Its not about making speeches. Not sure where that came from. Even stuff like if a customer asks a difficult question but all their colleagues are up to their eyes, or if a punter at the bar is too drunk and is getting out of hand, how do they react? Things like that. Those aren't naturally comfortable environments for people who are mostly reserved.
Well you were mentioning talking to a room full of people, that's why I was thinking of speeches, but as I said, I was unsure what you meant.
I've never worked in a bar or dealt with drunk people, but presumably you would need to be told in advance how to handle them, even if you were an extrovert, because that's a tricky situation for anyone, unless you have a lot of experience of it.
A customer asking a difficult question is not a problem, you just help them to the best of your ability and if you really don't know what to do, you just politely explain that you will have to refer them to the supervisor, manager etc, as soon as they are free.
And if they have a tantrum in the meantime and get all impatient, that's their own silly fault and you just very politely repeat that the manager will be with them shortly, and then ignore them and serve the next customer. In these situations it will be the customer who has the strop that looks rather foolish, not the member of staff, so it's not really a worry.
I refer you to post #96. It's not as simple as saying that you're either introvert or extrovert. At a guess I would suggest you're predominately analytical and amiable.
To be honest, I would say I am a complete introvert, because, I don't really enjoy the company of other people, and would much rather be on my own and with my cat. That's how I spend my free time. My ideal job would be working on my own from home, and I can't ever remember feeling lonely in my entire life.
Even as a child I was a real loner, and I remember teachers being concerned about it. They didn't seem to understand that I was happy that way. I would talk to the other children during class, but in break times I wanted to be on my own.
Not much change from today really! I can talk to people at work when needed, but it doesn't really bother me whether we have conversations or not, and a lot of the messing about and joking that the other staff do, I just find tedious. If we do have a conversation I would rather it be about something sensible, instead of all the annoying "banter".
I don't really like it when someone I don't know starts making conversation with me at a bus stop, or in a queue or whatever, but again I'm able to make polite conversation back.
So I'm probably a stereotypical introvert really. (I'm not particularly shy though. I can approach a stranger for directions, ask for assistance in a shop, call across the shop floor at work to customers or other staff, use the tannoy system, and generally talk to anyone that I need to in person or on the phone without a second thought.)
Sorry for rambling on. I'm sure you don't want to know all about me, I just trying to emphasise the difference between an introvert and a shy person, and how the former should not have a problem in the work situations that you describe.
Not much change from today really! I can talk to people at work when needed, but it doesn't really bother me whether we have conversations or not, and a lot of the messing about and joking that the other staff do, I just find tedious. If we do have a conversation I would rather it be about something sensible, instead of all the annoying "banter".
With this I completely sympathise!! I often tend to avoid the staff room at work when I'm on my lunch because the conversation hardly ever involves anything interesting or productive. Usually it's just people whinging about work or taking the mick out of people! I would much rather nip to the park near here and do a bit of reading or watch something on iPlayer.
Btw that word 'banter' should be banished from this earth!
I do understand that couples spend times apart but you do seem to be always in the pub. Do you spend family times together with your son and wife?
My idea of hell would be to be in one of those couples who do everything together and can't even bare to be apart. I think time apart doing your own thing is important.
My idea of hell would be to be in one of those couples who do everything together and can't even bare to be apart. I think time apart doing your own thing is important.
Absolutely. Being in each other's face all the time would be a nightmare. It's usually one-sided. I'm convinced some people don't realise the level of control there is in their relationship.
My idea of hell would be to be in one of those couples who do everything together and can't even bare to be apart. I think time apart doing your own thing is important.
I agree. Being joined at the hip is often emotional immaturity and sooooo controlling IMO
Well you were mentioning talking to a room full of people, that's why I was thinking of speeches, but as I said, I was unsure what you meant.
I've never worked in a bar or dealt with drunk people, but presumably you would need to be told in advance how to handle them, even if you were an extrovert, because that's a tricky situation for anyone, unless you have a lot of experience of it.
Some are much better at handling drunks than others.
A customer asking a difficult question is not a problem, you just help them to the best of your ability and if you really don't know what to do, you just politely explain that you will have to refer them to the supervisor, manager etc, as soon as they are free.
And if they have a tantrum in the meantime and get all impatient, that's their own silly fault and you just very politely repeat that the manager will be with them shortly, and then ignore them and serve the next customer. In these situations it will be the customer who has the strop that looks rather foolish, not the member of staff, so it's not really a worry.
