Northcroft, is it that the 8yr old doesn't want to be alone? Or is it your fiancé doesn't want to be alone (and risk you making advances)?
Because they are two very different things. You can't make your fiancee get better, she has to do that and accept she has a problem. If she doesn't want to, then you have to decide whether to stay and accept that or leave.
My son slept in my bed until he was 10. He was a bag of nerves and too afraid to be alone, and it was the right thing at that time. Worldwide I believe it's more normal for children to sleep with their parents than not. It's just stigmatised here, possibly connected with our oversexualised culture - after all who can be an amateur porn star with a kid in their bed:D
But I suppose the difference was that it was just me and him, and I was fine with it. Your partner sounds very immature to turn things into a contest 'she was here first' - who cares? It's not a competition. You sound unhappy with her, so if I were you I'd get yourself together and move on. There's no point threatening to leave to emotionally blackmail her into changing. It would only be temporary. Acceptance or change are your only options. If you don't think you'd find a better set-up alone (I don't know if you work and would have anywhere to live) then you just have to put up with it.
I think you need to ask yourself if you are truly happy in the relationship. If not, and things won't change, then I think you need to be brave and split up. You don't want to leave it only to find in the future that you have let the best years of your life pass by in an unhappy situation when you could be happier with someone else or even on your own.
Zzzzzz. Seriously? Could you not just of read the first thread over again?
Agree with all of these. You were given advice on your last thread yet you chose to ignore it and just post again in the hope that you'll hear what you want to hear. People started to see through you in the last thread which is why it was closed.
I'm not asking anything except if people think its right that an 8 year old sleeps with her mother ffs
I don't think it is right and should not be encouraged especially as your "partner" sounds completely filthy not having had a wash for months!
Will that do as a straight answer?
I'm not asking anything except if people think its right that an 8 year old sleeps with her mother ffs
I think that its one of many things thats not right about her and your relationship.
Does she change the bedsheets or do they stink as well, as I don't think her daughter should be sleeping in a dirty bed with a dirty person, does she bath her daughter?
dearmrman, i think you have answered your own question really. Your daughter has always co-slept and then losing her mum probably means she wants to be with you too, even at bedtimes.
Eventually I'm sure she'll make her own way to her own bed. I can't imagine many teenaged girls wanting to share a bed with their parent! But if you feel she needs help after losing her mum, then there is help out there. Does she talk to you about why she won't sleep in her own room?
I'm not asking anything except if people think its right that an 8 year old sleeps with her mother ffs
Unfortunately this is a public forum and you're asking for people's advice. So in short, no, I won't 'go away'. Do you want all the other posters that said the same as me to 'go away' too?
dearmrman, i think you have answered your own question really. Your daughter has always co-slept and then losing her mum probably means she wants to be with you too, even at bedtimes.
Eventually I'm sure she'll make her own way to her own bed. I can't imagine many teenaged girls wanting to share a bed with their parent! But if you feel she needs help after losing her mum, then there is help out there. Does she talk to you about why she won't sleep in her own room?
She doesn't like being by herself was the answer. She used to do it when her mum was alive and I had her for the weekends.
But what didn't help was her mum saying how wrong it was for my daughter to be sleeping in my bed. Which I got rather annoyed about, especially as I thought her mum was to blame for the situation by allowing her to sleep in her bed for the best part of 4/5 years. Please also note we didn't argue this in front of the child.
I think it is reassurance plus it is all she has known as well, perhaps no need to worry yet then, and eventually she will want to be in her own room.
I don't think it is right and should not be encouraged especially as your "partner" sounds completely filthy not having had a wash for months!
Will that do as a straight answer?
I think that its one of many things thats not right about her and your relationship.
Does she change the bedsheets or do they stink as well, as I don't think her daughter should be sleeping in a dirty bed with a dirty person, does she bath her daughter?
This is the thing, she washes and changes the sheets on the day her daughter comes back, so every 8 days.
She doesn't bathe her daughter no, her daughter always comes here from her dads looking clean and with lovely clean long hair.
