I never instantly fancied my husband after the first meeting and 2 dinners I did and he really few on me. Prior to dating him I always thought there should be instant attraction kind if thing. He never gave off bad vibes and I didn't find him I attractive.
Was there a something missing kind of vibe with him? I hope you find your ideal man soon.
There was a missing kind of vibe, I can't put my finger on what it is though. I just couldn't imagine being physical with him and I can't see that a 2nd date would have changed anything. It's not that I want someone super good looking but I have to fancy them. The last couple of men I have found attractive (and it didn't work out) weren't lookers as such.
I'm prepared to let someone grow on me, but with this guy I had a strong feeling that wasn't going to happen.
When you meet somone out and about, the first time you see them you don't have any information on their age, background, marital status, job etc. You might not even know any of this stuff until after you've already started fancying them. If you do then find out they have one of your supposed "deal breakers" e.g. too old/young, has children, etc., it becomes less of a deal breaker as you're already invested. This simply doesn't happen online, as you might be filtering out people that you have great chemistry with. I.e. the 35 year old man I do decide to meet might actually be a worse personality match than the 42 year old guy I decide not to meet. In a pub, I'd automatically be drawn to the one I'm having better conversation with; I wouldn't do a survey of their ages.
Even knowing all this, I still find it hard not to filter people out online based on age, having children etc. So I don't follow my own logic and perhaps that's why I'm not successful online.
I agree with all of this.... there's probably loads I've dismissed that I probably would have chemistry with.
When you meet somone out and about, the first time you see them you don't have any information on their age, background, marital status, job etc. You might not even know any of this stuff until after you've already started fancying them. If you do then find out they have one of your supposed "deal breakers" e.g. too old/young, has children, etc., it becomes less of a deal breaker as you're already invested. This simply doesn't happen online, as you might be filtering out people that you have great chemistry with. I.e. the 35 year old man I do decide to meet might actually be a worse personality match than the 42 year old guy I decide not to meet. In a pub, I'd automatically be drawn to the one I'm having better conversation with; I wouldn't do a survey of their ages.
Even knowing all this, I still find it hard not to filter people out online based on age, having children etc. So I don't follow my own logic and perhaps that's why I'm not successful online.
Sometimes you do need a bit of a rest period in between dates but do start messaging girls again when you feel ready. Lots of dating to be done!
This is exactly what I don't like about online dating. Deciding whether or not you 'like' someone is based on fairly arbitary criteria that just doesn't exist if you met someone in person.
When you think about it, deciding on whether you are suited to someone based on a few lines of text and a 2D representation seems rather silly. Not only that but the age thing, we might decide we 'want' people of a certain age, but like you say we don't start questioning people about it and if someone looks a lot younger or older than they are and you like them and the two of you suit each other, you know fit together as a couple , what's age got to do with it anyway?
This is exactly what I don't like about online dating. Deciding whether or not you 'like' someone is based on fairly arbitary criteria that just doesn't exist if you met someone in person.
When you think about it, deciding on whether you are suited to someone based on a few lines of text and a 2D representation seems rather silly. Not only that but the age thing, we might decide we 'want' people of a certain age, but like you say we don't start questioning people about it and if someone looks a lot younger or older than they are and you like them and the two of you suit each other, you know fit together as a couple , what's age got to do with it anyway?
I agree with this as well Dawn Sun!! It is silly isn't it?!
I agree with this as well Dawn Sun!! It is silly isn't it?!
It's all just guidance until you meet the person. I wish I could make it easier for myself to chat someone up at a bar and do it that way. But I guess online dating is just another avenue to meet people. Too many people rely on it though I can imagine!
It's all just guidance until you meet the person. I wish I could make it easier for myself to chat someone up at a bar and do it that way. But I guess online dating is just another avenue to meet people. Too many people rely on it though I can imagine!
I think people have to rely on it though, I don't even go to bars to get chatting with people and you won't be alone in not being able to chat to people in bars. Hardly anyone would have the guts to do it.
