Daily rants

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,313
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    Ramo1234 wrote: »
    hee hee :D

    :D

    I love this thread :D
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,313
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    Ramo1234 wrote: »
    Oh dear! So not only is there Tink and Ebony but there's also Snowted :o

    And Sylvester-Stallone was one! And perryperry77 but that didn't last long.
  • cfc86cfc86 Posts: 31,809
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    Not really a rant but more a 'I need to get this out before I go insane' post. Although I'll probably end up regretting it in the morning. Also apologies to Ebony for hijacking her thread.

    Where to start? I'm 28 and feel absolutely shite.

    My father died 8 years ago, near my birthday, and lately I've been having dreams about when I saw him in his coffin. I've never got the image out of my mind and for a while after he died I kept imagining I was seeing him. I'm not anymore except in the dreams but it's got to the point I don't want to sleep incase I have that dream. Nothing happens. It's just me in a room and my dad in the coffin like 8 years ago.

    My sister is soon moving away to live with her girlfriend. I'm happy for her but for as long as I remember it was always me and her. I didn't have friends growing up so she was the only friend I had. My best friend. Through my illness to just hanging out. Since she got a girlfriend though we've not really seen each other. I have two other sisters and I get on with one so I still have someone. The other sister we were never close.

    I have bad depression and anxiety. I can't walk down the street much without fear so when I go out I get a taxi. I was acrophobic for 6 months 4 years ago so what friends I had I have now lost. During that time I did drink every night which with my condition isn't good. Cider or vodka or both. I did get help and I don't drink much now and thankfully I didn't damage my body with the drink. I still have the anxiety and depression and occasionally the thought of going outside scares me but I haven't said anything to anyone until now.

    I have no friends. I go out sometimes and people know me but I wouldn't call them friends. I do like my own company but sometimes it would be nice having someone there for you. When you're down or just want someone to talk to but it isn't easy me meeting people. Some days I get nervous going outside and when I do I can't talk because I worry I'll criticised or say something wrong. I can't even look people in the eyes. I fumble my hands about and look at the ground or anything except the person.

    That's about it. I'm not one for woe is me but it's been eating me up inside and after tonight with getting frustrated, and almost crying, I had to get it out somewhere. My doctor knows about the anxiety and everything but I've just been saying I'm fine as I don't want to keep people waiting.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,313
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    cfc86 wrote: »
    Not really a rant but more a 'I need to get this out before I go insane' post. Although I'll probably end up regretting it in the morning. Also apologies to Ebony for hijacking her thread.

    Where to start? I'm 28 and feel absolutely shite.

    My father died 8 years ago, near my birthday, and lately I've been having dreams about when I saw him in his coffin. I've never got the image out of my mind and for a while after he died I kept imagining I was seeing him. I'm not anymore except in the dreams but it's got to the point I don't want to sleep incase I have that dream. Nothing happens. It's just me in a room and my dad in the coffin like 8 years ago.

    My sister is soon moving away to live with her girlfriend. I'm happy for her but for as long as I remember it was always me and her. I didn't have friends growing up so she was the only friend I had. My best friend. Through my illness to just hanging out. Since she got a girlfriend though we've not really seen each other. I have two other sisters and I get on with one so I still have someone. The other sister we were never close.

    I have bad depression and anxiety. I can't walk down the street much without fear so when I go out I get a taxi. I was acrophobic for 6 months 4 years ago so what friends I had I have now lost. During that time I did drink every night which with my condition isn't good. Cider or vodka or both. I did get help and I don't drink much now and thankfully I didn't damage my body with the drink. I still have the anxiety and depression and occasionally the thought of going outside scares me but I haven't said anything to anyone until now.

    I have no friends. I go out sometimes and people know me but I wouldn't call them friends. I do like my own company but sometimes it would be nice having someone there for you. When you're down or just want someone to talk to but it isn't easy me meeting people. Some days I get nervous going outside and when I do I can't talk because I worry I'll criticised or say something wrong. I can't even look people in the eyes. I fumble my hands about and look at the ground or anything except the person.

    That's about it. I'm not one for woe is me but it's been eating me up inside and after tonight within getting frustrated, and almost crying, I had to get it out somewhere.

