Am I being unreasonable re. wedding suit?

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  • hugsiehugsie Posts: 17,497
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    I'd be very tempted to give the whole thing a miss. It is not like you have to feel obligated, now you know you were just a second thought.
  • pixiebootspixieboots Posts: 3,762
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    Sounds exactly like my brother and his ex wife, don't buy anything new, just wear the waistcoat with your current trousers. Each time you concede they will demand more. That marriage doesnt sound like it will last and you will kick yourself if you waste money on a suit.
    I haven't spoken to my bro in 5 years and its a total relief, every conversation ended up in my feelings being hurt. I hope your bro comes to his senses but its unlikely. I feel really sorry for your poor Mum:( Keep on the way you're going and dont let them get to you, pair of cheeky, ungrateful beggars by the sounds of it.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 13,717
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    hugsie wrote: »
    I'd be very tempted to give the whole thing a miss. It is not like you have to feel obligated, now you know you were just a second thought.
    I did exactly that when someone expected me to be chief bridesmaid, cover the cost of my own outfit that was a colour & design I'd probably never wear again, pay for shoes that wouldn't see the light of another day either & organise a live band for the reception that they didn't want to pay for. On top of that, they wanted my OH to play cabbie & be the person driving back & forth to pick people up from the station (at least 4 trips).

    The more I smiled, the longer their list got. I told them I couldn't take all that on, the bride told me I was letting her down & I told her she was letting herself down by expecting so much from one person. She told me I was a fat cow who'd she'd have trouble getting a dress for anyway, I told her that at least this fat cow wasn't prepared to the next one in the long line of women her boyfriend had shafted & dumped, & we parted ways. After the wedding, I heard that a few people dropped out because she & her groom were so unreasonably demanding - one couple would have been paying out about £500 if they'd met their demands. When I heard they'd split up a year or so later, I wasn't surprised, & the two messages she left for me at home didn't get a reply. I've got better things to do with my time than pander to fools & foolishness.
  • solarflaresolarflare Posts: 22,297
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    I did exactly that when someone expected me to be chief bridesmaid, cover the cost of my own outfit that was a colour & design I'd probably never wear again, pay for shoes that wouldn't see the light of another day either & organise a live band for the reception that they didn't want to pay for. On top of that, they wanted my OH to play cabbie & be the person driving back & forth to pick people up from the station (at least 4 trips).

    The more I smiled, the longer their list got. I told them I couldn't take all that on, the bride told me I was letting her down & I told her she was letting herself down by expecting so much from one person. She told me I was a fat cow who'd she'd have trouble getting a dress for anyway, I told her that at least this fat cow wasn't prepared to the next one in the long line of women her boyfriend had shafted & dumped, & we parted ways. After the wedding, I heard that a few people dropped out because she & her groom were so unreasonably demanding - one couple would have been paying out about £500 if they'd met their demands. When I heard they'd split up a year or so later, I wasn't surprised, & the two messages she left for me at home didn't get a reply. I've got better things to do with my time than pander to fools & foolishness.

    Wow.

    Some people are amazingly selfish, aren't they?

    Think the OP should do pretty much what you did (excellently well, may I add :D).
  • MonkeylalalaMonkeylalala Posts: 915
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    hugsie wrote: »
    I'd be very tempted to give the whole thing a miss. It is not like you have to feel obligated, now you know you were just a second thought.

    Me too. He should tell them he's not going. Or as my husbnd so elequontly put it; "There's only one response to that, tell them to **** off and stick their wedding up their ******* a***."

    I agree, if he says he's not going either they'll do the decent thing and agree to to treat him better or they'll stick to their guns. If they stick to their guns he shouldn't go. They've behaved appallingly, I wouldn't be surprised if they end up with noone at all at their wedding.

    Interesting it's not just the OPs family that are upset, they're not being awkward in laws, even her own family have fallen out with her.

    OP, I reckon you should print this thread out and show it to your brother so he realises how badly he's been behaving. Might give him the kick up the bum he needs.
  • MonkeylalalaMonkeylalala Posts: 915
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    pixieboots wrote: »
    Sounds exactly like my brother and his ex wife, don't buy anything new, just wear the waistcoat with your current trousers. Each time you concede they will demand more.

    My sister in law is like that too. She was a bit of a bitch before get married, worse after, but as soon as she had a kid she turned into some kind of evil subbucus and has used their kids to blackmail him into staying because she will obstruct him seeing the kids if he leaves.

    She had a screaming row with her husband that went on all night on all night with her poor 9 year old daughter stuck in the middle. And what was it about? She lost her rag completely because her husband had bought his aunt a normal birthday card and a stamp to send it. Apparently this is an example of his family exploiting him for money!!