You're right it is guidance till you meet the person, but it's all the meetings one has to do to find the right one is a right pain
I think people have to rely on it though, I don't even go to bars to get chatting with people and you won't be alone in not being able to chat to people in bars. Hardly anyone would have the guts to do it.
You're right it is guidance till you meet the person, but it's all the meetings one has to do to find the right one is a right pain
Isn't it worth it though? You're still networking with strangers and opening doors/horizons to learn more about others. Being autistic here, it's even more difficult! But I'm stubborn enough to always keep going.
I think the worst repurcussion on me of internet dating is the way it's caused me to distrust men. I'm not saying people don't lie when you meet them in real life, but I've come across so many men online who lie about fundamental things like whether they've been married before, whether they have children (!), their age etc. that it makes me doubt absolutely everyone! I don't want to come across as suspicious or questioning though so I guess I will just have to try to be more trusting.
I think the worst repurcussion on me of internet dating is the way it's caused me to distrust men. I'm not saying people don't lie when you meet them in real life, but I've come across so many men online who lie about fundamental things like whether they've been married before, whether they have children (!), their age etc. that it makes me doubt absolutely everyone! I don't want to come across as suspicious or questioning though so I guess I will just have to try to be more trusting.
I don't think you should become more trusting, and you should continue to question people. There are so many dodgy people on these sites that you just can't be too careful, especially as you've experienced some whopping lies.
I think the worst repurcussion on me of internet dating is the way it's caused me to distrust men. I'm not saying people don't lie when you meet them in real life, but I've come across so many men online who lie about fundamental things like whether they've been married before, whether they have children (!), their age etc. that it makes me doubt absolutely everyone! I don't want to come across as suspicious or questioning though so I guess I will just have to try to be more trusting.
I agree only in my case it was the women who are liars, but i guess in reality its both. Maybe i should stop being so damn honest, after all they do say if you cannot beat them join them
I agree only in my case it was the women who are liars, but i guess in reality its both. Maybe i should stop being so damn honest, after all they do say if you cannot beat them join them
It's not restricted to gender for sure. The guy I met last night was telling me some stories of lies/being misled etc.
Carry on being honest, us genuine ladies want honesty!
I think the worst repurcussion on me of internet dating is the way it's caused me to distrust men. I'm not saying people don't lie when you meet them in real life, but I've come across so many men online who lie about fundamental things like whether they've been married before, whether they have children (!), their age etc. that it makes me doubt absolutely everyone! I don't want to come across as suspicious or questioning though so I guess I will just have to try to be more trusting.
That's totally understandable. I guess with some guys who date online have an obsession to tweak their profile to seek them in a better light than they perceive themselves. For myself, I couldn't ever lie to anyone. What would be the point when they found out (as like in your case)? It's like they get a thrill out of that. Not fun for you or anyone else who has to do the digging.
I don't think you should become more trusting, and you should continue to question people. There are so many dodgy people on these sites that you just can't be too careful, especially as you've experienced some whopping lies.
That's totally understandable. I guess with some guys who date online have an obsession to tweak their profile to seek them in a better light than they perceive themselves. For myself, I couldn't ever lie to anyone. What would be the point when they found out (as like in your case)? It's like they get a thrill out of that. Not fun for you or anyone else who has to do the digging.
Exactly. Some people are such seasoned liars that I think they've even convinced themselves. Like with the lawyer, when it slipped out that he was 40, I asked him why his profile said 37 and he had a totally neutral expression denying all knowledge as if he'd done nothing wrong. I even brought up the website app on my iphone and showed him his own profile - he was still non-plussed and just carried on talking normally. I would have been mortified if someone had caught me lying so blatantly!
Another guy told me he had put he had no children even though he had a daughter as it put women off. I think a lot of times, it's because these people are trying to go for things they themselves can't offer - i.e. men with children going after much younger women who have no children so they lie. If the man had aimed for other women with children it wouldn't have been a problem!
Definitely not restricted to gender as I've read female profiles (out of curiosity) and some have such demandingly long lists! And I've heard men complaining that women lie about their age and weight a lot as well. Curvy/bubbly means obese!
