Is it not the case that some children with ADHD don't have very good parents just as some children without ADHD don't have very good parents?
Well exactly, but having the condition is nothing to do with the parents behaviour (good or bad). I'm sure that some may have the resources, support and temperament to handle it better than others.
Well exactly, but having the condition is nothing to do with the parents behaviour (good or bad). I'm sure that some may have the resources, support and temperament to handle it better than others.
Indeed. seeing a child who has ADHD and not very good parents and extrapolating this to conclude ADHD is caused by poor parenting is bizarre. I suppose the situation is made worse by inadequate parenting but caused?...no
Well exactly, but having the condition is nothing to do with the parents behaviour (good or bad). I'm sure that some may have the resources, support and temperament to handle it better than others.
Some days I cope better than others with a child who has OCD and ASD. When my child has tried to throw himself into traffic and I have restrained him I have been called by people who didn't understand the context to let him go that I was an evil bitch. I was only stopping him killing himself.
Outsiders have no idea at all, they see what they think they see.
yesterday I was browsing facebook and there was stuff on this mornings site about ADHD, and basically a lot of people were dismissing it as made up, naughtiness, bad parenting etc. made my blood boil!
Amongst his other learning difficulties my son also has combined type ADHD
in my opinion, he suffers more from his ADHD then his aspergers or dyspraxia or other diagnosis
last time we went to see his paediatrician, she asked me about what support I get, as opposed to him, anmd I guess even though I am a member of ADDISS I dont really get any, and if I am honest I am knackered, I love him to bits and wouldnt change him, but sometimes the running commentary from 5 am til when he decides he can give in to sleep, leaves me exhausted. the worry about him being bullied as he has been, not fitting in - even going to assemblies at school reduce me to tears as I want to take all his hurt and bad feel;ing s about himself away,. I am extremely worried he will self harm when hes older as he already strangles himself/hits himself/bangs his head against the wall when he feels bad and calls himself stupid dumb and worthless.
any other parents of ADHD kids, what has helped you?
I am a helpline advisor at YoungMinds. We offer help to parents or any adult who is concerned with a child or person's (up to the age of 25) emotional or behavioural difficulties. Our website is http://www.youngminds.org.uk/ .We can help with CAMHS amongst other services. We can also offer a call back with a professional. Our heelpline number is 08088025544. This is a free call. I wish you all the best.
Don't start having a pop at me, my nephew has Aspergers, so don't judge other people experience. My point was that sometimes it's easier to give a kid a label, rather than try to work on the route cause of a problem. Some kids have ADHD, some are just badly brought up, and the label is given as it's easier than trying to sort their parents out. I know ADHD exists, and it's awful, but TBH, seems that the people who have the more closed minds on here are the ones who's kids are affected. No acceptance that not all kids that are labeled have ADHD, just a siege mentality ....
Thing is, you picked what you wanted out of my first point - not the majority of it, no constructive comments back, no attempt at engagement, just "I feel like crying", why? Because I said I think that sometimes it's used as an excuse, and that diminishes the real cases. Jeez, if you think that's having a pop, then good luck to you.
BTW, if you don't want to listen to other thoughts, I suggest you don't post on a public forum.
And for the record, I said in my original post that I had no issue with ADHD existing as a condition, why anyone thought I did us beyond me.
Indeed. seeing a child who has ADHD and not very good parents and extrapolating this to conclude ADHD is caused by poor parenting is bizarre. I suppose the situation is made worse by inadequate parenting but caused?...no
But no-one has said it's "made-up", just that sometimes people will say that their kids have ADHD, having undergone no assessments or anything else, because they can't control them.
I think some people just want to find offence wherever they go.
But no-one has said it's "made-up", just that sometimes people will say that their kids have ADHD, having undergone no assessments or anything else, because they can't control them.
I think some people just want to find offence wherever they go.
I have been jumped on too and completly misunderstood on this thread .
That was exactly my point , that sometimes people will label a child with ADD or Hyperactivity with no basis .Thus making it very hard for the genuine cases .
But some people dont want to listen and so presume you are saying its made up when in fact you are not .
The biggest problem is that people see brief snippets of interaction between a parent and child and make a judgement on that. Anyone who sees a child kicking up a storm and a parent quietly appeasing them is going to jump to the conclusion that the parent is soft and that's why the child acts that way. What they don't see (and won't possibly understand unless they have experience with children with challenging behavioural disorders) is that with these conditions you have to pick your battles.
So yes, the parent may be going easy, but that could be because the child is overstimulated or anxious or stressed or out of routine and their acting out could be a symptom of that. In that case, the worst possible thing to do would be to go hard on the child because a) that would be punishing them for their disability/ disorder and b) it will lead to much worse behaviour that could put both the child and others in danger.
Any parent with a child with any challenging behavioural disorder will have learnt this lesson, usually the hard way and often many times over.
