[Ada Rabble]

He had hypothyroid disease. They said it would be a matter of giving him tablets, he hadn't eaten for days and was constantly retching, first lot of pills he couldn't keep down, they gave me a second type of pill and he was allergic to it, by then he hadn't eaten for about 2 weeks, he was hiding away in unusual places.

They said he could have an operation and yet I'd read that the cat had to be stabalised on the drug first, but he couldn't take the drug. I decided I couldn't let him go through the operation with him in such a mess, it seemed too cruel. There was no guarantee that if he couldn't take the drug he'd recover.
The vets didn't seem to comprehend he was allergic but the instant I gave him the pill, he was climbing the walls, mad to get out, when I let him out, he stayed in the same spot hunched over all night.

I found myself at a different vet and told him I'd decided to have him euthanaised. The vet seemed to become curt with me, told me the cat seemed quite strong but I had made up my mind.
I'd never seen an animal out down before and when the vet asked me if I had, he then said, 'youre lucky!'
He then made a hash of the procedure and left my cat wailing in distress, and calmly walked into the next room as he had to get another injection, as the first one had slipped from his vain, my cat was thrashing around and I was distraught.

He asked me if I wanted to leave the cat while he finished it and I said, no I fuc**** don't.

8 months later I hate myself for having my cat put down,I let him down. I just want to turn the clock back and make a different decision. I also feel an anguish that the vet deliberately messed up the euthanasia to get at me.
I feel wretched tonight.

[delazarous]

I feel for you - that is truly awful. You did what you felt was best for him, however, although I know it's of no comfort when you're feeling down. Try not to focus only on the end, as there is nothing you can do to change it now, but the more positve memories also.
Hope you feel better soon.

[Ada Rabble]

Originally Posted by delazarous

I feel for you - that is truly awful. You did what you felt was best for him, however, although I know it's of no comfort when you're feeling down. Try not to focus only on the end, as there is nothing you can do to change it now, but the more positve memories also.
Hope you feel better soon.

Thank you.
That's good advice, will try to.

[ktboils]

Each time we have had one pts I've felt terrible guilt sometime afterwards.

Even though at the time I knew it was absolutely for the best it is difficult to deal with later.

It's called grief.

I am so sorry you're suffering and agree that you should focus on all the good stuff and the way he/she made you smile every day. And don't give yourself a hard time; you loved him/her and did the right thing for them. xx

[Ada Rabble]

Originally Posted by ktboils

Each time we have had one pts I've felt terrible guilt sometime afterwards.

Even though at the time I knew it was absolutely for the best it is difficult to deal with later.

It's called grief.

I am so sorry you're suffering and agree that you should focus on all the good stuff and the way he/she made you smile every day. And don't give yourself a hard time; you loved him/her and did the right thing for them. xx

Thanks for saying that, I tell you, it really helps.
One thing I have learned the hard way , I will have any of my animals put to sleep at home in future, so they can at least have a more relaxed environment in their final moments. I didn't realise it was an option until afterwards.

[Hogzilla]

And Ada, please don't think that is anything like what being PTS is usually like. I have seen quite a few, not only my own pets' but other people's - and have only ever once seen something that just slightly disturbed me, and realised that was unusual. You did the right thing, the only thing, and just had the bad luck to find an utter idiot of a vet.

I dunno what the procedure is with vets, but I can't help wondering if there is a professional body you can complain to. I'd certainly review him online, in the relevant places. ;o) No other animal or owner should go through what you did, if you can help it. That would be a good channel for your feelings, right now. Because that really, truly was unacceptable. And it complicates your grief and the normal guilt we ALL feel, having an animal PTS.

As others have said, don't let a few minutes at the end cloud your happy memories of all those years with your cat. I have been bereaved many times in my life with pets and people and every single time, you do get to a point where you start remembering with a smile on your face.

[molliepops]

sorry wrong thread

[MarellaK]

When my Tabitha was put to sleep I felt tremendous guilt and kept thinking I should have kept her going for a few more days to see if she would 'pick up' (she had had extensive cancer treatment, the tumour had actually shrunk, but Tabitha had stopped eating and had contracted flu as a result of the immuno-suppressants). Having undergone such invasive treatment, including surgery, I had wanted to give her every chance to live longer. But I panicked when she just didn't get up one morning. In my case, my vet had, earlier that week, advised euthanasia but agreed it was right that I take her home for her last few days. At that time, I was still quite hopeful that she might improve at home, that she would have a few more months but as the days went on, Tabitha was getting worse.

