What I'd do is contact the close friend, tell him/her you'd like to wish your ex a happy birthday but don't want to hurt him. Ask if the friend will be having a conversation with your ex on his birthday, and, if so, wait for an appropriate moment to drop in the good wishes from you. The friend could say s/he had been talking to you and that you'd wanted to do it personally but felt it wouldn't be right. Or something like that. What do you think?
Thanks for your suggestion. I might ask him for his opinion, but if I am to send my wishes then it would be best coming directly from me. I think it would make him feel worse to think I could talk to his mate but not him.
Thanks for your suggestion. I might ask him for his opinion, but if I am to send my wishes then it would be best coming directly from me. I think it would make him feel worse to think I could talk to his mate but not him.
Ah yes, I see your point - I think I assumed it was a mutual friend. Sorry about that.
But is there someone mutual you could try it with?
Unfortunately not, I only have his friend's number only because he called me from it when his wouldn't work once.
I see. It's not even like you're proper friends with his friend. What a shame.
I personally wouldn't directly text/email/whatever him though, for reasons others have said.
Whatever you decide to do, Wench, I wish you luck. I recall reading your other posts about your ex, and the pair of you in general and it's such a shame for you both.
As someone who has been in your ex boyfriend's position (suffering from depression and going through a breakup) I would say getting in touch with him is only going to prolong his heartbreak. When you're depressed, you tend to cling on frantically to any little glimmer of hope, and you texting him will show that you still care about him and therefore probably make him think that there may be a chance of you getting back together.
I understand that you don't want him to feel alone throughout his depression, but he has stated that he is still in love with you, and this makes it impossible for you to support him as a friend right now. I know it's a cliche, but I think in this case you really do have to be cruel to be kind. From what you've said, any small contact between the two of you will only make it harder for him to get over you.
Also, I definitely wouldn't speak to his friend about it. Your ex most likely feels low enough as it is, without feeling as though people are talking about him behind his back. It will only lead to tension between him and his friend, as your ex will most likely wonder what else you've been discussing without his knowledge.
It sounds as though you're approaching this in a very mature and selfless way, OP. Which is very commendable, because you're obviously hurting about the breakup too. I wish you well. x
Wench when I was going through my separation with my ex ...every little text gave me hope that this text would lead to a convo about us getting back together even about the most innocuous thing
If he is going thorough a bout of depression id leave it alone
Did you make a decision or are you still mulling it over?
Personally I wouldn't contact him.
My Ex suffered (undiagnosed) depression and took our break-up terribly. Although I was 100% happy with my decision to end the relationship I did feel a lot of guilt and responsibility towards him and I kept the lines of communication open. We would have dinner once a week, text and email every few days. To me It was all very platonic and mature. To him it was all gearing up to us reuniting
It's not exactly the same situation but on my birthday (about 2 months after we'd broke up) my Ex turned up on my parents doorstep with a gift for me. No calls or texts before he just turned up in the middle of a family BBQ. It was then I realised I had to let him go.. I couldn't keep him in my life to appease my feelings of guilt. He needed support and love on a consistent basis not the scraps from me.
I ended all contact, explaining exactly why.
It was for the best. I realised once we cut contact that I was carrying a lot of guilt with me - it wasn't my fault that my feelings had changed but I'd let things go on for a lot longer than I should have.
I must add that 7 years down the line I do still feel bad, I know he ended up on a bit of a downward spiral after we split but I also confess to feeling relief that I'd finally made the break..
As someone who has been in your ex boyfriend's position (suffering from depression and going through a breakup) I would say getting in touch with him is only going to prolong his heartbreak. When you're depressed, you tend to cling on frantically to any little glimmer of hope, and you texting him will show that you still care about him and therefore probably make him think that there may be a chance of you getting back together.
I understand that you don't want him to feel alone throughout his depression, but he has stated that he is still in love with you, and this makes it impossible for you to support him as a friend right now. I know it's a cliche, but I think in this case you really do have to be cruel to be kind. From what you've said, any small contact between the two of you will only make it harder for him to get over you.
Also, I definitely wouldn't speak to his friend about it. Your ex most likely feels low enough as it is, without feeling as though people are talking about him behind his back. It will only lead to tension between him and his friend, as your ex will most likely wonder what else you've been discussing without his knowledge.
It sounds as though you're approaching this in a very mature and selfless way, OP. Which is very commendable, because you're obviously hurting about the breakup too. I wish you well. x
Wench when I was going through my separation with my ex ...every little text gave me hope that this text would lead to a convo about us getting back together even about the most innocuous thing
If he is going thorough a bout of depression id leave it alone
good luck
Thanks, this is exactly what I needed to hear, how it might feel for him.
