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Asked guy out and he said no - absolutely mortified

[Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,500
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I feel so humiliated and stupid. I was working away in my company's other office a few weeks ago and met quite a nice guy, we swapped contact details but he went on holiday for 2 weeks so I never heard anything. He was due back to work today, I'm now back at home, I emailed him asking how his holiday was, he emailed back but never really asked me any questions. I mentioned to him that I was going to be through to his office again next week and that if he wanted to do something at night I could because I didn't have any colleagues going with me.

Well he 'politely' declined my offer, citing that he lives too far away from the city centre and that he's usually too lazy to do anything until the weekends :(

I just feel really confused, we got on really well, I never asked him if he was straight, or had a girlfriend…If anything I thought we got on well as friends, I just feel quite hurt but most of all I am dreading going next week because I have to see him and I feel like such an idiot.

I just broke up with a long term boyfriend a couple of months ago, I wasn't looking for anything serious but I thought I'd ask him just as a change, it's not something I would usually do, now I've totally lost my confidence.

When he replied I just sent a cheery type email saying it was ok, I just don't know how to act when I go there next week. I'm so embarassed, help!

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    doughnut8doughnut8 Posts: 2,779
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    You did nothing wrong and should not feel humiliated at all. Just go and be yourself and aim to have a good time.
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    MookleMookle Posts: 1,339
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    Just act bright and breezy - all you did was ask a person that you got on well with out for an evening where you would be alone! You didn't spill your heart and tell him you love him or anything so relax.

    Your pride may be dented a little bit but as you say, you don't know his situation, he may well be attached and thats his way of letting you know.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 7,259
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    As you said, you emailed him with a cheery reply, so it's not like he knows you feel totally humiliated; which you shouldn't by the way.
    Just chat to him how you did before the email; we don't want him thinking he's some kind of stud! :p
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    therightdealtherightdeal Posts: 2,973
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    Unfortunately these things happen. Be glad you asked though, instead of lingering around hoping to ask but never doing so.

    Think positive.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 12,881
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    I would act as if it wasn't a big deal and you aren't that bothered (easier said than done). That is the easiest way to get past it.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,595
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    I wouldn't worry, he might not even realise you meant it as an "ask out" rather than a social thing.

    You could also ask a few other colleagues out for some drinks, if you feel that bad, so it looks like it wasn't just him.

    But really, I wouldn't worry, I'm sure you do feel humiliated, but once you've got over seeing him for the first time, you'll be fine :)
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    Keefy-boyKeefy-boy Posts: 13,613
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    i might be available that night!
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    Nia70Nia70 Posts: 573
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    I would act as if it wasn't a big deal and you aren't that bothered (easier said than done). That is the easiest way to get past it.

    Definitely this, and try not to let it get you down, at least you had the confidence to try, hopefully you will get it back again :)

    Good luck.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 613
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    I wouldn't worry about it - try and act normal around him, see if he mentions it. It's possible he may not even realise you meant anything more than going out as friends. (and tbh if he did just not want to date you you could always pretend you meant as friends! Gets rid of any awkwardness very quickly in experience!)
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    LaVieEnRoseLaVieEnRose Posts: 12,836
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    I wouldn't worry about it - try and act normal around him, see if he mentions it. It's possible he may not even realise you meant anything more than going out as friends. (and tbh if he did just not want to date you you could always pretend you meant as friends! Gets rid of any awkwardness very quickly in experience!)

    I agree, as you'll be away from home on your own it's entirely reasonable that you might welcome some company in the evening. Equally understandable if someone doesn't like going out on a workday evening. Just chill!
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 62
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    As soon as I saw your thread I had to reply. Well done - the hardest part is over! Thank god you got that out of your system and asked them out.
    Even if it is not the answer you hoped for, if you never asked, you never would have known and that would be worse - "what if?"
    As for work, take your time until then to build up the confidence to be yourself like nothing happened. Who's to say he won't ask you out in future anyway? (but don't wait for him!)
    But now you know, you can start to get over him and I very much hope you don't lose the confidence to ask someone else out, and lose an opportunity.
    Good job and best of luck, it may be awkward at first, but you'll be fine.
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    KnowAll27KnowAll27 Posts: 2,639
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    Did you make it clear that you were asking him on a date? Maybe he thought you just meant like casual hanging out? If he's anything like me he'd need a flashing sign beside the invite saying 'SHE MEANS ON A DATE'!

    Act as though nothing has happened, and even ask out a few of the other workers that you met last time for a drink or two if you want it to appear as though you truly meant 'just casual'.

    I'm sure you're mortified, but just act normally in his company and it will all be easier.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,500
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    Aww thanks everyone for the replies, now that I've had some time to recover I do feel a bit better. I have a feeling he is just no interested, he will have his reason, I don't really wnt my confidence taking another dent so I think I will leave it and not delve too much into the reasons or dwell on it.

    It's a good idea maybe to ask around other people and see if they'd be up for doing something. I suppose I will just need to face the music, just going to try to go there and act aloof, like I'm not even bothered. The thing is, I am just out of a relationship so I'm not looking to start anything, I just thought we got on well as friends and if it turned into anything then that would have been cool too, but nevermind.

    Thanks :)

    I will try not to let it put me off in future!

    And as for the person who said they were free that night - where do you live? ;) kidding :D
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 425
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    Good on yer girl. Wish more women were bold enough to ask guys they liked out and take the pressure off us. I reckon he will be more than impressed by your confidence and probably think highly of you even if he doesn't want a date - his loss I reckon. His reason for declining is probably nothing to do with you at all so don't let it get to you.
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    Babe RainbowBabe Rainbow Posts: 34,349
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    doughnut8 wrote: »
    You did nothing wrong and should not feel humiliated at all. Just go and be yourself and aim to have a good time.
    Unfortunately these things happen. Be glad you asked though, instead of lingering around hoping to ask but never doing so.

    Think positive.
    Gadget Guy wrote: »
    Good on yer girl. Wish more women were bold enough to ask guys they liked out and take the pressure off us. I reckon he will be more than impressed by your confidence and probably think highly of you even if he doesn't want a date - his loss I reckon. His reason for declining is probably nothing to do with you at all so don't let it get to you.


    I agree with all of these posts :)

    And of course, this is what men have to deal with now and again innit - unless they are akin to being Brad Pitt or suchlike :p
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 425
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    I agree with all of these posts :)

    And of course, this is what men have to deal with now and again innit - unless they are akin to being Brad Pitt or suchlike :p

    Even if, like me, you resemble Brad Pitts slightly better looking brother you still get the odd knock back !! :rolleyes:
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    Babe RainbowBabe Rainbow Posts: 34,349
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    Gadget Guy wrote: »
    Even if, like me, you resemble Brad Pitts slightly better looking brother you still get the odd knock back !! :rolleyes:

    Well exactly - I did say " now and again " :)
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,500
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    Gadget Guy wrote: »
    Even if, like me, you resemble Brad Pitts slightly better looking brother you still get the odd knock back !! :rolleyes:

    Hehe! thanks! I may leave it a while before I 'ask' someone again, maybe stick to match.com for the moment, if anyones a member let me know, I need friends on there! :D
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