So next time you see a parent who say's their child has ADHD or autism and you think they're just being soft, try actually talking to them. I can guarantee you'll soon know exactly why the child's acting that way, what's lead up to it etc, because if there's one thing a parent in that situation needs, it's somewhere to vent the stress and frustration those situations cause!
Truth is his mother is a crap mother. What everyone else classes as normal behaviour of kids growing up, testing boundaries etc she classes as ADHD.
Do I believe ADHD exists? From my experience of "it" - No, I don't. Instead of someone standing up and saying you need parenting classes they make up an "excuse".
So basically, you've entered this thread to share that you have no experience of ADHD..okay, how does that help the OP?
OP, I think one of the biggest things is working on coping mechanisms..but you need the help in the first place. You shouldn't have to tackle this on your own..fight for help.
Truth is his mother is a crap mother. What everyone else classes as normal behaviour of kids growing up, testing boundaries etc she classes as ADHD.
Do I believe ADHD exists? From my experience of "it" - No, I don't. Instead of someone standing up and saying you need parenting classes they make up an "excuse".
ADHD isn't just a name medical profesionals give out willy nilly because their too coy to tell a parent they need to parent differently.
These kids get assessed, the parents get assessed (when necessary) and if the problem is with the parenting the apropriate action is taken, weather that be parenting classes or whatever...
OP, you have my sympathy. Is your little boy on medication for it?
Aspergers and ADHD are the most wrongly / overdiagnosed psychiatric conditions out there. Also, there's a split in the psychiatry community whether either disorder actually exists or not (or needs reclassifying - especially with ADHD). Don't call people ignorant just because they don't conform to whatever you tell them - that statement in itself is what can be called rather 'ignorant'.
Personally, I think both exist, but only in a very few pronounced cases such as the OPs. What I'm extremely skeptical about though is whether OP's child has all these conditions that have been listed, by 'world renowned' specialist or not (i'm not calling OP a liar, just saying there's a high potential of misdiagnosis with so many extremely common disorders - mental health and austistic spectrum disorders don't fit into neatly listed checkboxes). It just damages the child emotionally to be labelled with so many things and can actually be harmful in the child getting the wrong kinds of support and other kinds of support being unavailable due to diagnosis x or y.
There is help out there, it's just going through the right channels to access it.... CAMHS, for instance, is where you will find the best help. I suggest speaking to your child's GP or Psychiatrist for an urgent / emergency referral.
I have been jumped on too and completly misunderstood on this thread .
That was exactly my point , that sometimes people will label a child with ADD or Hyperactivity with no basis .Thus making it very hard for the genuine cases .
But some people dont want to listen and so presume you are saying its made up when in fact you are not .
Yes I think you were jumped on very unfairly. "Vixen(?)" was wrong to jump on like they did.
ADHD isn't just a name medical profesionals give out willy nilly because their too coy to tell a parent they need to parent differently.
These kids get assessed, the parents get assessed (when necessary) and if the problem is with the parenting the apropriate action is taken, weather that be parenting classes or whatever...
In your opinion...
I disagree, it's a forum for everyone, some will agree others won't. Why is it so hard to understand that just because A said XYZ, doesn't mean it's true, does it?
After all, we all know the "experts" (be it doctors, scientists, teachers etc) are never wrong, don't we?!?!
I can't remember username of the poster above me that basically said something along the lines of "is it not the case that there are bad/good parents of kids with/without "ADHD"". Quite possible this is the most probable answer. I don't know.
As I said, based on my experience, (which by the way I do have some experience of it) is that it's a load of tosh. I believe that if the mother of my nephew actually does what she's supposed to, you know, look after and tend to your kids, he wouldn't feel the need to play up to get a response from her. All she does is shouts at her kids, never once has she played with them, had a conversation without shouting, never read a book with them, palms them off to all and sundry (no not because of work!) has messed with the kids heads so much by getting married, getting divorced, getting married, getting divorced, getting married (divorce pending!), kids have never had any stability in their lives. She has 6 kids and each one has "something wrong" with them. Funny how when anyone else that looks after them none of the behaviour issues that are forever being talked about materialise. Got nothing to do with the fact that when I, or anyone else that looks after them actually pay attention to them, LISTEN to them, TALK TO them not AT them, read/play with them. I know how underhand kids can be, young ones too, they know how to get what they want. The one with "ADHD" would think was the devil himself if you listened to his mother. Does he do any of the stuff when with me? No. (Is this a symptom that "ADHD" people can switch it on and off at will?). No of course I'm not saying he's a little angel, but my point is, he's no worse or better than any other kid I've ever had the EXPERIENCE of looking after (for those that keep banging on I have no experience!).