Isn't what you're saying above the same as seeing a guy across the room of a club/pub and then either one of you making an approach to clash and talk? I see looking at profiles the same way. You make that gut feeling about how you might like them physically and what brief things are said on the profile (you'd judge their confidence and body expressions in a club/pub). I'd rather message the girl a few times, get a sense in the messages if they're truly interested and get straight to meeting up. I made a grave mistake by e-mailing my ex too much beforehand who I met through online dating and she used all the info to construct a huge lie of her life.
I've not yet messaged any girls since my last date failed on me, but there's plenty that have signed up in the last week or so on MSF.
What I mean is that people I've met through work friends etc was never meant to be a romantic thing, so I got to know them and they me, when the pressure was off. With online dating, it's completely different because you both know the purpose of why you're there, so you have to make that snap decision, which may or may not prove to be correct.
What I mean is that people I've met through work friends etc was never meant to be a romantic thing, so I got to know them and they me, when the pressure was off. With online dating, it's completely different because you both know the purpose of why you're there, so you have to make that snap decision, which may or may not prove to be correct.
Ahhhh! I get you now. I can understand the pressure, but why not take it as if you're developing a quick friendship first? There can't be any basis for a serious relationship if you don't create the basis of trust and companionship (which is necessary for being friends with anyone). If my last date had said I want to stay in touch but asked we could be friends; I wouldn't of said no.
I have tried looking at getting into a relationship with a girl at work. Unfortunately, the girl has kind of turned our night out and bed together into a one night stand although it had the right elements to go on and form something. Obviously she wasn't ready or had 2nd thoughts. Really fancied her n'all.
Ahhhh! I get you now. I can understand the pressure, but why not take it as if you're developing a quick friendship first? There can't be any basis for a serious relationship if you don't create the basis of trust and companionship (which is necessary for being friends with anyone). If my last date had said I want to stay in touch but asked we could be friends; I wouldn't of said no.
I have tried looking at getting into a relationship with a girl at work. Unfortunately, the girl has kind of turned our night out and bed together into a one night stand although it had the right elements to go on and form something. Obviously she wasn't ready or had 2nd thoughts. Really fancied her n'all.
Sorry to hear that, but if she's not ready to commit to something more, then you weren't meant to be because you're obviously in different places. Best you found out early before getting more involved.
I quite liked a chap at work, we flirted a bit, had a cosy up at the Christmas party but I didn't want to rush in there and lay my cards on the table (ie tell him I liked him when sober) and now he's gone on a date with another girl and planning a second
Sorry to hear that, but if she's not ready to commit to something more, then you weren't meant to be?
I quite liked a chap at work, we flirted a bit, had a cosy up at the Christmas party but I didn't want to rush in there and lay my cards on the table (ie tell him I liked him when sober) and now he's gone on a date with another girl and planning a second
She still always makes an effort to say hello when she sees me and the morning after was kinda surreal as we were holding hands already and she even grabbed my phone to put her number in as soon as we left her flat to go to the train station. I've never ruled her out, but she knows how much of a decent guy I am. Maybe I'm not making enough effort although I tried everything to establish meetups outside of work etc. I guess the major hint was when she text at the very end of the next day saying not to tell anyone at work about what happened. I've kept my mouth shut ever since.
I guess we all have to make a small selfish leap if you really like someone. Everyone's out for themselves when it comes to relationships etc.
She still always makes an effort to say hello when she sees me and the morning after was kinda surreal as we were holding hands already and she even grabbed my phone to put her number in as soon as we left her flat to go to the train station. I've never ruled her out, but she knows how much of a decent guy I am. Maybe I'm not making enough effort although I tried everything to establish meetups outside of work etc. I guess the major hint was when she text at the very end of the next day saying not to tell anyone at work about what happened. I've kept my mouth shut ever since.
I guess we all have to make a small selfish leap if you really like someone. Everyone's out for themselves when it comes to relationships etc.
