OP.... have you a good mate who is good with women? Go out with him. I used to be "the good mate"...I helped out a few shy friends like that. In many pairs of women, one will often be shy & lacking in confidence, like OP.
Fact is girl comes up to a guy on the street its deemed acceptable, but if the guy does the same its creepy.
I had two drunk women coming home from the pub last year trying to talk to me, so don't give me all that rubbish that girls and guys don't chat each other up on the street.
No one is saying that people can't and don't interact with each other in the street- this is perfectly normal, esp where bars and pubs are concerned.
Having said that, this is slightly different from having to go on a website full of sad losers to learn some godawful cheesy pick up lines which you then take onto the street to use on a string of women until one is desperate enough to say yes. THAT is seriously odd.
Far from this making someone look like a confident outgoing guy, chances are the vast majority of women will smell your desperation from a mile away and you'll come across like a creepy weirdo, as opposed to some smooth talking love god.
The guys that don't come across as creepy weirdos are generally those who are confident enough just to talk normally to women, and those that don't feel the need to log onto 'daygamer' websites whose 'tips' look like they've been designed for 13 year old boys.
I know that men are from Mars and that women are from Venus etc. etc. BUT:
If you talk to a woman as if she is a human being, rather than a piece of meat or some sort of statistic or objective, then you stand a much higher chance of success.
I had never heard of this "daygaming" site before, but I have heard of sarging (?) which sounds kind of similar. If you want to attempt to go through as many women as possible in a given amount of time, then go for it, but quality beats quantity everytime.
If you want to attempt to go through as many women as possible in a given amount of time, then go for it
I'd wager most blokes who feel the need to log onto 'daygamer' sites (never heard of them before this thread either) are NOT the kind of guys that 'go though many women' anyway to be fair to them...
No one is saying that people can't and don't interact with each other in the street- this is perfectly normal, esp where bars and pubs are concerned.
Having said that, this is slightly different from having to go on a website full of sad losers to learn some godawful cheesy pick up lines which you then take onto the street to use on a string of women until one is desperate enough to say yes. THAT is seriously odd.
Far from this making someone look like a confident outgoing guy, chances are the vast majority of women will smell your desperation from a mile away and you'll come across like a creepy weirdo, as opposed to some smooth talking love god.
The guys that don't come across as creepy weirdos are generally those who are confident enough just to talk normally to women, and those that don't feel the need to log onto 'daygamer' websites whose 'tips' look like they've been designed for 13 year old boys.
Just my opinion of course..! :cool:
It's not just a website. They have a youtube channel with the guys approaching these women.
There's lots of dismissive people on here so here is a video of this guy approaching.
LOL....I almost burst out loud laughing at the first one. That was so awkward. She was so awkward, trying everything to be polite but she really didn't enjoy that. You look up to those? Seriously??
LOL....I almost burst out loud laughing at the first one. That was so awkward. She was so awkward, trying everything to be polite but she really didn't enjoy that. You look up to those? Seriously??
Me too. She looked uncomfortable, as if she just wanted to get away. He was really interrogating her. And he was kind of cheeky: telling her she wasn't a bad looking girl and asking her age. And asking if she has a man in her life already, how rude! She might have been a lesbian for all he knew. >:(
LOL....I almost burst out loud laughing at the first one. That was so awkward. She was so awkward, trying everything to be polite but she really didn't enjoy that. You look up to those? Seriously??
I definitely picked up on the feelings of awkwardness from the lady. Unfortunately the guy seems oblivious to this and probably believes he was being charming and sweet a la George Clooney. And I think the problem is certain people (both men and women) have an issue picking up on the social signals which others can sense when a situation becomes awkward and creepy.
I guess it's a skill you pick up as you progress through life from school to college to workplace.
Me too. She looked uncomfortable, as if she just wanted to get away. He was really interrogating her. And he was kind of cheeky: telling her she wasn't a bad looking girl and asking her age. And asking if she has a man in her life already, how rude! She might have been a lesbian for all he knew. >:(
Maybe it's just english girls then. The American girl was totally cool about it all.
I'm not trying convince anyone that daygame is great, but it's another option if struggling to meet people, especially women (if you're a guy).
It would be nice for people to just be a bit more open minded regarding this. I'm not saying it's always going to work. I've been on other forums and asked a similar question and the girls gave a mixed view.
Some think it's fine if done respectfully, others say they've had bad experiences with guys approaching and they are wary of strangers approaching them.
