How do you handle the death of a pet who you love more than life? 16 YO dog
Zeropoint1
Posts: 10,917 Forum Member
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How have you handled the death of a much loved pet?
I ask because I have a 16 (ish) year old collie who is mentally fine, but her legs are less than perfect and she can struggle with slippery surfaces or just standing up after she's been sleeping for a few hours.
I know she is closer to the end of her story than the start but I honestly think her passing will rip me apart, far more than any human death has.... Other than a friend who took her own life at 23.
Are there places to talk on line after loosing a four legged friend who has always been there even during the darkest times?
The thought of loosing her scares me so much as I fear I may do something 'stupid'
I ask because I have a 16 (ish) year old collie who is mentally fine, but her legs are less than perfect and she can struggle with slippery surfaces or just standing up after she's been sleeping for a few hours.
I know she is closer to the end of her story than the start but I honestly think her passing will rip me apart, far more than any human death has.... Other than a friend who took her own life at 23.
Are there places to talk on line after loosing a four legged friend who has always been there even during the darkest times?
The thought of loosing her scares me so much as I fear I may do something 'stupid'
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I presume there are, but this reminded me that the Blue Cross run a freephone pet bereavement helpline to comfort owners:
0800 096 6606
https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-support
Thank you, as I say she is still with us but I'm so scared of loosing her as she is the one person I can trust and always tell everything to.
I think my main fear is after loosing a friend who took her own life at 23 and a few months later came across a woman of a similar age who tried (and thankfully) failed to jump off a bridge, I went out for a quick drink as I couldn't deal with the situation and had many bad thoughts plus far too much alcohol to numb the pain..
Fortunately it was all a blank but the thought of loosing my dog leaves me scared.
It's only natural to fear losing her. She's been a huge part of your life, and for a long time. People who don't/haven't had pets don't really understand just how much a part of your life and family they become. I've recently had to have a dog put down, I had him for just under 6 months but he was a family pet (my sister's originally, went to my dad and he could no longer cope, so the dog came to me). He was in a bad shape when I got him, but I did my best. Like your Collie, he was mentally sound, but his legs were in pretty bad shape. It got to the point where he couldn't even support himself to walk to his food or go to the toilet, and that's when I had him put down. It's kinder to do that than them suffer the indignity of not being able to eat or go to the toilet. It was hard, even though I'd only had him 6 months, but it was the kindest thing to do. When I was younger my cat was put down - that went pretty badly. I'd had him since i was small, and my parents thought it was better to have him put down without me being there, worst thing they could've done. I'm still sad that I never got to say goodbye to him.
Please know that your Collie has lived a good life with you! And when you feel down when the inevitable happens, just think, would she want you to stop living? It's only natural to grieve, and we all cope differently. Eventually you could adopt a rescue dog and save them from a life of loneliness?
I'm sorry to have kept going on about what happens when your Collie does pass. But please know that it'll probably feel like your whole world is collapsing. But it does get better.
I took a couple of days off work, thanks to having a very kind and understanding boss, but life has to go on. When you say doing 'something stupid', I assume you mean killing yourself... that would indeed be very stupid, and hopefully you are not a stupid person.
Unfortunately, I am not in a position to get another dog... but maybe you are? Think about all those sad and lonely dogs in rescue shelters that need someone just like you to love and care for them. When the time comes, give yourself some time and space to grieve your dog's passing, but then think about how you made your dog's life better and about how good it would feel to do the same for a poor lonely hound in a shelter, and do what you think is right. It will help you get over your grief, and will save another dog's life as well.
When you're stronger emotionally, you can prepare yourself for life without your dog. As a dog owner all you can really do is content yourself that you made the right choices for your dog and that you gave him a long and happy life.
You cant force him to live forever though.
I don't have any problem with people mourning pets deeply. They are after all, family
Members, just like human relatives. I have lost pets & mourned them.
When the time comes remember that you gave your dog a long & happy life & that he/she loved you very much. That is all anyone could wish for anyone they share their life with. Sadly death is inevitable, for all of us, human or animal. It's the painful inevitability that is impossible to avoid.
Mourn your dog fully (but please don't do anything to yourself-what would be the point of that?) and(this may not be what you want to hear right now) perhaps in a year or 2 consider buying another dog, so the sadness can be somewhat dissipated by sharing your life with a new friend.
I cant get over my cats death
is a particularly good post by Roni_J
Sadly there is no way you can avoid the grief but adopting a rescue dog in the same situation may well be the best answer.
Wishing you and your dog the best and the strength to cope when the sad day comes.
I found it dead one day coming back from work, its horrible but you get over it.
I did find it a massive comfort that I had actually gotten another two younger dogs before this so I had them. I had Cookie and Benny my boys and still have their pictures up. Now I have my two girls that I wouldn't be without.
There are breed specific forums and dog forums. I am a member of one and have so many freinds from all over the world. Cookie my 16 year old was well known on the forum as I posted his pics all the time and he was the oldest there and I got a lot of support from my friends there when I posted that he had passed.
