Help-inlaws!
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My hubby told me today that he wanted to spend his birthday at his mums, which I have no prob with usually but I feel like I can't be away from home for a week, as planned, cos my Dad recently died. I don't like to leave the family. Trouble is his brother is gonna be there too.
I don't hate him but I find being around him makes me angry. In the past he has shown a complete lack of respect for our home and just a little thing he always bangs the door on our car. Now as someone who likes to look after my property this makes me so angry. He's a single prof guy too and doesn't seem to get that my hubby isn't. So expensive trips to the pub are expected and no thought is given to the fact that we can't afford it. Hence an awkward sitaution.
So I feel like I can't cope with him too at the mo but I don't know what to do? Any advice would be good!
I don't hate him but I find being around him makes me angry. In the past he has shown a complete lack of respect for our home and just a little thing he always bangs the door on our car. Now as someone who likes to look after my property this makes me so angry. He's a single prof guy too and doesn't seem to get that my hubby isn't. So expensive trips to the pub are expected and no thought is given to the fact that we can't afford it. Hence an awkward sitaution.
So I feel like I can't cope with him too at the mo but I don't know what to do? Any advice would be good!
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Why don't you let your OH go off to his mum's & you stay at home? It might not be comfortable to be apart for the week, but given the stress you're already under, that might be better than getting aggravated by another person's behaviour, especially if you feel you can't say anything to them about it.
Could do that but I really need my hubbys support at the mo and I think I'd struggle all week without him! Plus it would feel like his bro would win in some sort of way!
As for his brother winning, that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. What matters most is that you don't put yourself under unnecessary pressure at this time. If his family are near enough, your OH can still go round to his mum's for a meal & meet his brother for a drink, & then come home in the evening. If the family is too far away, there's always next year - you should come first.
Tell your OH you don't mind being there for a couple of days, but no longer. If he insists that you've got to stay for a week (maybe they live in Aberdeen, for all I know!), then you've got a choice - you go with him and do the best you can, or you stay at home. There really aren't any other choices. Can you afford to stay in a hotel, so you don't have to spend every minute in your in-laws' company?
He should be thinking of you not about birthday cake!
I'd love to stay in a hotel but haven't got the funds for that at the mo. His mum lives a two hour drive away.
He really loved Dad too so I'm weary of not wanting to spoil things for him. it just seems that when it comes to his bro he only sees the good and not the bad. Maybe I should just give in?
How old is your OH's mum? I was just wondering with your dad dying that it's maybe made him think about his mum's age and that time is precious etc.
Is there any way you could just go for the weekend or something, or even just overnight?
Then there's absolutely NO need to spend a whole week there, that's just silly. Explain how you're feeling, tell him you can't cope with a week away from home at the moment, but you understand he'd like to be with his family as well (thereby earning yourself a million "reasonable" points), and ask if you could spend, say, 3 days and 2 nights. If he doesn't buy that, I think he would be a little unreasonable at this time.
His mum is in her 50's and they're not close so it is possible. I could spend the wkend with my family but I don't see why I should have to.
I agree a week is a long time and I was a little surprised when he said this. I'd thought about suggesting that but I don't want him to think its because of his brother.
I can't see any reason for your OH to stay there more than one night, & even then only because it would save him having to drive if he's tired. OP, you really need to tell him that this time you, not his mother, brother or even him, have to come first. It's a selfish thing for him to want to do even if you hadn't had your bereavement, but especially so at this time.