Why do people care what others think?
IzzyS
Posts: 11,045 Forum Member
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I mean this purely from a science point of view, rather than psychologically speaking. I know im quite a self conscious person and all the rest of it but I wonder what the perhaps evolutionary side of it may be? there must be a good reason why some people are especially self conscious and seem to care more than others about how their perceived and I wondered if anyone knows if there's any science behind it?.
I think its good to have self awareness but if its taken to extremes then that can be detrimental in the long run.
I think its good to have self awareness but if its taken to extremes then that can be detrimental in the long run.
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Does it? not necessarily. What if its people who you have a hunch may be speaking badly of you behind your back but don't say so to your face?.
I tend to only really care if someone matters to me but also want people to take me for me so I don't care a huge amount, in the sense that I don't fret over what people think of me.
that is affecting how someone is treating you.
So why do people feel that way then, is what I mean? other than just saying insecurities or similar. There's no safety type reason for it, if you know what I mean?.
Maybe.
definitely, if someone is chatting shit about you behind your back and blackening your name that is a form of bullying.
http://www.problemneighbours.co.uk/neighbours-spreading-rumours-about-you.html
Now the world isn't as dangerous, we can afford to be individuals, do what we want much more. We'll still be rejected by some people for doing that, but as our society values individuality then others will appreciate it, and we'll probably still be okay (depending how far you go, I suppose).
The "selfish gene" theory would have us believe that the "group" is the family group, but the mechanism that protects the family could be one that simply "cares for others"
I think people feel self-conscious about what the others think because they're acutely aware of their own weaknesses, regardless of whether those are actually weaknesses or not, that may put them at the bottom of that order.
Yes and thats happened before but when I bring it up with friends and family (etc.), they tend to say its best just to rise above it and that it says more about the people who gossip about you, than you yourself (if you know what I mean). At the end of the day, I've learnt that you can't please everyone. Like my mum has said, you need to develop a thick skin, for your own good.
I suppose so. I guess it depends on the extent, of your individuality as to whether people appreciate it or not(?).
Thats true but I do care for other people, I just try and overlook some things. I don't see what good it does to be upset by people being overly judgemental and quite possibly making wrong assumptions about you?.
Not everyone - not necessarily. I do feel pretty self conscious about some things but then I'm not entirely sure why, in as much as its not like im hurting anyone, I just have some maybe slightly random likes and things I guess? I don't know.
I presume you have to have the ability to think outside the box, which I guess links to individuality, otherwise in a way evolution wouldn't happen because who would have thought to invent the wheel etc., if someone didn't originally have the thought? if that makes sense.
On the personal level i think we have a deep desire to know, whether to feel better about ourselves by getting good feedback, or in order to change parts of ourselves that may be getting negative feedback, evolution-wise it may be to do with fitting into society.
On the general side, we like to have other opinions because it leads to gained knowledge, the more we know the more we can make informed decisions.
For everyone else, and that includes strangers on the street and online random types who I have never met, I couldn't give a monkey bollock what they think as they are of no bearing on my life.
Some people have a disproportionate need for longing and being wanted and/or popular, hence this incessant need to have adulation thrown at them. Most of the time these people turn out to be egomaniacs or just plain annoying.
It depends on the person but I know I was very hurt by things in the past. When I read people say that they grew out of caring what others think and people say 'you just need to grow a thicker skin' and other, similar things, it makes me wonder why am I so different then and I doubt im the only one who may be bothered if certain, rather offensive things are said. Mild criticisms are one thing - probably the most hurtful thing, however, is when people you believed to be friends (or at least were on good terms beforehand) talk scathingly about you behind your back. Thats old news anyway, happened a good few years ago all of that but yet talking to a friend via email, its becoming clear to her how self conscious I am and its just making me think (again! I think too much). I wonder where everything comes from.
I wouldn't say I need adulation - heck I feel uncomfortable with some of the compliments I've been given. I'd say acceptance is more applicable, at least personally speaking anyway. I just find it sad that I seem to feel that way and I wonder where that sort of thing stems from. I'm certainly not an egomaniac lol but yeah, I imagine I can be annoying
I don't really care what others think.
Acceptance is a lesser form of adulation. Do you feel the need to be accepted by people you don't know? Is it to get something that you are missing out on in real life?