This coming from someone who thinks they are a complete introvert. I get the feeling that you think that because that's how you handle such situations, and because you describe yourself as introvert, then all introverts would also act react like you. Not so I'm afraid.
To be honest, I would say I am a complete introvert, because, I don't really enjoy the company of other people, and would much rather be on my own and with my cat. That's how I spend my free time. My ideal job would be working on my own from home, and I can't ever remember feeling lonely in my entire life.
Even as a child I was a real loner, and I remember teachers being concerned about it. They didn't seem to understand that I was happy that way. I would talk to the other children during class, but in break times I wanted to be on my own.
Not much change from today really! I can talk to people at work when needed, but it doesn't really bother me whether we have conversations or not, and a lot of the messing about and joking that the other staff do, I just find tedious. If we do have a conversation I would rather it be about something sensible, instead of all the annoying "banter".
I don't really like it when someone I don't know starts making conversation with me at a bus stop, or in a queue or whatever, but again I'm able to make polite conversation back.
So I'm probably a stereotypical introvert really. (I'm not particularly shy though. I can approach a stranger for directions, ask for assistance in a shop, call across the shop floor at work to customers or other staff, use the tannoy system, and generally talk to anyone that I need to in person or on the phone without a second thought.)
Sorry for rambling on. I'm sure you don't want to know all about me, I just trying to emphasise the difference between an introvert and a shy person, and how the former should not have a problem in the work situations that you describe.
Lol, I also know the difference between introvert and shy. I'm thinking the personality type thing either just went over your head, or you are choosing to dismiss it because it challenges your perception of yourself. No worries. Whatever makes you happy.
To be honest, I would say I am a complete introvert, because, I don't really enjoy the company of other people, and would much rather be on my own and with my cat. That's how I spend my free time. My ideal job would be working on my own from home, and I can't ever remember feeling lonely in my entire life.
Even as a child I was a real loner, and I remember teachers being concerned about it. They didn't seem to understand that I was happy that way. I would talk to the other children during class, but in break times I wanted to be on my own.
Not much change from today really! I can talk to people at work when needed, but it doesn't really bother me whether we have conversations or not, and a lot of the messing about and joking that the other staff do, I just find tedious. If we do have a conversation I would rather it be about something sensible, instead of all the annoying "banter".
I don't really like it when someone I don't know starts making conversation with me at a bus stop, or in a queue or whatever, but again I'm able to make polite conversation back.
So I'm probably a stereotypical introvert really. (I'm not particularly shy though. I can approach a stranger for directions, ask for assistance in a shop, call across the shop floor at work to customers or other staff, use the tannoy system, and generally talk to anyone that I need to in person or on the phone without a second thought.)
Sorry for rambling on. I'm sure you don't want to know all about me, I just trying to emphasise the difference between an introvert and a shy person, and how the former should not have a problem in the work situations that you describe.
I feel exactly the same. Always (even as a child) been happy having just my family to talk to and go out with but I'm happiest when I'm by myself being able to get on with stuff that I can do by myself. I will pass the time with people but I know what you're saying about strangers getting too chatty and personal. When people walk up and bombard me like they're my new long lost buddy it makes me uncomfortable especially when people insist on getting to know me personally or ask personal questions when I've only just met them. I like making light chit chat conversation with acquaintances but if I go out by myself I can walk away when I've had enough of people's company. You can't do that with friends. You have to keep up the act all night and keep a brave face on even though inside you've had enough of people. I've even been known to cross over the road to avoid having to speak to people if I'm not in the mood for being sociable.
I love spending time with my son just the two of us together taking him to the park or for a train ride but also love some quiet time by myself. I love going to the park or feeding the ducks by myself eating lunch while listening to the birds, the ripple of the water and watching life go by. I love going for long walks and observing nature or taking photographs and years ago I used to go fishing but haven't done that for years but it was something I really enjoyed. Just me, my pocket radio, my sandwiches and a flask of tea while I sat and chilled out by the water. I can happily sit in a pub by myself either on here or reading my kindle or a newspaper. Sometimes I actively avoid contact with people and other times I'm happy to chip in on a conversation. Other times I'll sit and jot down ideas for a poem and other times I'll do some sketching.
I will avoid parties or big social occasions when possible as I hate having to be forced to socialise or put in situations where I can't just walk away from.
My idea of hell would be to be in one of those couples who do everything together and can't even bare to be apart. I think time apart doing your own thing is important.
I totally agree. I love being with my wife and son but after a while I crave some me time which involves me going out and doing stuff just by myself for a few hours. That could either involve just going out for a walk or going round the pub or doing the weekly shop by myself or even just going off to a quiet room in the house so I can read or play on my tablet or meditate or listen to some chill out music.
