When did you finally realise that you were so over someone?

Poppy99_PoppyPoppy99_Poppy Posts: 2,255
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I was obsessed by someone a few years back. I thought he was The One but he got a bit full of himself. I was better looking than him (fact, not being big headed) and after a while he thought, if I can pull her, I can pull someone even better. So, keeping me at arms length for a while he proceeded to chase a load of women, all to no avail. We were colleagues so I could not help but witness it. Talk about rub my nose in it. I was heartbroken at the time and used to think, if I changed, lost weight, wore better clothes, you know the stuff. However, after a while I saw him for what he was and gradually I lost all feeling and respect for him and I moved on. He occasionally dropped hints that we should start seeing each other again, probably because the penny dropped that he was not quite the adonis he thought he was. I knew it was over when I used to get a text from him and my heart would sink rather than soar like it did before.

The reason I am thinking about it is I saw him today, the first time in years, and I could not believe what I ever saw in him. He suggested going for a drink which I got out of as gracefully as I could. But it got me thinking, to those of you who think they will never get over someone, trust me, you can. Can anyone else pinpoint when they knew they were finally over someone who had been so important in their life?
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  • Bex_123Bex_123 Posts: 10,783
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    But it got me thinking, to those of you who think they will never get over someone, trust me, you can. Can anyone else pinpoint when they knew they were finally over someone who had been so important in their life?

    A couple of days ago. I actually accepted to meet someone for a 'date' next weekend. For the last year I have been unable to move on from somebody and have not been anywhere near the right place to actually consider going out with someone new.

    It's a wonderful feeling.
  • Poppy99_PoppyPoppy99_Poppy Posts: 2,255
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    Bex_123 wrote: »
    A couple of days ago. I actually accepted to meet someone for a 'date' next weekend. For the last year I have been unable to move on from somebody and have not been anywhere near the right place to actually consider going out with someone new.

    It's a wonderful feeling.

    Onwards and upwards! Good luck.
  • feckitfeckit Posts: 4,303
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    WOMAN'S DIARY

    Saturday 14 June 2014

    Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.

    I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late
    meeting him, thought it might be that.

    The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.

    He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went
    somewhere nice to eat.

    All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed
    and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was
    saying. I just knew that something was wrong.

    He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in.

    He hesitated but followed.

    I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and
    turned the television on.

    After about ten ! minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs
    to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him
    deeply.

    He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.

    He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my
    surprise, we made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.

    I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's
    found someone else.


    MAN'S DIARY

    Saturday 14 June 2014

    England got beat.

    Gutted.

    Got a shag though.
  • Bex_123Bex_123 Posts: 10,783
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    Onwards and upwards! Good luck.


    Thanks! Yeah if someone told me before it would take me a year to get over someone who I didn't know for a hugely long time, I'd have called them crazy. But hey ho :D
  • Nat28Nat28 Posts: 2,949
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    I was obsessed by someone a few years back. I thought he was The One but he got a bit full of himself. I was better looking than him (fact, not being big headed) and after a while he thought, if I can pull her, I can pull someone even better. So, keeping me at arms length for a while he proceeded to chase a load of women, all to no avail. We were colleagues so I could not help but witness it. Talk about rub my nose in it. I was heartbroken at the time and used to think, if I changed, lost weight, wore better clothes, you know the stuff. However, after a while I saw him for what he was and gradually I lost all feeling and respect for him and I moved on. He occasionally dropped hints that we should start seeing each other again, probably because the penny dropped that he was not quite the adonis he thought he was. I knew it was over when I used to get a text from him and my heart would sink rather than soar like it did before.