    :( I lost my dad around 8yrs ago, though I'm older than you and that does make a difference. I still see him in people on the street, driving a car that goes past or anything like that. It's completely normal, but a pretty horrible when that reminder is that it's your mind playing tricks and they can't possibly be that person. The dreams will pass, bad dreams are a part of anxiety.

    I hate saying this stuff on the net because it can sound patronising, but well done on recognising the fear of going out. It's that recognition that means you can deal with it rather than let it take hold.

    It sounds like you're going through a lot of change and are really feeling isolated at the moment. So 1) See your doc about the increased anxiety, depression and the agoraphobia sneaking back in. 2) When you're ready try to make the time to find an activity that will introduce you to new people. 3) Keep talking, never feel that there's nobody to hear you, there is.

    Sickly and sloppy virtual hugs being sent x
  • tiacattiacat Posts: 22,521
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    Garlic herb crusted salmon for dinner, I helped by emptying the packets of the garlic gratin and breadcrumbs :D

    On fire!
  • sadmuppetsadmuppet Posts: 8,222
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    Odd Socks wrote: »
    :( I lost my dad around 8yrs ago, though I'm older than you and that does make a difference. I still see him in people on the street, driving a car that goes past or anything like that. It's completely normal, but a pretty horrible when that reminder is that it's your mind playing tricks and they can't possibly be that person. The dreams will pass, bad dreams are a part of anxiety.

    I hate saying this stuff on the net because it can sound patronising, but well done on recognising the fear of going out. It's that recognition that means you can deal with it rather than let it take hold.

    It sounds like you're going through a lot of change and are really feeling isolated at the moment. So 1) See your doc about the increased anxiety, depression and the agoraphobia sneaking back in. 2) When you're ready try to make the time to find an activity that will introduce you to new people. 3) Keep talking, never feel that there's nobody to hear you, there is.

    Sickly and sloppy virtual hugs being sent x


    cfc86 - sorry to hear you are feeling so rubbish at the moment, more virtual hugs from me.

    BIB above - is sound advice. Please don't be afraid to see the doctor because you feel like you are time wasting - it's what they are there for. It might be helpful to print off the post you wrote and take it for the Doc to read to show how you're feeling as sometimes it's more difficult to verbalise once you're there.

    Hope you manage to find some relief soon.
  • EbonyHamsterEbonyHamster Posts: 8,175
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    cfc86 wrote: »
    Not really a rant but more a 'I need to get this out before I go insane' post. Although I'll probably end up regretting it in the morning. Also apologies to Ebony for hijacking her thread.

    Where to start? I'm 28 and feel absolutely shite.

    My father died 8 years ago, near my birthday, and lately I've been having dreams about when I saw him in his coffin. I've never got the image out of my mind and for a while after he died I kept imagining I was seeing him. I'm not anymore except in the dreams but it's got to the point I don't want to sleep incase I have that dream. Nothing happens. It's just me in a room and my dad in the coffin like 8 years ago.

    My sister is soon moving away to live with her girlfriend. I'm happy for her but for as long as I remember it was always me and her. I didn't have friends growing up so she was the only friend I had. My best friend. Through my illness to just hanging out. Since she got a girlfriend though we've not really seen each other. I have two other sisters and I get on with one so I still have someone. The other sister we were never close.

    I have bad depression and anxiety. I can't walk down the street much without fear so when I go out I get a taxi. I was acrophobic for 6 months 4 years ago so what friends I had I have now lost. During that time I did drink every night which with my condition isn't good. Cider or vodka or both. I did get help and I don't drink much now and thankfully I didn't damage my body with the drink. I still have the anxiety and depression and occasionally the thought of going outside scares me but I haven't said anything to anyone until now.

    I have no friends. I go out sometimes and people know me but I wouldn't call them friends. I do like my own company but sometimes it would be nice having someone there for you. When you're down or just want someone to talk to but it isn't easy me meeting people. Some days I get nervous going outside and when I do I can't talk because I worry I'll criticised or say something wrong. I can't even look people in the eyes. I fumble my hands about and look at the ground or anything except the person.