BIB - Yes, I actually think it is. Doctors these days are supposedly under so much pressure, it's easier to give a "label" to something. Makes the parents feel satisfied they have a "label" for their, shite parenting skills. For example, some patients like to go to the doctors and don't feel "satisfied" unless they come away with prescription for some pills. Imagine parents that keep banging on that there is "something" wrong with their child, go on and on and on about it - if there are enough of these parents doctors will cave in and give it a label, like they dished out antibiotics for years and years and now suddenly decide that enough is enough and won't dish them out for that cold, sore throat or tickly cough like they once did. Doctors are human, humans make mistakes. Seen it time and time again. I honestly do believe in 2, 4, 5 even 10 or 20 years there will be a "breaking news" report that Doctors were wong. All these years of labelling kids with "ADHD" was a mistake and scientists have proven it doesn't exist. Reporter asks a scientist "So Mr Scientist, does this mean then that all kids that were labelled with "ADHD" simply had bad parents?". Mr Scientist replies "Basically, yes. XYZ activity in the brain is exactly the same with "non ADHD" kids. This proves that if parents were taught how to bring their kids up instead of relying on being given a name for their poor parenting skills, we wouldn't be in this situation now". (or words to that effect).
Now, I said I wouldn't post what I really thought, and I really REALLY haven't even started. I may or may not be right. I'm not claiming to be some expert (like some defensive parents do). I believe what I believe and others believe what they believe. Just like to put this out there too. Why do parents get so defensive about "ADHD" when people don't believe it? You never get the same level of aggressive defense when you say little Johnny has tonsillitis and people say "yea I had a sore throat last week". Little Johnny may or may not have had tonsillitis, but you don't have that same level of defense that you do with "ADHD". It seems to be a very touchy subject that NOBODY is allowed to question. Why? What is so bad that people cannot question it? (and I don't mean questions about how you cope, deal with situations etc.).
NOTHING WRITTEN ABOVE IS MEANT TO WIND UP ANY POSTER/READER. IT IS MY BELIEF. YOU MAY OR MAY NOT AGREE. BUT THAT'S FINE, WOULD BE BORING IF WE ALL AGREED AND HAD SAME VIEWS.
thanks for replying - and especially thanks for the young minds link.
feeling slightly less emotional today.
I do sort of get that there are parents who self diagnose their kids with ADHD. Getting any actual diagnosis of learning disability is a long winded fun and games procedure that had me pulling out my hair. I was very surprised when my boy was diagnosed with ADHD, though in hindsight I dont know why I was. He has combined type. Someone said he had a lot of diagnosis's, a lot are linked, for example dyspraxic children are more likely to have hypermobility syndrome (getting him seen by the hypermobility specialist was 'fun' - Great Ormond St wont take referrals from GPs, it has to be from paediatricians)
I genuinely cannot understand why someone would want to say their child had ADHD if they didnt! Just why? its not a pleasant thing. My son (through his own will) has never drunk anything but water, and he (since diagnosis) has stayed away from orange food (as recommended on websites about ADHD)and follows a low carb diet. He also doesnt use lactose containing milk on cereal. However none of these strategies actually help with his symptoms, though I do understand that some kids out their could get relief from this.
'this morning' covered ADHD on monday and there was lots of comments on there website about it being ill parenting etc- interestingly they did autism/asperger syndrome today and there was nothing at all like that in amongst the comments.
We have also tried 'lifestyle' things 0- he did kung fu to help with his spacial awareness, so I have tried a lot of strategies to help his symptoms.
I guess I posted to see what other parents of similar children went through.
Vixen - thanks for sharing about your son. My niece has the same combination of diagnosis that your son has and it has been very hard on her parents.
Before trying to be smart, read my whole post. Yea?
I did, your post seemed to describe someone who does not have a formal diagnosis. There's a formal diagnosis, and then there's someone just saying it. They're two very different things.
I disagree, it's a forum for everyone, some will agree others won't. Why is it so hard to understand that just because A said XYZ, doesn't mean it's true, does it?
This isn't really a subject you can 'have an opinion on', if you do not know anything about it. Well, I suppose you can, but the opinion is worthless.
This isn't about putting a label. This is about children who have certain symptomatology that is atypical developmentally compared to other children...and then helping them cope with it.
Better parenting will not change the fact that a child with ADHD does not produce enough Dopa 2 for example...
After all, we all know the "experts" (be it doctors, scientists, teachers etc) are never wrong, don't we?!?!
Of course they can be wrong, but you don't get to a consensus amongst doctors, researchers, developmental psychologists, teachers, geneticists, neuroscientists ..and so on, without there actually being some reality behind the phenomenon being described.
I can't remember username of the poster above me that basically said something along the lines of "is it not the case that there are bad/good parents of kids with/without "ADHD"". Quite possible this is the most probable answer. I don't know.
Yes there are good and bad parents..ADHD has no impact on that, and it has no impact on ADHD.
