she was a singer and reality TV 'star'. Is that a form of admission that the reality TV programs are staged? not that I watch it anyway.
Bipolar isn't something that can be cured as such, from the little I know of it, its like alcoholism, it has to be managed a day at a time and relapses can happen years after successful supposed treatment, I believe?.
I've watched a couple of these, in a car crash voyeur type way. The one with the woman who had severe claustrophobia most her life and was constantly blubbing about it is seemingly cured within a few hours with the Speakmans. And the girl who was attacked when she was fifteen is suddenly going to acting school after a few hours with same. Really? Have they had anyone with depression on yet? No doubt that could be cured within a few hours and the individual would be undertaking a national one man/woman show within the day!!! How the Hell are these people even on TV with such issues?? Surely they would be seeking psychological help from their GPs/counsellors etc.?! These things take weeks/months and years to solve. It's utter b@llocks!!!
Yeah that was pretty much my thinking at first. Apparently the show is edited down though and I don't think they've claimed they can cure 'general' depression, its people with specific fears/phobias they they treat.
Eh? I haven't seen a DeLorean on the show? I love the Back to the Future movies though.
Yeah that was pretty much my thinking at first. Apparently the show is edited down though and I don't think they've claimed they can cure 'general' depression, its people with specific fears/phobias they they treat.
Sorry I amended my post after you quoted it. Yeah they obviously film more than what is shown on the program but it does seem to be done in one day. I'd love to be proved wrong though and that they were working with people over a number of sessions which is then edited together, but I don't think that's the case.
I didn't post about it as if anyone believed Kerry or not, it's about what the Speakmans said officially on their website and there's no claim they cured bi-polar.
Maybe Kerry said something but that's her statement.
Sorry I amended my post after you quoted it. Yeah they obviously film more than what is shown on the program but it does seem to be done in one day. I'd love to be proved wrong though and that they were working with people over a number of sessions which is then edited together, but I don't think that's the case.
I'm still editing mine - oops they say (who knows who 'they' are but you know what I mean) that if something seems too good to be true, then it probably is.
I feel a bit sorry for the patient/person, when is it Nik Speakman speaks quite abruptly and says, like in todays show for example I think he said to her that you are making your family members relive and suffer your sisters death on a near daily basis, not just yourself. Your making them have to deal with that - I know its important they realise what an impact their phobia or issue has on others and I've no doubt she was aware of it beforehand but she obviously struggled and felt she couldn't deal with it on her own - that form of words feels a bit too much like enforcing guilt on her which I feel maybe isn't entirely fair? she didn't want to be in her mindset, thats why she asked for help - re-enforcing how selfish or unfair she's been to others in that sort of a way, is it really that constructive? I've no doubt he'd argue it was necessary to bring the point to home. The people involved must be rather brave to allow it to be shown on TV, to be honest, I'd be rather embarrased, like that girl with the dental phobia, when Nik Speakman said 'ok so your fine with having your boyfriend kiss your mouth with all the bugs and germs in there but your not fine with a dentist using sterile instruments to check and clean it?' eek...I'd have been like 'its none of your business what we do!'
Everyone is different so if it doesn't work for you then that's alright but I'd question if it isn't about changing thoughts then what else is there in life to change because if it's the thoughts that cause the issue then what is beyond that. So, simple to change, yeah that's true it is hard to change a habit though the process of being able to change thoughts as a concept is what is happening, so it is as simple as changing thoughts about things just the how-to actually do it and for it to work is what people struggle with.
I have many methods that work for me but I gave up telling people about them as people either don't want the help, don't beleive they can be helped or it's not the path for them because everyone is different and has different reasons for their trauma's so a one method fits all doesn't exist. I like the Speakmans as they take the person where they are and look at them specifically and what caused their issue.
Yeah, totally agree with this. I read on their twitter that it's an edited show and they do lots of different things with them so perhaps it just looks like it's all fixed up in a day but while I believe it will definitively at least help I think it does look like it's changed permanently and statements like 'changed forever' 'new start' 'never looking back' can set people up, then they feel bad if there's more work to do. But I guess most people watching will consider that.
