Hazydays, I feel so sorry for you. My mum died in 1977 and I still miss her. Your Dad and this other woman have moved on so quickly and with such disregard for your mother when she was alive that if it was me I would be heartbroken
However this lady may become your Dads live in partner and carer, have you got somewhere to live if this happens. I don't blame you for not wanting her in your home, if your Dad was immobile you could shut the door in her face but as he is mobile you can't stop her coming round unless it's your house. If your Dad inherited the house when your mum died then if you act difficult he could ask you to leave. Plus where would you live when your Dad dies . You need to focus on your long term accommodation and bite your tongue. If it's any consolation I would feel the same as you whether she moved in or not but I would find ways to scare her off.
You could actually pretend to be friend her Going to her place of work Have a chat with her say how relieved you are that your dad has finally found somebody else, Say how relieved you are that you will no longer have to be his carer And that somebody else will be bathing him,doing his laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping and feeding him and say the thing you hated doing the most Was changing his bedding and helping him to the toilet.
Tell her your dad has lost control of his anal sphincterAnd every morning he wakes up plastered from head to toe in feces And that every single morning you have to change and strip his bed and wash it all by hand And scrub your dad all over to remove all the feces from his body In the shower.
.You could also tell her the reason you are his carer is because he's in the early stages of dementia and is aggressive
You can then tell her he will never mention the dementia or the incontinence and would flatly deny it if I asked because he's too embarrassed
Finally I would make an absolutely disgusting fake profile for her on Plenty of Fish And show it to your dad Make sure it references the fact she is only after his accommodation and money
Or invite her around for a cup of tea And make sure you empty your dads wallet after every visit so he thinks its her
Or get her mobile phone number And get people to text her Dirty text messages Saying how much they enjoyed the other night blah blah blah And then show your dad her phone and say I think she's cheating on you Dad
Phone your dad or write him a letter pretending to be from the local STD clinic Saying that she has herpes / stds and the clinic is writing to all her multiple partners to invite them along for testing.
Extremely bad advice but the BIB is abusive and if you ever have to care for anyone I hope social services are checking on you closely.
Hazydays, I feel so sorry for you. My mum died in 1977 and I still miss her. Your Dad and this other woman have moved on so quickly and with such disregard for your mother when she was alive that if it was me I would be heartbroken
However this lady may become your Dads live in partner and carer, have you got somewhere to live if this happens. I don't blame you for not wanting her in your home, if your Dad was immobile you could shut the door in her face but as he is mobile you can't stop her coming round unless it's your house. If your Dad inherited the house when your mum died then if you act difficult he could ask you to leave. Plus where would you live when your Dad dies . You need to focus on your long term accommodation and bite your tongue. If it's any consolation I would feel the same as you whether she moved in or not but I would find ways to scare her off.
You could actually pretend to be friend her Going to her place of work Have a chat with her say how relieved you are that your dad has finally found somebody else, Say how relieved you are that you will no longer have to be his carer And that somebody else will be bathing him,doing his laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping and feeding him and say the thing you hated doing the most Was changing his bedding and helping him to the toilet.
Tell her your dad has lost control of his anal sphincterAnd every morning he wakes up plastered from head to toe in feces And that every single morning you have to change and strip his bed and wash it all by hand And scrub your dad all over to remove all the feces from his body In the shower.
.You could also tell her the reason you are his carer is because he's in the early stages of dementia and is aggressive
You can then tell her he will never mention the dementia or the incontinence and would flatly deny it if I asked because he's too embarrassed
Finally I would make an absolutely disgusting fake profile for her on Plenty of Fish And show it to your dad Make sure it references the fact she is only after his accommodation and money
Or invite her around for a cup of tea And make sure you empty your dads wallet after every visit so he thinks its her
Or get her mobile phone number And get people to text her Dirty text messages Saying how much they enjoyed the other night blah blah blah And then show your dad her phone and say I think she's cheating on you Dad
Phone your dad or write him a letter pretending to be from the local STD clinic Saying that she has herpes / stds and the clinic is writing to all her multiple partners to invite them along for testing.
What a nasty, hate-filled rant. I sincerely hope you never actually carry out any one of your revenge scenarios. You sound disturbed.
