How would you handle this- daughter retaliating at school?
![[Deleted User]](https://w7.vanillicon.com/v2/742028bacd4b9d08c9ff8aabde043ae4.svg)
[Deleted User]
Posts: 275 Forum Member
✭
Hi,
My 7 yr old daughter is in Yr.2 at school.
I was called in to school after school today because of an 'incident'... apparently a girl accused my daughter of 'spying' on her, then got another girl to kick my daughter- my daughter then responded by biting her. (I asked to see where; there were no visible marks anywhere on her skin)
The teacher really told my daughter and the one who kicked her, off.
Apparently several girls were involved in the incident, but only these two were told off because they got physical.
They were sent to see Head Teacher and quickly made friends afterwards.
I feel responsible because I've always told my daughter to hit back if anyone hurts her. Obviously I haven't told her to bite anyone though!
I'm really sick of all the bitchy nasty spats that seem to go on with girls of this age. I'm sure it would be easier if I had boys!
Any thoughts on what happened?
My 7 yr old daughter is in Yr.2 at school.
I was called in to school after school today because of an 'incident'... apparently a girl accused my daughter of 'spying' on her, then got another girl to kick my daughter- my daughter then responded by biting her. (I asked to see where; there were no visible marks anywhere on her skin)
The teacher really told my daughter and the one who kicked her, off.
Apparently several girls were involved in the incident, but only these two were told off because they got physical.
They were sent to see Head Teacher and quickly made friends afterwards.
I feel responsible because I've always told my daughter to hit back if anyone hurts her. Obviously I haven't told her to bite anyone though!
I'm really sick of all the bitchy nasty spats that seem to go on with girls of this age. I'm sure it would be easier if I had boys!
Any thoughts on what happened?
0
Comments
You daughter was just standing up for her own individuality.
Developing a strong, independent personality at this stage is key to being a functional, successful adult in later life.
Keep up the good work!
IMO you've taught her the right thing
Also think about the teacher, she/he has got a class of thirty children. If they all think its fine to hit back it makes it much harder to discipline and keep control. They are not suppose to ever touch the children, so physical fights put them in awkward positions.
My daughter is in Yr1 and there are only 7 girls in her year (23 boys though!) and have had problems with girls being very manipulative.
Personally I would not teach to fight back as I don't think at this age the child can control themselves with that aspect. You need to teach her to be assertive but without violence. Hitting back is not going to necessarily solve the issues at hand.
Okay, its between seven year old girls but it still amounts to violence and something that at this young age they'll feel they can carry through life.
I'd ring the headteacher and ask for a meeting to be set up between you and your daughter and the other young girl and her parents. Communication is the key, you'll get the support of the school this way.
The op's daughter had a girl telling her she was a spy, then fetched someone else in to kick her. I think I would have bit back. Is that so wrong?
Yes, because as we see the matter escalated and they both got in trouble with the head.
My eldest son (12 years old) had his arm broken by a bully last week and one of his teachers has offered to teach him boxing so that my son "doesn't lose next time" (quote from the teacher)
Well I would like to see my kids do the same if they got dragged into a car. You have to fight back if there is no one else around and scream.
I've spoken to my daughter more tonight and apparently she bit her because the other girl was restraining her and she wanted to break free from her.
I think it was a bit of a storm in a tea cup because the girls have since made friends. I know the Mum quite well; she is lovely and we had a very friendly chat about it afterwards. The teacher did say that both girls would be watched much more closely from now on and it does concern me that she could be targeted as a scapegoat. Arrrgghhhhh!
Defend themselves yes. But defence doesn't always mean violence.
A very different scenario.
Make it up as you go along to support your theory that its okay for kids to go around hitting each other. In your world where does it end?
Too many people don't bother to engage the brain before acting these days.
If your kids roll over and don't fight back, then they will become an easy target for every bully in the school. If they fight back then the bullies will go and pick on an easier target.
It's not nice, it's not ideal and it's downright frustrating. But it's the REAL world and that what life is like, better your kids learn now rather than too late.
Don't expect any help from the school because all they are really bothered with are the figures that show they 'have robust policies for dealing with bullying'. In essence this means they hide it under the carpet.
Ignore the nay sayers you're doing the right thing for YOUR child.
OP, your daughter was quite right to do what she did. Obviously it's not a nice situation but she was well within in her right to defend herself, even if that means biting!
I appreciate it's easier said than done but try and put it behind you now.
Well done your daughter
TL
It's nice to see I'm not the only one who thinks likes this, mi agree with what you say. Yes it's not nice but as you say, in the real world you have to look after yourself. The bed wetting tree huggers don't seem to like this though :sleep:
aww thats nice.
One of my favourite sayings to be honest.
Funnily enough the people it pertains to don't seem to like it
Did I say that?
I have two boys and we try to tell them that is someone hurts them the first thing to do is to get away and tell someone in authority - teacher, parent, police etc - then that person will get in trouble for what they have done.
However, we also tell them that if someone won't stop they have the right to make them stop before going to someone in authority.
For example, someone hits them in the playground - go tell a teacher.
Someone grabs them, won't let go and hits them in the playground - make them stop (push, hit, kick whatever you need to do), then go tell a teacher.
Retaliation is getting revenge when you don't need to, self defense is stopping someone from hurting you.
The two girls are friends now, but if they ever having a falling-out again, it won't be the head's response that stops this other girl taking it too far - that means less with the passage of time. It will be the fact that when she tried it on, she got bit & it hurt. Any other children who've heard about what happened will also get the message that your daughter will fight back if someone gets physical with her. As children can sometimes be quite nasty, getting that message across isn't going to hurt anyone.
At primary school, I gave a girl's shins a good kicking when she put her arm around my neck & tried to pull me down from behind - I was scared, but more than anything I needed to get her off me. I couldn't call a teacher because it was after school & just off the premises, so I kicked out donkey-style in my Clark's "built to last every day of your school-life" shoes, & she quickly let go. The girl obviously told her parents, & her mum came round to see mine, who told her my side of the story in front of the girl, & she admitted her part in it. My Mum made it clear that if her daughter touched me again, I'd probably give her more of the same or worse. She never did it again, & no-one else did it either.
So if there are no teachers near you, should you just stand there and be kicked?
I don't think anyone should bully or hurt other people, but I understand hitting back.