I liked today's episode anyway, I thought the woman's story about her sister was very interesting, I wish a soap would realize that that is what happens to people when someone they love gets horrifically killed, not a character witnesses a murder then is happy months later. This is real and showing someone suffer real trauma but is able to move on past it is very inspiring. I liked how they taught her to view the thoughts about what happened to the sister differently.
I can relate to that - I'm not always good with giving advice to friends and so on, I've probably made more mistakes and im not sure I could identify what the right ways of dealing with some things are, it very much depends on the person but I've known people who got very frustrated because I didn't agree with how they saw things and basically said that there's no point in talking about things anymore if I wouldn't take the advice they gave. Everyones different though, what works for one may not for another. I'm happy to listen and allow people to talk about things, just to get concerns/frustrations off their chest - sometimes just talking things through can help and they may even figure out what they need to do just from vocalising things, if your lucky. I think I sort of feel like who am I to suggest, or tell people what to do?.
What is their twitter account, out of interest? im curious now. About using such terms as 'changed forever', I think of when I attended a course about self confidence (I think it was that one anyway) and they wanted everyone to set a goal to challenge themselves but they talked at length about how to set achievable goals, the importance of breaking things down in to sort of manageable chunks and how very important it is to not build your hopes up by setting big, unrealistic goals. Its fine to want to eventually be cured of a phobia or some such but instead of setting that as your goal, you'd break it down in to many smaller ones, such as talk about it with close friends or/and relatives, think through why your so scared or whatever it is, challenge your fear, possibly seek a therapist/hypnotherapist and so on and so forth and every time you'd achieved one of those things, mark it off as complete and know you hadn't failed but if you go in guns blazing, saying your going to be totally cured in a short(ish?) space of time and it doesn't happen, then you feel even worse, dejected. Its important to take things a step at a time and not pin all your hopes on one thing like that, if you know what I mean?.
Regarding soaps, I remember my mum once commenting in Neighbours they had a character who had a stroke and within a month or two, she was apparently totally back to normal! a likely story(!).
I'm a bit late in replying to this, its been a bit of a crazy day for me but here goes -
I can relate to that - I'm not always good with giving advice to friends and so on, I've probably made more mistakes and im not sure I could identify what the right ways of dealing with some things are, it very much depends on the person but I've known people who got very frustrated because I didn't agree with how they saw things and basically said that there's no point in talking about things anymore if I wouldn't take the advice they gave. Everyones different though, what works for one may not for another. I'm happy to listen and allow people to talk about things, just to get concerns/frustrations off their chest - sometimes just talking things through can help and they may even figure out what they need to do just from vocalising things, if your lucky. I think I sort of feel like who am I to suggest, or tell people what to do?.
What is their twitter account, out of interest? im curious now. About using such terms as 'changed forever', I think of when I attended a course about self confidence (I think it was that one anyway) and they wanted everyone to set a goal to challenge themselves but they talked at length about how to set achievable goals, the importance of breaking things down in to sort of manageable chunks and how very important it is to not build your hopes up by setting big, unrealistic goals. Its fine to want to eventually be cured of a phobia or some such but instead of setting that as your goal, you'd break it down in to many smaller ones, such as talk about it with close friends or/and relatives, think through why your so scared or whatever it is, challenge your fear, possibly seek a therapist/hypnotherapist and so on and so forth and every time you'd achieved one of those things, mark it off as complete and know you hadn't failed but if you go in guns blazing, saying your going to be totally cured in a short(ish?) space of time and it doesn't happen, then you feel even worse, dejected. Its important to take things a step at a time and not pin all your hopes on one thing like that, if you know what I mean?.
Regarding soaps, I remember my mum once commenting in Neighbours they had a character who had a stroke and within a month or two, she was apparently totally back to normal! a likely story(!).
Haha the Neighbours thing is so true. There was a guy on it who had the same injury as I had which took me 3 months to heal from and he was lifting weights in a couple of weeks.