If I spend all day with my family I have to have time to myself come the evening because it's too much for me to be around people all the time. It actually starts to irritate me when I don't get my quiet ME time. That doesn't mean I don't love my family or want to spend time with them but I couldn't do with it constantly. It's one of the main reasons I don't like visiting family because after a full day of being in their company I just want to be on my own for a bit and my wife's family for example are quite loud, chatty and sociable people which is nice for a bit but I can't cope with it for very long. It becomes too overpowering for me and I almost start to feel stifled and claustrophobic.
With this I completely sympathise!! I often tend to avoid the staff room at work when I'm on my lunch because the conversation hardly ever involves anything interesting or productive. Usually it's just people whinging about work or taking the mick out of people! I would much rather nip to the park near here and do a bit of reading or watch something on iPlayer.
Btw that word 'banter' should be banished from this earth!
Oh yes I think so too! I hate that word so much. I only used it because it's the word the people taking part in it use themselves (that's why I put it in quotation marks), and it seemed the most accurate way to describe these negative kind of conversations.
I feel exactly the same. Always (even as a child) been happy having just my family to talk to and go out with but I'm happiest when I'm by myself being able to get on with stuff that I can do by myself. I will pass the time with people but I know what you're saying about strangers getting too chatty and personal. When people walk up and bombard me like they're my new long lost buddy it makes me uncomfortable especially when people insist on getting to know me personally or ask personal questions when I've only just met them. I like making light chit chat conversation with acquaintances but if I go out by myself I can walk away when I've had enough of people's company. You can't do that with friends. You have to keep up the act all night and keep a brave face on even though inside you've had enough of people. I've even been known to cross over the road to avoid having to speak to people if I'm not in the mood for being sociable.
I love spending time with my son just the two of us together taking him to the park or for a train ride but also love some quiet time by myself. I love going to the park or feeding the ducks by myself eating lunch while listening to the birds, the ripple of the water and watching life go by. I love going for long walks and observing nature or taking photographs and years ago I used to go fishing but haven't done that for years but it was something I really enjoyed. Just me, my pocket radio, my sandwiches and a flask of tea while I sat and chilled out by the water. I can happily sit in a pub by myself either on here or reading my kindle or a newspaper. Sometimes I actively avoid contact with people and other times I'm happy to chip in on a conversation. Other times I'll sit and jot down ideas for a poem and other times I'll do some sketching.
I will avoid parties or big social occasions when possible as I hate having to be forced to socialise or put in situations where I can't just walk away from.
You sound a lot like me. I do that thing of crossing over the road to avoid people sometimes too!
Some are much better at handling drunks than others.
This coming from someone who thinks they are a complete introvert. I get the feeling that you think that because that's how you handle such situations, and because you describe yourself as introvert, then all introverts would also act react like you. Not so I'm afraid.
Lol, I also know the difference between introvert and shy. I'm thinking the personality type thing either just went over your head, or you are choosing to dismiss it because it challenges your perception of yourself. No worries. Whatever makes you happy.
Yes I am a complete introvert because given the choice I will avoid people and be on my own and I dislike socialising.
But being a complete introvert does not stop me from coping with the situation described, because I am not particularly shy and I have some degree of confidence. I'm what would be called quietly confident I suppose.
Despite the fact that you state you are not, you are STILL unbelievably managing to link/confuse introversion with shyness.
Of course I can't say how other people would react, but if they find the above situation difficult it will be because they are shy or lack confidence, NOT because they are an introvert. They may be an introvert as well, of course, but that is not the reason why it is difficult for them.
Being an introvert or extrovert is more about your likes and dislikes and preferences, than how you react in a given situation anyway. Lots of people can control how they react to a situation; it doesn't mean that you like it. or want to be there.
You really need to look up the definition of an introvert. It doesn't involve lacking the confidence to deal with people, as you seem to think.
Yes I am a complete introvert because given the choice I will avoid people and be on my own and I dislike socialising.
Really? No one is forcing you post on the forum, yet you've been interacting with me and others all day, by choice. Yeah, you keep telling yourself that you're a compete introvert.
But being a complete introvert does not stop me from coping with the situation described, because I am not particularly shy and I have some degree of confidence. I'm what would be called quietly confident I suppose.
Despite the fact that you state you are not, you are STILL unbelievably managing to link/confuse introversion with shyness.