    That's about it. I'm not one for woe is me but it's been eating me up inside and after tonight with getting frustrated, and almost crying, I had to get it out somewhere. My doctor knows about the anxiety and everything but I've just been saying I'm fine as I don't want to keep people waiting.

    this thread isn't just my thread, its s thread for everyone to post their rants in so no apology needed

    im sorry you're feeling this way, maybe its time to stop telling your doctor you feel fine?

    i know what its like to lose a parent, i don't even dream about my mum which does make me a bit sad

    you have us on here if you need to chat, rant, want a laugh etc so don't forget that!
    tiacat wrote: »
    On fire!

    i know you're being sarcastic but in actually proud of what I've done in the past few days

    you're probably going to say its not a lot but its a lot to me
  • tiacattiacat Posts: 22,521
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    this thread isn't just my thread, its s thread for everyone to post their rants in so no apology needed

    im sorry you're feeling this way, maybe its time to stop telling your doctor you feel fine?

    i know what its like to lose a parent, i don't even dream about my mum which does make me a bit sad

    you have us on here if you need to chat, rant, want a laugh etc so don't forget that!



    i know you're being sarcastic but in actually proud of what I've done in the past few days

    you're probably going to say its not a lot but its a lot to me

    Perhaps you dont see the irony in quoting my post and your answer to it, in with someone elses post who is attempting to triumph over genuine, heartbreaking adversity and having a very tough time of it whist you manipulate your symptoms and feel 'its a lot to you' because you sprinkled a packet of breadcrumbs on a bit of fish.

    It would be a lot to someone who genuinely had been struggling with movement and dexterity, someone who is recovering from a stroke for example or a terrible car accident and this might have been the first movement in many months or even years that was significant. But not to someone who has been boasting about their weight lifting and who was moaning about not being invited to their cousin's wedding.

    Sorry but it doesnt cut any ice with me.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 85
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    Garlic herb crusted salmon for dinner, I helped by emptying the packets of the garlic gratin and breadcrumbs :D
    i know you're being sarcastic but in actually proud of what I've done in the past few days

    you're probably going to say its not a lot but its a lot to me

    The difficultly is that you already post that you drink your drinks in pint glasses, you spend hours typing, you play with hamsters, you do colouring in for your scrapbook & take photos. So it's hard to understand why empting a packet of breadcrumbs is a big achievement. If anything, I would have thought it's easier than the things you've already said you do daily.
  • tiacattiacat Posts: 22,521
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    cfc86 wrote: »
    Not really a rant but more a 'I need to get this out before I go insane' post. Although I'll probably end up regretting it in the morning. Also apologies to Ebony for hijacking her thread.

    Where to start? I'm 28 and feel absolutely shite.

    My father died 8 years ago, near my birthday, and lately I've been having dreams about when I saw him in his coffin. I've never got the image out of my mind and for a while after he died I kept imagining I was seeing him. I'm not anymore except in the dreams but it's got to the point I don't want to sleep incase I have that dream. Nothing happens. It's just me in a room and my dad in the coffin like 8 years ago.

    My sister is soon moving away to live with her girlfriend. I'm happy for her but for as long as I remember it was always me and her. I didn't have friends growing up so she was the only friend I had. My best friend. Through my illness to just hanging out. Since she got a girlfriend though we've not really seen each other. I have two other sisters and I get on with one so I still have someone. The other sister we were never close.

    I have bad depression and anxiety. I can't walk down the street much without fear so when I go out I get a taxi. I was acrophobic for 6 months 4 years ago so what friends I had I have now lost. During that time I did drink every night which with my condition isn't good. Cider or vodka or both. I did get help and I don't drink much now and thankfully I didn't damage my body with the drink. I still have the anxiety and depression and occasionally the thought of going outside scares me but I haven't said anything to anyone until now.

    I have no friends. I go out sometimes and people know me but I wouldn't call them friends. I do like my own company but sometimes it would be nice having someone there for you. When you're down or just want someone to talk to but it isn't easy me meeting people. Some days I get nervous going outside and when I do I can't talk because I worry I'll criticised or say something wrong. I can't even look people in the eyes. I fumble my hands about and look at the ground or anything except the person.