Regarding telling people what to do, it seems that there is this guy I found on youtube who posted a video about the Speakmans, who is a hypnotherapist, he has basically said what you are saying and what I agree with that you just have to choose what works for you and you have to beleive the person is right for you, it's very interesting. He's picking up on what he thinks is missing from the show:
Yes I agree with you about the breaking it down thing, and focusing on progress made not setting a huge goal then wanting it fixed quickly. I think this is the only bug about the show I have, that it really is setting it up like you can cure a big massive problem in one go or very quickly where as it might take some time. I think even if they just said to the camera "this might take a little while to get going" or said at the end the person had a few sessions then the phobia was gone it would be more helpful.
I like your idea about talking things through or just listening to people, I think that is always worth it, sometimes though it's other people or shame or embarrassment that is the problem or anger about them that makes that hard to talk to people. One thing I do that I really get a lot out of is if I feel anxious or messed up I get notepad out on my laptop and just write all the stuff in my head - if it makes no sense even just literally 'I feel upset' then 'I hate this' and do that for about 5 minutes (lots of swearing and calling people names I wouldn't to their face) then when I feel I've done enough just close it, without saving then go and do something else and it always makes me feel better, nor right away but a few minutes after I feel clearer & it seems to just go after that.
I guess in Speakman speak it's letting it go or something, I'm always eager for hearing stuff other people do to change their minds if you know any good videos or techniques please share. Maybe other people can post too. ;-)
Haha the Neighbours thing is so true. There was a guy on it who had the same injury as I had which took me 3 months to heal from and he was lifting weights in a couple of weeks.
Regarding telling people what to do, it seems that there is this guy I found on youtube who posted a video about the Speakmans, who is a hypnotherapist, he has basically said what you are saying and what I agree with that you just have to choose what works for you and you have to beleive the person is right for you, it's very interesting. He's picking up on what he thinks is missing from the show:
Yes I agree with you about the breaking it down thing, and focusing on progress made not setting a huge goal then wanting it fixed quickly. I think this is the only bug about the show I have, that it really is setting it up like you can cure a big massive problem in one go or very quickly where as it might take some time. I think even if they just said to the camera "this might take a little while to get going" or said at the end the person had a few sessions then the phobia was gone it would be more helpful.
I like your idea about talking things through or just listening to people, I think that is always worth it, sometimes though it's other people or shame or embarrassment that is the problem or anger about them that makes that hard to talk to people. One thing I do that I really get a lot out of is if I feel anxious or messed up I get notepad out on my laptop and just write all the stuff in my head - if it makes no sense even just literally 'I feel upset' then 'I hate this' and do that for about 5 minutes (lots of swearing and calling people names I wouldn't to their face) then when I feel I've done enough just close it, without saving then go and do something else and it always makes me feel better, nor right away but a few minutes after I feel clearer & it seems to just go after that.
I guess in Speakman speak it's letting it go or something, I'm always eager for hearing stuff other people do to change their minds if you know any good videos or techniques please share. Maybe other people can post too. ;-)
Yeah, the real concern that comes to my mind is if someone who is quite sensitive ( like I can be ) puts all their hope in to seeing people like them and their told, their given supposed guarantees that within a session or two they'll be cured of their specific phobia, they put all their hope into it and they somehow relapse (for want of a better term), they might not think well that wasnt great treatment but they might beat themselves up over it - oh even The Speakmans couldn't cure me, I'll never get over this - it could be potentially slightly dangerous? perhaps. Maybe thats a little melodramatic but if its a really big fear, to build your hopes up that much and if, for whatever reason, the things your taught and your new way of thinking doesn't quite stick after a few years or whatever, how is that going to make you feel? plus the old sayings of if it seems too good to be true, it probably is and Rome wasn't built in a day.
