Hi, our Ava was always used to seeing our dog and cat when she came to stay. Just after we lost our dog the girls came to stay. Suddenly out of the blue Ava asked me where my doggy was. It caught me out and I cried. I told the girls the doggy was very old and had gone to sleep up in the sky but she was always looking after us. The girls accepted this and later Ava looked up at the sky, waved and said "Hi Oggie". I cried again. She only mentions our dog when she comes to stay at ours, although she did tell mummy and daddy about granny's dog.
Ahh. That's sad. (((hugs))). I know what it is like to lose a beloved pet. I still miss every one I have lost, they take a piece of my heart with them. They are all special little creatures and it helps if we remind ourselves that we were lucky to know them at all.
You always hear people justify lying to kids by saying it helped them deal with death etc but the fact is since they did not also tell the truth and see how that worked they have no idea how effective their version was - unless you had identical twins and told one the truth and lied to the other about heaven.
Its only in your 30s and 40s that you really get a feeling for your own mortality. Children should be told truth where possible.
You always hear people justify lying to kids by saying it helped them deal with death etc but the fact is since they did not also tell the truth and see how that worked they have no idea how effective their version was - unless you had identical twins and told one the truth and lied to the other about heaven.
Its only in your 30s and 40s that you really get a feeling for your own mortality. Children should be told truth where possible.
Yes, I agree, but as I have said it was what the girl said that bothered me - and the fact that she is pre school, I'm not familiar with kiddies ages, but is could be around 3.
Telling children that those who they loved had gone to heaven was an easy thing a couple of generations ago but, since then, things have changed considerably.
The belief in God is diminishing with every generation (as far as I can see) and explaining to children what death actually means is getting harder and harder. It was an easy option to use the "heaven" explanation, i.e. gone but not forever when most people were religious. Not so easy when you realise that there's no such place as heaven or hell, how do you tell a child that they're doomed to an eternity of nothingness? It's hard enough for an adult to accept, let alone an innocent child.
There are some difficult situations that we have to deal with, this one is one of the hardest.
Telling children that those who they loved had gone to heaven was an easy thing a couple of generations ago but, since then, things have changed considerably.
The belief in God is diminishing with every generation (as far as I can see) and explaining to children what death actually means is getting harder and harder. It was an easy option to use the "heaven" explanation, i.e. gone but not forever when most people were religious. Not so easy when you realise that there's no such place as heaven or hell, how do you tell a child that they're doomed to an eternity of nothingness? It's hard enough for an adult to accept, let alone an innocent child.
There are some difficult situations that we have to deal with, this one is one of the hardest.
I don't know what the answer is
Yes, great post - you have summed up exactly what I meant, much better than I did.
I am tempted to say it's not my problem, but I can't get away from the fact I like the little girl.
Telling children that those who they loved had gone to heaven was an easy thing a couple of generations ago but, since then, things have changed considerably.
The belief in God is diminishing with every generation (as far as I can see) and explaining to children what death actually means is getting harder and harder. It was an easy option to use the "heaven" explanation, i.e. gone but not forever when most people were religious. Not so easy when you realise that there's no such place as heaven or hell, how do you tell a child that they're doomed to an eternity of nothingness? It's hard enough for an adult to accept, let alone an innocent child.
There are some difficult situations that we have to deal with, this one is one of the hardest.
I don't know what the answer is
Most children get that before they were born there was nothing and so after they die also there is nothing.
I was aware of death from a young age - I remember as a toddler walking into town, talking about being excited about starting primary school (which helps me know I was pretty young then) and I asked my mum what happens when you die, like where do 'you' go? and she explained that no-one knows for sure. I remember laughing and saying well why dont they just take a camera and record what happens, then send it back to us, then we'll know and she explained that because your dead, you cant come back, its final and thats when I started to realise - I probably thought im sure there'll be a way around it though.
I remember thinking that in my lifetime, since science is really clever, they'll invent a pill we can take to make us live forever, so then I won't have to worry about death but now im thinking I wouldn't want it, even if it was offered, not unless perhaps if everyone else had it, otherwise I don't want to outlive all my friends and family (presuming they couldnt get the pill but you know what I mean). I can't say I can clearly remember being scared of death as a child though, I think I was more curious than anything else - curious and unsure, maybe a little nervous but not totally scared.
I'm really not sure where I learnt about it from though, it may have been on TV or through a book being read out to me or something like that. I was lucky in that no-one I knew died until I was in my 20s. Speaking of that, a relative of mine died recently, im attending his funeral in a couple of days.
I was aware of death from a young age - I remember as a toddler walking into town, talking about being excited about starting primary school (which helps me know I was pretty young then) and I asked my mum what happens when you die, like where do 'you' go? and she explained that no-one knows for sure. I remember laughing and saying well why dont they just take a camera and record what happens, then send it back to us, then we'll know and she explained that because your dead, you cant come back, its final and thats when I started to realise - I probably thought im sure there'll be a way around it though.