I know the difference between introvert and shy. Doesn't matter how many times I tell you that does it? You'd rather think that rather than explore the possibility than there's more to breaking it down as either being introvert or extrovert. Hate to break it to you, but no one is 100% is introvert or 100% extrovert. Any one who thinks they are one or the other is in denial.
You sound a lot like me. I do that thing of crossing over the road to avoid people sometimes too!
I know it's weird and I often wonder if it's because of my introverted nature or my social anxiety but sometimes if I see someone walking towards me 50 yards up in front I will cross over rather than be forced to say hello and good morning. Even though it's no hardship to do so, sometimes I feel it's just easier to cross over and pretend I haven't seen them. Sometimes just the thought of sharing the pavement with someone and the awkwardness of having to brush past one another and try to avoid direct eye contact makes it easier to cross over so I'm on my own bit of pavement.
There's an old couple that I see almost every morning on my way to take my son to nursery. They used to drink in my dads old pub. It's got to the stage where I just feel awkward bumping into them all the time and feel pressured to make eye contact and say hello, that I've actually changed my route slightly so I don't have to keep walking past them and having that awkward moment. Especially when I'm on my way back and see them again twice in one morning. It's like, 'Oh no, what do I say this time? I've already said hello and good morning once. What now?'
Really? No one is forcing you post on the forum, yet you've been interacting with me and others all day, and have been doing so for some time now, by choice. Yeah, you keep telling yourself that you're a compete introvert.
I know the difference between introvert and shy. Doesn't matter how many times I tell you that does it? You'd rather think that rather than explore the possibility than there's more to breaking it down as either being introvert or extrovert. Hate to break it to you, but no one is 100% is introvert or 100% extrovert. Any one who thinks they are one or the other is in denial.
I'm not socialising with people, I'm typing into a computer. That's not real life interaction with people. (In fact some people claim that young people who only communicate with others on a computer lack social skills in real life.)
The idea is that you can have proper discussions about something instead of the rubbish that people talk about in real life. You can think what you what to say and retype it several times if necessary. You can also shut the computer down or come back later. In other words, you are in control, unlike in a real life conversation.
But actually I don't know why I bother anyway, because it just makes me as miserable as real life interaction does and wastes far too much time. Sometimes I will go a few weeks without looking at these forums, and then I will spend ages on here one day, because something is being discussed that I have a strong opinion on.
Of course some people are 100% introvert or 100% extrovert, why on earth wouldn't that be possible? But as you say, there are many in-betweens as well.
If you apparently know the difference between introvert and shy, then why do you insist that an introvert will have a problem when dealing with a difficult person in a work situation.
No, it doesn't matter how many times you tell me that you know the difference, because the comments in your post keep on suggesting otherwise.
I know it's weird and I often wonder if it's because of my introverted nature or my social anxiety but sometimes if I see someone walking towards me 50 yards up in front I will cross over rather than be forced to say hello and good morning. Even though it's no hardship to do so, sometimes I feel it's just easier to cross over and pretend I haven't seen them. Sometimes just the thought of sharing the pavement with someone and the awkwardness of having to brush past one another and try to avoid direct eye contact makes it easier to cross over so I'm on my own bit of pavement.
There's an old couple that I see almost every morning on my way to take my son to nursery. They used to drink in my dads old pub. It's got to the stage where I just feel awkward bumping inti them all the time and feel pressured to make eye contact and say hello that I've actually changed my route slightly so I don't have to keep having that awkward moment.
Yes, the eye contact thing is an issue. Do you have the same thing with strangers? I find if I am walking directly towards a stranger, I really don't know where to look, so sometimes I will cross over to the other side of the road, so that I don't have to be looking towards them. (Obviously that only works in quiet areas, not where there are lots of people.) That probably sounds quite weird.
Yes, the eye contact thing is an issue. Do you have the same thing with strangers? I find if I am walking directly towards a stranger, I really don't know where to look, so sometimes I will cross over to the other side of the road, so that I don't have to be looking towards them. (Obviously that only works in quiet areas, not where there are lots of people.) That probably sounds quite weird.
Yes I get that too but some days it doesn't bother me but I usually just look down at the pavement. It's worse when there's more than one walking towards me. I never know where to look or which way to move and whether I'm required say good morning or excuse me or if one of them is gonna pester me for a free cigarette or ask me the time etc so find it's easier to cross over.
Yes I get that too but some days it doesn't bother me but I usually just look down at the pavement. It's worse when there's more than one walking towards me. I never know where to look or which way to move and whether I'm required say hello or good morning so find it's easier to cross over.
