Here in Australia many blokey/laddish/Aussie men routinely use 'mate' as is well known, and it sounds genuine to me. There's a friendliness to it. (It is quite rare for women to say it. That's just the way it is.)
However I am male and I do find it annoying when younger men in shops whose first language is not English and who speak English with an accent, see that I am a white man, so think that they must address me as 'mAAAAAAAAAAyyyyyte' with a horribly exaggerated attempt at an Australian accent.
Thanks 'mAAAAAAAAAAyyyyyte'!
I don't see anything wrong with mate, and I know they are just trying to be friendly, but the exaggerated way they say it doesn't sound warm friendly or genuine, it sounds cringy/patronising/exaggerated/mocking. It doesn't sound natural coming from them, it sounds forced, so they shouldn't try to use it.
I think the other thing is that it tends to be something that an older man might say to a younger one, or two men of about the same age might use it, but in a shop a younger guy wouldn't really say it to an older one. So that also makes it sound jarring.
Equivalents would be going to Italy and trying to use the gestures you saw in a youtube video of Italian hand gestures. Don't try it, you'll look try hard... just like the comments from Italians on those videos warn.
Another equivalent would be an American tourist arriving in London and trying to use 'orright Guv??'; 'tatt-ta' for goodbye, 'innit?' etc.
I don't mind it, as a field engineer I go to lots of places to work briefly, and as a 'random' it is generally used a term to make everyone feel at ease.
Equally, when I have to ring into the office, mostly due to an issue, and I speak to the ladies on the service desk , I will often at the close of the conversation call them sweetheart - eg "thanks for your help sweetheart"
Before too many people throw stones at me for any sexism/laddism; I'm new to this job and one of the ladies I get through to is the partner of my line manager, and it has got back that it''s rather nice to have some informality and interaction.
I think, if terms like mate, sweetheart, pal, darling, buddy, etc are used in a friendly, well meaning context then one should run with it.
Majority of the time I don't mind what I get called (I may draw the line at 'flower'...:p) but I hate it when people who you don't know from Adam instantly call you 'my friend' or something like that. It's like a pisstake. 'Alright, good buddy?'
That must mean that every single man in the English speaking world is offensive as we all call each other 'mate'.
The most common thing I say to strangers must be 'cheers mate'.
Anyone who is offended by it - don't go out of your house - but definitely do not go to Australia. You'll be 'offended' left, right and centre by people calling you 'mate'.
That must mean that every single man in the English speaking world is offensive as we all call each other 'mate'.
The most common thing I say to strangers must be 'cheers mate'.
Anyone who is offended by it - don't go out of your house - but definitely do not go to Australia. You'll be 'offended' left, right and centre by people calling you 'mate'.
Come to my parent's house and they will call you "mate" for sure. They used to all the time, even when I was in trouble with them.
People who habitually drop words into sentences really annoy me. Your post reminded me of my dad who can't seem to start a sentence without using the phrase, 'at the end of the day' or 'basically' and almost everything he says contains the word 'whatchacallit' because he never thinks about what he's gonna say before he says it and every time he's describing something he doesn't like it can't just be bad it has to be 'horrendous'. This is another one of his words he likes to drop in sentences every few seconds. Listening to one of his conversations is a bit like this...
Basically, at the end of the day, I went to Tesco for a loaf and a whatchacallit. The queues were horrendous and you couldn't get near the place so at the end of the day I came home and the traffic was absolutely horrendous. On my way home it started throwing it down with rain. You wanna see the weather out there now, it's absolutely horrendous. Basically at the end of the day it's all been pretty horrendous.
To which my mum will reply, 'Oh by the way whosit phoned while you were out about that whatchacallit you wanted'.
Listening to them is like trying to decipher a coded message.
Once rushing to the Drs surgery to pick up a precription I just wore what I was wearing around the house and put my old Kagoule on the top. On my way back to the car looking down I almost bumped into a man and I apologised - and he said 'It's ok mate' - I've never been called mate in my life, my hood was up as it was raining but hey I'm a female - I was a bit miffed.
I know what the OP is saying. Some people who use the term "mate" may be stereotyped as being a chav (because they are using slang) and therefore the term may be used in a slightly threatening manner, depending on the situation. e.g. "got a light, mate?" may be said to you by young man just before he knocks your shit in and steals your money for not having a cigarette lighter.
Of course, I am generalising greatly here but I can see the angle the OP is coming from.
I detest it. (And all other forms of endearment and pet names).
I take it to appear as if someone thinks they're my friend. Or we're on some personal level, which i'm not comfortable with, considering they're usually no more than an acquaintance.
Just the other day my lecturer (female) called me mate and i'm not sure if she said that because I made a great impression on her or it was a dismissive slant.
