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Do you get Christmas begging phonecalls/letters in your family?
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I've just come home to an answerphone message from one of my husband's sister's kids (with mother in law whispering to her what to say in the background :rolleyes:) wanting to know if we were going to buy her a Christmas present because if so she wants a... *name of something costing £80*.
We stopped buying gifts for the individual kids in the family several years ago because we were sick of getting shopping lists and then complaints afterwards if they didn't like whatever we had bought even though it was on the list. Who complains about a gift FFS? :mad: The last straw was one of the kids telling us that we had to get her the most expensive thing on her list because "mummy says you're rich".
So instead for the last few years we have bought family gifts for those with children - hampers with games, DVDs, sweets or whatever.
So why they have decided that this year they will try and emotionally blackmail us into doing otherwise, I don't know. We haven't even had a Christmas present or even a card from this family for the last 2 years, so where they get the ****s from to do this, I have no idea.
We stopped buying gifts for the individual kids in the family several years ago because we were sick of getting shopping lists and then complaints afterwards if they didn't like whatever we had bought even though it was on the list. Who complains about a gift FFS? :mad: The last straw was one of the kids telling us that we had to get her the most expensive thing on her list because "mummy says you're rich".
So instead for the last few years we have bought family gifts for those with children - hampers with games, DVDs, sweets or whatever.
So why they have decided that this year they will try and emotionally blackmail us into doing otherwise, I don't know. We haven't even had a Christmas present or even a card from this family for the last 2 years, so where they get the ****s from to do this, I have no idea.
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My in-laws are rude though. We took father and mother in law on an all expenses paid trip to Europe for a milestone birthday and all they did was moan that Sister in law wasn't with them. Obviously their son (my hubby) wasn't good enough.
Bah humbug.
I don't play but I do have premium bonds. I would never tell them, they would feel so entitled lol!
Don't bother in future they obviously take you for granted
He too suggests that we splash out on ourselves instead on ungrateful ****s.
(His annoyance is compounded by his mother telling him recently that he was "lucky" to have a good job and a nice house blah blah blah when his sister (left school without qualifications, never had a full-time job, has various children by various fathers) hasn't got much... He's not "lucky". He slogged it out at uni - the first person in his family ever to go - and we lived on next to nothing for the next 4 or 5 years whilst we paid off our student debts. Then scrimped to save a deposit, then bought our house and have a mortgage to pay. They seem to have conveniently forgotten all that :rolleyes:. Lucky? Pah!)
It can get quite complicated with ever growing families and different incomes. Our family have fell into a tradition where all the adults (over 18) do a secret santa, and we all then just buy for the younger ones with a limit of £15 or so. With nieces and nephews ranging from the ages of 2 to 28 it does work really well.
They mostly do phonecalls - that way if they have asked to borrow money they can conveniently forget as there was nothing written down. We learned that lesson the hard way.
Letterwise, we had a mail from hubby's younger sister a couple of years ago asking for a laptop. She said that her boyfriend had walked out and taken the laptop they had bought and the printer we had given her (when we bought a new one) so when we bought new laptops could she have our old ones and when would that be!
Thing is, this sister has a job, she could buy her own (she did in the end, our machines are still going strong) but it is just the mentality of that family. The other sister's children used to send Christmas lists of what they wanted and even before they could write they just cut pictures out of catalogues and stuck them on a page and sent those
Do they consider you to be the 'Rothschilds' wing of the family?
Buy them a fall-apart-in-two-hours gift from the 99p shop.
Maybe mum-in-law is more protective of the sister(s)-in-law as, rightly or wrongly, she sees your hubby as able to stand on his feet and strong, whereas the daughter(s) are more needy. Doesn't make it right, though.
You don't owe anyone an explanation but it might help to set out what you are going to do and the reasoning behind it. As has been said, gifts are gifts. We don't always like the gifts we receive but, for the most part, we can have a joke about it and appreciate the fact that someone made the effort. If other members of the family are raising their kids to expect expensive gifts to the point of dictating what they want to extended family members (WTF?), then they are setting themselves up for a lifetime of trouble, which they'll bring upon themselves- nothing to do with you.
Last Christmas the wee boy desperately wanted a batcave to play with and was so disappointed for months. Me and my mum decided to surprise him as a one off for his birthday and it was worth it to see the smile on his face. My cousin or her husband never thanked us they never did for anything it does not matter because the wee boy did.
It is easy to feel emotionally blackmailed into giving gifts when children are involved but just because you can buy something as a gift does not mean you should. A lot of adults and children are spoiled and selfish and not grateful for the gifts they receive. There is too much pressure on people to buy nice gifts especially at Christmas.
This year I have asked for a Lego Horizon Express train kit that I have wanted for months and will be very grateful for it and let my parents know how much I appreciate it.
Just send them a card with some kisses on the bottom and wish them a happy christmas...
Edited to add: just read daryls post, and that charity idea is a very good one, oxfam do a special christmas gift thing, where they send out an acknowledgement to the person you donate it for, or many of them do an adoption thing for animals, then the person gets a whole raft of things through the post in the form of certificates etc.
That isn't a bad idea either.
I do actually know someone who's brother in law often rings them on christmas or birthdays to inform them of their child's "list" and asking them what they'll be getting from it. Not "so-and-so would love <gift name> for their birthday if it's something you'd consider" but "will you be getting <expensive gift> or <even more expensive gift> for so-and-so?".
I think it should come down to whether or not you want to get them anything or if you feel you're getting them anything because of a case of having to as it'll keep the peace.
If you and hubby aren't worried about the fallout, i'd cut them off completely, present-wise. While it's a good idea, I think a charitable donation in their names would be as good as cutting them off though, considering their attitudes.
Either way, i'd still be inclined to let them know you won't be blackmailed or dictated to.
If I did, I'd purposely send nothing.
I truly can't abide the begging mentality.
As far as the above example, I might consider doing the same back, with somebody whispering in the background that you wanted a new car. Make it totally clear you regard their antics as a pisstake.
I just think to myself 'well, that's one thing xxxx isn't getting from me'.