Yeah, I tend to look down at the pavement as well. Sometimes I wonder why everyone doesn't think like that. How does anyone know which way to look? Or maybe they don't either, and it's just that most people don't talk about it!
Just jumping in here (apologies if this has been covered to death already) but regarding avoidance, I feel awkward with regards to eye contact. I don't like to stare at people but I feel people may take offence if I talk to them while doing other things or looking elsewhere. I know how uncomfortable I feel if I look at someone over their shoulder, like if im wanting to say something and get their attention and their using a computer or something but sometimes they do that to me?. I'm not sure whats more expected or rude, to stare at someone or talk and not look or what... I guess as long as you don't seem too menacing or sound angry, the staring thing doesn't seem as bad to others?.
I'm an introvert and loner happily married 25 years I do not worry what people think of me, as for shy no, as a Captain in the Army I just got on with job
I can stare you down and even worse go quiet in a conversation to make others speak out of embarrassment
I'm not socialising with people, I'm typing into a computer. That's not real life interaction with people. (In fact some people claim that young people who only communicate with others on a computer lack social skills in real life.)
Guess what, we're all real people. Its not face to face, but it is real life interaction. And you are willingly taking part.
Of course some people are 100% introvert or 100% extrovert, why on earth wouldn't that be possible? But as you say, there are many in-betweens as well.
Why wouldn't it be possible? Really? Are you even reading what I'm posting? Go back to post 96.
If you apparently know the difference between introvert and shy, then why do you insist that an introvert will have a problem when dealing with a difficult person in a work situation.
Because as I've already said, and you've apparently ignored, difficult situations may often require the person to make quick decisions. That can be difficult for people who are strongly analytical. That's not shyness, it's behaviour. The fact that you have no problem dealing with such situations indicates that in addition to being a strong analytical, you maybe are also a strong driver or expressive, that in itself indicates you are not 100% introvert. Someone else may have strong analytical styles but may not be so strong in the driver or expressive styles, they might be more amiable. It all depends on the individual, that will affect how they deal in such situations, not wether they're shy or not. It really is you who is having a hard time separating shyness from behaviours.
Interesting reading thread. I wonder if the book 'Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking' has caused a bit of commotion on certain things.
A quote I flicked past:
Introverts are not discriminated against (well not in the tradition sense of the word).
Where does this stop? You could basically take any personality trait (or anything else for that matter) and ask the same thing, and the answer would be pretty much the same. No.
But if a company is using a personality test that they are looking for more extroverts- and not looking at the actual person themself. Then this is yes a form of discrimination.
Just because it's not a conventional one- doesn't mean it's not one.
As people have said on here, introverts can provide different qualities.
One interesting conclusion recently was that introvert car salesmen did well because it gave people more breathing space.
Lastly when reading this thread- the definitions of introvert and extrovert seem to be quite widely different. For me, it's a certain amount of time I can spend with people before I prefer my solitude. However, this is the interesting thing- I have done a solitude job and did not enjoy it. So it is a balance.
Guess what, we're all real people. Its not face to face, but it is real life interaction. And you are willingly taking part.
Why wouldn't it be possible? Really? Are you even reading what I'm posting? Go back to post 96.
Because as I've already said, and you've apparently ignored, difficult situations may often require the person to make quick decisions. That can be difficult for people who are strongly analytical. That's not shyness, it's behaviour. The fact that you have no problem dealing with such situations indicates that in addition to being a strong analytical, you maybe are also a strong driver or expressive, that in itself indicates you are not 100% introvert. Someone else may have strong analytical styles but may not be so strong in the driver or expressive styles, they might be more amiable. It all depends on the individual, that will affect how they deal in such situations, not wether they're shy or not. It really is you who is having a hard time separating shyness from behaviours.
Typing into a computer is not real life interaction however much you might like to think it is. Real life interaction involves meeting people and talking to them.
Yes, I've read post 96, and you are actually contradicting yourself, because in that post you say it's very rare to be 100% one way or the other, but now you are saying that no one is at all.
The idea of personality types is a theory. Not everyone subscribes to that viewpoint.
I've just looked up what you are referring to with the words driver and expressive, to make sure they were what I thought they are and no I am absolutely not a dominant person in any way or someone who gets things done, nor am I good at expressing my ideas to others and communicating with them. I have simply developed coping strategies for working as an introvert in retail.
You know virtually nothing about me, and yet somehow you apparently know me better than I know myself, just by using a few personality types! Shows what a total load of crap they are.
