Giving presents to siblings on birthdays

124»

Comments

  • MsBehaviourMsBehaviour Posts: 5,532
    Forum Member
    In my family, my lovely father created a tradition where, on his birthday, he would give presents or a big treat to all of us - and taught us that giving was joyful. We all adopted this as we grew older and have always enjoyed each others birthdays.
  • d'@ved'@ve Posts: 45,452
    Forum Member
    molliepops wrote: »
    That isn't what others have insinuated and said.

    Why mention it then?
  • molliepopsmolliepops Posts: 26,821
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    d'@ve wrote: »
    Why mention it then?

    I was answering you, and saying it had been insinuated and said. Because you said
    It's nothing to do with jealousy or not feeling cared for or loved.
    and others had said by not giving we were somehow less caring of our children, less loving.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,181
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Never done it.. wouldn't it take away that element of being `Their` special day, especially as every one gets their `Special Day`
    :)
  • d'@ved'@ve Posts: 45,452
    Forum Member
    molliepops wrote: »
    I was answering you, and saying it had been insinuated and said. Because you said and others had said by not giving we were somehow less caring of our children, less loving.

    But that's exactly why I said it (the rights or wrongs of giving 'unbirthday' presents) has nothing to do with jealousy, caring etc.

    To clarify, IMO, people who give 'unbirthday' presents don't do it because the sibling is jealous, and people who don't give 'unbirthday' presents aren't less caring. That's what I meant by 'jealousy/caring etc. has nothing to do with it'. I don't think either set of kids turn out any different because of it, either.
  • anne_666anne_666 Posts: 72,891
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    molliepops wrote: »
    Never occurred to me to do it, mine have never begrudged the others having their own birthdays and presents. Sounds like a slight failure in parenting as children should be able to understand fairly early on they don't get everything they want.
    molliepops wrote: »
    I said it because children have to learn early as possible they need to share and not expect everything to be about them, spoiling a child IMO is a failure in parenting. Not preparing them for the outside world where not everything will be geared to giving them a treat when someone else has one.
    molliepops wrote: »
    Sometimes, and I am an example of it too, people turn out fine despite their parents, but why encourage bad parenting is all I am saying really. When some things can so easily be done better.

    Always willing to learn myself.


    molliepops wrote: »
    I was answering you, and saying it had been insinuated and said. Because you said and others had said by not giving we were somehow less caring of our children, less loving.

    I can't find a single comment where anyone said or even suggested that. However your first three posts accused anyone who wasn't doing it your way of Failure in or bad parenting. Rather damning. In fact hostility towards the idea has been in the majority.
    I can't see any right or wrong here. I didn't for this for my children but if people do it's their choice, a lovely idea and not a big deal.
  • dekafdekaf Posts: 8,398
    Forum Member
    In my family, my lovely father created a tradition where, on his birthday, he would give presents or a big treat to all of us - and taught us that giving was joyful. We all adopted this as we grew older and have always enjoyed each others birthdays.

    :) He does sound very lovely.
  • molliepopsmolliepops Posts: 26,821
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    anne_666 wrote: »
    I can't find a single comment where anyone said or even suggested that. However your first three posts accused anyone who wasn't doing it your way of Failure in or bad parenting. Rather damning. In fact hostility towards the idea has been in the majority.
    I can't see any right or wrong here. I didn't for this for my children but if people do it's their choice, a lovely idea and not a big deal.

    Yes because IMO it is a bad idea, but it has been said several times by others they feel it is caring and loving thing to do rather implying I felt that anyone not considering it didn't care as much or didn't love as much.

    Good parenting is teaching children to share, care and allow others to have something when you don't. I can't see how giving a child a present just because it's a siblings birthday teaches them anything of the sort.

    We have a lot of grown ups these days who expect things, who don't understand they are not always going to get their own way I think we need to each young that this is not OK that they can't have everything.
  • D.DotAD.DotA Posts: 2,281
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    No that's rely bad. I'm only 19 and my parents never gave me or my sibling presents on each others birthdays. If it's your birthday then you should be the only one with presents and just have the attention you for the day. It's your special day not yours and your siblings.
  • anne_666anne_666 Posts: 72,891
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    molliepops wrote: »
    Yes because IMO it is a bad idea, but it has been said several times by others they feel it is caring and loving thing to do rather implying I felt that anyone not considering it didn't care as much or didn't love as much.

    Good parenting is teaching children to share, care and allow others to have something when you don't. I can't see how giving a child a present just because it's a siblings birthday teaches them anything of the sort.

    We have a lot of grown ups these days who expect things, who don't understand they are not always going to get their own way I think we need to each young that this is not OK that they can't have everything.

    As I said I've read through the thread and I can't see anyone saying this. Most opinion is against the idea, some pretty hostile.
    However, to say anyone is failing at parenting, over such a small issue is a rather derogatory, inflammatory and extreme opinion.
    I hardly think of myself as a lesser parent because I didn't do this or anyone is a better parent because they do..
    You are ignoring the obvious differentiation. A child's birthday is hardly devalued, or their siblings somehow ruined for life by receiving one minor present.
    I would have enjoyed the excitement and my siblings pleasure with their little gift on MY special day. I love the post from the FM about her father giving them all presents on his birthday. I don't think my father wasn't a loving parent as a result.
    The day is still their birthday, the giftS , the party, the cards the visitors the good wishes all the things which a birthday means.
    Learning to care and share is a much wider experience throughout years of emotional development.
    I think you are over analysing and incorrectly making a gloomy prognostication of emotional dysfunction. Live and let live I say.:)
  • molliepopsmolliepops Posts: 26,821
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    Perhaps we are just not giving huge presents, our home made presents are less than a tenner each. Strictly adhered too for everyone. All lovingly made and given. To give a smaller present the other siblings would get very little and I would anticipate I would have to make them all too.
  • anne_666anne_666 Posts: 72,891
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    Deleted.
  • anne_666anne_666 Posts: 72,891
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    molliepops wrote: »
    Perhaps we are just not giving huge presents, our home made presents are less than a tenner each. Strictly adhered too for everyone. All lovingly made and given. To give a smaller present the other siblings would get very little and I would anticipate I would have to make them all too.

    I think that's a wonderful, participatory and creative idea for them all to enjoy.

    We did this, I had 5 children and I prefer it to spending a fortune on gifts(which we didn't have) but that's a whole other argument.::)
  • duckyluckyduckylucky Posts: 13,827
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    I didnt do it for my kids but one set of grandparents always brought a book for the other siblings when they arrived with a birthday present.
    I always thought it was nice , they dint bring a book because the others were brats or demanded it , they brought a book because they lioved any excuse to bring books and they loved the kids and loved reading to them

    I would never stand in judgement at anyone else and how they choose to show affection . Who am I to say whats right for another family or how they should celebrate birthdays. Or indeed presume kids are brats because they get a little something on a given day . People are so judgemental sometimes
  • d'@ved'@ve Posts: 45,452
    Forum Member
    duckylucky wrote: »
    I didnt do it for my kids but one set of grandparents always brought a book for the other siblings when they arrived with a birthday present.
    I always thought it was nice , they dint bring a book because the others were brats or demanded it , they brought a book because they lioved any excuse to bring books and they loved the kids and loved reading to them

    That grandparent could have been me, as that's what happens in our family - I'm the only one who does it, and for similar reasons. It also eases her boredom at times when the birthday girl is fully occupied with the many other nice things that happen on that day. Mother (my daughter) fully approves, but doesn't do it herself as we all agree that the unbirthday present should be only one item, small and inexpensive, which is never comparable to what the other one gets.
Sign In or Register to comment.