There is a lot of shame but the irony is, I think some fears are more common than people realise, for that reason alone - people feel they'll be laughed at or thought of as lame/daft/silly or whatever if they admit that they feel scared of certain things. If they opened up about it, maybe we'd realise a lot of worries are commonplace but someone has to agree to speak up about it and admit it first and sometimes you get posts on sites like this where people might say oh what a silly thingt o be scared of (not that anyone has said this here but they might on another similar forum) and that might put others off saying I can relate to that person.
The jotting notes down strategy/idea is a good one - I do that. I have a friend in the south of England that I email regularly and just sitting down and typing about whats been stressing me out helps. If I vocalise things, it can become a bit too emotive and I wind myself up, so sometimes typing or writing is actually better in a sense, plus like you say you can read it back and maybe pick up on things or get a better sense of perspective from it, than if you just blurted things out. Its better to get things off your chest than bottle it up but its best to be careful where and when you do it, thats for sure lol ie. in a safe environment that won't escalate things.
All I can think of right now is the whole challenging negative thought patterns thing - questioning why criticisms come to mind, why you want to avoid situations so much, are you being realistic or imagining things will happen that you have no real proof will happen? question what is the worst outcome if you do go ahead and attempt whatever it is that really bothers you. It was all about being aware of your thoughts and when you think something very critical, analysing it, determine if its a fair evaluation and if not then visualise wiping it away and exchange, or replace, it for a more fair statement - like ok if I go to this work lunch I won't be hated for seeming quiet, I won't have a heart attack, people will probably not notice me on my own at first as they'll be busy talking to others they know and after a while I'll get used to the room im in and it'll feel less scary. I admit I'll feel nervous and thats normal but I won't be endangering my life attending it, if anything, others might be glad to see me for once - maybe that sort of thing. I still hate buffet lunch meetings at work though lol.
I'll maybe check that video out later. Oh and by the way I saw on their twitter account that todays episode covers two peoples story, one with an issue to do with pinching skin(?) and another with a phobia of dogs. I said one criticism/concern of mine is that they show so little of the 'treatment' in the show and they replied
Hear what you're saying but we film for a day & lots to cram in, so has to be edited BUT main points of change remain x
One day?! I asked for clarification, do they genuinely only spend one day with each person, or just one days worth of filming perhaps? but they haven't replied. I'm sorry but if its one day per person filming or not, I don't believe you can permanently overcome a life long fear or phobia in one day. Maybe the thing is im thinking of my self confidence/low self esteem and slight depression, rather than a specific phobia - perhaps its different with phobias than such general things like confidence and depression? I don't know. I'd love to be proven wrong that you can get over things so quickly but my head is telling me its just not like that.
I agree with IzzyS. Any therapist etc worth their salt would break down goals and fears into very small achievable bites over a decent preriod of time. Otherwise the chances of failure/regression are huge.
I agree with IzzyS. Any therapist etc worth their salt would break down goals and fears into very small achievable bites over a decent preriod of time. Otherwise the chances of failure/regression are huge.
I asked them on twitter whether they'd re-visited previous patients (or whatever the correct term may be?), not weeks later but say a year or so later, to see if the issue has re-surfaced at all. They replied to a previous question but not that one. That'll be a 'no' then, I take it.
Todays show was even more bizarre than usual - the girl with the dog phobia, she wasn't thought of as genuinely phobic of dogs at all because she wouldn't mind looking at photos of dogs, which Nik said a real phobic would run a mile from? (because everyone is exactly the same after all(!))
I asked them on twitter whether they'd re-visited previous patients (or whatever the correct term may be?), not weeks later but say a year or so later, to see if the issue has re-surfaced at all. They replied to a previous question but not that one. That'll be a 'no' then, I take it.
Todays show was even more bizarre than usual - the girl with the dog phobia, she wasn't thought of as genuinely phobic of dogs at all because she wouldn't mind looking at photos of dogs, which Nik said a real phobic would run a mile from? (because everyone is exactly the same after all(!))
I could see where Nik was coming from though. She claimed one of the main reasons she feared dogs was because of the way that they look but yet she could still view pictures of them. I think, like with the other people they've treated, it was intended to highlight how irrational her thoughts were. Dogs don't look different in real life to how they look in photos so if you're not scared of looking at them in one of those contexts, you shouldn't be scared of looking at them in the other.