Maybe she does like you but is concerned about being involved with someone at work because of gossip and incase it goes wrong? For what it's worth, you sound like a great guy and very dateable!
Maybe she does like you but is concerned about being involved with someone at work because of gossip and incase it goes wrong? For what it's worth, you sound like a great guy and very dateable!
But still single! I guess you're right. She did spell out a couple of key weaknesses in her personality, and one of them was commitment to change. Maybe when she sees me a couple more times then something may click. That's her choice.
I've just got to bide my time and be patient. Something I'm not very good at. Always itching to do something right away all the time!
I think the worst repurcussion on me of internet dating is the way it's caused me to distrust men. I'm not saying people don't lie when you meet them in real life, but I've come across so many men online who lie about fundamental things like whether they've been married before, whether they have children (!), their age etc. that it makes me doubt absolutely everyone! I don't want to come across as suspicious or questioning though so I guess I will just have to try to be more trusting.
I agree but liars are not restricted to men found through the Internet - my ex told me he'd had a vasectomy, he hadn't (a pretty big lie which I only found out by accident and not from him). There are, sadly, untrustworthy people and inherant liars in all walks of life who can destroy our faith in human nature.
I really need to start making the effort to meet men outside of work, as I've run out of work colleagues I went to one of my colleague's leaving do last night and he got very drunk and was shouting about how he's going home with me and that I'm going to do unspeakable stuff to him. He's engaged! I'm such a depraved woman that I like arsey idiots like that and the louder and more idiotic, the sexier they seem to me Anyway, I had to run home early, as I was sure I'd end up doing things I would regret on Monday morning. Then I was upset that I left because he was really hot and it was his last day I need to be a bit more professional at work.
I really need to start making the effort to meet men outside of work, as I've run out of work colleagues I went to one of my colleague's leaving do last night and he got very drunk and was shouting about how he's going home with me and that I'm going to do unspeakable stuff to him. He's engaged! I'm such a depraved woman that I like arsey idiots like that and the louder and more idiotic, the sexier they seem to me Anyway, I had to run home early, as I was sure I'd end up doing things I would regret on Monday morning. Then I was upset that I left because he really was hot and it was his last day I really need to be a bit more professional at work.
I went through a phase of keeping it in work in my 20s as it is easier so I see where you're coming from.
you did the right thing leaving, no matter how hot he is, he's engaged! and definitely would have regretted it. think of it as a lucky escape
I went through a phase of keeping it in work in my 20s as it is easier so I see where you're coming from.
you did the right thing leaving, no matter how hot he is, he's engaged! and definitely would have regretted it. think of it as a lucky escape
Unfortunately, men are like parking spaces - either taken or handicapped. It's for the best I didn't do anything with him though, as his girlfriend is lovely and recently had a miscarriage, so I would have felt terrible. I'm still depraved for considering it though!
I agree but liars are not restricted to men found through the Internet - my ex told me he'd had a vasectomy, he hadn't (a pretty big lie which I only found out by accident and not from him). There are, sadly, untrustworthy people and inherant liars in all walks of life who can destroy our faith in human nature.
wow, that is a whopper of a lie! did anything come to anything with that guy you met thru work? you met up with him in London I recall
Unfortunately, men are like parking spaces - either taken or handicapped. It's for the best I didn't do anything with him though, as his girlfriend is lovely and recently had a miscarriage, so I would have felt terrible. I'm still depraved for considering it though!
Handicapped? Really? Even without the offensive language, that 'joke' is in very poor taste.
Comments
There was a missing kind of vibe, I can't put my finger on what it is though. I just couldn't imagine being physical with him and I can't see that a 2nd date would have changed anything. It's not that I want someone super good looking but I have to fancy them. The last couple of men I have found attractive (and it didn't work out) weren't lookers as such.
I'm prepared to let someone grow on me, but with this guy I had a strong feeling that wasn't going to happen.
I agree with all of this.... there's probably loads I've dismissed that I probably would have chemistry with.