    The reason I am thinking about it is I saw him today, the first time in years, and I could not believe what I ever saw in him. He suggested going for a drink which I got out of as gracefully as I could. But it got me thinking, to those of you who think they will never get over someone, trust me, you can. Can anyone else pinpoint when they knew they were finally over someone who had been so important in their life?
    Wowee I find this very bigheaded:p
  • kitty86kitty86 Posts: 7,034
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    When he messaged me out of the blue after 4 years to tell me that he had to speak to me because his conscience wouldn't let him rest. I was like yeah ok .... BLOCK.
  • Miss XYZMiss XYZ Posts: 14,023
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    There was once someone in my life who I thought I'd always have a thing for and would never completely get over. But I was walking home from somewhere a couple of months ago, and as I turned a corner a man was running in my direction and I caught a very quick glimpse of his face and realised it was him. He actually dropped his wallet just as he got level with me, which meant he had to stop and pick it up right next to me, and I felt absolutely nothing towards him. It was very liberating!
  • Tt88Tt88 Posts: 6,827
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    I fancied someone for months and all my friends knew. He was a good friend and seemed really mature, kind, funny, sensible etc basically i thought he was perfect. I was gutted when one of them started dating him and we fell out.

    About three weeks later i was over him completely when i heard from a friend that he had said really intimate stuff about the girl, basically bragging to his mates how easy she was. This was around the same time he told a friend that he was only with her for experience and he would drop her just like that if the girl he fancied showed any interest in him.

    It made me realise that he wasnt perfect, if i had ended up with him i definitely wouldnt have been like that but he probably wouldve exaggerated anything. So i realised i had a lucky escape.

    As for now he appears to be happily married to her with a kid but theres more to it than that. He continued to try and get the girl he wanted but kept getting rejected. She eventually got engaged and as soon as he found out he got engaged. He kept contacting the other girl until she changed her number and moved out of town to start her own family.

    When we see them they are always arguing with each other and are never happy. If ever the other womans name is mentioned the whole atmosphere gets worse!

    Im glad i have a relatively drama free relationship. The only thing that bugs me is because everyone knew i fancied this bloke they all act like i still do which i find insulting to me and my partner.
  • phylo_roadkingphylo_roadking Posts: 21,339
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    Can anyone else pinpoint when they knew they were finally over someone who had been so important in their life?

    Yes.

    It was right when I had the hole dug, and was ready to take her gag off before dumping her in and starting to fill in the hole while she screamed...

    ....then I thought - ah, fvck it....
  • TheMunchTheMunch Posts: 9,024
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    Yes.

    It was right when I had the hole dug, and was ready to take her gag off before dumping her in and starting to fill in the hole while she screamed...

    ....then I thought - ah, fvck it....

    Hopefully you did that BEFORE "it" died. :p
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 7,363
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    Years ago I was happily engaged, then suddenly out of the blue the boy said he had made a mistake and didn't want to marry me after all. I was devastated. Twelve years later he sought me out and said he had made a terrible mistake breaking up with me and wanted us to get back together. Of course by this time I was happily married with three children. The cheek of it for him to have expected me to wait while he made up his mind. I told him where to go.
  • jrajra Posts: 48,325
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    I was obsessed by someone a few years back. I thought he was The One but he got a bit full of himself. I was better looking than him (fact, not being big headed) and after a while he thought, if I can pull her, I can pull someone even better. So, keeping me at arms length for a while he proceeded to chase a load of women, all to no avail. We were colleagues so I could not help but witness it. Talk about rub my nose in it. I was heartbroken at the time and used to think, if I changed, lost weight, wore better clothes, you know the stuff. However, after a while I saw him for what he was and gradually I lost all feeling and respect for him and I moved on. He occasionally dropped hints that we should start seeing each other again, probably because the penny dropped that he was not quite the adonis he thought he was. I knew it was over when I used to get a text from him and my heart would sink rather than soar like it did before.

    The reason I am thinking about it is I saw him today, the first time in years, and I could not believe what I ever saw in him. He suggested going for a drink which I got out of as gracefully as I could. But it got me thinking, to those of you who think they will never get over someone, trust me, you can. Can anyone else pinpoint when they knew they were finally over someone who had been so important in their life?

    Everybody that has ever lived to beyond adulthood has probably been through that or a similar situation. There is only one woman really that I place in the category you describe, but for the complete opposite reason, because she was all that and spades more. And I let her slip through my hands, although I was too young to take on the responsibility and her mother meddled in the situation, so that was that.