Comments
Well for a start I would go and see a doctor or a medical professional and NOT go on tv with two wierdos who are unqualified and simply "life coaches" who's sole therapy consists of simply saying "you can do it".
Absolute twaddle !
I still like them.
I think you should do some research on thoughts, beliefs etc the Speakmans are great at what they do but they aren't doing anything extraordinarily, they are doing something every single person can do because they're just reprogramming people's minds.
There are a lot of books, videos on youtube on this and processes how to do it, I think the thing is these people who live their lives through fear, fear controls them and they don't beleive they can get help so it blocks their ability to get help so it makes help seem impossible when it actually it is simple.
I have seen myself things that people fear change really fast, it's about getting your brain to understand a situation, they said that today when the woman went into the toilet they said he brain doesn't have the data and evidence to tell her she's OK, so it's important she does it. It makes a lot of sense because previously she was doing everything she could to avoid it, so her brain never experienced that feeling it was ok to be locked in the bathroom. Now she had that evidence she could change.
But yeah it would be good if they could explain more in depth some of the techniques and things because it could really help people. Not just with extreme fears but more common fears too.
And what happens if they did go to the doctor or medical professional and it didn't work.?
Has it perhaps crossed your mind that this was their last resort?
And you say they're weirdos, at least they're there to help people through their phobias as opposed to you just like to people down just to make yourself look good.
Mister, you've got a lot to learn! Period!
Don't let it bother you Martin.
I just read the topic and not very many people seem as interested in how good it is that people are changing their lives but that is their opinion if they wanna be that way.
I don't really care what method people choose, if they believe standing on a bucket for 9 hours and chanting to a unicorn-God cures them of a phobia and it works then it's good for them. As long as they are getting better then that's all that matters, ridiculing people is very easy and none of the sarcastic comments here really added anything useful to the conversation for me, it's more about the people wiring them than the Speakmans.
You'll get judged no matter what you do in life even if you help someone and it works, the most important thing is the people who need help so much like the people in the show are getting help and that's always good.
Not everyone can just change how they think entirely. I just don't believe its as simple as that.
I've read self help books before and attended some classes, talked about things and so on. I attended hypnotherapy sessions for one specific issue but im pretty certain that was more of a placebo thing. I found it hard to really relax as the instructors voice sounded so peculiar, it was hard to take it seriously. I wish we weren't so judgemental about stupid things like that, its ridiculous.
I have handouts and things about challenging negative thoughts and those kind of CBT principles and things but personally, I find its really a bit too simplistic to claim that you can break out of negative thoughts/patterns by challenging yourself every time you think something that you know itsn't really fair. Its maybe not impossible, or a bad thing to work on or anything like that but I just feel that really deep held issues can't be somehow 'cured' by making the person aware of how daft their being by blowing things out of proportions and then asking them to admit that and slowly do whatever it is they were scared of and then they'll be fine. if everything could be conquered like that then wouldn't we all be doing it? can they tell me im daft for being hard on myself and I'll just never be that way again? it doesn't work like that. I have a friend who constantly gives compliments in passing and I've been taught to always acknowledge and thank them for that but does it automatically mean I totally believe what she says? I don't.
I think if I had any specific fears it'd be about my hypercondria and one or two other things.
I know, its sad society is like that, so much judgement on peoples looks, which just backs up worries of what people think of you . I guess its partly natural because there are people who I seem to think whats up with them? something doesn't look right about them and I'd find it hard to open up and work with someone like that if it was in a life coach/therapy type setting, I reckon. Its pretty shallow and sad but if you feel unsettled or edgy then you can't really necessarily open up like you need to, for the 'treatment' to work.