Also, the guy in the videos can come across as a very persistent person, which may be a turn off to many women. Even I think he pushes it too far, for e.g. telling the girl to give him her number instead of her taking his no. If she asked for my number, I would give it and not persist for her to give me her's.
This is true. Be open to new friendships with everyone, male and female, as well, widen your social circle, say yes to invitations you'd normally turn down, and be relaxed about finding a girlfriend. She may be the sister/cousin/niece/best mate of someone else.
This works - I met my previous long term partner because they'd recently taken up this philosophy, said yes to an invitation to a party where he met me.
I met my current partner by saying yes to an invitation I would normally have said no to. Went to the party, became friends with a few people there, a few years and great friendship later, one of them is now my beloved partner
Start saying yes to things, however unlikely it sounds like it will be to leading to meeting a new lover, then you open up your life to being able to 'accidentally' meet a girlfriend.
Nothing in your life will change unless something changes, start with it being saying yes.
Good luck
Also, there are certain social situations where straight single guys are very much in demand, just attend and it's likely that you will be the one getting approached rather than the other way around. The most obvious one I can think of is Salsa classes, and pretty much any partner dance dance class. And, don't worry about not being any good at dancing, that won't really matter. Women enjoy getting to dance with a 'real' man at these classes, rather than what happens, which is that more advanced women have to pretend to be men and dance the male steps.
Maybe it's just english girls then. The American girl was totally cool about it all.
I'm not trying convince anyone that daygame is great, but it's another option if struggling to meet people, especially women (if you're a guy).
It would be nice for people to just be a bit more open minded regarding this. I'm not saying it's always going to work. I've been on other forums and asked a similar question and the girls gave a mixed view.
Some think it's fine if done respectfully, others say they've had bad experiences with guys approaching and they are wary of strangers approaching them.
Also, the guy in the videos can come across as a very persistent person, which may be a turn off to many women. Even I think he pushes it too far, for e.g. telling the girl to give him her number instead of her taking his no. If she asked for my number, I would give it and not persist for her to give me her's.
Marc, you sound like a nice enough chap. There is still time to pretend this was all a 'joke' and get out of this with your DS 'reputation' (as it were), intact.
For the love of god tell us this is a joke. Please.
Maybe it's just english girls then. The American girl was totally cool about it all.
I'm not trying convince anyone that daygame is great, but it's another option if struggling to meet people, especially women (if you're a guy).
It would be nice for people to just be a bit more open minded regarding this. I'm not saying it's always going to work. I've been on other forums and asked a similar question and the girls gave a mixed view.
Some think it's fine if done respectfully, others say they've had bad experiences with guys approaching and they are wary of strangers approaching them.
Also, the guy in the videos can come across as a very persistent person, which may be a turn off to many women. Even I think he pushes it too far, for e.g. telling the girl to give him her number instead of her taking his no. If she asked for my number, I would give it and not persist for her to give me her's.
Yes I thought it was inappropriate the way he insisted that she give him her number, rather than just give her his. And then making her ring his phone right there & then (to make sure she wasn't BS-ing him). Talk about desperate, creepy even.
You want everyone here to be more open-minded about daygame, but what about you being more open-minded about dating girls that aren't slim? Women can often tell if they're being hit on for their looks and nothing else.
If you want better success, why not wait patiently to meet an amazing girl (of any size) that you like for more than just her physical appearance? Just hang out with her as a friend to start with and then let things develop gradually and organically. Much less awkward that way as there's less pressure involved for all parties.
And to follow on from David_Parmer's point, it is true, some men just aren't attractive to women, if any. Its a fact of life for some.
I dont personally think thats right.
A friend of mine used to think the same. He constantly moaned that no girls liked him the way he was and he went on a self loathing trip where he tried to change his personality, his looks and his interests. Still didnt work. The problem was that some girls were interested in him, but he was too busy paying attention to the ones that werent.
So while he was spending his time trying to attract the girls who werent interested in him, he was ignoring the ones who were whilst moaning that no girls liked him!
Im not saying anyone should lower their standards etc but not all women look for the same thing. If they did then there would be a small minority of men in relationships and the majority would be single.
I posted earlier. I wanted to post again to add some advice.