I think what you need to remember is that your dogloves you more than anything and if it's like mine hates to see you sad. She also knows you have given her a perfect life full of love and safety. That's why she would want you to go on and maybe even in time offer that same security to another dog that needs it.
When my dog was younger we used to go on these huge forest walks. He would race ahead and then stand barking as if to say "It's okay mum, on you come" This would go on for the whole walk. I like to think when he goes he'll do the same on his next journey and wait for us telling us everythings okay.
You cant love without being hurt unfortunately..
Then I looked online at the dogs in kennels needing a home. There was one small white terrier who was not coping very well in kennels so I thought I would visit just t o take him for a walk
Within two weeks he had come home with me and that was 10 years ago and I love him just as much as the others
It would be far better to get another dog before your collie goes. It's good company for them while you're out having another dog around the place, but don't wait until your dog is too old to tolerate a boisterous young pup jumping all over her.
I agree with this. I got a puppy when my old lab was nearing the end. He gave the lab a new lease of life for a time and the lab taught the pup good manners. It made the grieving easier too.
Great advice.
A friend of mine always has one or two Labs, getting a new one when the eldest reaches 12.
She always feels sad when one passes, but you have to put that behidn you, put your wellies on and get take the younger one for a walk.
No difference.
I should add I no longer live with her and she's with my retired parents, though I see her every weekend and the first one I talk too while there, and to be honest, the only one I really talk too while there.
I'd love another dog while she's with us, but unfortunately she really doesn't like other dogs, or is at least very selective in the dogs she tolerates.
Indeed her name is Gen and if I could have another dog, it would certainly be a rescue and named Gentu (Gen II and the name of the penguin) going all the way to Gen X (Gen 10 and the generation name too)
EDITED
I honestly don't know if I will 'do something stupid' The point of this thread isn't to get attention or plead for help. I just honestly don't know what will happen in my mind when the time comes. If I'm honest I often 'see' the image of a woman hanging in the bathroom as I approach my own and that's been in the last three places I lived in.
I should add that my friend hung herself in the bathroom, but I didn't see it, indeed her controlling 'boyfriend' hated other male friends (!)
Anyway thank you to everybody for the cool advice
We left it while but then got a rescue rabbit, who is a complete handful, chews everything, was not neutered so we had to put up with him spraying until he was "done".
He also has Pasteurella, a lung disease that is contagious so cannot be with other rabbits.
If we had not homed him he would certainly have had to be put down.
He is a complete "character" and despite his bad behaviour, we love him to bits.
I would start looking for a dog that REALLY needs you, as it would not be adopted by anyone looking for an "easy" pet.
Your local Dogs Trust or other charity, will know of some really difficult dogs that need a loving home, and maybe contacting them before your Gen passes will mean they will also be bale to help you through the tough times, so you and the new dog will both have had tough times and can help each other to more happier times.
It is never easy, losing a precious friend, but you do survive it. When I was younger, and my dogs were still young, I was certain I would die when they passed away. Obviously that didn't happen. It won't be easy, but you will find the strength inside of you to grieve and accept the loss.
Don't be afraid or ashamed to grieve - I know many people think that it's "only a pet" and you should "just get over it", but it isn't that simple, and it isn't supposed to be. You must allow yourself the time to go through the grieving process properly, because that is the only way you can start to heal your heart.
Don't be ashamed to talk to a therapist or seek online counseling, two places I can reccommend are samaritans.org and lightning-strike.com.
And I really like the advice 1fab gave - there is no need to grieve in advance! Enjoy the hours, days and weeks and (hopefully) years you still have with your pet, don't waste them by worrying about what will happen when they are gone!
Edited to add: There's a poem, which has comforted me a lot when I have been having a tough time. There's an English version (or even the original?) of it, which I can't find at the moment, but the German version goes as follows:
Sie wandern neben dir an kühlen Herbsttagen, wenn der Frost über die Felder streift und der Winter näher kommt.
Ihren Kopf legen sie zärtlich in deine Hand wie in alten Zeiten….sie sind immer bei dir…
Which basically means that your good friend will never leave your side. A sentiment I have carried with me on numerous walks on cold Autumn days, which my dog used to love so much.
I think it is the same for anyone with a much loved, older, pet - you have that horrible anticipatory grief, before it's even happened. It's the price we pay for having them and we all know, from the day we bring that pup home, that 'that' day will come... Knowing makes it no easier, I know.
To have lost a friend in such a shocking way will, without doubt, have left its mark on you. And often one grief or a grief anticipated, brings out an older one. I'd get some counselling and support now, so you are stronger when the time comes, as there are other issues that are at work, here.
I agree with this. My mum got another dog shortly after her dog was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She got a 4 year old dog, her first dog perked up for a while after the new one arrived. And I think when first dog was PTS a few weeks ago it really helped mum have another dog there.
I lost my beautiful lab 2 weeks ago today and it was extremely hard the first week. I barely ate or slept but it's been getting better.
I made myself a little memory book of all her funny moments. She was my everything, I would talk to her more than I would my boyfriend or sister. Everyday for 8 years I would come home to see her little face and I think that has been the hardest, coming home to emptyness. I don't think I could get another dog anytime soon