As I said, based on my experience, (which by the way I do have some experience of it) is that it's a load of tosh. I believe that if the mother of my nephew actually does what she's supposed to, you know, look after and tend to your kids, he wouldn't feel the need to play up to get a response from her. All she does is shouts at her kids, never once has she played with them, had a conversation without shouting, never read a book with them, palms them off to all and sundry (no not because of work!) has messed with the kids heads so much by getting married, getting divorced, getting married, getting divorced, getting married (divorce pending!), kids have never had any stability in their lives. She has 6 kids and each one has "something wrong" with them. Funny how when anyone else that looks after them none of the behaviour issues that are forever being talked about materialise. Got nothing to do with the fact that when I, or anyone else that looks after them actually pay attention to them, LISTEN to them, TALK TO them not AT them, read/play with them. I know how underhand kids can be, young ones too, they know how to get what they want. The one with "ADHD" would think was the devil himself if you listened to his mother. Does he do any of the stuff when with me? No. (Is this a symptom that "ADHD" people can switch it on and off at will?). No of course I'm not saying he's a little angel, but my point is, he's no worse or better than any other kid I've ever had the EXPERIENCE of looking after (for those that keep banging on I have no experience!).
So who diagnosed him with ADHD?
It doesn't sound like you have any experience at all with a child who truly lives with ADHD..
BIB - Yes, I actually think it is. Doctors these days are supposedly under so much pressure, it's easier to give a "label" to something. Makes the parents feel satisfied they have a "label" for their, shite parenting skills. For example, some patients like to go to the doctors and don't feel "satisfied" unless they come away with prescription for some pills. Imagine parents that keep banging on that there is "something" wrong with their child, go on and on and on about it - if there are enough of these parents doctors will cave in and give it a label, like they dished out antibiotics for years and years and now suddenly decide that enough is enough and won't dish them out for that cold, sore throat or tickly cough like they once did. Doctors are human, humans make mistakes. Seen it time and time again. I honestly do believe in 2, 4, 5 even 10 or 20 years there will be a "breaking news" report that Doctors were wong. All these years of labelling kids with "ADHD" was a mistake and scientists have proven it doesn't exist. Reporter asks a scientist "So Mr Scientist, does this mean then that all kids that were labelled with "ADHD" simply had bad parents?". Mr Scientist replies "Basically, yes. XYZ activity in the brain is exactly the same with "non ADHD" kids. This proves that if parents were taught how to bring their kids up instead of relying on being given a name for their poor parenting skills, we wouldn't be in this situation now". (or words to that effect).
That's not really how diagnosis works for developmental disorders. I don't think you realise how hard it is to get diagnosed.
A lot of people are remembering the early 90s where we didn't know a lot about developmental disorders and GPs were misdiagnosing dietary induced ADHD left, right and centre...we've certainly moved on from that.
You really have to fight hard these days to get a formal diagnosis and it comes from a specialist..not a GP!
Now, I said I wouldn't post what I really thought, and I really REALLY haven't even started. I may or may not be right. I'm not claiming to be some expert (like some defensive parents do). I believe what I believe and others believe what they believe. Just like to put this out there too. Why do parents get so defensive about "ADHD" when people don't believe it? You never get the same level of aggressive defense when you say little Johnny has tonsillitis and people say "yea I had a sore throat last week". Little Johnny may or may not have had tonsillitis, but you don't have that same level of defense that you do with "ADHD". It seems to be a very touchy subject that NOBODY is allowed to question. Why? What is so bad that people cannot question it? (and I don't mean questions about how you cope, deal with situations etc.).
NOTHING WRITTEN ABOVE IS MEANT TO WIND UP ANY POSTER/READER. IT IS MY BELIEF. YOU MAY OR MAY NOT AGREE. BUT THAT'S FINE, WOULD BE BORING IF WE ALL AGREED AND HAD SAME VIEWS.
The reason people get defensive? Well it might have something to do with the fact that you are suggesting that the problems that a child and the parent are experiencing do not matter, because they aren't real...
I'm not a parent, but I am someone who has a big interest in developmental psychology, and someone who has worked with these kids, and worked with adults with these conditions.
These people have had actual formal diagnoses from world-renowned specialists. It's not something you take lightly, because it can often take years and years before you get a diagnosis.
In the mean time the parent is left to struggle with trying to meet the needs of the child, which is made difficult by the condition.
thanks for replying - and especially thanks for the young minds link.
feeling slightly less emotional today.
