Well then it's down to the person who feels the stronger feelings to walk away isn't it? The person who has purely friendship feelings isn't going to say "I don't fancy you. Goodbye" because they have a friendship.
Exactly. Sometimes I wonder if some even know what the word 'friend' means? For anyone's info, it doesn't mean the precursor to 'lover'...xD
Personally I don't know how anyone can falling love with someone they aren't even in a relationship with. (and even then it's not a guarantee!)
I think it's about self respect and pride too isn't it? If hypothetically I loved someone who I had never kissed, let alone had a relationship with and they were not interested back, I'd have thought the most normal thing would be to step away and accept that instantly.
Desperation or neediness (and I am not talking about you here honest) is not an attractive quality in anyone, men or women.
They don't fall in love. That's the point. It's just some kind of weird obsession that will never be reciprocated so they get angry and bitter forever or forget about her and move onto the next girl.
They don't fall in love. That's the point. It's just some kind of weird obsession that will never be reciprocated so they get angry and bitter forever or forget about her and move onto the next girl.
Hahahaha, I hope this is just a joke of a comment, because you are completely missing the point of this whole conversation.
The whole point is, it's almost impossible for the guy to then just be "friends" with the girl. Atleast nothing close because he can't just "switch off" the feelings.
And everyone else's point is that the responsibility of the one with strong feelings to walk away, not on the one with lesser feelings.
The one with the lesser feelings should just let the other person walk away, rather than offer them the chance not to, because this will make the one with the stronger feelings feel worse, not better.
It's just some kind of weird obsession that will never be reciprocated so they get angry and bitter forever or forget about her and move onto the next girl.
Don't encourage them. This is how the infamous 'daystalking' begain I believe...!
Yeah, I know you were being sarky, but I think the basic point you were making is people should see that being friends is a good thing. If the situation is that someone has ended up in the "friend zone", then most who have been rejected will feel that it is not a good thing. I'm sorry, but I believe that is the reality of it. It is harder for the person who has been rejected than the person who did the rejecting to accept this situation.
Well yeah, of course it is. They were the one with the romantic feelings that were rejected. Though I doubt it's exactly a barrel of laughs for the girl who thought she'd found a nice male friend who didn't want to roll her bones. Awkwardness all round. But you're talking about who put who in what dilemma, and that's just nuts. Women don't choose who they find attractive or what qualities it is that attract them, any more than men do. They don't choose their partner based on "fairness". That's the logic of entitlement. Even if the girl DOES reciprocate it's not because she thinks the guy "deserves" it, or because it wouldn't be "fair" otherwise, it's because she feels the same way towards him that he does towards her.
A question for both sexes from the land of Hypothetical: If you had to chose one (and I know they're not exclusive etc) would you rather be considered to have an attractive personality or be sexually alluring?
Reading this thread has been interesting, depressing and frustrating. For my part, I like a lot of men; some I really don't. Sometimes friendliness and manners get confused as the potential for more. It feels a difficult balance at times. If I don't find a man sexually attractive does that lessen my opinion of him? No, of course not. He's not validated as a person by whether I desire him, and attraction is so subjective.
To be 'friendzoned', or whatever, isn't a bad thing. It may not be your desired outcome but if that person wants/considers you to be a friend that's a great thing! Generally it means that individual enjoys your company and/or personality. That's not a bad thing. Take pride in it! If they don't want to sleep/date or be friends with you then there's obviously issues there - on both sides! Everyone has their own preferences, experiences, opinions and prejudices to bring to any form of relationship.
The one with the lesser feelings should just let the other person walk away, rather than offer them the chance not to, because this will make the one with the stronger feelings feel worse, not better.
If the one with less feelings considers the one with stronger feelings, then it's obvious that the first person considers the second a friend. They don't want to lose that friend, they will say "I just want to be friends". The second person then has the opportunity and right to say they can't just be friends and walk away from the friendship/situation.