Typing into a computer is not real life interaction however much you might like to think it is. Real life interaction involves meeting people and talking to them..
Out of interest, what would you label 'typing into a computer' then? Like what im doing now - I can't see how this isn't a form of interaction because your exchanging messages with other people, just via an intermediary device. Online interaction? I'd still tend to think of it as real life in as much as their not made up messages - well, mine aren't anyway.
Out of interest, what would you label 'typing into a computer' then? Like what im doing now - I can't see how this isn't a form of interaction because your exchanging messages with other people, just via an intermediary device. Online interaction? I'd still tend to think of it as real life in as much as their not made up messages - well, mine aren't anyway.
Yes but on a computer you can choose to ignore people or heaven forbid turn it off. It's not real interaction and not real life. This is one of the things I don't get about internet bullying. If you don't like what people are saying you can always hit the off button. There is no off button in real life situations. You just have to deal with it or find a way to avoid it.
I think the problem occurs when people can't differentiate between the internet and real life.
People online tend to hide behind a persona and can often feel free to say stuff which they wouldn't say in real life situations. If half the people on here spoke to people in real life the way they treat people on here I think many of them would be nursing a few black eyes.
Comments
Great.
Well you were mentioning talking to a room full of people, that's why I was thinking of speeches, but as I said, I was unsure what you meant.
I've never worked in a bar or dealt with drunk people, but presumably you would need to be told in advance how to handle them, even if you were an extrovert, because that's a tricky situation for anyone, unless you have a lot of experience of it.
A customer asking a difficult question is not a problem, you just help them to the best of your ability and if you really don't know what to do, you just politely explain that you will have to refer them to the supervisor, manager etc, as soon as they are free.
And if they have a tantrum in the meantime and get all impatient, that's their own silly fault and you just very politely repeat that the manager will be with them shortly, and then ignore them and serve the next customer. In these situations it will be the customer who has the strop that looks rather foolish, not the member of staff, so it's not really a worry.
To be honest, I would say I am a complete introvert, because, I don't really enjoy the company of other people, and would much rather be on my own and with my cat. That's how I spend my free time. My ideal job would be working on my own from home, and I can't ever remember feeling lonely in my entire life.
Even as a child I was a real loner, and I remember teachers being concerned about it. They didn't seem to understand that I was happy that way. I would talk to the other children during class, but in break times I wanted to be on my own.
Not much change from today really! I can talk to people at work when needed, but it doesn't really bother me whether we have conversations or not, and a lot of the messing about and joking that the other staff do, I just find tedious. If we do have a conversation I would rather it be about something sensible, instead of all the annoying "banter".
I don't really like it when someone I don't know starts making conversation with me at a bus stop, or in a queue or whatever, but again I'm able to make polite conversation back.
So I'm probably a stereotypical introvert really. (I'm not particularly shy though. I can approach a stranger for directions, ask for assistance in a shop, call across the shop floor at work to customers or other staff, use the tannoy system, and generally talk to anyone that I need to in person or on the phone without a second thought.)
Sorry for rambling on. I'm sure you don't want to know all about me, I just trying to emphasise the difference between an introvert and a shy person, and how the former should not have a problem in the work situations that you describe.
With this I completely sympathise!! I often tend to avoid the staff room at work when I'm on my lunch because the conversation hardly ever involves anything interesting or productive. Usually it's just people whinging about work or taking the mick out of people! I would much rather nip to the park near here and do a bit of reading or watch something on iPlayer.
Btw that word 'banter' should be banished from this earth!
My idea of hell would be to be in one of those couples who do everything together and can't even bare to be apart. I think time apart doing your own thing is important.
Absolutely. Being in each other's face all the time would be a nightmare. It's usually one-sided. I'm convinced some people don't realise the level of control there is in their relationship.
I agree. Being joined at the hip is often emotional immaturity and sooooo controlling IMO
Some are much better at handling drunks than others.
This coming from someone who thinks they are a complete introvert.
Lol, I also know the difference between introvert and shy. I'm thinking the personality type thing either just went over your head, or you are choosing to dismiss it because it challenges your perception of yourself. No worries. Whatever makes you happy.
I feel exactly the same. Always (even as a child) been happy having just my family to talk to and go out with but I'm happiest when I'm by myself being able to get on with stuff that I can do by myself. I will pass the time with people but I know what you're saying about strangers getting too chatty and personal. When people walk up and bombard me like they're my new long lost buddy it makes me uncomfortable especially when people insist on getting to know me personally or ask personal questions when I've only just met them. I like making light chit chat conversation with acquaintances but if I go out by myself I can walk away when I've had enough of people's company. You can't do that with friends. You have to keep up the act all night and keep a brave face on even though inside you've had enough of people. I've even been known to cross over the road to avoid having to speak to people if I'm not in the mood for being sociable.