I do sort of get that there are parents who self diagnose their kids with ADHD. Getting any actual diagnosis of learning disability is a long winded fun and games procedure that had me pulling out my hair. I was very surprised when my boy was diagnosed with ADHD, though in hindsight I dont know why I was. He has combined type. Someone said he had a lot of diagnosis's, a lot are linked, for example dyspraxic children are more likely to have hypermobility syndrome (getting him seen by the hypermobility specialist was 'fun' - Great Ormond St wont take referrals from GPs, it has to be from paediatricians)
I genuinely cannot understand why someone would want to say their child had ADHD if they didnt! Just why? its not a pleasant thing. My son (through his own will) has never drunk anything but water, and he (since diagnosis) has stayed away from orange food (as recommended on websites about ADHD)and follows a low carb diet. He also doesnt use lactose containing milk on cereal. However none of these strategies actually help with his symptoms, though I do understand that some kids out their could get relief from this.
'this morning' covered ADHD on monday and there was lots of comments on there website about it being ill parenting etc- interestingly they did autism/asperger syndrome today and there was nothing at all like that in amongst the comments.
We have also tried 'lifestyle' things 0- he did kung fu to help with his spacial awareness, so I have tried a lot of strategies to help his symptoms.
I guess I posted to see what other parents of similar children went through.
Vixen - thanks for sharing about your son. My niece has the same combination of diagnosis that your son has and it has been very hard on her parents.
Ultimately, I think the point you want to get to is where you and your child can cope with the condition. It can manifest itself differently in different people, purely because it is often co-morbid with other conditions.
I can't recommend CBT enough here, it will look at the way the condition affects your son's life, and then it will aim to give your son coping mechanisms to deal with those things.
If it helps, I know people with formal diagnoses of Aspergers with ADHD who are in work, and live a happy life, so you can get there, it's just sometimes it's a long and hard road.
My nephew was diagnosed with it 3 years ago.All the experts said he was a "classic" case.It actually turned out he has a hearing defect and couldn't understand the teachers properly.
Ultimately, I think the point you want to get to is where you and your child can cope with the condition. It can manifest itself differently in different people, purely because it is often co-morbid with other conditions.
I can't recommend CBT enough here, it will look at the way the condition affects your son's life, and then it will aim to give your son coping mechanisms to deal with those things.
If it helps, I know people with formal diagnoses of Aspergers with ADHD who are in work, and live a happy life, so you can get there, it's just sometimes it's a long and hard road.
Good luck!
thank you! he was supposed to get some CBT when he received his diagnosis but the local social communications team was being disbanded due to government cuts so it never happened. He has a learning mentor at school and after half term he has someone coming in from CAMHS to do sessions with him on positive peer interaction, as a lot of his problems stem from the interaction with other kids (he sees even accidents in the playground as always coming from a malicious intent towards him)
you are very eloquent in your reply to the above poster, I wish I was so eloquent!
at the moment his aim is to be a father, thats all he says he wants to be when he grows up, I am hopeful he will be able to find employment and happiness in life.
My nephew was diagnosed with it 3 years ago.All the experts said he was a "classic" case.It actually turned out he has a hearing defect and couldn't understand the teachers properly.
my friends son has a child who is deaf in one ear and he also has aspergers, they can co exist - or are you saying hes much better now?
My nephew was diagnosed with it 3 years ago.All the experts said he was a "classic" case.It actually turned out he has a hearing defect and couldn't understand the teachers properly.
What does that actually prove though? A misdiagnosis doesn't mean the condition doesn't exist.
Also, you'll find this is as advice thread..how exactly does your post help the OP?
I can certainly understand how someone with a hearing defect could be misdiagnosed in that way, because the effects of a condition like that would be similar to what a child with ADHD might exhibit behaviourally..
Is this any different to when a doctor can't work out what is wrong with you, and just diagnoses you as having a virus? It's a best guess based on symptomatology..and even if you don't have a virus, it doesn't mean viruses don't exist.
my friends son has a child who is deaf in one ear and he also has aspergers, they can co exist - or are you saying hes much better now?
(
He's perfectly fine now that he's been treated correctly.I think sometimes the diagnosis is too readily made without other options fully explored.In the few years he was disruptive he was segregated from his classmates etc on many occasions.He's a different kid now.
thank you! he was supposed to get some CBT when he received his diagnosis but the local social communications team was being disbanded due to government cuts so it never happened. He has a learning mentor at school and after half term he has someone coming in from CAMHS to do sessions with him on positive peer interaction, as a lot of his problems stem from the interaction with other kids (he sees even accidents in the playground as always coming from a malicious intent towards him)
you are very eloquent in your reply to the above poster, I wish I was so eloquent!
at the moment his aim is to be a father, thats all he says he wants to be when he grows up, I am hopeful he will be able to find employment and happiness in life.
thanks again
If you're up for it, you can run through some CBT stuff with him on-line, things like MoodGym are great. I'm glad you've managed to get some help from CAMHS as they are notoriously hard to get involved.
I think all parents make mistakes, so all you can do is try to do your best by him, and from the sounds of it, that's what you're doing:).
I'm off to work now, I'll probably pop back later!