This is exactly what I don't like about online dating. Deciding whether or not you 'like' someone is based on fairly arbitary criteria that just doesn't exist if you met someone in person.
When you think about it, deciding on whether you are suited to someone based on a few lines of text and a 2D representation seems rather silly. Not only that but the age thing, we might decide we 'want' people of a certain age, but like you say we don't start questioning people about it and if someone looks a lot younger or older than they are and you like them and the two of you suit each other, you know fit together as a couple
I agree with this as well Dawn Sun!! It is silly isn't it?!
I think people have to rely on it though, I don't even go to bars to get chatting with people and you won't be alone in not being able to chat to people in bars. Hardly anyone would have the guts to do it.
You're right it is guidance till you meet the person, but it's all the meetings one has to do to find the right one is a right pain
I don't think you should become more trusting, and you should continue to question people. There are so many dodgy people on these sites that you just can't be too careful, especially as you've experienced some whopping lies.
I agree only in my case it was the women who are liars, but i guess in reality its both. Maybe i should stop being so damn honest, after all they do say if you cannot beat them join them
It's not restricted to gender for sure. The guy I met last night was telling me some stories of lies/being misled etc.
Carry on being honest, us genuine ladies want honesty!
Yes, perhaps you're right.
Exactly. Some people are such seasoned liars that I think they've even convinced themselves. Like with the lawyer, when it slipped out that he was 40, I asked him why his profile said 37 and he had a totally neutral expression denying all knowledge as if he'd done nothing wrong. I even brought up the website app on my iphone and showed him his own profile - he was still non-plussed and just carried on talking normally. I would have been mortified if someone had caught me lying so blatantly!
Another guy told me he had put he had no children even though he had a daughter as it put women off. I think a lot of times, it's because these people are trying to go for things they themselves can't offer - i.e. men with children going after much younger women who have no children so they lie. If the man had aimed for other women with children it wouldn't have been a problem!
Definitely not restricted to gender as I've read female profiles (out of curiosity) and some have such demandingly long lists! And I've heard men complaining that women lie about their age and weight a lot as well. Curvy/bubbly means obese!
What I mean is that people I've met through work friends etc was never meant to be a romantic thing, so I got to know them and they me, when the pressure was off. With online dating, it's completely different because you both know the purpose of why you're there, so you have to make that snap decision, which may or may not prove to be correct.
I have tried looking at getting into a relationship with a girl at work. Unfortunately, the girl has kind of turned our night out and bed together into a one night stand although it had the right elements to go on and form something. Obviously she wasn't ready or had 2nd thoughts. Really fancied her n'all.
I quite liked a chap at work, we flirted a bit, had a cosy up at the Christmas party but I didn't want to rush in there and lay my cards on the table (ie tell him I liked him when sober) and now he's gone on a date with another girl and planning a second
I guess we all have to make a small selfish leap if you really like someone. Everyone's out for themselves when it comes to relationships etc.
Maybe she does like you but is concerned about being involved with someone at work because of gossip and incase it goes wrong? For what it's worth, you sound like a great guy and very dateable!
I've just got to bide my time and be patient. Something I'm not very good at. Always itching to do something right away all the time!
I agree but liars are not restricted to men found through the Internet - my ex told me he'd had a vasectomy, he hadn't (a pretty big lie which I only found out by accident and not from him). There are, sadly, untrustworthy people and inherant liars in all walks of life who can destroy our faith in human nature.
I went through a phase of keeping it in work in my 20s as it is easier so I see where you're coming from.
you did the right thing leaving, no matter how hot he is, he's engaged! and definitely would have regretted it. think of it as a lucky escape
Unfortunately, men are like parking spaces - either taken or handicapped. It's for the best I didn't do anything with him though, as his girlfriend is lovely and recently had a miscarriage, so I would have felt terrible. I'm still depraved for considering it though!
wow, that is a whopper of a lie! did anything come to anything with that guy you met thru work? you met up with him in London I recall
Handicapped? Really? Even without the offensive language, that 'joke' is in very poor taste.