Just the other day my lecturer (female) called me mate and i'm not sure if she said that because I made a great impression on her or it was a dismissive slant.
That's the thing though isn't it, it can very much be dismissive and impersonal too.
I was in M & S yesterday and an elderly male customer was called mate by the young male shop asst. I thought it was totally disrespectful. Surely a big concern like M &S would have protocols on what is the correct way to address customers.
haha , I really detest it , what is the alternative though? It is something that flows very nicely on the end of sentences .
I don't see why there is a need to add anything at the end of a sentence to someone one doesn't know. I don't like being called, mate, dear, luv, guv or anything else. It's not necessary. I will just say thank you to somebody - end of. I don't know why some people feel the need to add familiarities as though they are a friend.
Comments
However I am male and I do find it annoying when younger men in shops whose first language is not English and who speak English with an accent, see that I am a white man, so think that they must address me as 'mAAAAAAAAAAyyyyyte' with a horribly exaggerated attempt at an Australian accent.
Thanks 'mAAAAAAAAAAyyyyyte'!
I don't see anything wrong with mate, and I know they are just trying to be friendly, but the exaggerated way they say it doesn't sound warm friendly or genuine, it sounds cringy/patronising/exaggerated/mocking. It doesn't sound natural coming from them, it sounds forced, so they shouldn't try to use it.
I think the other thing is that it tends to be something that an older man might say to a younger one, or two men of about the same age might use it, but in a shop a younger guy wouldn't really say it to an older one. So that also makes it sound jarring.
Equivalents would be going to Italy and trying to use the gestures you saw in a youtube video of Italian hand gestures. Don't try it, you'll look try hard... just like the comments from Italians on those videos warn.
Another equivalent would be an American tourist arriving in London and trying to use 'orright Guv??'; 'tatt-ta' for goodbye, 'innit?' etc.
Equally, when I have to ring into the office, mostly due to an issue, and I speak to the ladies on the service desk , I will often at the close of the conversation call them sweetheart - eg "thanks for your help sweetheart"
Before too many people throw stones at me for any sexism/laddism; I'm new to this job and one of the ladies I get through to is the partner of my line manager, and it has got back that it''s rather nice to have some informality and interaction.
I think, if terms like mate, sweetheart, pal, darling, buddy, etc are used in a friendly, well meaning context then one should run with it.
That must mean that every single man in the English speaking world is offensive as we all call each other 'mate'.
The most common thing I say to strangers must be 'cheers mate'.
Anyone who is offended by it - don't go out of your house - but definitely do not go to Australia. You'll be 'offended' left, right and centre by people calling you 'mate'.
I detest it>:(
However as you say, it could be worse! I don't like it though.
Not everyone has said 'offended'.
People who habitually drop words into sentences really annoy me. Your post reminded me of my dad who can't seem to start a sentence without using the phrase, 'at the end of the day' or 'basically' and almost everything he says contains the word 'whatchacallit' because he never thinks about what he's gonna say before he says it and every time he's describing something he doesn't like it can't just be bad it has to be 'horrendous'. This is another one of his words he likes to drop in sentences every few seconds. Listening to one of his conversations is a bit like this...
Basically, at the end of the day, I went to Tesco for a loaf and a whatchacallit. The queues were horrendous and you couldn't get near the place so at the end of the day I came home and the traffic was absolutely horrendous. On my way home it started throwing it down with rain. You wanna see the weather out there now, it's absolutely horrendous. Basically at the end of the day it's all been pretty horrendous.
To which my mum will reply, 'Oh by the way whosit phoned while you were out about that whatchacallit you wanted'.
Listening to them is like trying to decipher a coded message.
That's different though, as it's a different culture.
Of course, I am generalising greatly here but I can see the angle the OP is coming from.
I take it to appear as if someone thinks they're my friend. Or we're on some personal level, which i'm not comfortable with, considering they're usually no more than an acquaintance.
Just the other day my lecturer (female) called me mate and i'm not sure if she said that because I made a great impression on her or it was a dismissive slant.
That should mean "bud" (as in buddy). Not butt as in the arse or cigarette sense. It's not only used in Cardiff, either.
(Darned predictive text)
That's the thing though isn't it, it can very much be dismissive and impersonal too.
I absolutely hate it. I worked for a while near Birmingham and everyone was called mate, drove me bonkers. I don't know you and I'm not your mate!
I don't see why there is a need to add anything at the end of a sentence to someone one doesn't know. I don't like being called, mate, dear, luv, guv or anything else. It's not necessary. I will just say thank you to somebody - end of. I don't know why some people feel the need to add familiarities as though they are a friend.