I think the people who've advised you to go to the gym are right. You should strive to look the best you can - NOT primarily so that girls like your look, but so that you feel better about yourself. I've lost a lot of weight recently, and believe me, to look in the mirror and see the best possible version of yourself looking back gives you SUCH a boost. You don't have to look like a model or celebrity - just the best you can for you.
Also, get a haircut that really suits you, wear clothes (not necessarily expensive ones) that look good on you. If you feel unsure what clothes you want, maybe take a female friend, or sister, whose opinion you trust with you.
If you think you need to lose weight, lose some!
When I was younger and dating, I had quite a lot of success with men. I am NOT Miss World. What I had going for me is that I was friendly and open with them, and took an interest. I never "chatted anyone up" - I just chatted to them in the same way I chatted to female friends - and although it wasn't a conscious strategy, it really worked.
Please, please, when you do meet girls/women, don't chat them up or use chat-up lines. Just chat to them! Let them see you're a nice, friendly, non-threatening man. I don't think men realise how easy it is to come over as creepy to girls, and for them to find such behaviour threatening. Don't be like that; if you do approach anyone, do it in the same way as if they were a male friend you'd just spotted.
Please do try to follow the positive advice that posters have given you. It is absolutely not the case that you're bound to be single forever. You're perfectly likely to meet someone you do "gel" with. DON'T be too stringent about requirements for their physical attributes; a nice pretty girl who's not your normal type might very well appeal to you as you get to know her as a person.
As I posted earlier (though I won't harp on about it), my brother was in your identical situation (although he didn't approach girls in streets), and now he's very happily married. It can happen to you too!
That's all for now. I really do wish you all the best, OP.
I'm sad to say that for some women it is. I think there are a lot of women and men for whom the physical attraction must be instant and there are a further group of both sexes who have such fixed criteria of what they want in a partner that are based on shall we say quantitative, rather than qualitative values.
I have good single friends who are like this. Must earn this much, must be a certain look etc.
It is certainly not the case for all women or men though. Almost all the guys I have fallen for it has been because their mind turned me on! They've been people I can bounce off and have had admirable qualities that made me think wow, knowing this person, just talking to them is improving my mind!
If you asked me what physical attributes I go for, I would draw a blank!
I'm not the only one, I have many friends who are the same.
That's why I think that people should just focus on being themselves and making the most of their life and have fun with their friends. The mistake is to think that all people think one way or another and become closed to possibilities!
It's fine that someone decides a relationship isn't for them. I was in that camp for a while, purely because I was sorting my own shit out. It was needed and I'm happier for it.
Im 23 and never had a girlfriend.
Some men girls just don't like.
My girlfriend's son is 28, and living with us at the moment. He's not bad looking, physically quite fit, intelligent, able to talk easily, and generally a decent fellow. Yet in the 8 years I've know him, he's never been on a single date. In fact the last time he was out with a bird, was when he took his budgie to the vet!
He claims to want a family of his own one day, and as he spent some time working security in Brighton, I think that if he were gay we'd know - and he'd know - by now. But, whenever I bring the up subject of actually finding a relationship, and that he's wasting some of the best years of his life, he clams up. So I have to conclude that some men are just odd.
Not the OP, of course, who sounds like he'd love to get involved. The answer, ISTM, is to stop hanging around at bus stops hoping to pick someone up, and possibly scaring them away in the process. Join some sporting clubs or other things where regular folk meet and can talk, just as friends. That's all great practise, and who knows, maybe someone will come along, first as a friend. But if not, then it's time to give on-line dating a try. My aforementioned girlfriend's daughter did that for the first time in her life (good looking girl, smart, just not meeting the right person), and literally the first man she went on a date with turned out to be Mr Right. A year later they married, and now have a lovely young son. Sorted.
But what's physically attractive to me is NOT physically attractive to a lot of women. That's the key. Everybody has a different view on what they consider attractive (and that's just physically, personality wise also matters hugely).
I love men with big noses, crap teeth who have messy hair and are slender but subtly muscular at the same time (but a 6-pack is going too far). And borderline geeky.
Oh, and I can't stand bad boys. Whereas allegedly a lot of us women do (so I hear???)
Comments
No one is saying that people can't and don't interact with each other in the street- this is perfectly normal, esp where bars and pubs are concerned.
Having said that, this is slightly different from having to go on a website full of sad losers to learn some godawful cheesy pick up lines which you then take onto the street to use on a string of women until one is desperate enough to say yes. THAT is seriously odd.