    She' not some chav, she's profesional woman but she's punched my mother in law and got so hysterical her own brother's had to drag her outside and stick her head in a bucket of icy water to get her to calm down. She said to my mother inlaw that now they had got married and had a child her husband should never see his family again because they he had a new family now.

    Her family come over for weeks and weeks an stay with them but his family have a time limit of one hour to visit them which is a bit difficult seeing as they don't live in the same country.

    We spent christmas day with them a few years ago and she gave us a longlist of things she wanted us to bring, like wine, almon, croissants, cheese etc. As it was Christmas we bought really nice top of the range stuff to share with them. But when we got there she took it all off us and hid it. Everything she'd asked us to buy she had bought the value version which she gave to us. All the stuff WE had bought and was really nice she refused to let us have because she wanted to save it for when her friends came round at New Year. We were given the cheap stuff which probably cost about £15.00 in total but the stuff we'd spent around £100.00 on was kept for her friends.

    I have a terrible feeling this is the kind of life the OPs brother has staring him in the face.
  • Dancing QueenDancing Queen Posts: 9,917
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    Buy one off e bay or better still hop on a ferry and have a running away weekend...had to laugh at Monkeylalas reply above^^^^^^^^
  • PinkvelvetPinkvelvet Posts: 10,744
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    I would tell my brother to eff off and that I wouldn't be attending his wedding, especially after stealing money off of your mum. I can't believe how he treated the pair of you at the restaurant, and then took the money off of your mum.

    Atrocious behaviour.

    Have they told you which present you have to buy them as well?
  • smelly jemsmelly jem Posts: 1,856
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    Wait till they have kids OP , they probably have you pegged to buy their baby a silvercross pram already.

    Good luck.
  • hugsiehugsie Posts: 17,497
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    smelly jem wrote: »
    Wait till they have kids OP , they probably have you pegged to buy their baby a silvercross pram already.

    Good luck.

    Forget that, he is paying for the private school :D
  • MonkeylalalaMonkeylalala Posts: 915
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    Pinkvelvet wrote: »

    Atrocious behaviour.

    Have they told you which present you have to buy them as well?

    They've probably asked for a Ferrari. When they tell them they can't afford one they'll say 'Sort it, I don't care'.:D
  • Judge MentalJudge Mental Posts: 18,593
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    Wear the waistcoat with you own gear and if they aren't happy with that then tell them to forget it. You clearly weren't first choice anyway and they seem to be alienating parts of both families bit by bit.

    Sounds like they deserve each other.
  • StressMonkeyStressMonkey Posts: 13,347
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    At least you now have material for the speech if your brother forces you....

    "Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are all enjoying the meals you paid for - except mum in law of course - hers has been paid for in the single act of generosity my new sister in law will be performing this year. And I must appologise for the suit - our lovely mum would have made sure I matched the rest of the party if brother hadn't helped himself to the £800 mum had been saving for this occasion. Please raise your glasses of water - at least that is free - to the Bride and Groom"
  • hugsiehugsie Posts: 17,497
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    OP, do you think you could convince your mum to give them a £30 voucher to eat out somewhere as their wedding gift? He did take the money, so he has already had his actual gift. :D
    It seems like it would be ideal as this is about the value they themselves have placed on a wedding gift.
  • Sem1Sem1 Posts: 4,578
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    Have read this thread opened mouthed, I thought my family were 'pains in the ar*e' your brother takes that to a whole new level:eek::eek:



    smelly jem wrote: »
    Wait till they have kids OP , they probably have you pegged to buy their baby a silvercross pram already.

    Good luck.

    This is why I haven't seen my only nephew in over 10 years!

    When he was born I was given a list of about 10-15 things I was expected to buy, so that I could see this child:eek: Needless to say, told them to poke it and now have no realtionship with this child! sad, but, their child not mind and my OH and I won't be blackmailed. Took my mum longer to work this out - 8 years infact! Now she buys for him when she wants to and what she can afford!
  • lovedoctor1978lovedoctor1978 Posts: 2,327
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    lol at the speech, might have to do that!

    They already have a kid. At christmas I was told what the kid wanted, a bath seat type thing from mothercare.
    Its only £10 said my brother. I was not at all surprised when I saw it cost £30.
  • hugsiehugsie Posts: 17,497
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    lol at the speech, might have to do that!

    They already have a kid. At christmas I was told what the kid wanted, a bath seat type thing from mothercare.
    Its only £10 said my brother. I was not at all surprised when I saw it cost £30.
    You should have gotten him a £10 Mothercare voucher and let him pick it out him self!
  • Dante AmecheDante Ameche Posts: 20,692
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    So are you going to bow to their demands do what they want and end up out of pocket, which is what most people end up doing [cos it's family init] or tell them to do one?
  • lovedoctor1978lovedoctor1978 Posts: 2,327
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    hugsie wrote: »
    You should have gotten him a £10 Mothercare voucher and let him pick it out him self!