My vet also made a bit of a mess of the euthanasia but I could see that Tabitha had very difficult venous access and, on the second attempt, at least 15 minutes later (he had left me and my friend alone with my cat and was surprised on his return to see my cat still alive) he went directly into her heart. However, he had sedated her really well before the first procedure so she really didn't suffer at all. He was a lovely vet (who used to appear frequently in TV's Animal Hospital when he worked at the RSPCA vet hospital). Vets make mistakes like we all do - though it would appear that the OP's vet did have an attitude problem, I find it hard to believe that he would allow an animal to suffer because of his disagreement with the owner.

More than 18 months after my own cat's death, my guilt is now more related to the fact that I didn't recognise that she was ill until it was very late, that I consented to her having such extensive, unpleasant treatment and that she spent so much of her last few weeks unhappy at the vet hospital. If any of my current cats ever receive a similar diagnosis I really don't think I would put them through such a horrendous ordeal. My problem was that although my Tabitha was elderly at almost 16 she looked and acted much, much younger and I just couldn't accept that I was going to lose her so abruptly. I also had the option of having Tabitha put to sleep at home but I had to arrange this at least 24-48 hours beforehand and, at that time I was very indecisive and was living and hoping day to day.

I found the Blue Cross counselling service very useful and cathartic so it would be well worth contacting them. The counsellors have a very soothing manner and help you put everything in perspective.

Otherwise, time makes the pain less raw. I took on 2 rescue cats shortly after Tabitha's death, in addition to one I already had, and they keep me busy and occupied at home. I still think of Tabitha all the time but I try to remember all the good times, what a great cat she was and how she knew, all her life, how much I adored her.

[Ada Rabble]

Originally Posted by Hogzilla

And Ada, please don't think that is anything like what being PTS is usually like. I have seen quite a few, not only my own pets' but other people's - and have only ever once seen something that just slightly disturbed me, and realised that was unusual. You did the right thing, the only thing, and just had the bad luck to find an utter idiot of a vet.

I dunno what the procedure is with vets, but I can't help wondering if there is a professional body you can complain to. I'd certainly review him online, in the relevant places. ;o) No other animal or owner should go through what you did, if you can help it. That would be a good channel for your feelings, right now. Because that really, truly was unacceptable. And it complicates your grief and the normal guilt we ALL feel, having an animal PTS.

As others have said, don't let a few minutes at the end cloud your happy memories of all those years with your cat. I have been bereaved many times in my life with pets and people and every single time, you do get to a point where you start remembering with a smile on your face.

Hogzilla, your post is a comfort to me, so thank you so much.

The vet staff said at the time I could complain in writing and a few weeks later I wrote a long letter but I didn't end up sending it, I felt like I should let it go, as I feel so much anger about it and I wanted to forget.
At the time, I was yelling at the vet "why didn't you warn me this could happen?", he didn't say anything. I was in bits. I couldn't function that well for a few days because of the horrendous way he went.

At the time I felt like it was the only thing I could do to have him
PTS, but as time moves on the doubts and what ifs creep in.

He was a great lad, my boy. When I think of him now, I get a lump in my throat and you're right, my thoughts are clouded by the experience he had at the hands of the vet. So I take your words to me gratefully, as it helps and thanks again.

[Ada Rabble]

Marellak, sorry to hear about the loss of your Tabitha.
I'm here feeling guilty because I feel I let mine go to soon, and you're there feeling guilty because you feel you let her go to late. Both ends of the scale. It seems that we can't help wanting to punish ourselves, whatever we do. Perhaps it shows us that we need to ease up on ourselves, we followed our hearts and we did what we thought was right.

Thats another thing I will do next time though, have my pet sedated before the injection, another thing I didn't realise at the time. Thanks for mentioning the Blue Cross, I will look into that.

[Enfant Terrible]

Originally Posted by Ada Rabble

At the time I felt like it was the only thing I could do to have him
PTS, but as time moves on the doubts and what ifs creep in.

Please try to focus on the fact that you have done nothing wrong, as other posters have said you were very unfortunate to end up with such a horrible vet.

Having to let a pet go this way is always going to be very distressing and you may have moments of doubt, that's normal.
I recently had my cat PTS (he was 16) which was an extremely difficult decision but he was seriously ill and suffering just like yours, and no matter how much I miss his little happy face, I know I made the right decision. So did you.

[Ada Rabble]

Originally Posted by Enfant Terrible

Please try to focus on the fact that you have done nothing wrong, as other posters have said you were very unfortunate to end up with such a horrible vet.

Having to let a pet go this way is always going to be very distressing and you may have moments of doubt, that's normal.
I recently had my cat PTS (he was 16) which was an extremely difficult decision but he was seriously ill and suffering just like yours, and no matter how much I miss his little happy face, I know I made the right decision. So did you.

Thank you, for reassuring me, I appreciate it.