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Just had some bad news.
crazychris12
Posts: 26,254 Forum Member
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Seems I spoke too soon about my mum, 85, being in top health.
She had a big brown mark on her cheek which she was always told was a birth mark. About 6 months ago a big red lump came in the middle of it and she went to have it off last week. Well they've tested it and it's skin cancer, a "malignant melanoma."
Don't know much more but am upset and worried here.
She's to have a full body CT scan to see if it's spread from anywhere else. Don't know what else they're doing yet. Oh they're going to take the big brown age mark off too. Anyone else had this or know anyone else who has?
She had a big brown mark on her cheek which she was always told was a birth mark. About 6 months ago a big red lump came in the middle of it and she went to have it off last week. Well they've tested it and it's skin cancer, a "malignant melanoma."
Don't know much more but am upset and worried here.
She's to have a full body CT scan to see if it's spread from anywhere else. Don't know what else they're doing yet. Oh they're going to take the big brown age mark off too. Anyone else had this or know anyone else who has? 0
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Don't know anything about them. Google for me now.
If caught early enough it can be sorted out.
My Mum has had skin cancer, mind you she's had just about everything else too, it is considered to be the most treatable of cancers, or so we were told.
One of the growths she had was treated with chemotherapy successfully the second had to be operated on. I can't tell you not to worry, because you will anyway, naturally.
It's a difficult time but Mum survived 20 years ago and it is so much better now.
Sending you very best wishes.
Mine died at 69 and 74. It's the 21st century, so maybe she will get sorted.
Now here's the scary bit. Suppose her number is up. Get round there, tell her you love her and stuff. PDQ.
Thanks. She says she couldn't take in much of what they said as she was so upset. First is a full CT scan at Sheffield Hallamshire to see if she has cancer anywhere else.
It sounds awful but it is also practical, if she is going to be ill for a while and unable to take care of her own affairs look at someone in the family who can take on Power of Attorney if it hasn't been sorted already.
After one of Mum's heart attacks then I couldn't even sort her bills, no one could tell be balances or the banks couldn't authorise me to take out money. The Power of Attorney meant that I could sort out all of her affairs until she was well enough to sort them herself again. If you haven't sorted it then it is money well spent.
Wise words V. :cool:
For the OP's sake, though, and Mum's - being there and opening your heart is what matters.
You can sort 'stuff' afterwards, you can't avoid regrets.
Some mums are indestructable, mine has so many spare parts it's not real!! IF you can get someone to go with her to hear what the consultants are saying, the shock, the age etc can mean they don't take it all in. I have to be my mum's interpreter if you like, so that if I am there I can explain to the family what is actually going on as she doesn't always get it.
If you have a family member who can take on that role then it's really useful. It's not always practical. If you can't do that then you need to ask your Mum to give the consultant permission to tell you what is happening, so that patient confidentiality isn't a problem and you're informed.
It's a very hard time and my heart really goes out to you I can't offer any emotional support as it is going to be hard, but on a practical level, time to get things in motion now just in case.
xx
I think both are important, my mum and I have had one conversation (and i wont discuss it again unless things change) on how she wants to be buried, messages for her children, how she wants her funeral to be managed, who inherits what, not the big dosh that the will deals with but the personal stuff, ie engagement and wedding rings to her daughters not her daughter in laws.
My son has such a very close relationship with her, so very close that they've agreed between themselves he gets the flatscreen and giggled when they've done it telling me off for interfering!!! Bonkers the pair of them!!!
They are not conversations I want to repeat or dwell on but we've said what we need to say, the love doesn't need to be said that's a given thank goodness, but while we hope the OP's Mum has years yet, it is best to sort out the emotional and financial sides, it sounds harsh but it saves a lot of heartache afterwards.
Ifs and buts. She's 85. Most anything can fail at that age, but to get to 85 she must be tough as old boots.
I had a (trivial) cancer 20 odd years ago, and 'stuff could have spread all over' - but I'm still here.
Go see her, talk to her. She might get dementia tomorrow, and then where would you both be?
My grandmother has to go to the hospital every so often to have these removed through laser or small surgery, at the very least 5 times a year and more for checkups. Started when she was about 60, she's nearly 90 now and I wouldn't be able to count how many times she has had to have it done. She used to have to go to St Thomas's for the more serious ones that she would get every so often. She used to be in the land army and was one of the girls who used to handle arsenic that was in the rat poisoning.
The Macmillian Cancer support people are excellent. May be worthwhile contacting them for advice and support.
Here is their website:
http://www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCanHelp/HowWeCanHelp.aspx
I think a lot will depend on how thick/deeply seated the tumor is. Hopefully it can be removed without any problems.
All the best to her, and to you and your family