    That's about it. I'm not one for woe is me but it's been eating me up inside and after tonight with getting frustrated, and almost crying, I had to get it out somewhere. My doctor knows about the anxiety and everything but I've just been saying I'm fine as I don't want to keep people waiting.

    You may be having a delayed grief reaction and your emotions have hit you in one big lump. Its normal to feel insecure and bereft, mixed up with anger and loss and this will lead to the other symptoms you reported like the anxiety and panic.

    Please go to your GP, its ok to need medication for severe depression and anxiety to get you to a point where you can start to deal with it in other ways (talking to others etc).

    There is also CRUSE who offer bereavement counselling.

    My OH lost his mother when he was young, he is a grown father of 3 adult children now and still has nightmares and dreams about his mum. Its not unusual at all. Book a double appointment and explain that you need to talk to the GP (or practice nurse) about your mental health and they should book you in with the most suitable GP in the surgery for this.
  • housegirlhousegirl Posts: 6,017
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    The difficultly is that you already post that you drink your drinks in pint glasses, you spend hours typing, you play with hamsters, you do colouring in for your scrapbook & take photos. So it's hard to understand why empting a packet of breadcrumbs is a big achievement. If anything, I would have thought it's easier than the things you've already said you do daily.

    Spot on, then again lierers have to have good memories. But I do think they are just another WUM on DS.
  • EbonyHamsterEbonyHamster Posts: 8,175
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    tiacat wrote: »
    Perhaps you dont see the irony in quoting my post and your answer to it, in with someone elses post who is attempting to triumph over genuine, heartbreaking adversity and having a very tough time of it whist you manipulate your symptoms and feel 'its a lot to you' because you sprinkled a packet of breadcrumbs on a bit of fish.

    It would be a lot to someone who genuinely had been struggling with movement and dexterity, someone who is recovering from a stroke for example or a terrible car accident and this might have been the first movement in many months or even years that was significant. But not to someone who has been boasting about their weight lifting and who was moaning about not being invited to their cousin's wedding.

    Sorry but it doesnt cut any ice with me.

    At the risk of repeating myself

    I don't really care if you don't believe me, you have no idea how this condition affects me
    The difficultly is that you already post that you drink your drinks in pint glasses, you spend hours typing, you play with hamsters, you do colouring in for your scrapbook & take photos. So it's hard to understand why empting a packet of breadcrumbs is a big achievement. If anything, I would have thought it's easier than the things you've already said you do daily.

    I get help with all of those things (aside from the typing but it's on a ipad so it's just finger touching screen)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,313
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    At the risk of repeating myself

    I don't really care if you don't believe me, you have no idea how this condition affects me



    I get help with all of those things (aside from the typing but it's on a ipad so it's just finger touching screen)

    Ebony, contradictions about seriously you are effected is all over the Internet though.

    It's not that people here are heartless, they're good, supportive people. It's that nothing makes sense about your illness and treatment and you've been caught out a thousand times, not just here.

    Why did you post the stuff here that you did about disabled people for instance in 2011 when you had a different username?

    And once again, offering support to a genuine forum member has been derailed into talking about you and your non-problems again.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 85
    Forum Member
    At the risk of repeating myself

    I don't really care if you don't believe me, you have no idea how this condition affects me


    I get help with all of those things (aside from the typing but it's on a ipad so it's just finger touching screen)

    So just to clarify - you can't do the most basic of tasks without help but you don't think it's worth seeing a specialist or occupational therapist?
  • FilliAFilliA Posts: 864
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    Ebony can I ask you if you have any understanding of the reasons why you have been banned from so many boards, and if it makes you feel bad or indeed if you feel anything when it happens?
  • tiacattiacat Posts: 22,521
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    So just to clarify - you can't do the most basic of tasks without help but you don't think it's worth seeing a specialist or occupational therapist?

    I was just about to say the same thing, this is someone on low level over the counter pain killers, but she cant pick up a hamster or do colouring in (am I sending an email at work about one of the young people Im working with???) and its a big achievement to sprinkle breadcrumbs - Tinks did you manage to open the packet yourself or did you need help with that bit? - and yet there is no other service or assessment in place.