My main concern was/is more that ITV are providing entertainment for viewers by putting forward the 'patients' and having the show mainly consist of them getting upset talking about their problems and how its affected them. I feel slightly uncomfortable seeing anyone break down in front of a camera (it reminds me of when news reporters are at the scene of a tragedy and try to interview friends or relatives of the very recently deceased. Thats more extreme of course but still...) if they are going to be shown doing that, on a show like that, then I feel its only fair to properly show how they were helped, to have a positive to come out of the story other than fast forwarding through discussions with the Speakmans and suddenly they accompany the person to the situation they were fearful of, they prove they've conquered the fear, they breath a sigh of relief and thats it, all over - ehhh?. I don't want someones grief (certainly in the case of todays episode) to be some form of entertainment for daytime TV viewers. Entertainment probably isn't the right word but, do you know what I mean? there's something about the concept and the format I find a little unsettling. I know I don't have to watch it, something about it interests me to watching it (plus or mainly due to me being on holiday im around to watch it too) but I do feel there's something about it that's a little off perhaps? everyone is entitled to their own opinions though.
ETA - also two other points
1 - I presume ITV pay in full for these people to see The Speakmans and receive their 'treatment'?
2 - It'd be interesting if they'd re-visit these people say a year or even a couple of years later, to see if they were still cured of their fears, or do they come back again? little things could potentially trigger a relapse of sorts, perhaps?.
Everyone is different so if it doesn't work for you then that's alright but I'd question if it isn't about changing thoughts then what else is there in life to change because if it's the thoughts that cause the issue then what is beyond that. So, simple to change, yeah that's true it is hard to change a habit though the process of being able to change thoughts as a concept is what is happening, so it is as simple as changing thoughts about things just the how-to actually do it and for it to work is what people struggle with.
I have many methods that work for me but I gave up telling people about them as people either don't want the help, don't beleive they can be helped or it's not the path for them because everyone is different and has different reasons for their trauma's so a one method fits all doesn't exist. I like the Speakmans as they take the person where they are and look at them specifically and what caused their issue.
Yeah, totally agree with this. I read on their twitter that it's an edited show and they do lots of different things with them so perhaps it just looks like it's all fixed up in a day but while I believe it will definitively at least help I think it does look like it's changed permanently and statements like 'changed forever' 'new start' 'never looking back' can set people up, then they feel bad if there's more work to do. But I guess most people watching will consider that.
I liked today's episode anyway, I thought the woman's story about her sister was very interesting, I wish a soap would realize that that is what happens to people when someone they love gets horrifically killed, not a character witnesses a murder then is happy months later. This is real and showing someone suffer real trauma but is able to move on past it is very inspiring. I liked how they taught her to view the thoughts about what happened to the sister differently.
So chatting to a couple of weirdos that look like retired 1980s porn stars cures bi-polar, does it? Medical history in the making.
Does the bloke own that replica Back to the Future DeLorean that he uses in 'therapy'?
“I was told by the U.K.’s leading expert on the subject I was one of the worst cases of bipolar disorder he had ever seen and I was going to be on medication for the rest of my life.., I spiralled into a deeply depressed self-medicated mess and I know for a fact were it not for Nik and Eva Speakman I would be dead now. I have been clean of all drugs prescribed and otherwise for more than 2 and a half years and that is totally down to Nick and Eva Speakman’s fantastic work.”
Kerry Katona, May 2012 – actress
http://www.speakman.tv/#!/page_Testimonials_Kerry_Katona
Men! Who can believe anything that chav coke-head says?
Eh?
Actress huh? I thought she was a singer and reality TV 'star'. Is that a form of admission that the reality TV programs are staged? not that I watch it anyway.
Bipolar isn't something that can be cured as such, from the little I know of it, its like alcoholism, it has to be managed a day at a time and relapses can happen years after successful supposed treatment, I believe?.
Yeah that was pretty much my thinking at first. Apparently the show is edited down though and I don't think they've claimed they can cure 'general' depression, its people with specific fears/phobias they they treat.
Sorry I amended my post after you quoted it. Yeah they obviously film more than what is shown on the program but it does seem to be done in one day. I'd love to be proved wrong though and that they were working with people over a number of sessions which is then edited together, but I don't think that's the case.