I love spending time with my son just the two of us together taking him to the park or for a train ride but also love some quiet time by myself. I love going to the park or feeding the ducks by myself eating lunch while listening to the birds, the ripple of the water and watching life go by. I love going for long walks and observing nature or taking photographs and years ago I used to go fishing but haven't done that for years but it was something I really enjoyed. Just me, my pocket radio, my sandwiches and a flask of tea while I sat and chilled out by the water. I can happily sit in a pub by myself either on here or reading my kindle or a newspaper. Sometimes I actively avoid contact with people and other times I'm happy to chip in on a conversation. Other times I'll sit and jot down ideas for a poem and other times I'll do some sketching.
I will avoid parties or big social occasions when possible as I hate having to be forced to socialise or put in situations where I can't just walk away from.
I totally agree. I love being with my wife and son but after a while I crave some me time which involves me going out and doing stuff just by myself for a few hours. That could either involve just going out for a walk or going round the pub or doing the weekly shop by myself or even just going off to a quiet room in the house so I can read or play on my tablet or meditate or listen to some chill out music.
If I spend all day with my family I have to have time to myself come the evening because it's too much for me to be around people all the time. It actually starts to irritate me when I don't get my quiet ME time. That doesn't mean I don't love my family or want to spend time with them but I couldn't do with it constantly. It's one of the main reasons I don't like visiting family because after a full day of being in their company I just want to be on my own for a bit and my wife's family for example are quite loud, chatty and sociable people which is nice for a bit but I can't cope with it for very long. It becomes too overpowering for me and I almost start to feel stifled and claustrophobic.
Oh yes I think so too! I hate that word so much. I only used it because it's the word the people taking part in it use themselves (that's why I put it in quotation marks), and it seemed the most accurate way to describe these negative kind of conversations.
You sound a lot like me. I do that thing of crossing over the road to avoid people sometimes too!
Yes I am a complete introvert because given the choice I will avoid people and be on my own and I dislike socialising.
But being a complete introvert does not stop me from coping with the situation described, because I am not particularly shy and I have some degree of confidence. I'm what would be called quietly confident I suppose.
Despite the fact that you state you are not, you are STILL unbelievably managing to link/confuse introversion with shyness.
Of course I can't say how other people would react, but if they find the above situation difficult it will be because they are shy or lack confidence, NOT because they are an introvert. They may be an introvert as well, of course, but that is not the reason why it is difficult for them.
Being an introvert or extrovert is more about your likes and dislikes and preferences, than how you react in a given situation anyway. Lots of people can control how they react to a situation; it doesn't mean that you like it. or want to be there.
You really need to look up the definition of an introvert. It doesn't involve lacking the confidence to deal with people, as you seem to think.
Really? No one is forcing you post on the forum, yet you've been interacting with me and others all day, by choice. Yeah, you keep telling yourself that you're a compete introvert.
I know the difference between introvert and shy. Doesn't matter how many times I tell you that does it? You'd rather think that rather than explore the possibility than there's more to breaking it down as either being introvert or extrovert. Hate to break it to you, but no one is 100% is introvert or 100% extrovert. Any one who thinks they are one or the other is in denial.
I know it's weird and I often wonder if it's because of my introverted nature or my social anxiety but sometimes if I see someone walking towards me 50 yards up in front I will cross over rather than be forced to say hello and good morning. Even though it's no hardship to do so, sometimes I feel it's just easier to cross over and pretend I haven't seen them. Sometimes just the thought of sharing the pavement with someone and the awkwardness of having to brush past one another and try to avoid direct eye contact makes it easier to cross over so I'm on my own bit of pavement.
There's an old couple that I see almost every morning on my way to take my son to nursery. They used to drink in my dads old pub. It's got to the stage where I just feel awkward bumping into them all the time and feel pressured to make eye contact and say hello, that I've actually changed my route slightly so I don't have to keep walking past them and having that awkward moment. Especially when I'm on my way back and see them again twice in one morning. It's like, 'Oh no, what do I say this time? I've already said hello and good morning once. What now?'
I'm not socialising with people, I'm typing into a computer. That's not real life interaction with people. (In fact some people claim that young people who only communicate with others on a computer lack social skills in real life.)