    Aaaah Hugsie! where were you three months ago?
    So are you going to bow to their demands do what they want and end up out of pocket, which is what most people end up doing [cos it's family init] or tell them to do one?

    There is no way in hell I am shelling out a penny. He suggested buying a suit then being really careful and returning it after. Even then he will pay for it because I know what the little toerag is like!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 13,717
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    There is no way in hell I am shelling out a penny. He suggested buying a suit then being really careful and returning it after. Even then he will pay for it because I know what the little toerag is like!
    Good for you. I wouldn't buy it & your mum shouldn't be lumbered with the costs either. No matter how careful you are, other guests might not be so mindful especially if they're rushing about or a bit worse for wear thanks to alcohol. Then you'd be stuck with something you didn't want to pay for in the first place. :(
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 660
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    The suit is one thing but guests are expected to pay for their own meals? I seriously wouldn't attend & your brother and partner should be ashamed for requesting that you pay for your own suit & own meal.
  • SystemSystem Posts: 2,096,970
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    I did exactly that when someone expected me to be chief bridesmaid, cover the cost of my own outfit that was a colour & design I'd probably never wear again, pay for shoes that wouldn't see the light of another day either & organise a live band for the reception that they didn't want to pay for. On top of that, they wanted my OH to play cabbie & be the person driving back & forth to pick people up from the station (at least 4 trips).

    The more I smiled, the longer their list got. I told them I couldn't take all that on, the bride told me I was letting her down & I told her she was letting herself down by expecting so much from one person. She told me I was a fat cow who'd she'd have trouble getting a dress for anyway, I told her that at least this fat cow wasn't prepared to the next one in the long line of women her boyfriend had shafted & dumped, & we parted ways. After the wedding, I heard that a few people dropped out because she & her groom were so unreasonably demanding - one couple would have been paying out about £500 if they'd met their demands. When I heard they'd split up a year or so later, I wasn't surprised, & the two messages she left for me at home didn't get a reply. I've got better things to do with my time than pander to fools & foolishness.

    bloody hell!

    OP I would tell your brother to go eff himself.

    If MY brother tried to pull that with me, I would not go, and no amount of emotional blackmail would force me.

    I feel sorry for your mum
  • kiviraatkiviraat Posts: 4,634
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    At least you now have material for the speech if your brother forces you....

    "Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are all enjoying the meals you paid for - except mum in law of course - hers has been paid for in the single act of generosity my new sister in law will be performing this year. And I must appologise for the suit - our lovely mum would have made sure I matched the rest of the party if brother hadn't helped himself to the £800 mum had been saving for this occasion. Please raise your glasses of water - at least that is free - to the Bride and Groom"

    I couldn't have put this any better myself. What a horrid brother you have OP. Stick to your guns and refuse to pay a penny that you don't have to. They just seem to be all about whatever they can get for free.

    I know some people would see what you're doing as childish, but I would be HORRIFIED at the thought of making my best man/chief bridesmaid/whatever shell out for their own outfit unless 1) They offered to help and 2) it was something the could use over again.

    Then again, my OH's brother and his Bridezilla plan on getting married in Cuba as "It'll only cost £9,000..." Considering she's on a part time wage (and has never held down a job for more than 3 months) and he isn't working at all, no doubt they're going to try and sponge as much as possible, but I know certain family members will go along with it to keep the peace and will be made to feel awful if they don't contribute :(

    Keep us updated OP
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 107
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    lol at the speech, might have to do that!

    They already have a kid. At christmas I was told what the kid wanted, a bath seat type thing from mothercare.
    Its only £10 said my brother. I was not at all surprised when I saw it cost £30.

    A BATH SEAT FROM MOTHERCARE?? As the childs Christmas present???? OMG! I wish I could believe that you are joking, but sadly I know better! I always buy children a fun pressie, a toy/game etc......& doubt I am alone.....I can't imagine in a million years that a child would say....I really want a bath seat from Mothercare from Santa this year !
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 13,717
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    I heard the other day that a parent will spend over £200,000 raising their child from birth to the age of 21. If this couple carry on the way they've started off, the child will cost under £100 & the house will be under £1000. :(

    Their behaviour is disgraceful, but they can only do what people allow them to get away with. My Mum used to say that if I did something wrong & realised it, I'd be the one learning from it. However, if I did something wrong that someone else had to tell me about, they & I would learn from it, & they'd probably remember for a lot longer than I would. This pair are going to lose friends & family if they're not careful, but if people moan about them instead of to them they're unlikely to change.
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