Maybe Kerry said something but that's her statement.
I'm still editing mine - oops
I feel a bit sorry for the patient/person, when is it Nik Speakman speaks quite abruptly and says, like in todays show for example I think he said to her that you are making your family members relive and suffer your sisters death on a near daily basis, not just yourself. Your making them have to deal with that - I know its important they realise what an impact their phobia or issue has on others and I've no doubt she was aware of it beforehand but she obviously struggled and felt she couldn't deal with it on her own - that form of words feels a bit too much like enforcing guilt on her which I feel maybe isn't entirely fair? she didn't want to be in her mindset, thats why she asked for help - re-enforcing how selfish or unfair she's been to others in that sort of a way, is it really that constructive? I've no doubt he'd argue it was necessary to bring the point to home. The people involved must be rather brave to allow it to be shown on TV, to be honest, I'd be rather embarrased, like that girl with the dental phobia, when Nik Speakman said 'ok so your fine with having your boyfriend kiss your mouth with all the bugs and germs in there but your not fine with a dentist using sterile instruments to check and clean it?' eek...I'd have been like 'its none of your business what we do!'
I can relate to that - I'm not always good with giving advice to friends and so on, I've probably made more mistakes and im not sure I could identify what the right ways of dealing with some things are, it very much depends on the person but I've known people who got very frustrated because I didn't agree with how they saw things and basically said that there's no point in talking about things anymore if I wouldn't take the advice they gave. Everyones different though, what works for one may not for another. I'm happy to listen and allow people to talk about things, just to get concerns/frustrations off their chest - sometimes just talking things through can help and they may even figure out what they need to do just from vocalising things, if your lucky. I think I sort of feel like who am I to suggest, or tell people what to do?.
What is their twitter account, out of interest? im curious now. About using such terms as 'changed forever', I think of when I attended a course about self confidence (I think it was that one anyway) and they wanted everyone to set a goal to challenge themselves but they talked at length about how to set achievable goals, the importance of breaking things down in to sort of manageable chunks and how very important it is to not build your hopes up by setting big, unrealistic goals. Its fine to want to eventually be cured of a phobia or some such but instead of setting that as your goal, you'd break it down in to many smaller ones, such as talk about it with close friends or/and relatives, think through why your so scared or whatever it is, challenge your fear, possibly seek a therapist/hypnotherapist and so on and so forth and every time you'd achieved one of those things, mark it off as complete and know you hadn't failed but if you go in guns blazing, saying your going to be totally cured in a short(ish?) space of time and it doesn't happen, then you feel even worse, dejected. Its important to take things a step at a time and not pin all your hopes on one thing like that, if you know what I mean?.
Regarding soaps, I remember my mum once commenting in Neighbours they had a character who had a stroke and within a month or two, she was apparently totally back to normal! a likely story(!).
Haha the Neighbours thing is so true. There was a guy on it who had the same injury as I had which took me 3 months to heal from and he was lifting weights in a couple of weeks.
Regarding telling people what to do, it seems that there is this guy I found on youtube who posted a video about the Speakmans, who is a hypnotherapist, he has basically said what you are saying and what I agree with that you just have to choose what works for you and you have to beleive the person is right for you, it's very interesting. He's picking up on what he thinks is missing from the show:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqyWaahWB2c
Yes I agree with you about the breaking it down thing, and focusing on progress made not setting a huge goal then wanting it fixed quickly. I think this is the only bug about the show I have, that it really is setting it up like you can cure a big massive problem in one go or very quickly where as it might take some time. I think even if they just said to the camera "this might take a little while to get going" or said at the end the person had a few sessions then the phobia was gone it would be more helpful.
I like your idea about talking things through or just listening to people, I think that is always worth it, sometimes though it's other people or shame or embarrassment that is the problem or anger about them that makes that hard to talk to people. One thing I do that I really get a lot out of is if I feel anxious or messed up I get notepad out on my laptop and just write all the stuff in my head - if it makes no sense even just literally 'I feel upset' then 'I hate this' and do that for about 5 minutes (lots of swearing and calling people names I wouldn't to their face) then when I feel I've done enough just close it, without saving then go and do something else and it always makes me feel better, nor right away but a few minutes after I feel clearer & it seems to just go after that.