Comments
Exactly. Sometimes I wonder if some even know what the word 'friend' means? For anyone's info, it doesn't mean the precursor to 'lover'...xD
They don't fall in love. That's the point. It's just some kind of weird obsession that will never be reciprocated so they get angry and bitter forever or forget about her and move onto the next girl.
How do you know they "just about tolerate me"? Have they told you this personally?
You seem to hate men from your posts.
Hahahaha, I hope this is just a joke of a comment, because you are completely missing the point of this whole conversation.
The whole point is, it's almost impossible for the guy to then just be "friends" with the girl. Atleast nothing close because he can't just "switch off" the feelings.
You said 'pretend'.
That's because you have no idea how women tick.
You should have also noticed I was quoting someone else.
And everyone else's point is that the responsibility of the one with strong feelings to walk away, not on the one with lesser feelings.
Eh, what do you mean?
Really? So how come I know loads of men who are friends with women. And vice versa?
How many friends of the opposite sex do you have? How many friends of the same sex do you have who are friends of the opposite sex?
Ha, I know what makes a woman tick, don't worry about that. That is why the women on here don't like me, because I see right through them.
My god it's like flogging a dead horse. When did anyone say other wise? and my comment wasn't anything to do with this, it was to the sarcy comment of
"or they could just be friends"
which was a completely pointless post btw.
The point is, once a guy has layed his feelings on the table, and been rejected, it's almost impossible to just go back to being "friends"
In this situation, they were never really friends any way, the guy will always have had romantic intentions from the outset.
The one with the lesser feelings should just let the other person walk away, rather than offer them the chance not to, because this will make the one with the stronger feelings feel worse, not better.
Pretty obvious you haven't followed the thread properly.
Read my other post.
Trouble is mike, men and women can see though you
Well quite. Love and lust for some I suspect may be somewhat interchangeable. (and I'm not talking about people in this thread per se).
Don't encourage them. This is how the infamous 'daystalking' begain I believe...!
Oh yes!
No, they don't like you because you're a ****ing creepy weirdo.
That's exactly the point Big Mac has been making
Well yeah, of course it is. They were the one with the romantic feelings that were rejected. Though I doubt it's exactly a barrel of laughs for the girl who thought she'd found a nice male friend who didn't want to roll her bones. Awkwardness all round. But you're talking about who put who in what dilemma, and that's just nuts. Women don't choose who they find attractive or what qualities it is that attract them, any more than men do. They don't choose their partner based on "fairness". That's the logic of entitlement. Even if the girl DOES reciprocate it's not because she thinks the guy "deserves" it, or because it wouldn't be "fair" otherwise, it's because she feels the same way towards him that he does towards her.
Reading this thread has been interesting, depressing and frustrating. For my part, I like a lot of men; some I really don't. Sometimes friendliness and manners get confused as the potential for more. It feels a difficult balance at times. If I don't find a man sexually attractive does that lessen my opinion of him? No, of course not. He's not validated as a person by whether I desire him, and attraction is so subjective.
To be 'friendzoned', or whatever, isn't a bad thing. It may not be your desired outcome but if that person wants/considers you to be a friend that's a great thing! Generally it means that individual enjoys your company and/or personality. That's not a bad thing. Take pride in it! If they don't want to sleep/date or be friends with you then there's obviously issues there - on both sides! Everyone has their own preferences, experiences, opinions and prejudices to bring to any form of relationship.
Don't get bitter.
If the one with less feelings considers the one with stronger feelings, then it's obvious that the first person considers the second a friend. They don't want to lose that friend, they will say "I just want to be friends". The second person then has the opportunity and right to say they can't just be friends and walk away from the friendship/situation.
Well no, he's seems to be putting blame on the woman in someway.
I think what he's saying is that often the girl doesn't see why the guy can't just be friends, after he's layed the cards on the table.
It's not the womans fault though, the guy needs to accept it and move on, or try and just remain friends.
At this point you can't blame the woman, but big mac seems like he kind of does.
Yeah mike, you've really got me pegged
Which is what I said in the original post I responded to you with