    I still think about her to this day, 29 years later and no other woman I've ever met has had that affect on me. When you are 21 and a student, you're not exactly serious relationship material, if you go out pubbing and clubbing regularly. I was absolutely gutted (devastated more like) when we split up, and it's kind of put me off getting into a similar situation again.
  • whitecliffewhitecliffe Posts: 12,004
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    At Easter my partner of 16 years told me that things weren't working and we needed to have a break. It was a complete shock, I thought that everything was perfect. We are still on that break. Its been tough, we lived overseas because of my partners job and I hadnt worked, my visa didnt allow it so I have also lost my carefree lifestyle.

    I am constantly told to move on, end it for my own sake. I know i am clutching at straws and the love on my partners side has gone but I am not brave enough to do what has to be done and formally end it.

    Time does heal I know but its tough whilst your still going through it.
  • fefsterfefster Posts: 7,388
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    I'm glad you are over him, but don't hold out that much hope,for your future relationships if you are weighing your partner up as to how attractive they are compared to you.

    Attractiveness comes from many places - humour, confidence, empathy and a sense of fun are the things I find attractive. someone who thinks they are good looking - those are the people that are rarely truly attractive.

    A good example of this might be Victoria Beckham - physically beautiful but not attractive.

    However, give me the weird, squashed face of Benedict Cumberbatch anyday.
  • fefsterfefster Posts: 7,388
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    At Easter my partner of 16 years told me that things weren't working and we needed to have a break. It was a complete shock, I thought that everything was perfect. We are still on that break. Its been tough, we lived overseas because of my partners job and I hadnt worked, my visa didnt allow it so I have also lost my carefree lifestyle.

    I am constantly told to move on, end it for my own sake. I know i am clutching at straws and the love on my partners side has gone but I am not brave enough to do what has to be done and formally end it.

    Time does heal I know but its tough whilst your still going through it.

    That's awful. 16 years is a long time, maybe he's having a mid life crisis. It does happen to people, where they wonder where their life has gone and need time to breathe. It might not mean the end.
    This happened to a friend of mine and 2 years later, her husband came back and they have another child now.
    You do need to start making a new life, but as long as there is no other involved and if you love him, being supportive and available for discussion might pave the way for a reconciliation.
    It's such a myth that love should be about heart pounding, romantic gestures. Real love is much deeper than that and you will have some of that after 16 years I am sure. I wonder if some people know that though.
    I don't think you need to formally end anything at this stage. Easter is no time at all. Get on with your life, be strong and wait to see what happens. 16 years is a long time, don't listen to other people, do what is right for you.
  • Poppy99_PoppyPoppy99_Poppy Posts: 2,255
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    fefster wrote: »
    I'm glad you are over him, but don't hold out that much hope,for your future relationships if you are weighing your partner up as to how attractive they are compared to you.

    Attractiveness comes from many places - humour, confidence, empathy and a sense of fun are the things I find attractive. someone who thinks they are good looking - those are the people that are rarely truly attractive.

    A good example of this might be Victoria Beckham - physically beautiful but not attractive.

    However, give me the weird, squashed face of Benedict Cumberbatch anyday.

    I am happily married now, so don't worry about my future relationships. I said I was better looking, than him, which was a fact. I did not say I was stunningly beautiful. He was not particularly physically attractive but I found his personality and humour very attractive. I used the example of looks as an example to show his shallowness. He kept on saying to me that he had never been out with anyone as pretty as me and because of that he suddenly thought he was more attractive than he was and he could cut a swathe through lots of women, which was not the case. His attraction for me was everything but his looks, so I really do not look at someone and dismiss them because they are not good looking. Personality is far more important, banter and wit. With men it seems the physical outer is more important than anything, although it does not make for a long term relationship.
  • ffawkesffawkes Posts: 4,489
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    I used the example of looks as an example to show his shallowness

    Yours too?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 7,888
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    Usually when I want to start avoiding them. I'll have a bit of a flirt but if I get to know someone and if they're a bit of an ass I'll tend to just think meh I'm not into this, leave me alone.
  • whitecliffewhitecliffe Posts: 12,004
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    fefster wrote: »
    That's awful. 16 years is a long time, maybe he's having a mid life crisis. It does happen to people, where they wonder where their life has gone and need time to breathe. It might not mean the end.
    This happened to a friend of mine and 2 years later, her husband came back and they have another child now.
    You do need to start making a new life, but as long as there is no other involved and if you love him, being supportive and available for discussion might pave the way for a reconciliation.
    It's such a myth that love should be about heart pounding, romantic gestures. Real love is much deeper than that and you will have some of that after 16 years I am sure. I wonder if some people know that though.
    I don't think you need to formally end anything at this stage. Easter is no time at all. Get on with your life, be strong and wait to see what happens. 16 years is a long time, don't listen to other people, do what is right for you.

