Unfortunately my partner has no family and lives in a tiny box room which I am putting her tenancy at risk just by staying here a while as it is a single occupancy tenancy.
I have been and am speaking to different council this week, from advice I've been given elsewhere because I have 4 different health condition including 2 respiratory conditions (1 being serious) I am vulnerable and the council will have a duty to help me in one way or another.
Unfortunately my partner has no family and lives in a tiny box room which I am putting her tenancy at risk just by staying here a while as it is a single occupancy tenancy.
I have been and am speaking to different council this week, from advice I've been given elsewhere because I have 4 different health condition including 2 respiratory conditions (1 being serious) I am vulnerable and the council will have a duty to help me in one way or another.
Yes, but as I have explained a duty to help does not necessarily mean giving you accommodation or in some cases even helping you financially, some will just give you advice and direct you to private lets. You really will need to adopt an attitude that you need to take some responsibility for your housing situation. It would have been the same situation if you were living happily at home but your parents had decided to move and couldnt accommodate you in their new home, you would have to find yourself accommodation.
Not yet but I have COPD (Diagnosed 3 months ago, caused by my long term Asthma as I stopped smoking at 20 and I only smoked 10 a day between the ages of 16 and 20 and it's been confirmed that Chronic Asthma is the cause.), Chronic Asthma, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue and I am on a lot of medications and still under the care of Rheumatologists and Respiratory Specialists, my GP and Asthma Nurse.
You've got COPD at 30? That's very, very, young to get it- unless you're A1ATD??
Sounds like your defending this whole situation, the abuse started all this, what i was paying is irrelevant, I supported my mum as much as I could, I had to put up with seeing my mum getting all this abuse and I was getting it to and being sensible I didn't wanna get physical or play into his hands, I had to ignore him it was the only way, I paid my way and I was hardly there with him really but when I was he made my life hell.
I am not defending it and you are clearly missing my point. You're a grown up not a teenager you chose to move back home with an abusive parent. My dad was physically and emotionally abusive I would rather live in a box than live with him ever. However I know if I lived with him even in my 30's I would have to be out working. pay my way and be totally respectful or risk getting his back up.
I also think you going to the police is not in your mothers best interests but only in your interests.
You've got COPD at 30? That's very, very, young to get it- unless you're A1ATD??
It is but i've had chronic Asthma since I was 2, I don't have the Alpha gene, my FEV1 is 65 and my Lung Age now is 74, I was also 9 weeks premature so my lungs have never been as good as they should have been.
I am not defending it and you are clearly missing my point. You're a grown up not a teenager you chose to move back home with an abusive parent. My dad was physically and emotionally abusive I would rather live in a box than live with him ever. However I know if I lived with him even in my 30's I would have to be out working. pay my way and be totally respectful or risk getting his back up.
I also think you going to the police is not in your mothers best interests but only in your interests.
Why do you think it's not in my mums best interests? If nothing is done about it then it will become worse and worse for her.
And they paid the TV licence, rent / mortgage, council tax, internet, electric, Gas too be honest you sound petulant like you shouldn't have had to pay at all even though you would be in the house all day using the utilities
20 pound a week when he only stays for 3 days and pays for his own food is perfectly reasonable amount to pay especially when he is on a low income himself.
It is but i've had chronic Asthma since I was 2, I don't have the Alpha gene, my FEV1 is 65 and my Lung Age now is 74, I was also 9 weeks premature so my lungs have never been as good as they should have been.
I am now on 3 different types of inhalers.
Asthma isn't a risk factor for COPD (just to clarify, not to be pedantic)
Why do you think it's not in my mums best interests? If nothing is done about it then it will become worse and worse for her.
If the police go to the house, Will she let them do anything about your father? If the answer is no then all that will happen is he will be more angry and you won't be allowed back to the house so she is even more isolated
That isn't in her best interests, I assume that is what was meant
I wouldn't go to the police either, particularly if your mum is only going to back him up.
What I would do is go on the women's aid website print off all information on their definition of domestic abuse and get your mum to realise what he is doing to her and hopefully she will come to her senses and leave him.
She is better off single than with an abusive husband.
Asthma isn't a risk factor for COPD (just to clarify, not to be pedantic)
it is according to my 2 respiratory consultants, I seeked second opinions, had lots of test and several lung function tests, blood tests, Chest X-Rays, I only smoked between the ages of 16 and 20 and around 10 a day some days less, they have said smoking isn't the cause, and due to never working in factories or dusty environments and the fact my lungs were never great, because I have been hospitalized so many times with Asthma attacks and had lots of nebulizers all the inflammation from the Asthma has turned into COPD.
Why do you think it's not in my mums best interests? If nothing is done about it then it will become worse and worse for her.
What is going to be done about it you sound incredibly naïve which if you were raised in an abusive environment I fins it hard to believe, what can you prove you admit he doesn't physically touch her. She is not going to say anything so all you are going to do is make your dad mad which will be worse for your mum.......yeah that's in her best interests. If SHE wants to go to the police go with her for support definitely but imo you're making this about you and your living arrangements not about her
I wouldn't go to the police either, particularly if your mum is only going to back him up.