Far from this making someone look like a confident outgoing guy, chances are the vast majority of women will smell your desperation from a mile away and you'll come across like a creepy weirdo, as opposed to some smooth talking love god.
The guys that don't come across as creepy weirdos are generally those who are confident enough just to talk normally to women, and those that don't feel the need to log onto 'daygamer' websites whose 'tips' look like they've been designed for 13 year old boys.
Just my opinion of course..! :cool:
If you talk to a woman as if she is a human being, rather than a piece of meat or some sort of statistic or objective, then you stand a much higher chance of success.
I had never heard of this "daygaming" site before, but I have heard of sarging (?) which sounds kind of similar. If you want to attempt to go through as many women as possible in a given amount of time, then go for it, but quality beats quantity everytime.
I'd wager most blokes who feel the need to log onto 'daygamer' sites (never heard of them before this thread either) are NOT the kind of guys that 'go though many women' anyway to be fair to them...
It's not just a website. They have a youtube channel with the guys approaching these women.
There's lots of dismissive people on here so here is a video of this guy approaching.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OUxvk7VOZMA
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9vgR5f6mA7E
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDN6FXs4gT0
LOL....I almost burst out loud laughing at the first one. That was so awkward. She was so awkward, trying everything to be polite but she really didn't enjoy that. You look up to those? Seriously??
No. I just watch his videos.
This is true.
Me too.
I definitely picked up on the feelings of awkwardness from the lady. Unfortunately the guy seems oblivious to this and probably believes he was being charming and sweet a la George Clooney. And I think the problem is certain people (both men and women) have an issue picking up on the social signals which others can sense when a situation becomes awkward and creepy.
I guess it's a skill you pick up as you progress through life from school to college to workplace.
Maybe it's just english girls then. The American girl was totally cool about it all.
I'm not trying convince anyone that daygame is great, but it's another option if struggling to meet people, especially women (if you're a guy).
It would be nice for people to just be a bit more open minded regarding this. I'm not saying it's always going to work. I've been on other forums and asked a similar question and the girls gave a mixed view.
Some think it's fine if done respectfully, others say they've had bad experiences with guys approaching and they are wary of strangers approaching them.
Also, the guy in the videos can come across as a very persistent person, which may be a turn off to many women. Even I think he pushes it too far, for e.g. telling the girl to give him her number instead of her taking his no. If she asked for my number, I would give it and not persist for her to give me her's.
This works - I met my previous long term partner because they'd recently taken up this philosophy, said yes to an invitation to a party where he met me.
I met my current partner by saying yes to an invitation I would normally have said no to. Went to the party, became friends with a few people there, a few years and great friendship later, one of them is now my beloved partner
Start saying yes to things, however unlikely it sounds like it will be to leading to meeting a new lover, then you open up your life to being able to 'accidentally' meet a girlfriend.
Nothing in your life will change unless something changes, start with it being saying yes.
Good luck
Also, there are certain social situations where straight single guys are very much in demand, just attend and it's likely that you will be the one getting approached rather than the other way around. The most obvious one I can think of is Salsa classes, and pretty much any partner dance dance class. And, don't worry about not being any good at dancing, that won't really matter. Women enjoy getting to dance with a 'real' man at these classes, rather than what happens, which is that more advanced women have to pretend to be men and dance the male steps.
I was followed a little way down the road by a gentleman who told me he felt the need to catch me up and tell me that he thought I was beautiful.
All very sweet.... and bloody scary as he'd followed me down quite a deserted street and I had my 6 month old son with me in a pram!!!!
Seriously what is wrong with people?
For the love of god tell us this is a joke. Please.
Yes I thought it was inappropriate the way he insisted that she give him her number, rather than just give her his. And then making her ring his phone right there & then (to make sure she wasn't BS-ing him).
You want everyone here to be more open-minded about daygame, but what about you being more open-minded about dating girls that aren't slim? Women can often tell if they're being hit on for their looks and nothing else.
If you want better success, why not wait patiently to meet an amazing girl (of any size) that you like for more than just her physical appearance? Just hang out with her as a friend to start with and then let things develop gradually and organically. Much less awkward that way as there's less pressure involved for all parties.
The last paragraph applies to the OP too.
I dont personally think thats right.
A friend of mine used to think the same. He constantly moaned that no girls liked him the way he was and he went on a self loathing trip where he tried to change his personality, his looks and his interests. Still didnt work. The problem was that some girls were interested in him, but he was too busy paying attention to the ones that werent.