If you're up for it, you can run through some CBT stuff with him on-line, things like MoodGym are great. I'm glad you've managed to get some help from CAMHS as they are notoriously hard to get involved.
I think all parents make mistakes, so all you can do is try to do your best by him, and from the sounds of it, that's what you're doing:).
I'm off to work now, I'll probably pop back later!
thanks!
the CAMHS thing was specifically asked for on his educational statement so I have the local authority to thank for the involvement!
What does that actually prove though? A misdiagnosis doesn't mean the condition doesn't exist.
Also, you'll find this is as advice thread..how exactly does your post help the OP?
I can certainly understand how someone with a hearing defect could be misdiagnosed in that way, because the effects of a condition like that would be similar to what a child with ADHD might exhibit behaviourally..
Is this any different to when a doctor can't work out what is wrong with you, and just diagnoses you as having a virus? It's a best guess based on symptomatology..and even if you don't have a virus, it doesn't mean viruses don't exist.
I'm not trying to prove anything.I'm posting what happened to my nephew in a thread about ADHD.Why do you find this difficult ?
Comments
Well exactly, but having the condition is nothing to do with the parents behaviour (good or bad). I'm sure that some may have the resources, support and temperament to handle it better than others.
Indeed. seeing a child who has ADHD and not very good parents and extrapolating this to conclude ADHD is caused by poor parenting is bizarre. I suppose the situation is made worse by inadequate parenting but caused?...no
Some days I cope better than others with a child who has OCD and ASD. When my child has tried to throw himself into traffic and I have restrained him I have been called by people who didn't understand the context to let him go that I was an evil bitch. I was only stopping him killing himself.
Outsiders have no idea at all, they see what they think they see.
I am a helpline advisor at YoungMinds. We offer help to parents or any adult who is concerned with a child or person's (up to the age of 25) emotional or behavioural difficulties. Our website is http://www.youngminds.org.uk/ .We can help with CAMHS amongst other services. We can also offer a call back with a professional. Our heelpline number is 08088025544. This is a free call. I wish you all the best.
Thing is, you picked what you wanted out of my first point - not the majority of it, no constructive comments back, no attempt at engagement, just "I feel like crying", why? Because I said I think that sometimes it's used as an excuse, and that diminishes the real cases. Jeez, if you think that's having a pop, then good luck to you.
BTW, if you don't want to listen to other thoughts, I suggest you don't post on a public forum.
And for the record, I said in my original post that I had no issue with ADHD existing as a condition, why anyone thought I did us beyond me.
But no-one has said it's "made-up", just that sometimes people will say that their kids have ADHD, having undergone no assessments or anything else, because they can't control them.
I think some people just want to find offence wherever they go.
I have been jumped on too and completly misunderstood on this thread .
That was exactly my point , that sometimes people will label a child with ADD or Hyperactivity with no basis .Thus making it very hard for the genuine cases .
But some people dont want to listen and so presume you are saying its made up when in fact you are not .
So yes, the parent may be going easy, but that could be because the child is overstimulated or anxious or stressed or out of routine and their acting out could be a symptom of that. In that case, the worst possible thing to do would be to go hard on the child because a) that would be punishing them for their disability/ disorder and b) it will lead to much worse behaviour that could put both the child and others in danger.
Any parent with a child with any challenging behavioural disorder will have learnt this lesson, usually the hard way and often many times over.
So next time you see a parent who say's their child has ADHD or autism and you think they're just being soft, try actually talking to them. I can guarantee you'll soon know exactly why the child's acting that way, what's lead up to it etc, because if there's one thing a parent in that situation needs, it's somewhere to vent the stress and frustration those situations cause!
So basically, you've entered this thread to share that you have no experience of ADHD..okay, how does that help the OP?
OP, I think one of the biggest things is working on coping mechanisms..but you need the help in the first place. You shouldn't have to tackle this on your own..fight for help.
ADHD isn't just a name medical profesionals give out willy nilly because their too coy to tell a parent they need to parent differently.
These kids get assessed, the parents get assessed (when necessary) and if the problem is with the parenting the apropriate action is taken, weather that be parenting classes or whatever...
OP, you have my sympathy. Is your little boy on medication for it?
Personally, I think both exist, but only in a very few pronounced cases such as the OPs. What I'm extremely skeptical about though is whether OP's child has all these conditions that have been listed, by 'world renowned' specialist or not (i'm not calling OP a liar, just saying there's a high potential of misdiagnosis with so many extremely common disorders - mental health and austistic spectrum disorders don't fit into neatly listed checkboxes). It just damages the child emotionally to be labelled with so many things and can actually be harmful in the child getting the wrong kinds of support and other kinds of support being unavailable due to diagnosis x or y.
There is help out there, it's just going through the right channels to access it.... CAMHS, for instance, is where you will find the best help. I suggest speaking to your child's GP or Psychiatrist for an urgent / emergency referral.
