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Help with a man! (please)
I've been friends with a guy for almost 10 years. We met at university. All my friends were telling me that he had a crush on me. I was never attracted to him though.
He was an exchange student from abroad and left a year later. However, it so happens that he lives about 20 minutes from my parents' home (they are also abroad). In these 10 years he has always initiated contact with me and my parents and our families became good friends. He always rings everytime he thinks I'm coming to visit my parents and we regularly meet his parents. He has even stayed over at my parents' house (whilst I was away) and I let him stay in my house when he came to England (again whilst I was away).
Over the years, absolutely everyone who knew us has been telling me that he's in love with me. My parents are crazy about him (especially after the morons I usually bring home
) and we have had many arguments about me being an utter idiot for refusing to go out with him. He's quite a handsome guy, very smart and very successful in his career.
He has never explicitly asked me out, but in any event, I felt absolutely no physical attraction to him whatsoever. I've tried to avoid seeing him, never responded to his texts or emails, never returned his calls. Yet he still liked me!
In the meantime I've got married, divorced and have a 3-year-old (who he has met on several occasions). For some insane reason that no one can explain, he still likes me and still comes over to see my parents. Anyway, this is just background information.
The thing is... after spending time with him yesterday (he came over with his parents) I'm starting to warm to the idea of being with him. I feel quite the idiot not to have seen what a great catch he was.
My question is, how do I even start to approach the subject after we've been in the "friends zone" for so many years?? I don't think I've ever voluntarily called him up to just chat, so it would be completely out of character for me to ring him. What do I even say? Does he only like me because he can't have me? Ahhhh!! I'm confused and I need to act fast, as I'm going back to the UK very soon.
Any ideas?? Thanks!
He was an exchange student from abroad and left a year later. However, it so happens that he lives about 20 minutes from my parents' home (they are also abroad). In these 10 years he has always initiated contact with me and my parents and our families became good friends. He always rings everytime he thinks I'm coming to visit my parents and we regularly meet his parents. He has even stayed over at my parents' house (whilst I was away) and I let him stay in my house when he came to England (again whilst I was away).
Over the years, absolutely everyone who knew us has been telling me that he's in love with me. My parents are crazy about him (especially after the morons I usually bring home
) and we have had many arguments about me being an utter idiot for refusing to go out with him. He's quite a handsome guy, very smart and very successful in his career.He has never explicitly asked me out, but in any event, I felt absolutely no physical attraction to him whatsoever. I've tried to avoid seeing him, never responded to his texts or emails, never returned his calls. Yet he still liked me!
In the meantime I've got married, divorced and have a 3-year-old (who he has met on several occasions). For some insane reason that no one can explain, he still likes me and still comes over to see my parents. Anyway, this is just background information.
The thing is... after spending time with him yesterday (he came over with his parents) I'm starting to warm to the idea of being with him. I feel quite the idiot not to have seen what a great catch he was.
My question is, how do I even start to approach the subject after we've been in the "friends zone" for so many years?? I don't think I've ever voluntarily called him up to just chat, so it would be completely out of character for me to ring him. What do I even say? Does he only like me because he can't have me? Ahhhh!! I'm confused and I need to act fast, as I'm going back to the UK very soon.
Any ideas?? Thanks!
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I think the reason I've never liked him was because my family loved him so much (I'm quite stubborn
Ah I see what you mean, you like to be a rebel:D
Well as long as you're sure you do, then just go for it and tell him how you feel and if he would like to progress things. If he gets on with your daughter then that's an added bonus.
"Progress" from what though?? We've never even been on a proper date. You need to guide me through the conversation
Maybe just engineer it so you get to spend some more time together and let things progress naturally?
It's weird. I can't explain it myself. The difficulty is that when he comes over, either his parents always come along or he spends time chatting to my dad about world affairs, so we don't really get to spend time alone. Even if we did, he would probably fall off the chair if I asked him out, as I've never shown any interest whatsoever.
His mum told him last night to invite me to the NYE party he was going to, but he never did. We all just laughed awkwardly.. (We're all grown-ups by the way
Just mention the party and say you would quite like to go. No better place then to get a snog than a New Year's Eve party, then you can see if there is any real chemistry or not.
Haha! I would, but I only know his parents' address, so it might be his mum and dad opening the door
I'm planning to have a drink tomorrow night and phone him to ask if he wants to see a movie
I agree.
Seriously,
go for it, what have you got to lose?
I really don't know! I know he has had a relationship before we met because he told me about it when we were at uni, but since then we have never spoken about his love life. He's very serious and we usually talk work or politics or law (exciting!
What nationality is he or is that question too personal?
German
I thought so.
Well, let's put it that way: Can you envisage yourself in a long-distance relationship with him or can you see yourself moving to Germany to be with him?
Absolutely, but if this is going to be more than a wild and passionate romance it would be a good idea to ask yourself some tough questions. I know what I am talking about as I have been through that sort of thing.
We have slightly different outlooks on life. I would quit my job if I had enough money to do so or made more money doing something else. He, on the other hand, wants to stay in a secure job that is very well-respected and "beneficial" to the community (in his eyes) but not extremely well-paid. He doesn't care about money and would dedicate his life to public service. Very unlike me