You are both right, as was majority of those who kindly replied, I have not texted and won't be texting him. Best to let him get over me and maybe one day in the far future we might be able to be friends again.
Did you make a decision or are you still mulling it over?
Personally I wouldn't contact him.
My Ex suffered (undiagnosed) depression and took our break-up terribly. Although I was 100% happy with my decision to end the relationship I did feel a lot of guilt and responsibility towards him and I kept the lines of communication open. We would have dinner once a week, text and email every few days. To me It was all very platonic and mature. To him it was all gearing up to us reuniting
It's not exactly the same situation but on my birthday (about 2 months after we'd broke up) my Ex turned up on my parents doorstep with a gift for me. No calls or texts before he just turned up in the middle of a family BBQ. It was then I realised I had to let him go.. I couldn't keep him in my life to appease my feelings of guilt. He needed support and love on a consistent basis not the scraps from me.
I ended all contact, explaining exactly why.
It was for the best. I realised once we cut contact that I was carrying a lot of guilt with me - it wasn't my fault that my feelings had changed but I'd let things go on for a lot longer than I should have.
I must add that 7 years down the line I do still feel bad, I know he ended up on a bit of a downward spiral after we split but I also confess to feeling relief that I'd finally made the break..
Thanks. I have decided to leave him alone and not text him.
I suppose thats the situation I don't want, I don't want him to not be able to move on because of me. That was probably the problem before when we resumed our friendship, I think that was stopping him from wanting to meet anyone else.
Hopefully I have done the right thing and he can get better, move on and find happiness.
I think you've done the right thing Wench. You never know if someone will read into texts or emails and see something that isn't there. Huge hugs to you as well, this obviously wasn't an easy decision to reach.
Comments
Thanks for your suggestion. I might ask him for his opinion, but if I am to send my wishes then it would be best coming directly from me. I think it would make him feel worse to think I could talk to his mate but not him.
Ah yes, I see your point - I think I assumed it was a mutual friend. Sorry about that.
But is there someone mutual you could try it with?
Unfortunately not, I only have his friend's number only because he called me from it when his wouldn't work once.
I see.
I personally wouldn't directly text/email/whatever him though, for reasons others have said.
Whatever you decide to do, Wench, I wish you luck. I recall reading your other posts about your ex, and the pair of you in general and it's such a shame for you both.
All the best. x
I understand that you don't want him to feel alone throughout his depression, but he has stated that he is still in love with you, and this makes it impossible for you to support him as a friend right now. I know it's a cliche, but I think in this case you really do have to be cruel to be kind. From what you've said, any small contact between the two of you will only make it harder for him to get over you.
Also, I definitely wouldn't speak to his friend about it. Your ex most likely feels low enough as it is, without feeling as though people are talking about him behind his back. It will only lead to tension between him and his friend, as your ex will most likely wonder what else you've been discussing without his knowledge.
It sounds as though you're approaching this in a very mature and selfless way, OP. Which is very commendable, because you're obviously hurting about the breakup too. I wish you well. x
If he is going thorough a bout of depression id leave it alone
good luck
Personally I wouldn't contact him.
My Ex suffered (undiagnosed) depression and took our break-up terribly. Although I was 100% happy with my decision to end the relationship I did feel a lot of guilt and responsibility towards him and I kept the lines of communication open. We would have dinner once a week, text and email every few days. To me It was all very platonic and mature. To him it was all gearing up to us reuniting
It's not exactly the same situation but on my birthday (about 2 months after we'd broke up) my Ex turned up on my parents doorstep with a gift for me. No calls or texts before he just turned up in the middle of a family BBQ. It was then I realised I had to let him go.. I couldn't keep him in my life to appease my feelings of guilt. He needed support and love on a consistent basis not the scraps from me.
I ended all contact, explaining exactly why.
It was for the best. I realised once we cut contact that I was carrying a lot of guilt with me - it wasn't my fault that my feelings had changed but I'd let things go on for a lot longer than I should have.
I must add that 7 years down the line I do still feel bad, I know he ended up on a bit of a downward spiral after we split but I also confess to feeling relief that I'd finally made the break..
Thanks, this is exactly what I needed to hear, how it might feel for him.
You are both right, as was majority of those who kindly replied, I have not texted and won't be texting him. Best to let him get over me and maybe one day in the far future we might be able to be friends again.
Thanks. I have decided to leave him alone and not text him.
I suppose thats the situation I don't want, I don't want him to not be able to move on because of me. That was probably the problem before when we resumed our friendship, I think that was stopping him from wanting to meet anyone else.
Hopefully I have done the right thing and he can get better, move on and find happiness.
Thanks Uffa, I admit I shed a few tears this morning thinkinig about him but I refrained from sending any messages x