I do get why the OP is upset. A friend died and the grieving husband moved a new woman into the home suspiciously sharpish. The son and daughter who were still living in the home left in disgust. But it was his house after all, they were adults and if they couldn't tolerate something it was up to them to move.
And that's the bottom line OP. Be as upset as you want but you shouldn't try to dictate what your Dad does, It seems to me it would be healthier for all concerned if you removed yourself from the situation. If your Dad needs another carer as a result, hopefully something can be arranged. I'm not sure how he tolerates it either tbh - living under the same roof as someone who is so consumed by resentment (however understandable it may be).
Very simple reason why the father will continue to see this women, its his life and its not up to anyone else to decide who he should be seeing or having a relationship with. Do you let your family say who you can see or have a relationship with. We are not talking about little children being hurt over this, we are talking about the OP who is a fully grown man
But since the father is a selfish git why do you expect his children to pander to him?
Of course the father can be with whomever he chooses. But if he uses that freedom to try and bring a woman who has hurt and been horrible to his family into his home then obviously he may damage that family further and and will alienate some.
People are free to do what they want but also have to live with the consequences of their choices.
If it is making to OP this unhappy, he has to move out. He sounds as if he is consumed by bitterness and hatred which cannot be good for either him or his father who he is meant to be a "carer" for. Caring is what it says and it sounds to me that it is an impossible role for him to fulfill when he is feeling like this. He needs to move on and get on with his own life, living his life this way is not healthy at all, and in some of the posts he sounds angry enough to do something that most normal people would think was extremely stupid.
I thought it was his Dad's house - his house his rules.
We don't know whose house it is as the OP didn't say. i think the response is dependent on that. Because clearly everyone has the right to bar someone from s house they have an interest in but no say if it is not.
I think it's overreaching and rude to tell your father who they can talk to or meet outside the home. But everyone has a say in having undesirable people around them in a place they are paying for or have rights over.
But since the father is a selfish git why do you expect his children to pander to him?
Of course the father can be with whomever he chooses. But if he uses that freedom to try and bring a woman who has hurt and been horrible to his family into his home then obviously he may damage that family further and and will alienate some.
People are free to do what they want but also have to live with the consequences of their choices.
If the OP is not happy then he can move out, And saying there is only the OP and father at the home and the OP is a grown man he does not have to stay there but the OP does not have any right to be telling his father who he can or cannot see or have a relationship with. If the OP is not happy with it all then he can move out and live is own life. I dont expect his children to pander to him, they have the choice to get on with thier own lives as the OP is a fully grown man. And the OP has to remember one thing the father does not have to have him living there
Hazydays, I feel so sorry for you. My mum died in 1977 and I still miss her. Your Dad and this other woman have moved on so quickly and with such disregard for your mother when she was alive that if it was me I would be heartbroken
However this lady may become your Dads live in partner and carer, have you got somewhere to live if this happens. I don't blame you for not wanting her in your home, if your Dad was immobile you could shut the door in her face but as he is mobile you can't stop her coming round unless it's your house. If your Dad inherited the house when your mum died then if you act difficult he could ask you to leave. Plus where would you live when your Dad dies . You need to focus on your long term accommodation and bite your tongue. If it's any consolation I would feel the same as you whether she moved in or not but I would find ways to scare her off.
You could actually pretend to be friend her Going to her place of work Have a chat with her say how relieved you are that your dad has finally found somebody else, Say how relieved you are that you will no longer have to be his carer And that somebody else will be bathing him,doing his laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping and feeding him and say the thing you hated doing the most Was changing his bedding and helping him to the toilet.
Tell her your dad has lost control of his anal sphincterAnd every morning he wakes up plastered from head to toe in feces And that every single morning you have to change and strip his bed and wash it all by hand And scrub your dad all over to remove all the feces from his body In the shower.
.You could also tell her the reason you are his carer is because he's in the early stages of dementia and is aggressive
You can then tell her he will never mention the dementia or the incontinence and would flatly deny it if I asked because he's too embarrassed
Finally I would make an absolutely disgusting fake profile for her on Plenty of Fish And show it to your dad Make sure it references the fact she is only after his accommodation and money
Or invite her around for a cup of tea And make sure you empty your dads wallet after every visit so he thinks its her
Or get her mobile phone number And get people to text her Dirty text messages Saying how much they enjoyed the other night blah blah blah And then show your dad her phone and say I think she's cheating on you Dad
Phone your dad or write him a letter pretending to be from the local STD clinic Saying that she has herpes / stds and the clinic is writing to all her multiple partners to invite them along for testing.