The idea is that you can have proper discussions about something instead of the rubbish that people talk about in real life. You can think what you what to say and retype it several times if necessary. You can also shut the computer down or come back later. In other words, you are in control, unlike in a real life conversation.
But actually I don't know why I bother anyway, because it just makes me as miserable as real life interaction does and wastes far too much time. Sometimes I will go a few weeks without looking at these forums, and then I will spend ages on here one day, because something is being discussed that I have a strong opinion on.
Of course some people are 100% introvert or 100% extrovert, why on earth wouldn't that be possible? But as you say, there are many in-betweens as well.
If you apparently know the difference between introvert and shy, then why do you insist that an introvert will have a problem when dealing with a difficult person in a work situation.
No, it doesn't matter how many times you tell me that you know the difference, because the comments in your post keep on suggesting otherwise.
Yes, the eye contact thing is an issue. Do you have the same thing with strangers? I find if I am walking directly towards a stranger, I really don't know where to look, so sometimes I will cross over to the other side of the road, so that I don't have to be looking towards them. (Obviously that only works in quiet areas, not where there are lots of people.) That probably sounds quite weird.
Yes I get that too but some days it doesn't bother me but I usually just look down at the pavement. It's worse when there's more than one walking towards me. I never know where to look or which way to move and whether I'm required say good morning or excuse me or if one of them is gonna pester me for a free cigarette or ask me the time etc so find it's easier to cross over.
Yeah, I tend to look down at the pavement as well. Sometimes I wonder why everyone doesn't think like that. How does anyone know which way to look? Or maybe they don't either, and it's just that most people don't talk about it!
I can stare you down and even worse go quiet in a conversation to make others speak out of embarrassment
Guess what, we're all real people. Its not face to face, but it is real life interaction. And you are willingly taking part.
Why wouldn't it be possible? Really? Are you even reading what I'm posting? Go back to post 96.
Because as I've already said, and you've apparently ignored, difficult situations may often require the person to make quick decisions. That can be difficult for people who are strongly analytical. That's not shyness, it's behaviour. The fact that you have no problem dealing with such situations indicates that in addition to being a strong analytical, you maybe are also a strong driver or expressive, that in itself indicates you are not 100% introvert. Someone else may have strong analytical styles but may not be so strong in the driver or expressive styles, they might be more amiable. It all depends on the individual, that will affect how they deal in such situations, not wether they're shy or not. It really is you who is having a hard time separating shyness from behaviours.
A quote I flicked past: But if a company is using a personality test that they are looking for more extroverts- and not looking at the actual person themself. Then this is yes a form of discrimination.
Just because it's not a conventional one- doesn't mean it's not one.
As people have said on here, introverts can provide different qualities.
One interesting conclusion recently was that introvert car salesmen did well because it gave people more breathing space.
Lastly when reading this thread- the definitions of introvert and extrovert seem to be quite widely different. For me, it's a certain amount of time I can spend with people before I prefer my solitude. However, this is the interesting thing- I have done a solitude job and did not enjoy it. So it is a balance.
Typing into a computer is not real life interaction however much you might like to think it is. Real life interaction involves meeting people and talking to them.
Yes, I've read post 96, and you are actually contradicting yourself, because in that post you say it's very rare to be 100% one way or the other, but now you are saying that no one is at all.
The idea of personality types is a theory. Not everyone subscribes to that viewpoint.
I've just looked up what you are referring to with the words driver and expressive, to make sure they were what I thought they are and no I am absolutely not a dominant person in any way or someone who gets things done, nor am I good at expressing my ideas to others and communicating with them. I have simply developed coping strategies for working as an introvert in retail.
You know virtually nothing about me, and yet somehow you apparently know me better than I know myself, just by using a few personality types! Shows what a total load of crap they are.
Out of interest, what would you label 'typing into a computer' then? Like what im doing now - I can't see how this isn't a form of interaction because your exchanging messages with other people, just via an intermediary device. Online interaction? I'd still tend to think of it as real life in as much as their not made up messages - well, mine aren't anyway.
Yes but on a computer you can choose to ignore people or heaven forbid turn it off. It's not real interaction and not real life. This is one of the things I don't get about internet bullying. If you don't like what people are saying you can always hit the off button. There is no off button in real life situations. You just have to deal with it or find a way to avoid it.
I think the problem occurs when people can't differentiate between the internet and real life.
People online tend to hide behind a persona and can often feel free to say stuff which they wouldn't say in real life situations. If half the people on here spoke to people in real life the way they treat people on here I think many of them would be nursing a few black eyes.