When she leaves here her hair has dulled especially
I've asked my partner lots of times to bathe her daughter, especially during warm weather or if we've been places of activity (play places, park etc)
I slept with my mum until we moved at abou 12 years old as there was only two bedrooms in our house, its not uncommon for parents or siblings to sleep together its just society for some reasons seems to view everything negativitley
But you must understand that there is more to it than that? Thats why I asked, is it the 8yr old's choice or her mums?
Hmm both really
The 8 year old just wont sleep in her own bed, and my partner won't even push her into doing so
A little thing from October time.
My mother wanted to stay the night as she occasionally works down here.
No worries.
This was a time my partners daughter was here, so that night my mum had the spare room (where I sleep), the daughter had her own bed and me and my partner slept in the main bedroom.
At 830pm my partner put her daughter to bed, then came downstairs and we chatted with mum etc.
At 10pm my partner announced she was tired, so went up to bed and me and mum stayed chatting til 1130, then she went to bed and i finished off reading my book and went upstairs at midnight.
Go into the bedroom and my partner and daughter are sleeping together.
So I have the settee downstairs to sleep on, and as all the blankets are taken up i have to get the daughters child size duvet and my coat and sleep under that
I don't get much sleep and my mums an early riser so she comes into the front room at 6am and wakes me up by just moving around (I'm a light sleeper)
I try and get back to sleep but I'm just dozing
At about 7am my partner comes downstairs and my mum makes a jokey remark "I see he's on the settee, you kick him out for snoring?"
My partner says "oh no, I sleep with my daughter, she comes first and he has to realise it, my daughter will always come first"
Later on I saw mum and she didn't know what to say when my partner came out with that statement :rolleyes:
Hmm both really
The 8 year old just wont sleep in her own bed, and my partner won't even push her into doing so
A little thing from October time.
My mother wanted to stay the night as she occasionally works down here.
No worries.
This was a time my partners daughter was here, so that night my mum had the spare room (where I sleep), the daughter had her own bed and me and my partner slept in the main bedroom.
At 830pm my partner put her daughter to bed, then came downstairs and we chatted with mum etc.
At 10pm my partner announced she was tired, so went up to bed and me and mum stayed chatting til 1130, then she went to bed and i finished off reading my book and went upstairs at midnight.
Go into the bedroom and my partner and daughter are sleeping together.
So I have the settee downstairs to sleep on, and as all the blankets are taken up i have to get the daughters child size duvet and my coat and sleep under that
I don't get much sleep and my mums an early riser so she comes into the front room at 6am and wakes me up by just moving around (I'm a light sleeper)
I try and get back to sleep but I'm just dozing
At about 7am my partner comes downstairs and my mum makes a jokey remark "I see he's on the settee, you kick him out for snoring?"
My partner says "oh no, I sleep with my daughter, she comes first and he has to realise it, my daughter will always come first"
Later on I saw mum and she didn't know what to say when my partner came out with that statement :rolleyes:
She is not a partner then. She is just somebody you are associated with. That is not the behaviour of someone you are supposed to love and be loved by. You're wasting your time with that person in my opinion. Get out!
Comments
you wife hasent had a bath since then???
have i missed something here?
:eek:
Well, she's my fiancée
She's depressed, won't come near me, wont be intimate, and won't go get Prozac off the doc as she's emetephobic
Because they are two very different things. You can't make your fiancee get better, she has to do that and accept she has a problem. If she doesn't want to, then you have to decide whether to stay and accept that or leave.
But I suppose the difference was that it was just me and him, and I was fine with it. Your partner sounds very immature to turn things into a contest 'she was here first' - who cares? It's not a competition. You sound unhappy with her, so if I were you I'd get yourself together and move on. There's no point threatening to leave to emotionally blackmail her into changing. It would only be temporary. Acceptance or change are your only options. If you don't think you'd find a better set-up alone (I don't know if you work and would have anywhere to live) then you just have to put up with it.
I think you need to ask yourself if you are truly happy in the relationship. If not, and things won't change, then I think you need to be brave and split up. You don't want to leave it only to find in the future that you have let the best years of your life pass by in an unhappy situation when you could be happier with someone else or even on your own.
oh right, i wish you both luck
Agree with all of these. You were given advice on your last thread yet you chose to ignore it and just post again in the hope that you'll hear what you want to hear. People started to see through you in the last thread which is why it was closed.