    Oh thank you so kind. Yes I am not giving up but am making sure I am ok, have a job starting on July 14th on a monthly rolling contract which would help take my mind off things.

    Yes for sure it is a mid life crisis every thing was fine. Then he had a health scare followed a few days later by an emergency plane landing where he admits he has never been so scared in his life and all this on top of huge work commitments. I guess it all got too much and he had to take it out on someone (not physically) and of course I was the easy target!

    Good luck and be strong to anyone in a similar situation
  • Frankie_LittleFrankie_Little Posts: 9,271
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    I had a massive crush on a boy from the age of 15 to 18, and although he treated me like dirt, I thought the sun shone out of his arse. I got butterflies just thinking about him.
    He dumped me when I went to university.
    I met up with him again aged 22, & was gobsmacked. The attraction had completely vanished. He was just an ordinary man. Sad really.
  • HogzillaHogzilla Posts: 24,116
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    When I was standing in the witness box giving evidence against him.:D
  • Tt88Tt88 Posts: 6,827
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    I had a massive crush on a boy from the age of 15 to 18, and although he treated me like dirt, I thought the sun shone out of his arse. I got butterflies just thinking about him.
    He dumped me when I went to university.
    I met up with him again aged 22, & was gobsmacked. The attraction had completely vanished. He was just an ordinary man. Sad really.

    Thats what its like for me. I dont meet up with the bloke often but when we do im gobsmacked.

    When i first met him 8 years ago he was so youthful, good looking and loads of girls fancied him. When we fell out it was a good few years before i saw him again and i couldnt believe it. Hes only mid twenties but looks about forty now. His hairs going bald, hes looking like hes under lots of stress, hes let himself go physically and often doesnt shave and looks a right mess!

    Even though hes married i think he misses the female attention. At college he used to revel in it having multiple girls flirting with him. Now he walks down the street and nobody looks twice at him.

    Its quite awkward when we meet up socially as everyone in the group knows i had a thing for him and they never let it go. His wife will be arguing with him all night but as soon as she sees me she will be clinging on to him and kissing him as if to rub it in that shes won. It annoys me because i am with someone else and dont care who hes with.
  • jrajra Posts: 48,325
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    jra wrote: »
    Everybody that has ever lived to beyond adulthood has probably been through that or a similar situation. There is only one woman really that I place in the category you describe, but for the complete opposite reason, because she was all that and spades more. And I let her slip through my hands, although I was too young to take on the responsibility and her mother meddled in the situation, so that was that.

    I still think about her to this day, 29 years later and no other woman I've ever met has had that affect on me. When you are 21 and a student, you're not exactly serious relationship material, if you go out pubbing and clubbing regularly. I was absolutely gutted (devastated more like) when we split up, and it's kind of put me off getting into a similar situation again.

    She looked a bit like the below, but even better. :p

    http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51ZeEaykp-L._SL500_AA300_.jpg
  • tellywatcher73tellywatcher73 Posts: 4,181
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    I was with someone when I was younger who was very immature and kept playing stupid mind games n an attempt to make me jealous (I think he must have had low self esteem or something). Anyway, for a while it worked as I was young and a bit naive myself until one day I was on the phone to him and he was telling me about a girl at work that was chatting him up. Something just snapped and I told him he should probably go talk to her now that he was single and hung up. I felt great and although he kept trying to contact me for a while, once the rose tinted glasses were off, they stayed off and eventually he gave up.
  • SadeyedSadeyed Posts: 1,265
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    You know you're over someone when you become indifferent.

    They can't get you angry, they don't make you sad. They go from someone who was important in your life, to someone you once knew.
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