School Reunion: A step too far?

[Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,799
Forum Member
✭✭✭
Hi

I need some advice. I'm going to a school reunion on Saturday and its making me very nervous. Its been nearly 20 years since I left school and I still have the mental scars to prove it. Without going into details I have some mental health issues and I'm trying to deal with them.

Has anyone got any advice?

Thanks in advance :)
«13

Comments

  • AddisonianAddisonian Posts: 16,377
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Don't go?
  • Jon OJon O Posts: 1,687
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    I would never go to a school reunion because I didn't particularly like school. So why would I want to meet up with people I have nothing in common with?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,799
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Already promised. Keep telling myself its part of my recovery.
  • shmiskshmisk Posts: 7,963
    Forum Member
    I decided i could do without an evening remeniscing with Tracy and Kay about how they used to spit in my hair every single day of secondary school

    why go? what will it do for your recovery?
  • Jon OJon O Posts: 1,687
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    this reminds me of Tom Browns School Days, I loved that book :D
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,799
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    shmisk wrote: »
    I decided i could do without an evening remeniscing with Tracy and Kay about how they used to spit in my hair every single day of secondary school

    why go? what will it do for your recovery?

    Maybe to prove how far I've come in life.
  • RellyRelly Posts: 3,469
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    If your school days were a nightmare, I'd make an excuse and not go. It'll be full of people giving all the one-upmanship they possible can, point scoring, etc. Even if you tell them you're the President of the World, one of them will have been head-hunted for President of the Universe.

    I can't see how going to an event like this will aid your recovery. If you're prepared to listen to how brilliantly everyone else is doing (most of them really won't be, trust me) or how clever their kids are etc, then fine, it's your call and I hope you enjoy yourself. If you're a bit vulnerable and maybe lacking in self-confidence, I don't think it'll be great for you.

    If you do end up going, then I hope I'm wrong. :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,301
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    I imagine it will be fine. In fact, it is rather enjoyable when you realize how different many people are now. There will be a few who haven't changed much, but everyone will have 20 years of life behind them and it feels great to see and speak to so many people who were important to you at one time. Go with your head held high!
  • Dante AmecheDante Ameche Posts: 20,692
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Addisonian wrote: »
    Don't go?
    Relly wrote: »
    If your school days were a nightmare, I'd make an excuse and not go. It'll be full of people giving all the one-upmanship they possible can, point scoring, etc. Even if you tell them you're the President of the World, one of them will have been head-hunted for President of the Universe.

    I can't see how going to an event like this will aid your recovery. If you're prepared to listen to how brilliantly everyone else is doing (most of them really won't be, trust me) or how clever their kids are etc, then fine, it's your call and I hope you enjoy yourself. If you're a bit vulnerable and maybe lacking in self-confidence, I don't think it'll be great for you.

    If you do end up going, then I hope I'm wrong. :)
    Take the advice of these guys
  • RellyRelly Posts: 3,469
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Handers wrote: »
    I imagine it will be fine. In fact, it is rather enjoyable when you realize how different many people are now. There will be a few who haven't changed much, but everyone will have 20 years of life behind them and it feels great to see and speak to so many people who were important to you at one time. Go with your head held high!

    I do see what you mean, in spite of my previous negative post. If Neil C is really proud of his achievements, he could go, hold his head up as you said and poke them in the eye (figuratively speaking). He'll definitely see that those kids or teachers who gave him a hard time aren't the monsters he thought they were, which in itself is a healing thing. He might even be able to put the whole horror of it behind him.

    Damn, I'm so indecisive. :D Half of me says "don't risk it", and the other half says "go get 'em, tiger". :D
  • lea_uklea_uk Posts: 9,639
    Forum Member
    If they are still the idiots they were back then, then be proud of the fact that you're a much better person than them.
  • QFourQFour Posts: 555
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I went to one after 21 years .. What a laugh .. Lot of old friends not seen for years and not seen since .. One guy who spent the entire evening trying cadge drinks from everyone but we didn't know who he was. The funniest bit was the girl that everyone wanted to go out with was still at home living with her mum. The lad she went out with all through school went to University and was never seen again. Everyone was doing other things and everyone forgot about her. The ugly duckling of the class turned into a real stunner ;) and old friends look different without hair :D

    Enjoy the night. Its more fun after a few beers ;)
  • Dante AmecheDante Ameche Posts: 20,692
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    QFour wrote: »
    I went to one after 21 years .. What a laugh .. Lot of old friends not seen for years and not seen since .. One guy who spent the entire evening trying cadge drinks from everyone but we didn't know who he was. The funniest bit was the girl that everyone wanted to go out with was still at home living with her mum. The lad she went out with all through school went to University and was never seen again. Everyone was doing other things and everyone forgot about her. The ugly duckling of the class turned into a real stunner ;) and old friends look different without hair :D

    Enjoy the night. Its more fun after a few beers ;)
    That's all well and good if you had good mates and good times during your school days but if you didn't then it's not fun, no matter how many beers are had.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 219
    Forum Member
    I had rubbish schooldays but went to a school reunion anyway. It was a mixed experience. In some ways the same idiots who made my life a misery were still idiots and karma didn't seem to have visited them (yet!). However, I also rekindled connections that have since become really good friendships since (they weren't in school) and was able to lay quite a few ghosts to rest. In sum, I don't regret going but it wasn't all easy. Good luck OP.
  • Toby LaRhoneToby LaRhone Posts: 12,916
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    QFour wrote: »
    I went to one after 21 years .. What a laugh .. Lot of old friends not seen for years and not seen since .. One guy who spent the entire evening trying cadge drinks from everyone but we didn't know who he was. The funniest bit was the girl that everyone wanted to go out with was still at home living with her mum. The lad she went out with all through school went to University and was never seen again. Everyone was doing other things and everyone forgot about her. The ugly duckling of the class turned into a real stunner ;) and old friends look different without hair :D