I'm not asking anything except if people think its right that an 8 year old sleeps with her mother ffs
I don't think it is right and should not be encouraged especially as your "partner" sounds completely filthy not having had a wash for months!
Will that do as a straight answer?
I think that its one of many things thats not right about her and your relationship.
Does she change the bedsheets or do they stink as well, as I don't think her daughter should be sleeping in a dirty bed with a dirty person, does she bath her daughter?
But you must understand that there is more to it than that? Thats why I asked, is it the 8yr old's choice or her mums?
I have tried to get her to sleep in her own room, but she just will not do it, maybe I should not push her just yet, but what do you guys think?
Bit of a background to see if it helps with any answers:
She always used to sleep in the same bed as her mum, since being out of a cot, so has never slept in her own room.
Plus her mum died last summer, so perhaps now it is for reassurance.
Eventually I'm sure she'll make her own way to her own bed. I can't imagine many teenaged girls wanting to share a bed with their parent! But if you feel she needs help after losing her mum, then there is help out there. Does she talk to you about why she won't sleep in her own room?
Unfortunately this is a public forum and you're asking for people's advice. So in short, no, I won't 'go away'. Do you want all the other posters that said the same as me to 'go away' too?
She doesn't like being by herself was the answer. She used to do it when her mum was alive and I had her for the weekends.
But what didn't help was her mum saying how wrong it was for my daughter to be sleeping in my bed. Which I got rather annoyed about, especially as I thought her mum was to blame for the situation by allowing her to sleep in her bed for the best part of 4/5 years. Please also note we didn't argue this in front of the child.
I think it is reassurance plus it is all she has known as well, perhaps no need to worry yet then, and eventually she will want to be in her own room.
Where have the other three kids gone? And you said before the daughter was your daughter, that's changed now and she's not yours.
Perfect, thank you :-)
This is the thing, she washes and changes the sheets on the day her daughter comes back, so every 8 days.
She doesn't bathe her daughter no, her daughter always comes here from her dads looking clean and with lovely clean long hair.
When she leaves here her hair has dulled especially
I've asked my partner lots of times to bathe her daughter, especially during warm weather or if we've been places of activity (play places, park etc)
I never said she was my daughter.
My partner has 2 other children, a girl of 16 and a boy of 21, they both live in Scotland
So you don't actually want 'advice' you want people to agree with your opinion....
This thread belongs in general discussion...
Are we going to be subject again to the feeding of ever more bizarre scenarios, a la your previous thread?
Hmm both really
The 8 year old just wont sleep in her own bed, and my partner won't even push her into doing so
A little thing from October time.
My mother wanted to stay the night as she occasionally works down here.
No worries.
This was a time my partners daughter was here, so that night my mum had the spare room (where I sleep), the daughter had her own bed and me and my partner slept in the main bedroom.
At 830pm my partner put her daughter to bed, then came downstairs and we chatted with mum etc.
At 10pm my partner announced she was tired, so went up to bed and me and mum stayed chatting til 1130, then she went to bed and i finished off reading my book and went upstairs at midnight.
Go into the bedroom and my partner and daughter are sleeping together.
So I have the settee downstairs to sleep on, and as all the blankets are taken up i have to get the daughters child size duvet and my coat and sleep under that
I don't get much sleep and my mums an early riser so she comes into the front room at 6am and wakes me up by just moving around (I'm a light sleeper)
I try and get back to sleep but I'm just dozing
At about 7am my partner comes downstairs and my mum makes a jokey remark "I see he's on the settee, you kick him out for snoring?"
My partner says "oh no, I sleep with my daughter, she comes first and he has to realise it, my daughter will always come first"
Later on I saw mum and she didn't know what to say when my partner came out with that statement :rolleyes:
She is not a partner then. She is just somebody you are associated with. That is not the behaviour of someone you are supposed to love and be loved by. You're wasting your time with that person in my opinion. Get out!