So while he was spending his time trying to attract the girls who werent interested in him, he was ignoring the ones who were whilst moaning that no girls liked him!
Im not saying anyone should lower their standards etc but not all women look for the same thing. If they did then there would be a small minority of men in relationships and the majority would be single.
How embarrassing.
Ooh, I guess I'm being dismissive. I have no idea what girls want
I posted earlier. I wanted to post again to add some advice.
I think the people who've advised you to go to the gym are right. You should strive to look the best you can - NOT primarily so that girls like your look, but so that you feel better about yourself. I've lost a lot of weight recently, and believe me, to look in the mirror and see the best possible version of yourself looking back gives you SUCH a boost. You don't have to look like a model or celebrity - just the best you can for you.
Also, get a haircut that really suits you, wear clothes (not necessarily expensive ones) that look good on you. If you feel unsure what clothes you want, maybe take a female friend, or sister, whose opinion you trust with you.
If you think you need to lose weight, lose some!
When I was younger and dating, I had quite a lot of success with men. I am NOT Miss World. What I had going for me is that I was friendly and open with them, and took an interest. I never "chatted anyone up" - I just chatted to them in the same way I chatted to female friends - and although it wasn't a conscious strategy, it really worked.
Please, please, when you do meet girls/women, don't chat them up or use chat-up lines. Just chat to them! Let them see you're a nice, friendly, non-threatening man. I don't think men realise how easy it is to come over as creepy to girls, and for them to find such behaviour threatening. Don't be like that; if you do approach anyone, do it in the same way as if they were a male friend you'd just spotted.
Please do try to follow the positive advice that posters have given you. It is absolutely not the case that you're bound to be single forever. You're perfectly likely to meet someone you do "gel" with. DON'T be too stringent about requirements for their physical attributes; a nice pretty girl who's not your normal type might very well appeal to you as you get to know her as a person.
As I posted earlier (though I won't harp on about it), my brother was in your identical situation (although he didn't approach girls in streets), and now he's very happily married. It can happen to you too!
That's all for now. I really do wish you all the best, OP.
Moll
It is
I'm sad to say that for some women it is. I think there are a lot of women and men for whom the physical attraction must be instant and there are a further group of both sexes who have such fixed criteria of what they want in a partner that are based on shall we say quantitative, rather than qualitative values.
I have good single friends who are like this. Must earn this much, must be a certain look etc.
It is certainly not the case for all women or men though. Almost all the guys I have fallen for it has been because their mind turned me on! They've been people I can bounce off and have had admirable qualities that made me think wow, knowing this person, just talking to them is improving my mind!
If you asked me what physical attributes I go for, I would draw a blank!
I'm not the only one, I have many friends who are the same.
That's why I think that people should just focus on being themselves and making the most of their life and have fun with their friends. The mistake is to think that all people think one way or another and become closed to possibilities!
It's fine that someone decides a relationship isn't for them. I was in that camp for a while, purely because I was sorting my own shit out. It was needed and I'm happier for it.
My girlfriend's son is 28, and living with us at the moment. He's not bad looking, physically quite fit, intelligent, able to talk easily, and generally a decent fellow. Yet in the 8 years I've know him, he's never been on a single date. In fact the last time he was out with a bird, was when he took his budgie to the vet!
He claims to want a family of his own one day, and as he spent some time working security in Brighton, I think that if he were gay we'd know - and he'd know - by now. But, whenever I bring the up subject of actually finding a relationship, and that he's wasting some of the best years of his life, he clams up. So I have to conclude that some men are just odd.
Not the OP, of course, who sounds like he'd love to get involved. The answer, ISTM, is to stop hanging around at bus stops hoping to pick someone up, and possibly scaring them away in the process. Join some sporting clubs or other things where regular folk meet and can talk, just as friends. That's all great practise, and who knows, maybe someone will come along, first as a friend. But if not, then it's time to give on-line dating a try. My aforementioned girlfriend's daughter did that for the first time in her life (good looking girl, smart, just not meeting the right person), and literally the first man she went on a date with turned out to be Mr Right. A year later they married, and now have a lovely young son. Sorted.
I love men with big noses, crap teeth who have messy hair and are slender but subtly muscular at the same time (but a 6-pack is going too far). And borderline geeky.
Oh, and I can't stand bad boys. Whereas allegedly a lot of us women do (so I hear???)