    Enjoy the night. Its more fun after a few beers ;)

    I hated school but not my pals there.
    I went to my first ever reunion of 50 years since we walked through the gates after a few Emails flew around.
    First thought was "Stuff that" but I was offered a stopover for a game of golf and a night out the night after.
    Eight of us on a table and I hadn't seen them in four decades.
    During the speeches it was as if we were back in assembly - giggling and muttering asides and disapproving looks from the other tables. No one had changed a bit character wise and were all recognisable - but "aged with grace".
    Glad I went.
    Life is very brief.
  • england66england66 Posts: 526
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    i'd go if i were you, you will probably regret it if you don't . go and show them that they havn't ruined or even affected your life and what you have achieved since leaving school.(i'm guessing you were badly bullied or something)there probably not expecting you to show up so go and prove them wrong and maybe take a friend or family member for support if you can.:)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,076
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    If it's anything like my reunion, the people you didn't get on with now want to be your best friend.

    It will probably be bearable, but given your issues I think you could be forgiven for opting to stay at home.
  • realwalesrealwales Posts: 3,110
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    There's no way in a million years I'd want to go to a school reunion, and in all honesty I don't think the OP should go for reasons others have said. I'm aged 30 and am in touch with three people from my school days, and in recent times I've even started to drift apart from them. My school days weren't particularly happy ones and I don't think I'd enjoy spending an evening in the company of certain people. However, I've learnt, via Facebook, and through occasionally bumping into people in my fairly small city:

    - The absolute bullying scumbag I detested the most is now a washed up druggie and appears to be going nowhere with his life.
    - One weird kid who used to go around accusing me and others of being gay is now out of the closet and is about as gay as it's possible to be!
    - One girl I never used to fancy is now an absolute stunner!
    - The one girl pretty much all the boys used to fancy is now nothing special in my opinion.
    - Some very unlikely people are now smokers.
    - One person who should've done huge amounts with her life has underachieved because she let her hobby of music turn into an obsession. I also think she was/is into cannabis.
  • SuperAPJSuperAPJ Posts: 10,402
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I have psychological issues relating to my school days and the only way I'd ever go to a reunion would be if I'd become really successful and wanted to show the jerks that they hadn't beaten me!
  • What name??What name?? Posts: 26,623
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    It was twenty years ago. Why do they matter to you if you are really over it all?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 652
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I went to a school reunion last year, like you after 20 years. I enjoyed it very much, but to be honest I was amongst the popular ones back in the day. However I had not been in contact with any of the girls since the day I left school. But it ws nice catching up. And amazingly the few girls who were not so popular were all treated exactly the same. With the same respect. It almost felt like every one was best buddies back in the days. None of us looked down at each other and there was 18 of us.

    After 20 years people change a lot and every ones life is different so it doesn't really need to be compared. I personally think you should go.

    Good luck!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 177
    Forum Member
    I went to several schools over the years and hated them apart from the last one I went to. I'm still friends with the guys I hung out with, and I'm happy to go to reunions because there weren't any real tossers in my year, amazingly enough. Some people are wildly successful and some aren't, but we can always have good chats and reminiscences. It's changed recently as guys who hadn't started when I left are now at the twenty year anniversary of their leaving, and there are loads of people turning up who weren't even born when I left.

    However, with the other schools, I'd rather crawl over broken glass than see any of those ******* ever again.

    Honestly, if you weren't horrendously bullied at school, you should consider going. Remember, all the immature people are now pushing forty and probably have families and jobs and have grown up a good deal. If anyone acts like an idiot, then they'll just be embarrassing themselves. Also, you're an adult, so you don't have to take their shit anymore.

    If you didn't enjoy school or are worried that you'll look bad, then don't go. You really don't have to if you don't want to.,It would be wrong to put additional pressure on yourself to say it's part of your recovery if you don't want to go - does that mean you haven't recovered if you don't go? No.

    If you go, I hope you enjoy yourself and rekindle old friendships. If you don't go, then it really doesn't matter. Either way, I hope you recover fully.
  • Kiko H FanKiko H Fan Posts: 6,546
    Forum Member
    Addisonian wrote: »
    Don't go?

    I'd say this is the best advice.

    Look forward, not back.
  • Galaxy266Galaxy266 Posts: 7,049
    Forum Member
    My old school organised a reunion for the Millennium, which I went along to. It was OK. Some people I was really pleased to meet-up with once again, others I still would have preferred it if they hadn't been there. But, overall, I would say it was a good experience.

    However, they tried to organise another one five years later. I refused to attend this one; been there, done that got the T-shirt, I thought.

    There a couple of people I still know from school and we've kept in touch all our adult lives. The rest, I'm not really all that bothered about, quite honestly.
  • gasheadgashead Posts: 13,807
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Neil C wrote: »
    Maybe to prove how far I've come in life.
    To whom, them or you?
Sign In or Register to comment.