I'm not sure this is going anywhere
Hmm, well I've been dating a guy recently who seems perfect. He's charming, gentle, beautiful, has an amazing career etc. etc.
The issue I have is that he won't stop talking about his ex. It's non stop. I'm not at all jealous or anything silly like that, but I want to get to know him as a person - not his ex. I'm absolutely bored stiff of hearing about him. I'm feeling like I have nothing to go on here any more, and I'm almost wondering if there's better out there.
Please advise what to do
The issue I have is that he won't stop talking about his ex. It's non stop. I'm not at all jealous or anything silly like that, but I want to get to know him as a person - not his ex. I'm absolutely bored stiff of hearing about him. I'm feeling like I have nothing to go on here any more, and I'm almost wondering if there's better out there.
Please advise what to do
0
Comments
Sigh, I know what you mean. I keep asking if he wants to get back with the other person, and he says definitely not. The fact he's always texting him and talking about him suggests otherwise.
He's a lovely guy, but I guess I deserve better
No guess about it you do deserve better! No one deserves to be second best in anyone's life
Either way, short or long relationship, have you tried telling him to not talk about him so much? I get the impression you don't know the ex - tell your guy you don't mind the odd snippet, but enough is enough, and you'd rather hear about your guy's life/times/experiences, not some random bloke you've never met.
If he won't see reason, then only you can decide whether you can wait until the phase runs its course, or if it's too much to bear.
I've just messaged him and said I can't entertain the idea of a long term relationship with someone that still talks about their ex non stop. He said he needed to go slow to get this person out of his system. If that's the case, then why is he even dating me to begin with?
Feel very annoyed and cheated tonight. It's selfish to play with other people's feelings.
Sometimes people need to take things slow in a new relationship as it takes awhile to get over their ex or past etc.
Just be patient if he really is as caring and good as you say then surely he's worth waiting for?
I know it's tough i had same problem with my gf she wasn't over her ex and wanted to go slow, we took things slowly and it worked 3 years on still together, just be patient it'll be worth it
He hasn't taken this very well tonight, understandably. The final straw for me was when he looked on Facebook earlier to see where his ex had checked in tonight. I just sat there and felt utterly stupid tbh.
Hmmm it's a toughie you might have to go for the harsh option and tell him straight it's either his ex or you.
All i can really suggest is go with your heart, not much help i know lol. I really hope things work out for you, you seem like someone who deserves to be happy.
Good luck!
Definitely not! I really had enough last night, and he couldn't see it from my point of view that is was wrong and hurtful to use someone as a way of getting over another partner.
I won't lie, I miss him a lot. Plenty more fish in the sea I guess.
The OP is male, the person they think is amazing is male and the ex is male. Is that right?
Have you actually had a face to face talk about how you feel?
If so, what was his response?
It does seem very insensitive and also selfish to go on about his ex to you. Perhaps you and him see your relationship in very different ways?
I am actually gay.
I tried to talk to him last night and he blocked me. He's very upset apparently, and even had to make a point that he paid for us to have nice meals etc. so I could feel special.
He doesn't seem to grasp that I'm not interested in hearing about his ex. I get the impression I'm just someone to rant to all the time.
Good luck.
The good news? You can make them get over their ex.
What you have to ask yourself is if this person is 'really' worth it, as you will need to make extra allowances, and have a rock solid self esteem to get through it.
These people who obsess over their exes have to be taken with caution though....
I once started dating a girl who appeared to be majorly 'into me' but quite like your partner, she wouldn't stop talking about her ex - all negative tales, but it was worrying. After a month or two, and the closer we got, the 'ex' was no longer getting brought up - great right? Not....she ended up becoming absolutely obsessed with me instead and was 100% well and truly the nuttiest, craziest, chick I've ever been in a relationship with. When I finished it, after 8 months of hell, she got with a new fella within a week, and history repeated itself.
You need to be careful of anybody who gets into a relationship with somebody else when they're not mentally able to move on from their previous relationship. The traits that come to mind are 'user' 'desperate' and 'insecure'.
Best of luck though.
Frankly I would be running for the hills. It doesn't sound like he is ready and you don't want to be either the sticking plaster, the consolation prize or the rebound effect. Asking them not mention the ex so much won't help really - they may make an effort but it will still be in their heads. I've ditched guys for similar reasons. Not because they are still smitten but because they have an almighty chip on their shoulder about how it ended, the divorce settlement etc etc..
I dealt with my own personal relationship angst and am not about to take on someone else's
I would like to think I'd never get into a relationship with someone still hung up on an ex, but you can't help who you're attracted to.
He's now trying to make himself look like a victim, and me the bad person. He assured me I was never second best.
I'm totally confused here and just don't know what to think about anything now. We've actually just said goodbye as well.
I feel really upset right now
I'm glad you say this, because I see it, and yet I'm too weak to believe it. I'm going to block him and just move on. I feel exhausted by the whole thing.
Thanks so much to everyone for the advice.
oops! My apologies