What I would do is go on the women's aid website print off all information on their definition of domestic abuse and get your mum to realise what he is doing to her and hopefully she will come to her senses and leave him.
She is better off single than with an abusive husband.
If I don't go to the police, she will suffer more, she knows he abuses her she just accepts it and wont leave, me, my mum and partner have talked a lot when he hasn't been there she's fully aware but her confidence and self esteem convinces her that she doesn't deserve any better and because she's been with him for so long she won't do anything about it.
20 pound a week when he only stays for 3 days and pays for his own food is perfectly reasonable amount to pay especially when he is on a low income himself.
in your opinion but maybe not in his fathers, £20 is not a lot. I would imagine his father thinks he is lazy and should go get a job despite his health issues, as I said I know mine would he is old school about paying your way
I know a man who was married for 30 plus years granted he was in the wrong, he was having an affair but he left his wife after 30 plus years.
My point is 30 plus years means nothing. People break up all the time.
Length of time she's been with him is irrelevant. She needs to get out.
Question though is your mum in love with your dad? For if she is that's the biggest obstacle, my relationship ended about a year after I realised I was falling out of love with my ex due to his bad behaviour it's easier to leave someone you don't love but if he's abused her for 35 years I'd find it hard to believe that it hasn't had some detrimental impact on her feelings towards him.
If I don't go to the police, she will suffer more, she knows he abuses her she just accepts it and wont leave, me, my mum and partner have talked a lot when he hasn't been there she's fully aware but her confidence and self esteem convinces her that she doesn't deserve any better and because she's been with him for so long she won't do anything about it.
This post just smacks of you being simple or naïve and not thinking about it from your mums point of view just your own now its affecting you and your living situation otherwise you would have done it years ago
I know a man who was married for 30 plus years granted he was in the wrong, he was having an affair but he left his wife after 30 plus years.
My point is 30 plus years means nothing. People break up all the time.
Length of time she's been with him is irrelevant. She needs to get out.
Question though is your mum in love with your dad? For if she is that's the biggest obstacle, my relationship ended about a year after I realised I was falling out of love with my ex due to his bad behaviour it's easier to leave someone you don't love but if he's abused her for 35 years I'd find it hard to believe that it hasn't had some detrimental impact on her feelings towards him.
I disagree for most people 30 years means a heck of a lot, if she was going to leave him imo she would have done it when the kids were young or when the kids left home as neither has happened I imagine it will stay that way until one passes away
This post just smacks of you being simple or naïve and not thinking about it from your mums point of view just your own now its affecting you and your living situation otherwise you would have done it years ago
Hang on, he's got much worse the last few years and extremely this year, my living situation is nothing to do with it, maybe I should have reported it years ago but better late than never, my mum hasn't ever opened up as much as she has the last 2-3 months.
If the police go to the house, Will she let them do anything about your father? If the answer is no then all that will happen is he will be more angry and you won't be allowed back to the house so she is even more isolated
That isn't in her best interests, I assume that is what was meant
Because the net was closing on him and i was exposing him he forced me to leave and i'm not allowed back anyway as he won't want me to see anymore of what is going on.
I disagree for most people 30 years means a heck of a lot, if she was going to leave him imo she would have done it when the kids were young or when the kids left home as neither has happened I imagine it will stay that way until one passes away
30 plus years can mean a lot, but it can also mean nothing when it ends in divorce.
So I can see both sides although to the wronged party it meant a lot to them.
My point is people can break up after 30 odd years and if this guy is abusive towards her she'd be better off single than just staying put cos she doesn't want to be alone.
Having said that it depends on whether she still loves him. That may be the final problem, that or the abuse has completely damaged her confidence and self esteem which is probably the more likely.
I think it's terrible people put up with these situations for decades and decades.
30 plus years can mean a lot, but it can also mean nothing when it ends in divorce.
So I can see both sides although to the wronged party it meant a lot to them.
My point is people can break up after 30 odd years and if this guy is abusive towards her she'd be better off single than just staying put cos she doesn't want to be alone.
Having said that it depends on whether she still loves him. That may be the final problem, that or the abuse has completely damaged her confidence and self esteem which is probably the more likely.
I think it's terrible people put up with these situations for decades and decades.
Her confidence and self esteem has been destroyed, she has none, my partner talking to her made her open up more and she starts crying within a few minutes of talking about him, yes she loves him but she uses the years shes been with him as a reason to stay along with having no self esteem and thinking she wouldn't cope on her own.
it is according to my 2 respiratory consultants, I seeked second opinions, had lots of test and several lung function tests, blood tests, Chest X-Rays, I only smoked between the ages of 16 and 20 and around 10 a day some days less, they have said smoking isn't the cause, and due to never working in factories or dusty environments and the fact my lungs were never great, because I have been hospitalized so many times with Asthma attacks and had lots of nebulizers all the inflammation from the Asthma has turned into COPD.