    It beggars belief

    And, such a deterioration in the space of a couple of years.

    Amazing. Or Amazeballs as the youngsters would say.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,313
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    So just to clarify - you can't do the most basic of tasks without help but you don't think it's worth seeing a specialist or occupational therapist?

    It so bad that the strongest pain relief she takes is ibuprofen. She has no repeat prescription or med reviews or anything else associated with the treatment of long term chronic pain.

    The rest of her meds consist of a lesser dosage of codeine than can be bought over the counter and vitamin pills, supplements and the like.

    She is in constant pain but refuses to see a specialist because it's not needed. She also treats dislocations at home, they don't get recorded for this reason.

    That's just the story on this forum though.
  • EbonyHamsterEbonyHamster Posts: 8,175
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    FilliA wrote: »
    Ebony can I ask you if you have any understanding of the reasons why you have been banned from so many boards, and if it makes you feel bad or indeed if you feel anything when it happens?

    I don't feel bad no, why should I
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,313
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    I don't feel bad no, why should I

    I still want to know what you posted what you did here about disabled people in your other account.

    ETA: I'm sure you know DS rules on having more than one account?
  • FilliAFilliA Posts: 864
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    I don't feel bad no, why should I

    If I was doing something that was important to me and an anonymous stranger decided to ban me I'd feel rejected from that community and frustrated that I couldn't carry on conversations anymore.

    Do you have any understanding of why your accounts keep being banned from so many sites?
  • Frankie_LittleFrankie_Little Posts: 9,271
    Forum Member
    Odd Socks wrote: »
    It so bad that the strongest pain relief she takes is ibuprofen. She has no repeat prescription or med reviews or anything else associated with the treatment of long term chronic pain.

    The rest of her meds consist of a lesser dosage of codeine than can be bought over the counter and vitamin pills, supplements and the like.

    She is in constant pain but refuses to see a specialist because it's not needed. She also treats dislocations at home, they don't get recorded for this reason.

    That's just the story on this forum though.

    My friend with HMS (who works fulltime)is under the pain management clinic and has shedloads of medication and mobility aids to enable her to live a relatively active life.

    How can Ebony self manage joint dislocations though? With no medical intervention or pain relief?
  • tiacattiacat Posts: 22,521
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    My friend with HMS (who works fulltime)is under the pain management clinic and has shedloads of medication and mobility aids to enable her to live a relatively active life.

    How can Ebony self manage joint dislocations though? With no medical intervention or pain relief?

    She's just a SuperTinks.
  • TrollHunterTrollHunter Posts: 12,496
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    Odd Socks wrote: »
    It so bad that the strongest pain relief she takes is ibuprofen. She has no repeat prescription or med reviews or anything else associated with the treatment of long term chronic pain.

    The rest of her meds consist of a lesser dosage of codeine than can be bought over the counter and vitamin pills, supplements and the like.

    She is in constant pain but refuses to see a specialist because it's not needed. She also treats dislocations at home, they don't get recorded for this reason.

    That's just the story on this forum though.

    To save Tinks the trouble of having to painstakingly type out the words, let me help:
    "I don't care what you think" (yet I'll post all my woes and troubles across multiple internet forums until I can latch onto someone who agrees with me).
  • Wee TinkersWee Tinkers Posts: 12,782
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    Fairyprincess and cfc86

    I can't add anything to the supportive replies that you've already had - I'm not so good with the the words :blush: - but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you both. The advice you've been given is spot on and I hope both of you feel able to take some of it.

    I can only have a very small idea of what you're both dealing with and I really can't say enough how much I admire you. You both come across as fantastic people. FMs whose posts stand out to me as they are a pleasure to read.

    Anyway, keep talking. Whether it's to us, your GP cfc, or people who know what you're going through, Fairy. Don't bottle anything up. There's no need. There's no shame in feeling low or reaching out to people - we all do it and we all need it. Take care. :)
  • Wee TinkersWee Tinkers Posts: 12,782
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    tiacat wrote: »
    She's just a SuperTinks.

    I had hoped that one day I might be called that. :(
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