You sat there, composed that puerile garbage and offered it as "advice"?
Hazydays, I feel so sorry for you. My mum died in 1977 and I still miss her. Your Dad and this other woman have moved on so quickly and with such disregard for your mother when she was alive that if it was me I would be heartbroken
However this lady may become your Dads live in partner and carer, have you got somewhere to live if this happens. I don't blame you for not wanting her in your home, if your Dad was immobile you could shut the door in her face but as he is mobile you can't stop her coming round unless it's your house. If your Dad inherited the house when your mum died then if you act difficult he could ask you to leave. Plus where would you live when your Dad dies . You need to focus on your long term accommodation and bite your tongue. If it's any consolation I would feel the same as you whether she moved in or not but I would find ways to scare her off.
You could actually pretend to be friend her Going to her place of work Have a chat with her say how relieved you are that your dad has finally found somebody else, Say how relieved you are that you will no longer have to be his carer And that somebody else will be bathing him,doing his laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping and feeding him and say the thing you hated doing the most Was changing his bedding and helping him to the toilet.
Tell her your dad has lost control of his anal sphincterAnd every morning he wakes up plastered from head to toe in feces And that every single morning you have to change and strip his bed and wash it all by hand And scrub your dad all over to remove all the feces from his body In the shower.
.You could also tell her the reason you are his carer is because he's in the early stages of dementia and is aggressive
You can then tell her he will never mention the dementia or the incontinence and would flatly deny it if I asked because he's too embarrassed
Finally I would make an absolutely disgusting fake profile for her on Plenty of Fish And show it to your dad Make sure it references the fact she is only after his accommodation and money
Or invite her around for a cup of tea And make sure you empty your dads wallet after every visit so he thinks its her
Or get her mobile phone number And get people to text her Dirty text messages Saying how much they enjoyed the other night blah blah blah And then show your dad her phone and say I think she's cheating on you Dad
Phone your dad or write him a letter pretending to be from the local STD clinic Saying that she has herpes / stds and the clinic is writing to all her multiple partners to invite them along for testing.
What a nasty person you sound, all so some of the things you are telling the OP to do are illegal and could get him into big trouble
Comments
Extremely bad advice but the BIB is abusive and if you ever have to care for anyone I hope social services are checking on you closely.
I thought it was his Dad's house - his house his rules.
What a nasty, hate-filled rant. I sincerely hope you never actually carry out any one of your revenge scenarios. You sound disturbed.
And that's the bottom line OP. Be as upset as you want but you shouldn't try to dictate what your Dad does, It seems to me it would be healthier for all concerned if you removed yourself from the situation. If your Dad needs another carer as a result, hopefully something can be arranged. I'm not sure how he tolerates it either tbh - living under the same roof as someone who is so consumed by resentment (however understandable it may be).
This. Good grief, I'm hardly ever shocked by anything I read on DS, but this totally flabbered my ghast.
Of course the father can be with whomever he chooses. But if he uses that freedom to try and bring a woman who has hurt and been horrible to his family into his home then obviously he may damage that family further and and will alienate some.
People are free to do what they want but also have to live with the consequences of their choices.
I think it's overreaching and rude to tell your father who they can talk to or meet outside the home. But everyone has a say in having undesirable people around them in a place they are paying for or have rights over.
If the OP is not happy then he can move out, And saying there is only the OP and father at the home and the OP is a grown man he does not have to stay there but the OP does not have any right to be telling his father who he can or cannot see or have a relationship with. If the OP is not happy with it all then he can move out and live is own life. I dont expect his children to pander to him, they have the choice to get on with thier own lives as the OP is a fully grown man. And the OP has to remember one thing the father does not have to have him living there
This thread shows what happens in the complex, dysfunctional households where that is more likely to occur.
The OP has the right to feel whatever he likes about the situation, but doesnt have the right to expect those feelings to be acted on.
I think he should do the right thing and move out and help his dad arrange for another type of care package to be put in place.
Emotional blackmail.
Toys, pram etc.
He's an adult not a child.
You sat there, composed that puerile garbage and offered it as "advice"?
Would you also sit on the floor crossed legs and scream and scream and scream until you got your own way?