Yes I think you were jumped on very unfairly. "Vixen(?)" was wrong to jump on like they did.
Before trying to be smart, read my whole post. Yea?
In your opinion...
I disagree, it's a forum for everyone, some will agree others won't. Why is it so hard to understand that just because A said XYZ, doesn't mean it's true, does it?
After all, we all know the "experts" (be it doctors, scientists, teachers etc) are never wrong, don't we?!?!
I can't remember username of the poster above me that basically said something along the lines of "is it not the case that there are bad/good parents of kids with/without "ADHD"". Quite possible this is the most probable answer. I don't know.
As I said, based on my experience, (which by the way I do have some experience of it) is that it's a load of tosh. I believe that if the mother of my nephew actually does what she's supposed to, you know, look after and tend to your kids, he wouldn't feel the need to play up to get a response from her. All she does is shouts at her kids, never once has she played with them, had a conversation without shouting, never read a book with them, palms them off to all and sundry (no not because of work!) has messed with the kids heads so much by getting married, getting divorced, getting married, getting divorced, getting married (divorce pending!), kids have never had any stability in their lives. She has 6 kids and each one has "something wrong" with them. Funny how when anyone else that looks after them none of the behaviour issues that are forever being talked about materialise. Got nothing to do with the fact that when I, or anyone else that looks after them actually pay attention to them, LISTEN to them, TALK TO them not AT them, read/play with them. I know how underhand kids can be, young ones too, they know how to get what they want. The one with "ADHD" would think was the devil himself if you listened to his mother. Does he do any of the stuff when with me? No. (Is this a symptom that "ADHD" people can switch it on and off at will?). No of course I'm not saying he's a little angel, but my point is, he's no worse or better than any other kid I've ever had the EXPERIENCE of looking after (for those that keep banging on I have no experience!).
BIB - Yes, I actually think it is. Doctors these days are supposedly under so much pressure, it's easier to give a "label" to something. Makes the parents feel satisfied they have a "label" for their, shite parenting skills. For example, some patients like to go to the doctors and don't feel "satisfied" unless they come away with prescription for some pills. Imagine parents that keep banging on that there is "something" wrong with their child, go on and on and on about it - if there are enough of these parents doctors will cave in and give it a label, like they dished out antibiotics for years and years and now suddenly decide that enough is enough and won't dish them out for that cold, sore throat or tickly cough like they once did. Doctors are human, humans make mistakes. Seen it time and time again. I honestly do believe in 2, 4, 5 even 10 or 20 years there will be a "breaking news" report that Doctors were wong. All these years of labelling kids with "ADHD" was a mistake and scientists have proven it doesn't exist. Reporter asks a scientist "So Mr Scientist, does this mean then that all kids that were labelled with "ADHD" simply had bad parents?". Mr Scientist replies "Basically, yes. XYZ activity in the brain is exactly the same with "non ADHD" kids. This proves that if parents were taught how to bring their kids up instead of relying on being given a name for their poor parenting skills, we wouldn't be in this situation now". (or words to that effect).
Now, I said I wouldn't post what I really thought, and I really REALLY haven't even started. I may or may not be right. I'm not claiming to be some expert (like some defensive parents do). I believe what I believe and others believe what they believe. Just like to put this out there too. Why do parents get so defensive about "ADHD" when people don't believe it? You never get the same level of aggressive defense when you say little Johnny has tonsillitis and people say "yea I had a sore throat last week". Little Johnny may or may not have had tonsillitis, but you don't have that same level of defense that you do with "ADHD". It seems to be a very touchy subject that NOBODY is allowed to question. Why? What is so bad that people cannot question it? (and I don't mean questions about how you cope, deal with situations etc.).
NOTHING WRITTEN ABOVE IS MEANT TO WIND UP ANY POSTER/READER. IT IS MY BELIEF. YOU MAY OR MAY NOT AGREE. BUT THAT'S FINE, WOULD BE BORING IF WE ALL AGREED AND HAD SAME VIEWS.
feeling slightly less emotional today.
I do sort of get that there are parents who self diagnose their kids with ADHD. Getting any actual diagnosis of learning disability is a long winded fun and games procedure that had me pulling out my hair. I was very surprised when my boy was diagnosed with ADHD, though in hindsight I dont know why I was. He has combined type. Someone said he had a lot of diagnosis's, a lot are linked, for example dyspraxic children are more likely to have hypermobility syndrome (getting him seen by the hypermobility specialist was 'fun' - Great Ormond St wont take referrals from GPs, it has to be from paediatricians)
I genuinely cannot understand why someone would want to say their child had ADHD if they didnt! Just why? its not a pleasant thing. My son (through his own will) has never drunk anything but water, and he (since diagnosis) has stayed away from orange food (as recommended on websites about ADHD)and follows a low carb diet. He also doesnt use lactose containing milk on cereal. However none of these strategies actually help with his symptoms, though I do understand that some kids out their could get relief from this.