Comments
Another reason to get this sorted
Yes, but as I have explained a duty to help does not necessarily mean giving you accommodation or in some cases even helping you financially, some will just give you advice and direct you to private lets. You really will need to adopt an attitude that you need to take some responsibility for your housing situation. It would have been the same situation if you were living happily at home but your parents had decided to move and couldnt accommodate you in their new home, you would have to find yourself accommodation.
You've got COPD at 30? That's very, very, young to get it- unless you're A1ATD??
I am not defending it and you are clearly missing my point. You're a grown up not a teenager you chose to move back home with an abusive parent. My dad was physically and emotionally abusive I would rather live in a box than live with him ever. However I know if I lived with him even in my 30's I would have to be out working. pay my way and be totally respectful or risk getting his back up.
I also think you going to the police is not in your mothers best interests but only in your interests.
It is but i've had chronic Asthma since I was 2, I don't have the Alpha gene, my FEV1 is 65 and my Lung Age now is 74, I was also 9 weeks premature so my lungs have never been as good as they should have been.
I am now on 3 different types of inhalers.
Why do you think it's not in my mums best interests? If nothing is done about it then it will become worse and worse for her.
20 pound a week when he only stays for 3 days and pays for his own food is perfectly reasonable amount to pay especially when he is on a low income himself.
Asthma isn't a risk factor for COPD (just to clarify, not to be pedantic)
If the police go to the house, Will she let them do anything about your father? If the answer is no then all that will happen is he will be more angry and you won't be allowed back to the house so she is even more isolated
That isn't in her best interests, I assume that is what was meant
What I would do is go on the women's aid website print off all information on their definition of domestic abuse and get your mum to realise what he is doing to her and hopefully she will come to her senses and leave him.
She is better off single than with an abusive husband.
it is according to my 2 respiratory consultants, I seeked second opinions, had lots of test and several lung function tests, blood tests, Chest X-Rays, I only smoked between the ages of 16 and 20 and around 10 a day some days less, they have said smoking isn't the cause, and due to never working in factories or dusty environments and the fact my lungs were never great, because I have been hospitalized so many times with Asthma attacks and had lots of nebulizers all the inflammation from the Asthma has turned into COPD.
I now have co-exisiting Asthma and COPD.
What is going to be done about it you sound incredibly naïve which if you were raised in an abusive environment I fins it hard to believe, what can you prove you admit he doesn't physically touch her. She is not going to say anything so all you are going to do is make your dad mad which will be worse for your mum.......yeah that's in her best interests. If SHE wants to go to the police go with her for support definitely but imo you're making this about you and your living arrangements not about her
If I don't go to the police, she will suffer more, she knows he abuses her she just accepts it and wont leave, me, my mum and partner have talked a lot when he hasn't been there she's fully aware but her confidence and self esteem convinces her that she doesn't deserve any better and because she's been with him for so long she won't do anything about it.
You seem incredibly naive to life for a 30 year old
in your opinion but maybe not in his fathers, £20 is not a lot. I would imagine his father thinks he is lazy and should go get a job despite his health issues, as I said I know mine would he is old school about paying your way
My point is 30 plus years means nothing. People break up all the time.
Length of time she's been with him is irrelevant. She needs to get out.
Question though is your mum in love with your dad? For if she is that's the biggest obstacle, my relationship ended about a year after I realised I was falling out of love with my ex due to his bad behaviour it's easier to leave someone you don't love but if he's abused her for 35 years I'd find it hard to believe that it hasn't had some detrimental impact on her feelings towards him.
This post just smacks of you being simple or naïve and not thinking about it from your mums point of view just your own now its affecting you and your living situation otherwise you would have done it years ago
I couldn't really say what would happen if the police turned up.
Well i haven't had a very good upbringing, i've had a hell of a rollercoaster of a life so far, i want it to stop now.
I disagree for most people 30 years means a heck of a lot, if she was going to leave him imo she would have done it when the kids were young or when the kids left home as neither has happened I imagine it will stay that way until one passes away
Hang on, he's got much worse the last few years and extremely this year, my living situation is nothing to do with it, maybe I should have reported it years ago but better late than never, my mum hasn't ever opened up as much as she has the last 2-3 months.
Because the net was closing on him and i was exposing him he forced me to leave and i'm not allowed back anyway as he won't want me to see anymore of what is going on.
30 plus years can mean a lot, but it can also mean nothing when it ends in divorce.
So I can see both sides although to the wronged party it meant a lot to them.
My point is people can break up after 30 odd years and if this guy is abusive towards her she'd be better off single than just staying put cos she doesn't want to be alone.
Having said that it depends on whether she still loves him. That may be the final problem, that or the abuse has completely damaged her confidence and self esteem which is probably the more likely.
I think it's terrible people put up with these situations for decades and decades.
Her confidence and self esteem has been destroyed, she has none, my partner talking to her made her open up more and she starts crying within a few minutes of talking about him, yes she loves him but she uses the years shes been with him as a reason to stay along with having no self esteem and thinking she wouldn't cope on her own.
my error, it is a factor.
No problem, I can understand why people wouldn't think Asthma was a cause and I am very young to have it unfortunately.