Trying to encourage my cat to be affectionate
Hi. I have a kitten who I adore, she's my baby. 
But she's really not affectionate. She occasionally cuddles my dad or my brother. My brother can pick her up and she'll let him rub her tummy and cuddle her, but she won't allow me to do this. 
She never comes over to cuddle me. I play with her a lot, I'm the one who feeds her and cleans out her litter tray...she never seems to notice. Apologies if this sounds a bit pathetic, but it does upset me a bit. I'd love my cat to be affectionate. Any suggestions?:(
But she's really not affectionate. She occasionally cuddles my dad or my brother. My brother can pick her up and she'll let him rub her tummy and cuddle her, but she won't allow me to do this. She never comes over to cuddle me. I play with her a lot, I'm the one who feeds her and cleans out her litter tray...she never seems to notice. Apologies if this sounds a bit pathetic, but it does upset me a bit. I'd love my cat to be affectionate. Any suggestions?:( 0
Comments
Maybe try some hand feeding rather than feeding her from her bowl so she wants to spend time with you and you get to build postive assocaitions at the same time.
Hand feeding also extends the time she spends with her food and you and your scent, rather than you just holding her bowl while she eats.
As well as feeding her and cleaning her litterbox, if you play with her she will come to you for cuddles eventually. The quickest way I have found to gain the trust and affection of a kitten is to get down on the floor and play with it. It really does make a difference if you on the floor at eye level or thereabouts so you can make some eye contact which they normally avoid. Keep at it, she'll become more affectionate as she gets older and will come to you for cuddles. My girl cat used to wriggle out of my grasp as a kitten and just wanted to run about all over the place (she had a brother for cuddles) but now she's clingy as velcro!
But they're pretty perceptive - she's already worked out your roles - brother/child as playmate, you as mother/servant and Dad as provider - therefore she will suck up to him. My parents' cat is the same - she's all over Dad yet Mum is the one who feeds and cleans her. When I visit, I'm the one who brings treats and toys so I get a cuddle too.
I can remember when my sister & I were children we used to try to get the cat to come & sit on our laps by doing exactly that, & we were never successful. But my dad would be sitting dozing in front of the TV on a sunday afternoon & the cat would inevitably jump on his lap, whether he wanted it to or not:). This was because his eyes were closed or half-closed, he was sitting very still, relaxed & quiet. That sort of lap is far more appealing to a cat than a fidgety, chatty 7 year old's lap!
I've found that putting a large soft cushion or duvet or something on my lap can make the lap seem far more attractive to the cat.
I don't think your cat can really appreciate the fact that you are the one that cleans it's litter tray, goes shopping for cat food or takes the time & trouble to care for it. It may appreciate that you are the one that provides play time, & engages with fast toy games ~ but do these interactions with your cat suggest to it that you are a calm, quiet person with whom it can relax & go to sleep? Probably not ~ you may be fun to be with, but not when the cat wants to sleep.
As Tass says, hand feeding is a great idea for promoting positive associations with you, but as for the stroking, cuddling etc it may be a case of just going slowly & only doing it for a very short time ~ stop before the cat walks away. Possibly try a soft toothbrush to stroke around the cat's face, cheeks & ears?
I've found that with the many cats I've had over the years, even the most uncuddly cats develop a huge liking for a warm lap as they get older:).
One of my friends has a gorgeous but unfriendly cat that I am always desperate to cuddle. When I go to visit I spray Feliway on my bag, and my shoes and my hands. That cat cannot leave me alone much to the amazement of it's owners!
she is a rescue whom we have had for 5 months now and whereas before i just wanted her to settle in and feel comfy in her home - i now want to get closer to her.
in recent weeks i have started to hand feed some treats and she does let me stroke her once in a while now. though i have discovered she doesnt like to be stroked as she walks past, and she isnt keen on her body being stroked. and under no circumstances will she like being picked up!!
so that leaves me with giving her head abit of a rub when she is sitting or laying still.
maybe you will find there is a time or place where your cat is more receptive to your attention?
I do hope things will improve further with us though- maybe if i get some nice deli ham......................