I remember thinking that in my lifetime, since science is really clever, they'll invent a pill we can take to make us live forever, so then I won't have to worry about death but now im thinking I wouldn't want it, even if it was offered, not unless perhaps if everyone else had it, otherwise I don't want to outlive all my friends and family (presuming they couldnt get the pill but you know what I mean). I can't say I can clearly remember being scared of death as a child though, I think I was more curious than anything else - curious and unsure, maybe a little nervous but not totally scared.
I'm really not sure where I learnt about it from though, it may have been on TV or through a book being read out to me or something like that. I was lucky in that no-one I knew died until I was in my 20s. Speaking of that, a relative of mine died recently, im attending his funeral in a couple of days.
Thanks for that Izzy. You are very matter of fact - in the post anyway! You clearly had a far better understanding than i had, as a child. I had all the sorry for losing pets, and relations and sad that there weren't there, but never actually thought about the what happens - where do we go until an adult.
Thanks for that Izzy. You are very matter of fact - in the post anyway! You clearly had a far better understanding than i had, as a child. I had all the sorry for losing pets, and relations and sad that there weren't there, but never actually thought about the what happens - where do we go until an adult.
Sorry for you loss too.
Your welcome and thank you too. Yes, I remember as a child it took alot to scare me, I wasn't frightened by anything pretty much and I suppose I thought of ways around everything and was quite matter of fact. I used to be fascinated by TV shows about ghosts which I seem to remember being particularly popular in the early 1990s, probably stemming from being a fan of the Ghostbusters cartoons as a toddler - I probably thought it was people coming back to have a laugh after they'd died but I don't think I really thought everything through, like properly (however you word that), until I was older.
Thinking about it, im surprised I asked what happens after you die to my mum because I figure I'd have just thought we all turn into ghosts and haunt people in their kitchens, throwing mugs around and stuff :rolleyes:
Most children get that before they were born there was nothing and so after they die also there is nothing.
How do you/they know that? how can anyone be certain they didn't live a different life and have their memory wiped before being reincarnated into their current person? I don't know for absolute certainty that there was nothing before I was born, I don't know what happened before I was born, personally not historically obviously.
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Ahh. That's sad. (((hugs))). I know what it is like to lose a beloved pet. I still miss every one I have lost, they take a piece of my heart with them. They are all special little creatures and it helps if we remind ourselves that we were lucky to know them at all.
Its only in your 30s and 40s that you really get a feeling for your own mortality. Children should be told truth where possible.
Yes, I agree, but as I have said it was what the girl said that bothered me - and the fact that she is pre school, I'm not familiar with kiddies ages, but is could be around 3.
The belief in God is diminishing with every generation (as far as I can see) and explaining to children what death actually means is getting harder and harder. It was an easy option to use the "heaven" explanation, i.e. gone but not forever when most people were religious. Not so easy when you realise that there's no such place as heaven or hell, how do you tell a child that they're doomed to an eternity of nothingness? It's hard enough for an adult to accept, let alone an innocent child.
There are some difficult situations that we have to deal with, this one is one of the hardest.
I don't know what the answer is
Yes, great post - you have summed up exactly what I meant, much better than I did.
I am tempted to say it's not my problem, but I can't get away from the fact I like the little girl.
Most children get that before they were born there was nothing and so after they die also there is nothing.
I remember thinking that in my lifetime, since science is really clever, they'll invent a pill we can take to make us live forever, so then I won't have to worry about death but now im thinking I wouldn't want it, even if it was offered, not unless perhaps if everyone else had it, otherwise I don't want to outlive all my friends and family (presuming they couldnt get the pill but you know what I mean). I can't say I can clearly remember being scared of death as a child though, I think I was more curious than anything else - curious and unsure, maybe a little nervous but not totally scared.
I'm really not sure where I learnt about it from though, it may have been on TV or through a book being read out to me or something like that. I was lucky in that no-one I knew died until I was in my 20s. Speaking of that, a relative of mine died recently, im attending his funeral in a couple of days.
Thanks for that Izzy. You are very matter of fact - in the post anyway! You clearly had a far better understanding than i had, as a child. I had all the sorry for losing pets, and relations and sad that there weren't there, but never actually thought about the what happens - where do we go until an adult.
Sorry for you loss too.
Yes... children are age 8 and 9 when they are in Year 4.
Your welcome and thank you too. Yes, I remember as a child it took alot to scare me, I wasn't frightened by anything pretty much and I suppose I thought of ways around everything and was quite matter of fact. I used to be fascinated by TV shows about ghosts which I seem to remember being particularly popular in the early 1990s, probably stemming from being a fan of the Ghostbusters cartoons as a toddler - I probably thought it was people coming back to have a laugh after they'd died but I don't think I really thought everything through, like properly (however you word that), until I was older.
Thinking about it, im surprised I asked what happens after you die to my mum because I figure I'd have just thought we all turn into ghosts and haunt people in their kitchens, throwing mugs around and stuff
How do you/they know that? how can anyone be certain they didn't live a different life and have their memory wiped before being reincarnated into their current person? I don't know for absolute certainty that there was nothing before I was born, I don't know what happened before I was born, personally not historically obviously.