I guess in Speakman speak it's letting it go or something, I'm always eager for hearing stuff other people do to change their minds if you know any good videos or techniques please share. Maybe other people can post too. ;-)
Yeah, the real concern that comes to my mind is if someone who is quite sensitive ( like I can be
There is a lot of shame but the irony is, I think some fears are more common than people realise, for that reason alone - people feel they'll be laughed at or thought of as lame/daft/silly or whatever if they admit that they feel scared of certain things. If they opened up about it, maybe we'd realise a lot of worries are commonplace but someone has to agree to speak up about it and admit it first and sometimes you get posts on sites like this where people might say oh what a silly thingt o be scared of (not that anyone has said this here but they might on another similar forum) and that might put others off saying I can relate to that person.
The jotting notes down strategy/idea is a good one - I do that. I have a friend in the south of England that I email regularly and just sitting down and typing about whats been stressing me out helps. If I vocalise things, it can become a bit too emotive and I wind myself up, so sometimes typing or writing is actually better in a sense, plus like you say you can read it back and maybe pick up on things or get a better sense of perspective from it, than if you just blurted things out. Its better to get things off your chest than bottle it up but its best to be careful where and when you do it, thats for sure lol ie. in a safe environment that won't escalate things.
All I can think of right now is the whole challenging negative thought patterns thing - questioning why criticisms come to mind, why you want to avoid situations so much, are you being realistic or imagining things will happen that you have no real proof will happen? question what is the worst outcome if you do go ahead and attempt whatever it is that really bothers you. It was all about being aware of your thoughts and when you think something very critical, analysing it, determine if its a fair evaluation and if not then visualise wiping it away and exchange, or replace, it for a more fair statement - like ok if I go to this work lunch I won't be hated for seeming quiet, I won't have a heart attack, people will probably not notice me on my own at first as they'll be busy talking to others they know and after a while I'll get used to the room im in and it'll feel less scary. I admit I'll feel nervous and thats normal but I won't be endangering my life attending it, if anything, others might be glad to see me for once - maybe that sort of thing. I still hate buffet lunch meetings at work though lol.
I'll maybe check that video out later. Oh and by the way I saw on their twitter account that todays episode covers two peoples story, one with an issue to do with pinching skin(?) and another with a phobia of dogs. I said one criticism/concern of mine is that they show so little of the 'treatment' in the show and they replied
One day?! I asked for clarification, do they genuinely only spend one day with each person, or just one days worth of filming perhaps? but they haven't replied. I'm sorry but if its one day per person filming or not, I don't believe you can permanently overcome a life long fear or phobia in one day. Maybe the thing is im thinking of my self confidence/low self esteem and slight depression, rather than a specific phobia - perhaps its different with phobias than such general things like confidence and depression? I don't know. I'd love to be proven wrong that you can get over things so quickly but my head is telling me its just not like that.
In a word - yes.
I asked them on twitter whether they'd re-visited previous patients (or whatever the correct term may be?), not weeks later but say a year or so later, to see if the issue has re-surfaced at all. They replied to a previous question but not that one. That'll be a 'no' then, I take it.
Todays show was even more bizarre than usual - the girl with the dog phobia, she wasn't thought of as genuinely phobic of dogs at all because she wouldn't mind looking at photos of dogs, which Nik said a real phobic would run a mile from? (because everyone is exactly the same after all(!))
I could see where Nik was coming from though. She claimed one of the main reasons she feared dogs was because of the way that they look but yet she could still view pictures of them. I think, like with the other people they've treated, it was intended to highlight how irrational her thoughts were. Dogs don't look different in real life to how they look in photos so if you're not scared of looking at them in one of those contexts, you shouldn't be scared of looking at them in the other.