'this morning' covered ADHD on monday and there was lots of comments on there website about it being ill parenting etc- interestingly they did autism/asperger syndrome today and there was nothing at all like that in amongst the comments.
We have also tried 'lifestyle' things 0- he did kung fu to help with his spacial awareness, so I have tried a lot of strategies to help his symptoms.
I guess I posted to see what other parents of similar children went through.
Vixen - thanks for sharing about your son. My niece has the same combination of diagnosis that your son has and it has been very hard on her parents.
I did, your post seemed to describe someone who does not have a formal diagnosis. There's a formal diagnosis, and then there's someone just saying it. They're two very different things.
So I stand by my post.
This isn't really a subject you can 'have an opinion on', if you do not know anything about it. Well, I suppose you can, but the opinion is worthless.
This isn't about putting a label. This is about children who have certain symptomatology that is atypical developmentally compared to other children...and then helping them cope with it.
Better parenting will not change the fact that a child with ADHD does not produce enough Dopa 2 for example...
Of course they can be wrong, but you don't get to a consensus amongst doctors, researchers, developmental psychologists, teachers, geneticists, neuroscientists ..and so on, without there actually being some reality behind the phenomenon being described.
Yes there are good and bad parents..ADHD has no impact on that, and it has no impact on ADHD.
So who diagnosed him with ADHD?
It doesn't sound like you have any experience at all with a child who truly lives with ADHD..
That's not really how diagnosis works for developmental disorders. I don't think you realise how hard it is to get diagnosed.
A lot of people are remembering the early 90s where we didn't know a lot about developmental disorders and GPs were misdiagnosing dietary induced ADHD left, right and centre...we've certainly moved on from that.
You really have to fight hard these days to get a formal diagnosis and it comes from a specialist..not a GP!
The reason people get defensive? Well it might have something to do with the fact that you are suggesting that the problems that a child and the parent are experiencing do not matter, because they aren't real...
I'm not a parent, but I am someone who has a big interest in developmental psychology, and someone who has worked with these kids, and worked with adults with these conditions.
These people have had actual formal diagnoses from world-renowned specialists. It's not something you take lightly, because it can often take years and years before you get a diagnosis.
In the mean time the parent is left to struggle with trying to meet the needs of the child, which is made difficult by the condition.
Ultimately, I think the point you want to get to is where you and your child can cope with the condition. It can manifest itself differently in different people, purely because it is often co-morbid with other conditions.
I can't recommend CBT enough here, it will look at the way the condition affects your son's life, and then it will aim to give your son coping mechanisms to deal with those things.
If it helps, I know people with formal diagnoses of Aspergers with ADHD who are in work, and live a happy life, so you can get there, it's just sometimes it's a long and hard road.
Good luck!
thank you! he was supposed to get some CBT when he received his diagnosis but the local social communications team was being disbanded due to government cuts so it never happened. He has a learning mentor at school and after half term he has someone coming in from CAMHS to do sessions with him on positive peer interaction, as a lot of his problems stem from the interaction with other kids (he sees even accidents in the playground as always coming from a malicious intent towards him)
you are very eloquent in your reply to the above poster, I wish I was so eloquent!
at the moment his aim is to be a father, thats all he says he wants to be when he grows up, I am hopeful he will be able to find employment and happiness in life.
thanks again
my friends son has a child who is deaf in one ear and he also has aspergers, they can co exist - or are you saying hes much better now?
(
What does that actually prove though? A misdiagnosis doesn't mean the condition doesn't exist.
Also, you'll find this is as advice thread..how exactly does your post help the OP?
I can certainly understand how someone with a hearing defect could be misdiagnosed in that way, because the effects of a condition like that would be similar to what a child with ADHD might exhibit behaviourally..
Is this any different to when a doctor can't work out what is wrong with you, and just diagnoses you as having a virus? It's a best guess based on symptomatology..and even if you don't have a virus, it doesn't mean viruses don't exist.
He's perfectly fine now that he's been treated correctly.I think sometimes the diagnosis is too readily made without other options fully explored.In the few years he was disruptive he was segregated from his classmates etc on many occasions.He's a different kid now.
If you're up for it, you can run through some CBT stuff with him on-line, things like MoodGym are great. I'm glad you've managed to get some help from CAMHS as they are notoriously hard to get involved.
I think all parents make mistakes, so all you can do is try to do your best by him, and from the sounds of it, that's what you're doing:).
I'm off to work now, I'll probably pop back later!
thanks!
the CAMHS thing was specifically asked for on his educational statement so I have the local authority to thank for the involvement!
I'm not trying to prove anything.I'm posting what happened to my nephew in a thread about ADHD.Why do you find this difficult ?